“Gabriella fell asleep at my place last night. She was on the couch, fully clothed, and for a few seconds, I saw her lying under white sheets, bare chested, sleeping beside me. But it was gone as fast as it came.”

  “Do you know where you both were?”

  I shake my head. I’m starting to get a headache trying to see more than I saw.

  “If one memory has come back, it has to be a good sign that more will follow, don’t you think?”

  “That’s what I’m hoping, but it’s not why I’m here.”

  “Go on.”

  “I watched the old recordings we took during senior year. I saw you were against the bet from the start and throughout.” She flinches and looks to the door, hearing Callum moving around in the kitchen.

  “Did I ever have doubts? Did I question what I was doing even once?”

  Pity for me shines too fucking bright in her eyes, and I know her answer before she says, “No. You were an asshole, Liam. There’s no hiding from it, and there’s no point sugarcoating it. You enjoyed what you were doing to her. You were proud of yourself.”

  Maybe I shouldn’t want my memories to return.

  “What are you doing? Everyone in town is talking about how you and Gabriella are spending so much time together. If this is another game to you—”

  “It’s not,” I rush out.

  “Then what are you hoping to achieve?”

  “I want to make it right with her.” But taking one look at Alice, I can hear her silent disapproval loud and clear.

  “We destroyed her life. I’ve kept tabs on her since I got home from college, and she flits from one dead-end job to another, drinks, and sleeps around. She always wanted to go to college, but she never went because of us. I can’t see how you could ever make it right.”

  At least she’s being straight with me, which is what I was counting on, even if I don’t like what I hear.

  “I have to try.”

  “Then I wish you luck, because you’re going to need it.”

  Callum walks in, juggling three mugs of coffee. If he had asked, I would’ve told him I didn’t want one, but I take it when he offers.

  I’m strung out. I don’t need the caffeine adding to my rush.

  “Why are you bothering? It’s all in the past. Who gives a fuck if she isn’t over it already? It’s been six fucking years, and she’s fucked you over by not giving you a divorce,” Callum says, obviously having heard mine and Alice’s conversation.

  Placing the coffee on the small glass table, I stand and glare at him. “I was wrong to go after her. I had no business hurting her the way I did—none of us did.”

  “It was high school. Everyone does dumb shit. It doesn’t mean you have to live with it for forever. You have a good life. Go back to your mansion and your music, and forget about her.”

  He rambles on, not noticing my clenched hands, eager to drive my fists into his face. I need to get out of here.

  “I need to go. I’ll see you later.”

  Though I only half mean it. I don’t plan on seeing them for a while.

  Alice stands and blocks my exit.

  “Don’t listen to him. Do what you feel is right, but tread carefully. Gabriella has every right not to trust you.”

  Nodding, I leave and drive over to my parents’ house. I’m on a mission today. If my own head can’t give me answers, maybe I can find them. Parking outside, I stare at the house I’ve been told I grew up in, but nothing comes to me, just like the other times I’ve been here.

  I knock on the door, not feeling comfortable with walking in. It opens, and my mom stands there looking back at me with a pinched smile.

  “Liam, it’s nice to see you. Come in.”

  Is it nice for her, though? She’s barely maintained eye contact with me since the accident, and when she speaks to me, it’s strained, sometimes forced. She doesn’t even try to pretend to be happy to see me.

  “Can I get you a coffee? Tea? A cold drink?”

  “Coffee will do.”

  She gestures for me to sit at the table, and I do. She’s quiet as she prepares our drinks. My father told me I broke her when I hurt Gabriella and shot out of town, and it’s evident on her face whenever I look at her.

  “Where’s Dad?”

  “At work. He won’t be home till after six.”

  Of course. He told me he owns the dentist office in town. I remember my brother, Connor, is now living in Europe after qualifying for the Olympic swim team.

  Apparently, I paid for his training, and because his brother was the famous Liam Harris, it opened a lot of doors for him.

