I was still feeling a little stubborn on this point. “Yeah, but you love him.”

  “Like a friend. I tell my friends I love them. Just because you don't do that doesn't mean other people don't.” Her eyes narrowed. “What is your problem with this?”

  “Nothing,” I said quickly.

  It was just all of these conversations sounded so much like the conversations my mom had when she was looking for another way out, a job, a new friend who would last a matter of weeks, the affair I knew about when I was younger, on and on. I didn't tell Hallie that.

  “Look, Jonathan is my friend, and he's been in my life a lot longer than you have. If you're going to have a problem with him, then that's a problem for me,” she said pointedly.

  We stared at each other, and I shrugged, not really meaning it when I said, “Fine. Understood.”

  “He’s my friend. There's nothing there.”

  “Yeah, but didn’t you try to date?” I pressed.

  “Yeah, we tried. Once. We immediately realized it was a bad idea. That was years ago in high school before he came out. Oh, my god. Are you jealous?”

  I was. I fucking was, and I didn't want to admit it. I shook my head.

  Hallie wasn’t having it. “You know what? This is a line for me. I think we should back off. I can't deal with jealousy. You can meet Jonathan, and you can read all of my text messages. Here.” She lifted her phone off the counter and held it out. “Read whatever you want. You know my password. I don't have anything to fucking hide. You can ask anybody anything about him. I do love him as a friend, and he’s important to me. I don't know what your deal is around this, but you need to figure it out.”

  Before I could scramble together a rational, reasonable response, Hallie spun around. She strode quickly up the stairs. She was back down in a flash, zipping her backpack. “I was leaving in a few hours, but I think I'll leave now. You're still welcome to come to any doctor's appointments. We'll figure this out. But in the meantime, we'll be friends. Nothing more.”

  “Hallie,” I began.

  She held a palm up. “No. I need you to respect me on this. This is important to me.”

  And then, she was gone.

  I banged around the house, my stomach constantly feeling as if I were falling from a great height. My heart clanged in a confused, angry beat, uncertain whether I was angry with myself or Hallie.

  A few hours later, she sent me a text. Here's Jonathan's phone number. Feel free to call him. Here's his husband's phone number. Feel free to call him too. You can ask all the questions you want.

  I felt sick. I had to find a way back out of the mess I’d made. I took a deep breath, startled when the phone rang only minutes later. I snatched it off the coffee table quickly, hoping it was Hallie. Coward that I was, I hadn't had the nerve to call her yet. It was Rhys. I needed a distraction, so I answered.

  “Hello.”

  “Hey there. How’s it going?”

  “Okay. You?” I replied, my tone clipped.

  “Good. Look, I know that conversation about our dad and your mom was a little weird, but I wanted to follow up.” I'd already learned Rhys did not waste time.

  Today was that kind of day, so I took a breath, letting it out before replying, “All right. What's up?”

  “She did get pregnant before she had you, but she had an abortion,” Rhys said matter-of-factly.

  “Oh, uh, okay.”

  “I figure this whole thing is pretty uncomfortable, so I didn’t want to let it hang out there unknown. I had the investigator who helped us locate you look into that.”

  “I appreciate that,” I finally said.

  We sat in silence for a minute.

  “You okay?” he asked.

  “Yeah, I'm fine. We don't need to dwell on this awkward topic.”

  “Fair enough. How's Hallie?”

  My heartbeat felt empty and echoey in my chest. “She's fine.”

  “Good. We'd love to have you both for a visit again, although I'm guessing travel for her isn't the best plan. McKenna wants to visit Willow Brook. Is that all right with you?”

  “Of course.”

  “Your sister invited her to stay with her,” Rhys added.

  I chuckled. “That’s Tiffany. She's welcome to stay with me as well, although I don't have a ton of space. My main house is under construction.”

  Tiffany had recently made the decision to move back to Willow Brook and rented an apartment downtown even though she wasn’t fully back yet. “I'll let McKenna know. She’ll stay in touch with you about when she's coming.”

  “Awesome. Thanks.”

  “I should be able to come up next month,” he added.

  “That'd be great.”

  We chatted about the weather and timing before ending the call. Afterward, I stared at my phone.

  “Wow,” I muttered to myself. What could have been a tangled complication wasn't.

  I slid my thumb across the screen and pulled up Hallie's phone number, calling her while my heart cast out beats of hope. She didn't answer.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Hallie

  I stared at the screen on my phone, torn between whether to answer or ignore it. I was still frustrated, still uncertain about what to do with Chase, so I ignored it. As soon as it stopped ringing, my heart ached a little. I was tempted to lift the phone and call him right back. I didn't.

  The phone rang again, and a little spurt of anticipation zinged through me. I hoped it was Chase again. It was Jonathan. This one, I decided to answer.

  “Hey, hey, what's up?” he asked. “You texted.”

  Oh, god, I had. “I don't know what to do about Chase.”

  “I thought things were going well.”

  “They were, but he doesn't understand my friendship with you because we went on one date.”

  “Ugh. He’s being a dumbass. We couldn't even kiss. Does he know that?”

  “Yes. You're my best friend, and I don’t think he quite gets that part.”

