Every time Maggie caught a glimpse of Lynn, the butterflies in her stomach returned. They’d been together every night this week, and it was so surreal Maggie was afraid to leave Lynn each morning to go to work. She’d get up early at Lynn’s apartment, go for a run, and then return to her place to shower and change. Lynn wanted to avoid any more unplanned encounters with Russell or Stacy. Maggie knew she wasn’t quite settled with the whole idea of them being a couple in public, and Maggie didn’t really care about what anyone else knew at this point, as long as they were together.

  She hadn’t seen Lynn much today, and when she had, she’d just glimpsed her down the hall and received a slight smile. She seemed to be avoiding her, and Maggie was beginning to worry that something had changed. She was probably being paranoid, but maybe Beth had gotten to her again.

  Lynn came out of a patient room with the vitals kiosk, glanced up, and then entered the next room without even acknowledging her. That was it. This confusion would end now. Maggie sped down the hallway and planted herself outside the room Lynn had just entered, waiting for her.

  Lynn seemed startled when she came out of the room and found her. “Oh. Hi.” She spoke but didn’t smile.

  “What’s going on with you? You’ve hardly acknowledged me all day.” She crossed her arms as though preparing for a battle. “The last few days weren’t all me, you know.”

  Lynn seemed to scan the hallway to see if anyone was watching before she left the kiosk by the door and took Maggie into the nearest empty room. “I know.” She took Maggie’s face in her hands and kissed her. “I don’t regret any of that. At all. I just don’t want to become the subject of hospital gossip. This place is an incubator for rumors.”

  Everything she’d been worried about vanished, and relief washed through her. Lynn wasn’t having second thoughts. “I wasn’t expecting Stacy to come home and definitely wasn’t expecting Russell to be with her. I told you they usually go to his place.”

  “So, always my place from now on, and we cool it at work, okay?”

  “I’ll bring dinner tonight.” She couldn’t stop a huge grin. “Oh, and I thought maybe we’d go to the zoo Saturday, if you’re up for it. They have a new baby chimpanzee.”

  “I think Carrie’s coming to town this weekend.”

  “That’s awesome. She can go with us.”

  Lynn rolled her lips in. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  “What? Why not?”

  She tilted her head. “She thinks we haven’t interacted in years. Don’t you think she might have questions about you being around suddenly? You know it won’t be easy keeping it hidden from her.”

  That was true. Now that her life with Lynn was on track, Maggie found it ridiculously hard not to share the news with everyone around her. “We have to tell her sooner or later. She’s an important part of both our lives. She should understand.”

  “Yes, she should, but I’m not ready to fight that battle if she’s not.”

  She put her hand on her hip and tilted her head. “When are you going to be ready?”

  Lynn took in a deep breath. “Let me feel her out. I need to see where she’s at about me dating in the first place. You know I haven’t done much of that at all since my divorce.”

  “Oh my God. She certainly doesn’t expect you to never have sex again. Does she?” Carrie was an adult. She must have considered that Lynn had needs.

  “I don’t know what she expects about me dating or who I might become involved with, but I’m pretty positive it’s not you. I certainly don’t want to have to choose between the two of you.”

  Panic rushed through her, and a huge knot formed in her stomach when what Lynn said hit her. “And you’d choose her over me?”

  Lynn took her into her arms. “Like I said, I don’t want to have to choose.”

  Maggie stiffened. “Fine. Whatever.” She shrugged out of her embrace. “Let me know when you’re ready to go all in on this because I’m already drowning.” She took off out the door quickly, not wanting her anger to turn to tears. She refused to grovel. She’d never intended to compete with Carrie for Lynn’s attention. She’d just never thought her importance to Lynn would be in question. She’d thought they were way past the point of no return, but apparently Lynn could just let her go if Carrie didn’t like the relationship.

  She checked on a few patients recovering from surgery, the only thing that would get her mind off the blow that Lynn had just delivered.

