“I don’t want to break up. But I also don’t know how we go forward. Do you?”

  Seren shook her head. After a moment, Paige touched her arm. Gentle, so fucking gentle. Seren wanted to scream at her and collapse into her arms in the same moment.

  “I swear I tried not to get too attached,” Paige said quietly.

  She couldn’t meet Paige’s eyes. She knew she’d start crying if she did. Why had she told Paige to tell her what she was thinking? To not keep things from her? Some things were better left unsaid.

  Paige waited a beat and then another. After a long minute, she said, “Maybe we need a break. Some time to think. Some space.”

  She didn’t want space. She didn’t want time to think. “I want to go back in time and have this conversation never happen.”

  “Okay. Let’s pretend I didn’t say anything.”

  Seren felt nauseous like she hadn’t in months. What was she doing having a baby? She couldn’t even manage her own life. If only she could close her eyes and open them again and know what to do.

  Finally, Paige said, “Maybe we should have sex. That fixes everything, right?”

  Paige was joking—trying to break the tension with humor like she always did. But when Seren looked over at her, thinking of telling her that now wasn’t the time to joke, she watched a tear course down Paige’s cheek.

  Paige swiped away the tear and shook her head. “Don’t worry. I’m fine. And I’m joking about the sex part. Obviously.”

  Seren’s chest clenched. “I’m sorry.” She was sorry. So sorry.

  “I’m sorry too.”

  Seren didn’t want to cry, but the tears came anyway.

  “Come here.” Paige spread her arms and Seren stepped into her embrace. When Paige wrapped her tight, she gave in and sobbed against her shoulder. Her damn perfect shoulders. She wanted to hold those shoulders forever. A long minute passed before Paige’s grip lessened.

  “I don’t want this to be the end.”

  “Then we’ll pretend we didn’t have this conversation.” Paige kissed her cheek, then her lips.

  Seren returned the kiss with a crushing one of her own. After everything, the last thing she should be thinking of was sex. But she slipped her hand under Paige’s tank top and desire surged in her.

  “I want you.” She didn’t add the words one last time. This couldn’t be how they ended. It was only a disagreement. Their first fight. That’s all it was, right?

  Paige kissed her, then encircled her wrist. She wanted to memorize the familiar feeling, the calluses on Paige’s hands that she loved and the confidence in her grip. What if this was the last time? She wanted to memorize how the roughness felt against the smoothness of her wrist. She closed her eyes and let Paige lead.

  When they reached the bedroom, bare walls and no furniture save the bed, Paige didn’t waste any time helping her out of her clothes. Paige stripped as well, then moved them to the bed.

  They tumbled onto the mattress, Paige on top, pinning her, taking kiss after kiss from her lips. Then something seemed to switch in Paige and her rough touch turned painfully sweet. She caressed Seren from the arches of her feet to the soft divots under her ears. One minute her hands had been all force, and the next only lovingly tender. Seren realized she was crying only when Paige kissed away the tears.

  Paige moved between her legs. As soon as her tongue lapped against Seren’s clit, her orgasm was a foregone conclusion. She wanted to beg Paige to not be so gentle. It was killing her to feel Paige’s love in every stroke, every kiss. Just hate me a little, she wanted to say. Fuck me like this doesn’t mean anything. Make this easier for both of us. But no. Paige lifted her hips and took her into her mouth like she was a fine wine. She licked and sucked, pushing Seren to almost hating her for making her feel so good.

  “I want you inside.” Seren knew Paige heard her, but instead of pushing into her, she continued licking and sucking. Seren realized then that she was going to orgasm with that alone. It wouldn’t be as satisfying as having Paige fill her, but maybe that was the intention. Maybe Paige wanted her unsatisfied. It was only fair.

  She felt the climax rising, but Paige seemed to sense it as well. Before it broke, she shifted her attentions away from Seren’s clit and patterned soft kisses along the inside of her thighs. “Fuck.” Seren panted. She needed the release now. She tried to push up into Paige’s mouth, but Paige was stronger than her and easily pressed her back on the mattress.

  A moment later, Paige’s tongue coursed over her clit. She circled and stroked, and the climax built up again. Then, as before, Paige shifted away. Seren cursed again. Paige was doing it intentionally. Keeping her at the point of coming but holding back the orgasm. She’d never had someone edge her before. It was infuriating—and turned her on more than ever.

  “Please.” Seren’s center clenched rhythmically. Begging for Paige. “Please.”

  Paige shifted up to kiss her lips, then slid into her, filling the place Seren needed her most. They hadn’t had sex in over a week, but Seren’s body was ready. Paige moved into her easily. Spreading her knees farther, then filling her more.

  “More.” She needed more of Paige. This couldn’t be the end.

  One, two, three fingers slid inside. Paige turned her wrist, sending shivers through Seren. She rode in and out, hard and fast. Seren writhed with pleasure until Paige finally had to hold her in place. One hand gripping her as the other drove her to a place of unthinking.