  Jonathan let out a soft sigh. “Right. He's a straight guy. Sometimes, they're stupid.”

  “Really?”

  “Not to be stereotypical, but yes. And I'm the stereotypical gay best friend.”

  I burst out laughing. “You’re not to me.”

  “I know, but society thinks I am. Do you love him?”

  “I do. But it's all happened so fast. And I'm pregnant. That seems to complicate it.”

  “Or simplify it,” he pointed out.

  “How the hell does an unplanned baby, a freaking miracle baby really, simplify anything?”

  “Sometimes big things are clarifying.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Just that this is a big thing. Look, new relationships, especially ones that get serious fast, can be overwhelming. That's a fact. Then sorting out each others’ pasts can be even more overwhelming. What are his relationship past like?”

  “He hasn't had a serious relationship. There's some baggage with his dad and his mom who passed away.”

  “What has he told you about her?”

  “Not much of anything. His sister has implied there’s some stuff.”

  “Stuff?” Jonathan teased lightly. “Well, why don't you ask her? Or, better yet, ask him.”

  I grumbled, and my friend laughed. “Look, I am not an expert at relationships. I've only had one serious one, and I married the guy. But the most important thing is communication. You're going to have good days and bad days. You're going to have uncomfortable topics, but if you avoid them, you're never going to solve them. There may not even be anything to solve, but you have to be able to talk about it. What exactly happened?”

  “He overheard me saying I love you to you when we were finishing up a call. He seemed uncomfortable about it. I got stressed, I guess.”

  “You guess?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Yeah. I guess, and that’s it. I told him we should take a break. I think we should until he can stop being a dumbass.”

  Jonathan chuckled. “Brilliant. Well, I think you should tell him you'd like to talk. We have been best friends for years, and we tried to date. That didn’t work out for obvious reasons, but it might be intimidating. Chris had to get used to my friendship with you.”

  “What do you mean? How come you didn’t mention this to me?”

  “I never went into it because it didn't matter to us. He was confused that we tried to date and stayed close. You're still my best friend. Chris is a different kind of best friend.”

  “I don't know what you mean.”

  “I know. You will know what I mean someday.”

  “This feels all very cryptic, Jonathan.”

  He burst out laughing. “I'm not being cryptic. Call him, or better yet, go see him. Tell him you want to talk. And yeah, tell him to stop overreacting. It’s not unusual for him to need to sort out what it means to fall in love with someone who has a best friend that she once tried to date. That's part of figuring a relationship out. I'll be up there next month. That's why I was calling, aside from your text.”

  “Oh, you will?”

  “That’s the plan. Chris will be with me. We’re planning to move back sometime after the baby is born, so we want to scout out real estate options.”

  “Oh, wow. This is starting to feel really real.”

  “I know.”

  “I’m so happy for you, Jonathan,” I said, my heart swelling with emotion.

  “I am too. I'm happy for you, and you're going to figure out this thing with Chase.”

  “I’m starting to wonder if it wasn't the best idea for Chase and me to try to date while I was pregnant.”

  “There's no great time. You're having the baby, so you might as well figure it out now.”

  “That’s what Chase said.”

  “Well, he’s on point,” Jonathan pointed out. I laughed softly. “I hope I get to meet Chase when I’m up there,” he added.

  “That would be really nice. Text me with an update for when you’ll have time to get together next weekend.”

  “I will. That gives you a week to get your shit together. Miss you.”

  A laugh slipped out. “Miss you too.”

  I looked down at the phone again. I was about to call Chase back, but I needed to call my sister-in-law first. Risa was always clear-eyed.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Chase

  I was in the grocery store. Again. This time, I'd run out of coffee, so it was a quick trip. When I rounded the corner and saw Mr. Green standing in front of the coffee, my gut churned. He was a reminder of my mother and her habits. It grated at me that she’d shredded the respect I’d once had for my old teacher. He looked up, and for a second, I thought he was going to turn away. But he turned to face me, sliding one hand in his pocket while the other rested on the handle of his cart.

  I tightened my grip on the basket I held, pausing in front of him. “Hi.”

  He dipped his chin before leveling his gaze with mine, his eyes studying me. “I've been thinking.”

  Fucking great.

  “I deeply regret what happened with your mother, but I want you to understand something. People screw up. Kids screw up. Adults screw up. We all screw up. Life gives us one opportunity after the other to try to get it right. I ran into your father.” I nodded. “He mentioned you're struggling.”

  I rolled my eyes. “I'm surprised you guys are still friendly.”

  “What happened definitely hurt our friendship. Maybe we can get to the other side of it. Maybe not. I just want you to understand that your mom was always looking for something.” I nodded again. “I don't know if she ever found it. Her light shined bright. It was hard to look away from when it was focused on you. This isn't about me asking for your forgiveness, but I hope you can find a way to let go of how your mother’s choices affected your life. Because you can't ever change it. She's gone. Maybe you can understand it, and maybe that'll help you let go.