  She was making notes on a chart when she felt someone walk up to her and wait. She hoped it wasn’t Beth, because she couldn’t take being around her right now.

  “Hey. What’s up? You seem really focused,” Stacy asked.

  “Just doing post-op.”

  “Problems?” Stacy’s voice rose with the question.

  “One with a minor infection setting in, but the rest are good.”

  “I meant with you,” Stacy said with a smile. “I saw you come out of the room, and then Lynn came out after you. You both seemed upset.”

  “You got that right.”

  “Want to tell me about it?”

  “She doesn’t want to tell Carrie about us because she thinks the whole thing will upset her.”

  “That’s possible, right?”

  “Yes. Completely. But she also said she’d choose Carrie over me.”

  Stacy’s eyes went wide. “She actually said that?”

  “No. Not in those exact words, but that was pretty much the gist of the conversation.”

  “So what are you gonna do?”

  “I’m so upset right now, I should just call Carrie and tell her everything.”

  “You’re not going to, right?”

  “No. Of course not. Lynn would hate me if I did.” Tears welling in her eyes as she reminded herself that she’d told Lynn she could set the pace.

  “Jesus. I thought this was all about sex, but you’re actually in love with her, aren’t you?”

  She nodded and blinked a few times to clear the moisture. “Have been for far too long.”

  “Why don’t we go out tonight?” Stacy smiled. “It’s been too long since we have. We can both use a break from what may or may not be happening in our love lives.” She took out her phone, typed in a message to Russell, and held up the phone for Maggie to read it.

  Need a rain check on tonight. I’m going out with Mags.

  Maggie typed in a message to Lynn. Change of plans for tonight. I’m going out with Stacy.

  She held it up for Stacy to read, and then they both hit the send button on each other’s screens.

  The bubbles appeared immediately on her screen, and Maggie waited for the text from Lynn to appear.

  Stacy’s phone buzzed. She smiled as she read Russell’s response and then held up the phone for Maggie to read it.

  Maybe I can find you. It’ll be like a treasure hunt.

  “Wow. What have you done to him?”

  “It’s amazing what a little food and great sex will do to someone.” Stacy chuckled as she typed in a response. “I told him good luck.”

  “Look at you.” She smiled widely. “And you thought he was out of your league.” If it were only so easy in Maggie’s world. Her romance with Lynn was riddled with obstacles. She wouldn’t be so easily pleased.

  It seemed like it had been forever when the response from Lynn finally appeared.

  Okay. We probably both need a night to think.

  Agreed.

  She slid her phone into her pocket without showing Stacy, ignoring her urge to throw it across the hall. She was tired of overthinking everything when it came to Lynn and planned to go out and have a good time in spite of her.

  “So we’re both good?” Stacy asked.

  She plastered on a smile. “Yep. We’re good.”

  She hadn’t read Lynn wrong. She wasn’t nearly as secure about their budding romance as Maggie was, and that made her question Lynn’s motivations for entering the whole thing. Maybe it was just about sex. She hated to think that, but she wasn’t a mind reader, and Lynn had just made her feel massively unimportant.

  * * *

  Maggie and Stacy had eaten dinner at a local pub and moved to the bar. Maggie was nursing her third drink by the time Russell found them there. There were only three places they could be, and he’d picked the most obvious last. Stacy had told him they planned to get as far away from the hospital as possible, so they wouldn’t run into any of their colleagues. At least their scheme had worked for a few hours.

  His expression when he’d spotted them from across the room resembled that of a child who’d just found his first hidden Easter egg. When Stacy had seen him coming toward her, she mirrored his happiness. Maggie just couldn’t understand why she and Lynn had to have so many obstacles in their path. When it seemed she’d turned into the proverbial third wheel, she’d called an Uber and taken off.

  Maggie put both hands on the panes surrounding the door and took a deep breath before she knocked. Coming to see Lynn this late was a bad idea, but a little alcohol made everything in the world seem possible. She glanced at her watch. It was twelve thirty, later than she’d thought. Lynn was probably in bed and most likely wouldn’t be happy to see her standing at her door.