  “How have you been doing?” Mom asks, bringing our drinks over and joining me.

  “Okay. I’ve been taking some time to focus on Gabriella.”

  Narrowing her eyes, she questions hesitantly, “Why?”

  “Because I want to,” I snap, and then regret it.

  Putting her mug down, she leans her elbows on the table, brushing off my rudeness.

  “Your father and I were surprised to hear you were still in town. You hated it here.”

  “Yeah, well, not anymore. I’m staying to fix shit, starting with my wife, and hopefully with you.”

  Sighing heavily, she reaches for my hand.

  “It’s hard to talk about the past with you because of your lack of memories, but you took a lovely, kind, funny girl, and tore her apart for your own amusement. You didn’t even stick around long enough to deal with the fallout. The town gossiped about her for months, and still do sometimes. The depth of my shame being your mother nearly ripped my marriage apart, and made your brother’s school life hell. No girls trusted him not to be like his big brother. Your actions didn’t just effect Gabriella. The mess you left behind touched us all.”

  A tear rolls down her cheek, and she swipes it away.

  “You never once owned up and apologised for it. You caused all this damage, and then lived your new life like we didn’t exist anymore. You never came home. You never called. You never did a thing to make it right, but you are my son. Having the cops at my door, telling me you weren’t going to live through the night, broke me. I want my son back, Liam, but not the son you were. I want the boy who laughed and followed me around, asking a million questions about everything and nothing.”

  “I don’t want to be that Liam, Mom. I hate him.” I’m desperate for her to believe me.

  “I’m starting to see that.”

  Flipping her hand in mine, I lift it to my lips and kiss her warm skin.

  “I’m sorry, Mom. I’m trying to make it right. It’s all I can think about.”

  She pulls her hand back and runs her fingers through her hair.

  “Then this is your fresh start. Not many people get second chances, so don’t mess it up.”

  For the next hour, we sit and talk, and it’s nice. My mom is funny when she’s not full of shame and anger for me.

  The phone rings, and while she’s busy, I head up to my old room. I came up here after the accident to see if anything came back to me, but I got nothing.

  Today, I riffle through the wardrobes and under the bed. I don’t find anything that could help me with Gabriella. I’m not even sure what I’m looking for, but I’m hoping I’ll know it if I see it.

  Opening the drawers in the dresser, I find nothing but old clothes. I roll my eyes at how nothing has been touched in so long.

  My mom probably would’ve preferred to burn the house down if she had to come in here and sort through my things.

  Scanning over the shit on the shelves, a golden gleam catches my eye on an old stack of CDs.

  Gabriella has kept her rings all this time, and mine is still here.

  Sliding the cold ring onto my finger, Gabriella giggles, her eyes shining with happiness as she stares up at me. She bites down on her bottom lip to stop herself from bursting as a guy wearing a cheap suit pronounces us man and wife.

  “You may kiss your bride.”

  Blinking, my room comes back into focus, and I glare at the ring. That was definitely a memory.

  My breath comes in quick bursts, and I close my eyes to try and stop the pain that’s radiating across my forehead.

  She was so happy to marry me, and I truly made her believe I loved her in return.

  Ripping the ring off my finger, I barely refrain from throwing it across the room.

  How the hell has she been able to keep hers all these years? The sight of mine disgusts me.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Gabriella

  Another shift completed, and I’m ready for my bed. The snow has stopped falling, but the roads are still treacherous. After what feels like forever, I finally pull into my drive. I’m glad I left the heat on before I left. I just have to make it from the car to the front door and slip inside.

  I haven’t heard from Liam today. Not that I was checking my phone every half hour or anything. But now, I find him on my doorstep, the cold seeming not to affect him.

  It’s after midnight, and snow covers the ground. How is he just sitting there?

  I tread carefully as not to slip on my ass and stop in front of him.

  “Sorry to show up so late, but I had an idea.”

  “This idea couldn’t wait till tomorrow?”

