The entire car ride has been quiet since we left the gas station. Bull gave me my ginger ale, anti-nausea medicine and a fucking eye patch which I didn’t know whether to take in an offensive manner or as if he was trying to help me. I’m a little self-conscious about my eye but I haven’t had much time to think about how I’m looking on the outside. There’s been far too much bullshit running around in my head.

  “Can you guys just drop me off in town and I can head home?” I ask, not wanting to be around Bull at all right now. I could go home if I wanted. I’m sure all my household bills came out automatically and everything is current. I had a good amount of savings built up in the bank so I should be good to go.

  Blackjack turns his head in my direction for a split second before focusing back on the road. “I’m afraid we can’t do that. Grizzly is still out on the loose and it wouldn’t be a smart idea for us to let you fend for yourself. Not when we don’t know what Grizzly’s plan is. If we left you, he could track you down to your last known address and put you in a situation worse than what you were in before.”

  Motherfucker can try. I’ll keep my guns around me when I get home and anyone who comes too close to me will get a piece of lead flowing through their flesh. I’m not here to play anymore. The last thing that will ever happen to me is being dragged into something similar to what I just went through. Fuck it.

  “I can take care of myself.” I state, standing my ground.

  “I’ll believe that when I can see it.” Bull mutters from under his breath, getting a glare from Blackjack.

  Blackjack speaks up, “I’m sure you can Alexa, but we’d rather not take the risk. Not when you have some healing to do. You’ve gone through some pretty intense trauma and you need to not only rest but build up your strength again.”

  “I was fine before this shit happened and I’ll be fine now. I don’t need a broody group of bikers to be my guardian angels. Take me into town and I can head home.”

  “The answer is no, so stop trying to push it.” Bull snaps.

  “What the hell has gotten into you?” Blackjack asks, obviously showing his frustration at his friend.

  “I got bitchy at him and brought up his ex.” I instantly reply, crossing my arms and look out the window. The last thing I want to do is see the expression on Bull’s face.

  “Is that true?” Blackjack asks, his tone dropping lower. It’s almost like he knows how sensitive Bull is when it comes to Arizona. I know she died, but I don’t know what happened. Maybe I’m being an insensitive bitch, or maybe I just play dirty. All I want is to go home. What he sprung on me earlier is absolutely insane.

  “Yeah,” Bull responds to Blackjack. But it’s his tone that causes me to look over to him and when I do I surprisingly see tears in his eyes. I don’t know what I expected, but I never thought I’d see this. He turns his face to me and I watch as he turns bright red, “I meant what I said. Don’t you ever bring up Arizona to me like that ever again. I’ll put up with a lot of shit, Alexa, but I won’t ever tolerate that. I made a commitment to you when I put my cut over your shoulders. I promise you I will honor the commitment I made and keep you safe, happy and everything else, but may God have mercy on you if you ever bring her up again because I will make your life a living hell. Being down there burning up with Satan himself would be better for you.”

  Even with his threat I’m still not afraid of Bull. However, I do now know he has certain boundaries. In this case, I’ll be sure not to cross them anymore.

  “So, where do you live?” Blackjack asks, trying to break up the awkwardness in the truck.

  “Right on Lux Avenue.”

  “In Billings? I didn’t know you lived in Billings!” Blackjack cackles.

  “Yeah, well you didn’t ask.” I reply with a smartass tone.

  “Wait! I have a great idea,” Blackjack shoots out, making a right. We’re only a couple of minutes away from my house right now and I think I know where he’s heading.

  “Oh, I can’t wait to hear this,” Bull sarcastically says.

  “Stop being a dick and hear the man out.” I hiss.

  “I don’t see how it could be a problem if you stayed at your house as long as you had a couple members of the club with you. Seeing as you’re Bull’s ol’ lady he’d stay with you. You have any guest bedrooms or anything?”

  I nod, “Yeah, I have one downstairs and one on the main level . . . why?”

