Table of Contents

  His Lover. His God.

  His Lover. His God

  Prologue

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  His Lover. His God

  Darragha Foster

  COPYRIGHT 2022 DARRAGHA Foster. Published by Victory Woman Press. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of the author.

  This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

  This is a work of fiction. The characters, incidents and dialogues in this book are of the author’s imagination and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is completely coincidental.

  Editor: Marisa Chenery

  Cover Artist: Wicked Smart Designs

  Author’s Note: The love story between Hadrian and Antinous is real. Roman history has shown that the erastes/eromenos relationship often involved much younger males with older males and I, as a twenty-first century author, cannot condone that type of relationship. Thereby, I used creative license to make Antinous older...of legal age in our modern society. May Antinous find my representation of him and his love, worthy.

  Prologue

  After I died, but before I rose as a god, the last thing I recall of my life was Hadrian’s kiss. His embrace. His loving touch upon my cold, drowned, dead face. I no longer felt pain or anguish. Or fear. When he wrapped me in his arms, two things were apparent. There was no escaping his love. And I never wanted to escape. Here he was, Caesar...king...ruler of the Roman Empire by divine right, and I was nothing but a man born to run wild with bow and spear. Before his kiss, I would have spent my life hunting and fishing. I relished the outdoors and shunned polite society. My mother would have seen me wed. My father would have preferred me become a praetor. I was happier sleeping in a homemade shelter deep in the hills than wearing linen robes or on the arm of a mentor or woman ready to be made wife.

  I chose not to be mentored. It was customary. I could learn much as an apprentice, and perhaps even more in an erastes/eromenos relationship. I did not want to hang on to the arm of an older politician with cold hands and a limp constitution, no matter what he had to offer. Nor did I crave the bed of a woman. When I met Hadrian—all that changed. He was magnificent. Strong. Dark and hairy as a bear. Though he was the most powerful man in the world, the sight of him did not frighten me. He made me hard. He made me desirous of his body inside mine. I wanted to do nothing more than open the flap of fabric covering his manhood and discover what pleasures lay therein.

  Never had I been more overjoyed than when he took me to his bed. I was his cupbearer, and thank all the gods, I became more. I was his constant companion. At night—in the dim glow of the oil lamps in his tent—he took me as if I were his wife. Over and over. He showered me with lavish attention, and from his lips, I drew sweet words of love. There was no embarrassment in him over our relationship. He did not give concern to any who knew of our love.

  He ate like his troops and with his troops, and even though he was a true commander and the senate frowned upon his choice to wallow in the mud with his legions, he did. He was one of them. And I was his. Only his.

  I will be his—forever. I am his lover. I am his god by his own plea to the heavens upon my death. The great Nile God Osiris listened and heeded the impassioned prayer of the emperor. And I rose into the vault of the universe, a god.

  No matter where he goes or how he dies...I will find him. Life is eternal. So shall be our love.

  Chapter One

  Modern Era

  Cairo, Egypt

  Adrian pointed at a beautiful reddish flower blossoming at the edge of mud along the bank of the Nile. “This pinkish lotus is named for Antinous. It has come to represent his everlasting divinity and the love Hadrian bore him.” The tour guide stopped and picked the flower. It was the wet season when the banks were flooded. His boot sank. “It is a rare event to have Aquila above us and this lotus in hand. This is the benefit of an evening tour.” He looked with a discriminating eye at the handful of tourists in his group. What do they need to hear? Are they historians or adherents? He read the crowd. All seven of them. They are not here for a purely archeological tour. They are here to embrace the love story. He continued, “Aquila is comprised of the stars in which the Antinous constellation rests. In modern terms, that constellation of the beautiful lover of Caesar no longer exists, but to those who worship Antinous, it is the most important constellation in the heavens.”

  One of the men in the group spoke up. “He is the gay god. He is remembered. Worshipped. Honored.”

  The tour guide nodded. “Yes. Antinous lives on. The ruins of Antinoöpolis are proof of that. Unfortunately, Napoleon’s army dismantled the city to build a sugar factory around 1789. So much is gone forever. There is a small monument at the place it is said Antinous died. Upper Nile, east bank. Hadrian loved him so dearly the emperor became bereft of heart and soul. I love his history. Not often is a dead mortal deified by a living god—an Emperor of Rome. It’s a big deal. Hadrian proclaimed that all worship Antinous, the drowned god. And because of that drowning, which the Egyptians believed was under the auspicious of the god Osiris, he became Osiris-Antinous. If you’ve not seen the bust, it is in the back of your guidebook. It is regal. Stunning.”

  “Sounds like you might be a part of that church,” another tourist said.

  “I am very much in love with the legend.” It was a safe answer.

  “So much so you do this noisy job, huh? Who knew Cairo and the Nile could be so cacophonic? You might as well give a tour in a subway tunnel.”