  I am so sorry. For what my choices meant for my marriage, for my friendship with your dad, and for the way you look at me. It’s changed what I think of myself.” My breath was shaky as I took in his words. “I suppose I'm saying this because I hope you'll find a way to let things go. Not for anyone other than yourself and whomever you love. I understand congratulations are in order. You're going to be a father.”

  My throat felt swollen, and I took a slow breath. “Thank you.”

  “You're a good man, and you have an amazing father. You’ll be an amazing father. I know this.”

  “Thank you.” I heard myself saying, my voice husky.

  He reached out, squeezing my shoulder, something he had done back when I was a student in his class.

  “Thank you for listening. It is what it is. You’ll make your own mistakes, and you'll wonder why, and you'll wish it was different. We all have lessons to learn, and sometimes, the things we think will never happen do. There's a difference between forgiveness and letting go. Both are more for you than the other person.”

  I was able to take a deep breath before he smiled slightly. “I'm sure I'll see you around.”

  I watched him go and got my coffee and left. As I drove home a few minutes later, I realized he had earned back some of the respect I feared he’d lost forever. Like my dad, he was dealing with the difficult, messy stuff and facing it.

  Now, I needed to do it for me, for Hallie, and for our baby boy. I thought about calling her that night, but I wanted to have this conversation face-to-face. That was more important. I sent her a text.

  Me: I'm thinking about you, and I love you. I hope everything's going well. If it's okay with you, I'd like to see you so we can talk.

  I hoped she would reply, but she didn't. I started to get worried when she hadn't replied the next morning either. I called, but she didn’t answer. Just when I was about to give up and decided I needed to drive to Anchorage, my phone rang. I didn't recognize the number, but I answered anyway.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi, Chase?” a man said. “This is Darren, Hallie’s brother. I’m calling to let you know she’s at the hospital.”

  “What?”

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Chase

  I was speeding. A lot. I couldn't get my heart to slow down with my pulse racing at a full gallop. Dread coated my stomach.

  I practically skidded to a stop in the hospital parking lot in Anchorage, bolting through the doorway at the emergency entrance. I stopped at the desk, barking out, “Hallie Thomas.”

  The receptionist was on the phone. She glanced up, holding up a finger, and I wanted to scream at her.

  “Chase?” a voice said.

  I glanced around, my eyes landing on a man. Although he was a guy, he looked like Hallie’s brother. He shared the same bone structure in his face. He was also wearing his police uniform. He stood from a chair, and I crossed over to him.

  “How is she?”

  “She’s fine.” He held a hand out. “I’m Darren.”

  I distractedly shook it. “I'm Chase. What happened?”

  “She slipped.”

  “What do you mean she slipped?”

  A woman approached with two paper cups in her hands. Her dark hair fell in a swingy bob. Her blue eyes were bright and alert as she glanced back and forth between us. “You must be Chase. I’m Risa,” she said with a warm smile.

  “Yes,” I ground out. “I need to know what happened to Hallie.”

  “I told you. She's fine,” Darren repeated.

  I took a breath. I wasn't going to feel okay until I could see her. Just then, Hallie’s doctor appeared, the very one I’d met when I’d gone to Hallie’s appointments with her. She didn’t even bother with the niceties. “She's stable,” she said before I could even get a word out.

  “She is?” I pressed.

  “Yes,” Dr. Williams replied.

  “We both told him that,” Risa said, her tone dry.

  “Is the baby okay?”

  Dr. Williams nodded. “Absolutely fine. We're going to keep Hallie here tonight for observation, but that’s solely out of an abundance of caution.”

  I let out a breath, my chest loosening for the first time since I'd answered the phone and heard Darren's voice. “When can I see her?”

  “We’re getting her situated in a room right now. You can go back in about ten minutes,” the doctor replied.

  I nodded, relieved I happened to be standing beside a wall when I sagged against it.

  “Sit.” Risa herded me over to a chair with Darren and the doctor following. “Do you want some coffee?”

  At my nod, she said, “You can have this one. I'll go get another in a minute. I haven't taken a sip from it yet.” She handed me one of the cups she held and sat down across from me beside Darren.

  “What happened?” I asked.

  “She was leaving her studio and slipped on a wet patch on the sidewalk and fell. She started having contractions,” Risa explained.

  “She fell harder than normal because she has extra weight on her,” the doctor offered matter-of-factly. “I'm going to go check on her and make sure she's all situated. When I come back out, you'll be able to go see her.”

  “Okay. That's it? Are you sure she’s okay?” I asked again because it seemed I couldn’t ask enough.

  “She's fine. She's got some bruising on her back and elbow, but that’s it.”

  After the doctor disappeared, I leaned my head against the wall for a moment, straightening before I took a swallow of the coffee. The bitter flavor jolted me.

  “How is it?” Risa asked.

  “Okay.”

  “Could be worse, I suppose,” Darren chimed in.

  “So how are you and Hallie doing?” Risa asked.

  “I was a dumbass,” I offered bluntly.

  Risa nodded. “You were. Jonathan's harmless and a great guy. You know, they only tried to date once, and they couldn't even kiss.”

  If I’d been wondering if Hallie discussed what had happened, now I knew. I took another swallow of coffee before replying, “I know. I've never had a friend like that.”