  Paige dipped her head again. As soon as her tongue lapped over the swollen clit, almost painful with need, there was no holding back. No way but to give in to what her body wanted.

  She cried out with the climax and Paige’s name spilled from her lips. Strong arms took her up and she curled against Paige’s chest, clenching her legs together as the aftershocks raced through her. She felt weak. Spent from the orgasm. And Paige knew what she needed—to be held in a grip too sure and strong to bother fighting. She didn’t want to fight it. She wanted to give herself to Paige.

  If only she could.

  Soon Paige moved them so they were lying together, side by side, lips almost touching. Their sweat and her cum had made the sheets wet, but they lay on it like a mistake they’d made. Every time Paige breathed out, Seren breathed in. Wanting her desperately all over again. Wanting this not to be the last time.

  Minutes passed, and then Paige got out of bed without a word. Without a kiss. Seren felt her leave like a wrenching in her chest. She squeezed her eyes closed and curled up, wishing she could push something into the empty place Paige had left.

  Two months ago, she’d been fine. She hadn’t wanted anyone to hold her then. Not acutely, anyway. Sure, she’d entertained the idea of someday finding someone, but she hadn’t gone looking—because the timing was all wrong and she knew it. Screw the universe for handing her Paige at exactly the wrong fucking time. For letting her love something she couldn’t keep.

  After a minute, she rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling, wondering if she should leave, wanting to beg Paige to come back to bed, and hating herself for all of it. There was no pretending that today hadn’t happened. Paige was right—they needed a break.

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  Jen leaned back in her chair, studying Paige. “So, did you two break up or not?”

  Paige ran a hand through her hair and eyed the computer screen with her half-finished surgery report. It’d been a long day filled with too many sick patients. She knew Jen probably wanted to get home to her family. But she also knew she needed someone to talk to. “No…not yet anyway.”

  Officially they hadn’t broken up. Unofficially, Paige didn’t see a path forward. “We had a fight and agreed to take a breather. I think we’d gotten too close too fast. Since I got the ranch, Seren’s been over at my place almost every night for weeks now.”

  Then the fight came, and they’d gone four days without seeing each other. Four days didn’t seem long in theory, but it was killing her not knowing how Seren was doing. “I don’t know where things are going from here.”

  “You want to be with her, right?”

  “Yes. Definitely.” A moment later she added, “If she wants to let me into her life I do. I like her too much to pretend it’s not serious.”

  “But you like her so much that you’re willing to break up with her if she doesn’t want something serious? Am I getting that right?”

  Paige pursed her lips. “When you say it that way—”

  “Men are less complicated.”

  “Doesn’t mean relationships with them are any better.”

  Jen held up one finger, acknowledging her point. “True.”

  “Anyway, unlike you, I’m not bi.”

  “Weren’t you the one who said everyone was a little bit bi?”

  “That was when I was hoping that straight pharmacist would consider dating me.” Jen laughed and Paige added, “She had nothing on Seren.”

  “Are you in love?”

  Paige sighed. “For a while now.”

  “Okay, let’s recap. You love her. She loves you?” At Paige’s head nod, Jen continued, “And the sex is good?”

  Paige nodded. “But she doesn’t want a serious relationship and I do.”

  “Unless you’re leaving out some crucial details, I think she’s making a mistake.”

  “Thanks. But you’re my friend. You’ve gotta take my side on this.” Then again, Paige had to allow that her own mom hadn’t taken her side. Beatrice had sided with Seren. She’d even brought Seren a cheesy potato casserole the night after the fight—and told Paige she was doing it.

  Her mom was convinced that once the baby came, Seren would realize she needed help and then they’d move in together and all would be perfect. Would have been perfect had Paige not messed everything up by pushing too fast. But Paige didn’t trust that would happen, and more than that, she wanted Seren to choose her, and to choose their relationship. Not instead of being a parent, obviously, but in addition to. And that had nothing to with needing help.

  “I asked her to move in because I knew it would make things easier. But when she turned me down, I realized it wasn’t that I wanted to be helpful, I wanted to be wanted.”

  “We all want that,” Jen said. “I’m sure she does too.”

  “Not enough to work on a plan for us going forward.”

  Jen shifted on her chair and kicked her feet up on her desk. “Maybe this break will be good for you. You look almost as exhausted as someone with a newborn.”

  “Every moment that I’m not here, I’m working on the house.” Or biking. She’d had several long bike rides since the fight, hoping endorphins might blanket out all the negative feelings about the breakup. A moment later, Paige reminded herself that they hadn’t broken up. Not yet. “Seren’s got it in her head that the baby is going to screw up any chance we have of a relationship. So, why bother trying, you know? Her parents broke up when she was a little baby, and she’s convinced we’d follow the same path if we got together now.”

  “Honestly, the odds aren’t in your favor.”

  “I know.” Paige even agreed that it was too soon to discuss moving in together. But she stood by what she’d told Seren. She didn’t think the conversation would have been any different if they’d waited.

  Which is why she’d wanted some space. Some time to feel less angry about the whole thing. Seren hadn’t liked the idea of a break, but she’d agreed. She’d asked Paige how much time she needed, but how long would it take to stop loving someone too much?