  It took a few minutes for Lynn to answer, and when she opened the door, Maggie immediately said, “I want you to want me enough to choose me over everyone else.”

  “You’re drunk,” Lynn said, her voice low and singed with disappointment.

  “Not drunk, but definitely a little intoxicated, which was warranted since my girlfriend told me how unimportant I am to her today.” She moved around her and into the apartment.

  Lynn ignored the statement as she let the door close behind her. “How did you get home?”

  She didn’t turn around, just held up her phone as she walked into the living room. “Uber.” She spun around and put her hand on her hip. “I just left two of the happiest people in the world wondering why you and I can’t be like that.”

  “We can. You just have to be patient.”

  “Stop treating me like I don’t have a say in this.”

  “You don’t right now.” Lynn took in a deep breath and clasped Maggie’s hand. “I wish it were different, but it isn’t.”

  There it was, that feeling she couldn’t get past since the first day they’d met. She was hopelessly in love with this woman but more frustrated now than she’d been before they’d slept together. “When something in my life happens, you’re the first one I want to tell. Can you say the same?”

  Lynn didn’t answer.

  She released Lynn’s hand. “I didn’t think so. Why isn’t it me?”

  “You’re not being fair, Maggie. I think about you a lot, but it’s not that simple. I’m essentially Carrie’s mother, and whatever I do affects her.”

  She swung around and dropped onto the couch. “Technically, you’re not even her real mother.” When she looked at Lynn, her stunned look made it clear that Maggie had crossed the line.

  “Don’t ever say that to me again. Carrie is my daughter. Period.” The anger in Lynn’s eyes pierced her.

  She launched off the couch and went to Lynn. “I’m sorry. That was out of line. I just want to be as important to you as Carrie is.”

  “It’s a different kind of important.” Lynn shook her head. “Something you won’t comprehend until you have children.”

  “I’m never going to win this battle, am I?” It was clear that Carrie would always be Lynn’s first concern.

  “I don’t understand why it has to be a battle. She’s your friend. You should care about her too.”

  “I do care. I just don’t want her to come between us.”

  “I told you, I’ll work on that, but I have to consider her feelings.”

  That was a start, more than Maggie thought she’d get from Lynn tonight. She could handle that. She took Lynn’s hand and tugged her toward the bedroom.

  Lynn came to a complete stop before they entered the room. “No. Not like this.”

  “A little more than you can handle tonight?” She took Lynn’s face in her hands and gave her a breathless kiss.

  Lynn removed Maggie’s hands from her face and said, “More than I want to handle tonight.”

  “Okay. I’ll go.” Maggie was disappointed but didn’t say another word as she gave her one last look, then turned and walked out the door. If she’d stayed, the conversation in the morning would’ve entailed more reality than she needed at this point. She couldn’t push Lynn into anything. She had to choose to put Maggie and their blossoming relationship over everything else.

  Chapter Twenty

  Maggie raced to the coffee shop. She’d done her best to remain calm and finish her shift for the day when she’d received the call, but once she’d changed and was out the door, she’d launched into a full sprint. She hadn’t expected this complication because she thought she’d made things clear to Brenda before she left for Baltimore. She wasn’t returning to Boston. When Maggie had received her assignment on Match Day she’d been disappointed, but it had pushed her to make the break with Brenda. She ran through the memory in her head. She’d left an opening she shouldn’t have.

  Even though Maggie was a little tipsy by the time she got home, she headed into the kitchen, opened a bottle of merlot, and poured herself a glass. After they’d taken pictures with all their friends on the steps of the university, a bunch of them, including Carrie, had gone to the closest bar to celebrate. Maggie’s celebration was laced with trepidation, her comfort zone about to be challenged in a colossal way. She hadn’t considered that she might be given a residency in Baltimore, and she hadn’t realized how much the thought of seeing Lynn again would affect her.