  Adrian, expat, former van-life guy and now with a lucrative Hadrian/Antinous tour nodded at the tourist. “Yes, sir. It is noisy. Egypt is bustling with energy. This site is over four hours by bus from Cairo, and the only thing here to see are pink lotuses under a clear sky bearing the constellation of a god and the remnants of a city built in his honor. It may be noisy, but it has its perks. Now, let’s head to the van. We’re going back to Cairo, and for those who show up tomorrow, we’re going to take in a special celebration. It’s October30th...the day he died. I’ll take you to church. Adherents will perform what I refer to as a passion play along the banks of the Nile. The reenactment of his death.”

  “A lot of pomp for a slave.”

  Adrian withheld an eye roll. “Antinous was never enslaved. He was Hadrian’s companion. He received a higher education in Italy and was afforded the rights of a consort. He was a skilled bowman and helped Hadrian take down a lion in Libya. Hadrian was injured in that hunt. Antinous didn’t leave his side and it was his ministrations that helped heal the emperor.”

  “Heh. I bet.”

  “Homosexuality wasn’t an issue in Rome. It wasn’t until other influences crept in that it became a sin. Hadrian and Antinous were lovers—but they were more. They were joined. Married. No one called it that, but that’s what it was.”

  “Hadrian had a wife. Sabine.”

  “Yes, and she stayed in Italy. They never had children. Why do you think that was?”

  “He married out of duty—it was the will of the senate—but stayed with Antinous out of love.”

  “Yes. Hop aboard. We’ll see you tomorrow at the church.” Adrian tapped his driver on the shoulder to indicate it was time to leave, then took a long look out the window at the Aquila constellation. It always touched him. Always. Hail, Antinoë. Antinous seemed like a god he could get behind. I don’t pray, but if I did, it would be to you. The god of awakening, passion, loyalty, and healing.

  FAR AWAY, IN BETWEEN the raindrops, lost in the mist of time and threads of life, Antinous had been waiting. He had repeatedly refused reincarnation. “I’m not ready,” he said firmly. “Until I can be with him, as we were, I shall not return.”

  “You have been on the books to reincarnate for centuries. You’re my only unclosed case. This is the twenty-first century. You died in the first. Things are vastly different now.”

  “Am I required to reincarnate?”

  The timeline service agent sighed. “Yes. It says right here that you are to be returned to Earth.”

  “By whose command?”

  “Which god did you serve in life?”

  “I served only Hadrian. And he made me a god. His god.”

  “Look, Antinous, if you want to stay here, be my guest. I have work to do and will not be able to hold your hand until the next millennia dawns, but let me assure you that you are to be reborn into a loving family. You will have a long life.”

  The former lover of Hadrian shook his
head. “If I am to be reincarnated, then it is into Hadrian’s arms and his arms alone.”

  The agent scrolled through her pad. “That’s weird, Antinous. If you are born his child, there would be societal complications. You would never be able to have the kind of relationship you want with him. You’d be his child. Or her child. Or if the person rearing you is gender-fluid, their child. And you wouldn’t recall anything, anyway. That’s not how it works. To find yourself between his arms, you will need to be in a relationship with him that does not involve blood ties. That is no longer accepted. If you are born—oh...he’s already been returned.”

  Antinous’ gossamer form twinkled and rolled. “Send me to him—now.”

  “It’s not that easy.”

  “Where is he?” Antinous asked with such a demanding tone it shook him to the core.

  “Egypt. Isn’t this interesting.” It wasn’t a question. The statement of fact puzzled the guardian. “He is an authority on Hadrian.”

  “Does he make offerings to Osiris-Antinous?”

  The agent shrugged and moved her right hand in a more-or-less motion. “Kind of.”

  “Tell me.”

  “He gives tours.”

  “Tours?”

  “Yes. To visitors of Egypt who wish to learn about your relationship with Hadrian and the impact you had on the ancient world. Did you know your bust is in the Vatican?”

  “What is the Vatican?”

  “It is the seat of Catholicism. One of the major religions that were created after Jesus of Nazareth died and his followers created a church. It is a popular religion. You drowned about a hundred years after the death of Jesus. His church wasn’t established yet. Just barely.”

  “And what of my followers?”

  “There are temples in your honor. Several. It seems the Pacific Northwest is very well represented.”

  “Ah, I continue...”

  “Yes. You do, but you could begin again too.”

  “I will not, unless I am placed with Hadrian, and he recognizes me, and we are one. In any lifetime, I want only him. And I am certain he wants only me.”

  “Hadrian’s reincarnation, this time around, is not aware of his past. He is a good man and follows his heart. He gave up everything and moved to Egypt and runs a very successful tour based on the history and lore of Hadrian and Antinous. He’s truly a self-made man. He lived in a van when he arrived in Cairo and now has a company with staff. He’s not openly gay, Antinous. He’s barely heterosexual. He’s asexual—and has been for a long time.”

  “And he lives in Egypt?”

  “Cairo. Yes.”