  “Great. We’ll get Zorro and Axel to stay with you and Bull.”

  I slowly add up the number of people. That’s four, including me. “Where’s Bull going to sleep? I only have three beds.”

  “With you, of course.” Blackjack snickers, catching the good side of the joke.

  “No he won’t, he can sleep on the fucking floor.” I say.

  Bull cackles, “Yeah, right. You’ll be begging me to fuck you again when you get too built up.”

  I roll my eye, “Who says you have to fuck me? There will be two other men in my house now from the sounds of it. Looks like I have plenty of dick to choose from.”

  “They won’t fuckin’ touch you unless I tell them they can. What don’t you understand about this, Alexa? You’re my woman which means those legs only open for me unless I say otherwise. My brothers aren’t stupid enough to go sinking their dicks in your cunt without my explicit permission. They’re not trying to get capped.”

  “I don’t know how in the fuck I’m just now realizing you’re one of the biggest dicks on the planet.” I seethe.

  Bull snickers, “Glad you’re finally understanding me. At least I have the tool for the job, darlin’.” He grabs his crotch in front of me, adding a wink for good measure.

  Holy hell. What have I gotten myself into?

  18

  “A harmless man is not a good man. A good man is a very, very dangerous man who has it under voluntary control.”

  ~Jordan Peterson

  Bull

  Alexa gave Blackjack her house address and within the next few minutes we pulled up to a small taupe colored house with red shutters and a decent sized front porch. The landscaping on the yard is next to perfect which must be an indicator she has either an HOA or some sort of contracted landscaper coming by and plowing for her, clearing the walkways, laying salt down and all that. Up here, you can get enough money to live the entire year just from working during the winter months.

  We’ve been out of the truck for a couple of minutes and Alexa had input her keycode to unlock the front door to her house. She and Blackjack sat down on her tan cowhide couch while I’ve taken it upon myself to tour her house.

  When you walk in through her front door you come into her living room which is open to her kitchen directly behind it. She has cabin style cabinets. By that I mean the dark, rich colored wood. On top is some sort of brown and gray colored stone. If it were anywhere else I’d say it looks like shit but it looks pretty good the way it’s paired together. To the left there are two doors, so I open one and see it’s a basic bedroom with pretty plain shit. The door next to it is another bedroom which is beautifully decorated and I can immediately tell this is the master as my eyes land on the tiles. The floor throughout the house is a smoky gray with brown running through it while her bathroom shower tiles are huge pieces of gray stone. Through the middle there’s some sort of accented tile running through which dips in the middle a couple of times giving her the option to put her shampoo and shit inside.

  I go out and around toward the kitchen, surprisingly seeing a stairwell. I forgot she had mentioned there was a downstairs. I head down the stairwell and come into a massive open space. There’s a three-seater small couch with a chaise against the window with a television across from it and three other doors. The door to my right is another bedroom. It’s plain like the other one upstairs and I open the door on the other side of the stairwell which reveals another bathroom. It’s not as well done as the master but is still decent looking. On the other side of that door is the laundry room with a storage area and this makes up her entire house. It’s pretty fucking spacious for a three bedroom.

  I go over to the chaise and plant my ass on the couch, take in a deep breath and put my head back. I’d better get used to this place because I’ll be calling it home for a long time to come.

  I hear someone coming down the stairs and assume it’s Blackjack, but when Alexa comes into view I’m shocked. I hop up, place my hands around her and bring her over to the couch. “If you keep pushing yourself you’ll only end up getting hurt.” I say, chastising her.

  “Wow. It sounds like you actually give a damn. Might want to watch what you say. It’ll fuck up your asshole reputation you’ve done such a good job building up.” Shit. She’s super pissed. I’m pissed too, though.

  “I’m not trying to be an asshole, Alexa.” Honestly, I’m not trying to . . . but when she acts in certain ways it sets me off like a damn bomb.