  After a few drinks, she’d finally decided that everything happened for a reason, and working at Johns Hopkins would be fine. She’d locked away her feelings for Lynn long ago, and when she got to Baltimore, she’d keep them that way. The chances that she’d see Lynn were slim unless one of them actually made an effort to do so, which wasn’t likely.

  “Hey. How’d you make out?” Brenda came out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. Maggie wondered if she’d just gotten home as well. Judging by her disheveled hair, she’d been taking a nap.

  She took another glass from the cabinet, poured a drink for Brenda, and handed it to her. “Johns Hopkins.” She clinked the glasses together.

  Brenda’s face twisted into a grimace. “Baltimore?” She took the glass but didn’t drink.

  Maggie stepped around her and went into the living room. “Yep. Not my first choice. But it’s an awesome hospital.”

  “I told you I don’t want to move,” Brenda said as she followed her.

  “We already talked about this, Brenda. I didn’t have a choice, and it’s not like I can’t go.” Maggie flopped onto the couch. “No one’s asking you to move. It is what it is.”

  Brenda narrowed her eyes. “You don’t want me there?”

  Maggie closed her eyes and blew out a breath. “That’s not what I said.” She took a drink of wine. “You’re welcome to come.” She didn’t dare put any stipulation on that offer, or she’d wind up in a huge psychological conversation about Brenda’s needs again.

  The couch cushion sank as Brenda sat next to her. “So, what are we gonna do?”

  “I’m going to Baltimore. You can stay here in the apartment.” Maggie shrugged. “Find a roommate to help you with the rent.” She took a gulp of wine. “Maybe Terry can move in with you.”

  Brenda conveyed her shock as she narrowed her eyes. “She has nothing to do with this.”

  “Just stop.” Maggie finished her wine and put her glass on the coffee table. She was still tipsy, and after the news she’d just received she didn’t feel like tiptoeing around Brenda’s feelings tonight. “I’m not an idiot. Whether anything’s going on with her or not, you’re clearly enamored with her.” Every conversation they’d had about Brenda’s job in the past few months had been all about Terry and how sweet and wonderful she was. “And honestly, I don’t care. It’s probably for the best.” She stood. “I have to concentrate on becoming a doctor.”

  “So, just fuck me?”

  Maggie blew out a heavy breath. “Listen. I gave you a choice, but I don’t have one.” She stood and circled the coffee table. “I’m tired and a little drunk. I don’t want to do this tonight, so I’m going to bed.” She walked into the bedroom, stripped off her clothes, and crawled into bed. The day had turned out nothing like she’d expected, and the best she could hope for tonight was that the alcohol would take her to sleep quickly.

  Maggie didn’t know why she’d gotten involved with Brenda in the first place. The woman had probably never been monogamous, having had more lovers in her past than she could count. She stared through the glass windows of the coffee shop as she crossed in front of them and spotted her at a table in the corner. She remembered exactly why she’d gotten involved with her—dark hair, blue eyes, beautiful smile. And Brenda had seduced her so perfectly. She rounded the corner of the building to the door and took a deep breath before she entered.

  Brenda clearly saw her coming and was on her feet by the time Maggie reached the table. The hug she received was long and awkward.

  “Hi,” Brenda said, excitement spiking her voice.

  “Hi.” She slipped into the chair across from her.

  “Wow. You look great.” Brenda stared for a minute, then said, “I didn’t realize how much I’ve missed you until you walked through the door.”

  A little uncomfortable with Brenda’s comment, she shifted in her seat. “Why are you here? I thought we worked this out before I left.”

  “No. You worked it out.”

  “I’m not coming back to Boston, and there’s no place for you here.”

  Brenda stiffened and raised her eyebrows. “Do you miss me at all?”

  She let out a sigh. “It didn’t work between us, and my life is here now. I have no interest in rekindling whatever we had.”

  “That’s not fair.”

  “Fair? You’re talking to me about fair? I was gone for all of five seconds, and you were seeing Terry.”