  “It matters not that he chooses celibacy. We shall be reunited. Send me there—now.”

  The agent shook her head. “I already told you it’s not that easy. There are conventions to reincarnation that I must follow.”

  “Who makes your rules? I would speak with this person.”

  “The rules are set forth by the divine spirits of the universe.”

  “I am divine. I, heretofore, demand I be returned to my Hadrian without delay.”

  “It’s far better if you grow up in the twenty-first century as opposed to getting dropped, running.”

  “No time for that. Teach me what I need to know.”

  “You do not have what it takes to survive in this era. No job. No home. Not even shoes. In this society, shoes make the man. Kind of. You can’t just barge in with your dick in your hand and proclaim your love for Hadrian. You will have to court this tour guide. Perhaps help him understand his past life as an emperor of Rome.”

  “I have never worn shoes. And I know Cairo well. I can sleep anywhere. Any vendor in the souk would consider it an honor to give me shelter.”

  “You knew Cairo. Its current population is a hundred and one million souls. In your time, it was naught but tribes of humans constituting the former glory of the Ptolemaic families recovering from Trajan’s rule.”

  “Roman rule prevailed. The ancient ones were incest-ridden bastards.”

  The timeline service agent sighed. Romans are guilty of incest too. The arrogance of gods. “You need money. Clothing. A place to live. The ability to speak the language. Latin, Italian, Spanish, and Greek—are changed from your time. English is commonly spoken now but learning modern Arabic would be wise.”

  “I do not know what English is.”

  “There’s a thing called television. Watch it. Learn the history of the world since you ascended to the heavens as the drowned god. The gay god. Antinous—it's been nearly two thousand years since your death.”

  “What is gay? You used it before. It is a word I do not grasp.”

  “It is a modern term for two men who love each other.”

  “I am gay.”

  “Yes, you are.”

  “I am a god. Would I not be able to assimilate quite readily? Create that which I need?”

  “If you return to Earth, you will need to eat and piss and shit just like mortals because your body will be mortal, but yes, I assume you would retain certain divine powers. You’ve never really tried your hand at godhood. You’ve been pining away up here for centuries. I’d hazard to guess you’d need plastic as well.” The agent paused. “This is new territory. You are divine and will not be born into this era. You will simply appear. There is no precedence for this.”

  “What is plastic?”

  “Credit cards are a form of currency. Plastic is the material from which most credit cards are made. Widely used. It’s also a huge pollutant in this era. The Nile delta is awash with waste.”

  Antinous frowned. “I think you’re making this too complicated. I am a god. I can assimilate. Given some forethought, I might be able to help end the desecration of the land you describe. The sacred Nile could be renewed.”

  Can this man in reincarnation help to end plastic pollution? Interesting. “Perhaps I am overthinking things, but the twenty-first century is not the first. Have you even looked over the edge and stood witness to this era?”

  Antinous shook his head. “You will help me?”

  “I think I’d better. At least for a little while. Antinous, returning to Earth without being born of a woman into this era is...unique. Counter to the universal plans of life, death, and states of non-substantiality. I’m not sure how this will work out. The constant flow of the cosmos might spit you out. Crush you. Object in ways we cannot imagine.”

  “I am a god.”

  “Don’t tell people that.”

  “Osiris raised me on high after Hadrian proclaimed my divinity. Why should this go unsaid? The gods listened to the words of Caesar, and there is no doubt his words still reign supreme.”

  I do not have the words or patience for this. “The Roman Empire is dust. There are no more Caesars, and Hadrian’s legacy—besides you—is that wall he built across Britain. He was an emperor of holding, not expanding. He is remembered for that. You really should not share your divinity in modern Egypt. The Abrahamic faiths are in control. You’d be locked up.”

  “I know little of those fringe religions. They were not important while I yet lived.”

  “The cult of Jesus of Nazareth is huge now. You know of him.”

  Antinous nodded. “Inconsequential.”

  “Right.” My head is going to explode. Why are gods so obtuse? “This won’t be an easy ride. I can already tell the continuum is going to try to spit you back. Or worse, simply remove you to a ghost realm—that state of non-substantiality. I hope I don’t lose my position for this.”

  “I am a god. Time works for me. I shall appear to Hadrian’s reincarnated self and make myself known to him. Subtlety. Romantically.”

  That might actually work. Huh. “When have you ever used your divine influence? I mean, come on...you’ve been in the spirit world longer than most.”

  “Am I being reincarnated in the manner I choose?”

  The agent shrugged and nodded. This is going to be a disaster.

  “There is my influence.”

  ANTINOUS HAD NEVER really peeked beyond the barriers of life and death, as he was completely unconcerned with any reincarnation that did not involve Hadrian. Cairo had changed, indeed. He opened his divine channels to absorb as much of the new world as he could. His journey from un-life to life was not instantaneous. It was literally a traverse across the mountains of death and time and then across the forgetful sea, wherein he began to absorb the modern world. So much had changed. So much had not.