  “Gee. I wouldn’t ever know that.” She rolls her eye, staring at me. I watch as she takes in a deep breath and lets it out. “I’m sorry I brought up your ex. I was angry and my emotions got the best of me. How I acted was disrespectful to her memory and I apologize.”

  Her apologizing means the world to me. Arizona . . . was my entire life and in one moment she was nothing but a memory. “Thank you. I really appreciate it.”

  “Yeah, well don’t think I’m not still pissed at you. I’m apologizing for bringing up Arizona but I won’t apologize for being caught off guard, angry or hurt. I don’t know what any of this means and I don’t like it. I might have a hot little crush on you but now this is—”

  I cut her off right here and now, “Wait, you have a crush on me?” I ask, waggling my eyebrows up and down.

  “Oh, shut up. You’re missing my point.”

  I shake my head, “No, I’m not. My girl is sayin’ she has a fuckin’ crush on me. Well sweetheart, all of this is yours.” I open my legs and wave my hand over my body like I’m a fuckin’ platter of dessert.

  “You’re incorrigible.” She might be trying not to laugh, but she can’t help herself. For the first time since meeting Alexa she physically looks like she’s enjoying herself. I have a feeling her and I will fight from time to time but the one thing I want from her is for her to be like she is right now— lighthearted and full of laughter.

  19

  Baby girl, you went to hell and came back with angel wings

  ~Lz

  Alexa/Lola

  In the blink of an eye a week passes. For the most part I’ve been staying in my house, not wanting to venture out into the dark world I’ve come to know so well. I see the way Bull gives me worry filled stares from across the room, however he doesn’t dare speak up. The other day he asked if I wanted to go outside to get the mail but the thought caused my heart to race. I calmly gathered myself and informed him I’d feel better if he’d go get it.

  His two friends Zorro and Axel have been with us for almost a week. They showed up the day after we got back. Zorro seems kind but something about him rubs me the wrong way. It could just be his callous humor, but I can’t put my finger on it quite yet. Axel on the other hand. Well, I like him. He’s quiet, doesn’t ask questions and keeps to himself. Come to think about it, I might’ve heard twenty words out of his mouth the entire time he’s been here.

  “If you’re open to it, I’d like to take you to the club today. It’s about time you meet everyone.” Bull states as he puts coffee grounds in the pot. I’ve never seen anyone go through more coffee than he does. Part of me wonders how he hasn’t had a damn heart attack. He drinks it as if it’s water.

  I shrug my shoulders, continuing to wash the dishes Zorro probably left in the sink from last night. “I don’t know. I’m perfectly fine with staying here.”

  Bull chuckles lightly in a way which shows me he’s frustrated. “I know just how fine you are with staying in your house, Alexa. You won’t even walk outside. Ironic considering how you were dead set on having us leave you alone here. Isn’t it?” He turns his head toward me and I can feel his stare but instead of acknowledging him I focus on scrubbing this nasty dried up tomato sauce off the plate. If someone is going to leave dishes in the sink the least they could do was put water over it. At least that way this shit wouldn’t have dried all crusty.

  “I’d rather stay here.” I repeat, scrubbing even harder. The suds cause the plate to slip out of my hands and fall against my porcelain farmhouse sink. I grunt out in frustration and feel the pressure of two hands rubbing into my shoulders.

  “Breathe,” Bull whispers in a calming manner. “You’ve been through hell, darlin’, but you’re out of it now. You survived it and now you’re a stronger person for your experiences. There isn’t anything to be afraid of. You have not only me behind you, but the entire fucking club. We protect our own and no one will ever get within thirty feet of you ever again without their body dropping to the ground. I can assure you of that.”

  “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, please.” I beg of him. I hate how he can see I’m afraid so much. It angers me so much to know this man is practically a mind reader and doesn’t get tricked by my poker face. Instead he sees through it all, calling me out and in doing so he makes me feel weak. I don’t ever want to feel this way ever again.