  “Probably. I’ll go.” He pulls himself up and steps around me.

  Sighing, a puff of white air bursts from my lips. “Just tell me what this idea is.” And I can go to bed.

  “I found my wedding band today at my mom’s.”

  I gasp. “You kept it?”

  “I don’t think so. I think I took it off, and then my mom kicked me out.” He kicks at the snow. “I think we should get rid of them.”

  “Okay?”

  “I tried it on, and it felt all kinds of wrong. They didn’t mean anything, and they’re cheap as fuck. We shouldn’t hold on to them.”

  I’m certainly interested.

  “What do you suggest?”

  “We could drive out to Oak Bridge and throw them into the river.”

  That’s definitely symbolic. The number of times I’ve wanted to throw them out in spectacular fashion is unbelievable.

  “I haven’t heard any stories of us there, so I thought—”

  “I have somewhere better in mind.”

  Running into the house, I collect my old engagement ring and wedding band. Locking up after me, I notice his car isn’t here.

  “I take it I’m driving?”

  Sheepishly, he nods.

  The drive is quiet as I navigate the snowy roads to the lakes just outside of town.

  “We used to come out here when it was warm. It was my third favourite moment with you.”

  “What happened here?”

  “Nothing, really. Callum, Ethan, Bella, and Alice were there. We just hung out. It was hot, we sunbathed, swam in the lake, drank cheap beer and had a laugh.”

  I can remember that day so clearly, like it was yesterday. It’s too cold to feel the heat from my memory, but I can see where we were lying on our blankets. I can hear the laughter and the music playing from Bella’s phone.

  “Why is it your third favourite moment with me?”

  “It wasn’t where we were or who we were with. It was you and me. We’d been together a while, but that day, I felt so connected to you. Our bodies touching, skin on skin in the water. The way you touched sent fire through every nerve. I’d never felt so alive. When we kissed, it was slow and lazy. You dropped me at home that night, and I couldn’t stop smiling. I thought I had found pure love. I believed I was lucky because I’d found you so young.”

  Thankfully, he stays quiet as I move closer to the lake.

  “This is the perfect place to throw them away.”

  “I don’t understand why you think we should throw them away here?”

  “Because, like our rings, that day wasn’t real. It’s fitting.”

  I hear his feet crunching on the frozen grass as he moves to stand beside me. Holding out his hand, his band sits in the middle of his palm. Digging mine out of my pocket, I drop them next to his.

  “Should we say something?”

  What the fuck is he going on about now? Say something? He’s out of his mind.

  Nevertheless, I force a smile and say, “Goodbye?”

  “Maybe we shouldn’t say anything.”

  That, I can agree with.

  Bringing his arm back, he launches the cheap gold into the water. I don’t see where they land, or hear when they plop into the water, but a part of me does feel lighter knowing they’re gone.

  “I have no idea if that’ll help.” He laughs, and I join him, only because I kind of understand what he means.

  He’s making a huge effort, and because of that, because I never thought I’d be in a place where we’d be standing side by side like this, I take advantage and amp up this charade.

  Angling myself so I’m facing him, he looks down at me. If I allowed myself, I could let so many memories come flooding back of us being this close, in this position.

  “I’m so sorry,” he says, the words barely above a whisper.

  Closing the small distance between us, I lean up on my tiptoes.

  “When you’re like this, it’s like my Liam is back. I miss him.”

  Urgh. The words taste like vomit. But I keep up the pretence and lean in. His eyes widen, but he doesn’t move away.

  His lips are cold on mine, but they soon warm up as I continue to kiss him. My eyes flutter closed, and I sweep my tongue over his the second he opens his mouth. Grasping onto his coat, he wraps his arms wrap around me.

  His kisses were always soft and hungry, always tempting me to go further into other territories, but this is hot and needy. His hand finds the back of my neck, and I register the coldness scorching the heat under my scarf. His fingers latch into my hair near the base of my neck, and I tighten my grip on his coat.

  He bites down on my bottom lip, the action causing me to groan into his mouth before I pull away.

  I don’t move from his hold, and he doesn’t let me go.

  I search his eyes as much as I can in the dark, and I see nothing but hunger.

  “That was real, Gabriella,” he insists, his voice rough.

  For him, maybe, but not for me.

  Anyone could’ve kissed me like that, and I’d be turned on. It meant nothing.

  Surprisingly, I slept like a baby last night. The kiss didn’t keep me awake most of the night like I’m sort of sap. I woke this morning prepared to continue with my plan to destroy Liam Harris, my jar full of fucks still empty where he’s concerned.

  I pull up outside Anita’s apartment block and grab the gift bag with Elizabeth’s Christmas gift inside.

  I hate walking up the stairs. The smell of urine is strong, and my boots stick in certain places. It’s times like this I regret not cashing Liam’s check. I could’ve moved my niece somewhere nicer, safer.

  I tell myself it’s not my job, it’s my brother’s, and it’s not my fault he’s an asshole, and that Anita kicking him out was the best thing for her and Elizabeth. Axle thinks he can do what he wants, when he wants, without having to deal with the consequences. We hoped he would’ve sorted himself out when his daughter was born, but his attitude was that Anita was tied to him forever because of Elizabeth, so he assumed she would never leave him. But he was wrong, and Anita does a good job looking after herself and my niece on her own.

  I knock on her door. Expecting me, she opens up and waves me inside.

  I keep my coat on, knowing I’m not staying long, and dump the gift bag on the small kitchen table.

  Smiling at Elizabeth, she smiles back around a mouthful of banana.

  “I thought I’d bring her gift around in case I don’t see you before Christmas. There’s something in there for you too. It’s not much, but it’s something.”

  It’s a small bottle of perfume. I don’t even know if she’ll like the scent. She was a girly girl when she got with my brother, but since he leaves her high and dry most of the time, she doesn’t have the money to get her nails done or buy new make-up like she used to. I can’t remember the last time I smelled perfume on her.

  “Thank you, Gabs. How are you doing?”

  “I’m good. How are you two? Has Axle been bothering you?”

  The last I heard from her, he was taken away by the cops at three in the morning for trying to kick her door down. That was around a month ago.

  “He called a couple of days ago from jail, begging me to post bail for him. I hung up.”

  “Good for you. What was he picked up on?”

  “Destroying public property after fighting over at Julie’s place.”

  Julie’s bar is notorious for fights, and why I never applied to work there.

  “I’m sure Connor helped him out,” she says. “Oh, hold on.”

  She darts into the bedroom and comes back out with a small gift wrapped in Christmas paper.

  “Just a little something from me and Elizabeth.”

  “You shouldn’t have wasted your money.”

  “Gabriella, I can afford twenty dollars to get you a gift. You’re the only person in my life who doesn’t judge me, and actually gives a shit about how I’m doing. Take it.”

  I take it with a smile.

  “Thank you.”

  Dropping a kiss on top of Elizabeth’s head, I say my goodbyes and leave them to it. I still need to drop off the boys’ gifts before heading to my mom’s place.

  Connor is home when I get to his place. The boys, three and five years old, are running around the house, still in their pyjamas, pretending to shoot each other.

  “I heard Axle got himself arrested. Is he out yet?” I ask.

  “Nah. He’s in county.”

  “You haven’t posted his bail?”

  He looks over to Cassie, his fiancée. Where Axle is an asshole and treats Anita like shit, Connor is slightly better. He’s a good dad, reminding me of our father before he died. He loves Cassie more than being at the bar with his buddies, but he has a dark side, and I know Cassie struggles with it. They have their problems, but they’ve never broken up over it.

  “Anyway, enough about Axle. I’ve been hearing a lot of crap about a certain prick being back in town and spending time with the girl he ruined for shits and giggles.”