  Bull slides his hands down to my hips and presses his lips to the back of my head, right behind my ear. “Darlin’, I don’t know how many times I’ve gotta say this shit. I got you. It’s about time you start trusting me. Don’t ya think? I promise on my Aunt Char’s life I won’t ever let anything happen to you.”

  I don’t know why I’m suddenly struck with emotion, yet for the first time in ages I feel wetness behind my eye. I didn’t really allow myself to cry before, afraid someone would see me letting my despair flooding from my body. I haven’t had a moment of privacy since all these men have moved into my home and it’s killing me.

  I wipe my hand under my eye as the tears flow down and speak in a crackled voice, “Do you know h-how long it’s b-been since I’ve been able to t-trust someone?”

  Bull sighs, rubbing my hip in a way to comfort me. “I imagine it’s been a very long time.” He speaks in a low manner, almost like he knows about my childhood, parents and everything I’ve endured. I know he doesn’t, though. Bull doesn’t have a fucking clue who I am and part of me wonders if he’ll change his mind when he knows I’m the daughter of serial killers. Or more importantly, when he discovers I have the same genetic link they do —the MAO-A gene. Otherwise known as the serial killer gene.

  Being told I had this gene when I was nineteen shook me to my core, but I used it as a way to fuel my career and become a profiler. If I could channel my inner darkness maybe I’d be able to keep it at bay. I’d be able to use it as a way to better this world versus making it even more sadistic.

  Although, now I can’t help but wonder what I’ll do. After being held captive by savages I’m not thinking in the usual manner in which I do. I see the negative more than the positive. I think about things I wouldn’t normally. All in all, I feel the darkness inching its way in. I’ve been able to keep it at bay for years; however, I feel like the grip on my control is slipping.

  “What do you say? Will you come and meet the others with me?” Bull asks, taking me out of my intense thoughts. He places his hand back on my shoulder and turns me toward him. “Come on, they won’t bite unless you want them to.” He chuckles at the end, trying to bring the humor out of this situation.

  Taking in a deep breath, I cave. “Fine. I’ll go meet them.”

  20

  A river cuts through a rock not because of its power, but its persistence

  ~Your Tango

  Bull

  Getting Alexa to agree to come meet everyone at the club was like trying to pull teeth. She made it difficult as hell, but I can’t say I blame her. She obviously doesn’t want to leave her home because she feels safe while she’s inside it. I need to have an intense discussion with her about how you can get abducted anywhere you are. About how it has nothing to do with your physical location but self-defense training and the people you’re with. I can guarantee her she’ll never be harmed ever again because I’ll drop bodies if anyone ever attempts to put her through the same type of hell. I’m so not fucking around when I say that.

  We’re sitting in my truck and she’s staring up at the Monroe family farmhouse, looking like she’s about to vomit. “Alright. Can we go over everyone again?”

  “Yep, but this time you tell me.” On the drive over here I told her a bit about everyone, giving her some background information so she knew who was who and what their deal is.

  “Fist is the Prez of the club but he’s on a break and his adoptive son Zane is the interim Prez now. Blackjack is the interim VP so he’s the second in command and he’s married to Ashley who’s Fist’s biological daughter and Zane’s adoptive sister. Zane has a twin brother named Kade who lives at the Las Vegas charter and he’s expecting a baby with his ol’ lady, Ivy. Fist’s half-sister is Roxy and she has three daughters, all by three different men who are her ol’ men. So, she’s in a polyamorous relationship. Her eldest daughter is Kat, and Kat’s husband is Damon who is the Prez of the Las Vegas charter.” Alexa continues to tell me everything there is to know about everyone until she finishes speaking. The only person she misses is Shiloh, but I didn’t tell her about Shiloh on purpose. The last thing I need to do is explain what a clubwhore is and have her asking questions about whether or not I fucked her.