  “I guess the part I didn’t really tell you—that I knew from the beginning—is that she wants to be a single mom.”

  “Wait till the kid pops out. She’s gonna change her tune.”

  “I don’t think so. Being a single mom is important to her. She told me straight-up that she doesn’t want a co-parent. She’s convinced any relationship would go south and screw things up for the kid. There’s no getting around that part.”

  “And you knew all this going in?”

  “I knew she didn’t want things to get serious.” Paige shook her head. “A little part of me thinks there’s still hope. What we have is so good, you know? It’s just the kid thing. But I wouldn’t have to be a co-parent. I’d let her make all the parenting decisions.”

  “You want her to move in with you, but you’re not going to be involved in parenting the kid? At all?”

  “Well, I’d be around and part of the kid’s life, but I’d leave the parenting decisions to her.”

  Jen raised an eyebrow. “She’s right. It wouldn’t work. Not if you’re living together. I’m not saying it couldn’t work for someone, but that someone’s not you.” She held up her hand when Paige started to interrupt. “You’re not wrong for wanting what you want, and I still think she’s making a mistake not trying to work things out. But, if she’s got her heart set on being a single mom, she shouldn’t move in with you. You’d become part of her kid’s life and you’d be a co-parent. You wouldn’t be able to stop yourself from helping. And clearly she knew you well enough to know that too.”

  “You think there’s no hope?”

  “I’ve seen you with Leo. You love kids.” Jen inclined her head to Leo’s picture pinned above Paige’s desk. “You love kids enough to put a picture of mine on your wall.”

  “Anyone would put up that picture. Look at him snuggling Tigger.”

  “And you can’t help taking care of little things.”

  Paige sighed. “Maybe you’re right. I can’t not be who I am. And she wants someone I’m not.”

  Paige left work feeling more down than she’d been even the day Seren had left. She avoided the house and went straight to the barn. Nellie nickered as Paige mixed up a bucket of what she called Old Horse Ensure, stomping her feet and eager for her dinner. In the month since she’d taken over full care, Nellie’s ribs were showing less and she clearly had more energy. Paige hung the bucket on a hook she’d made especially for it, then leaned against the stall rail as Nellie buried her nose in the mash.

  She felt something brush against her leg and looked down expecting to see Storm, one of the feral cats the Landrys had left behind. Instead, a sleek gray cat with gorgeous green eyes looked up at her. In one glance, Paige knew she was pregnant. “Hey, stranger. Where you from?”

  The cat darted behind a hay bale at the sound of her voice but reappeared a few minutes later when Paige set out cat food for the two residents. Paige tossed a few kibble her direction and they disappeared immediately. Moments later, the cat was diving into the bowl of kibble with as much gusto as Nellie inhaled her mash. Paige watched her eat, wondering again where she’d come from. She was young—probably under a year—and skinny save for her protruding belly.

  “You joining the herd?” Paige waited, as if expecting an answer. “Well, gray is pretty close to black, but I’m spaying you after that litter, just so you know. And you’re gonna have to tell me where you found a boy, ’cause he’s getting clipped too.”

  Paige’s phone rang, startling the newcomer. As she skittered off, Paige reached into her back pocket and answered the call without looking to see who it was. Her mom always called at this time. Once a day, without fail.

  “Yep.”

  “Yep?” Seren laughed softly. Not her usual full laugh, but like she was trying to figure out if the situation was funny or not. Or like she was nervous.

  Paige straightened, her mind racing. Seren. “Um, hi. I didn’t look at the caller ID.” She paced in a circle. “Figured it’d be my mom.”

  “She just left. We had dinner together.”

  “You had dinner with my mom?”

  “And Rita and Leslie. I invited them all over. I was going to ask you too, but I chickened out at the last minute. I thought maybe having other people around would make it easier, but the more I considered having you here and not touching you or talking about everything, the more I knew it’d be a mistake.”

  “I had a lot of things to finish up at work anyway.” Not untrue. Still, she wished she could have been at the dinner.

  “I’ve missed you.”

  Three words and Paige’s throat tightened. “Yeah.”

  “Yeah?”

  Dammit. She sounded like a damn caveman who was butt-hurt. She hated both how much she wanted to tell Seren it was her fault and how she knew it was all hers. “I’ve missed you too.”

  “I woke up this morning wondering if we were over or if we we’re really only taking a break.”

  Paige pressed her hand against her eyes and clenched her jaw to hold back the tears. When she’d gotten ahold of the emotion, she swallowed and said, “Me too.”

  “I want things back the way they were.”

  Paige wanted to say, “Me too” again, but the words didn’t come. Seren’s breathing was the only sound on the other line for a long moment as she weighed admitting the truth. “I don’t think I can go back to that. I’m not good at pretending.”

  “Or lying. I like that about you. Anyway, it’s not fair for me to ask.” Seren sniffed. “I found my mom’s will. You won’t believe where it was.”

  “Tell me.” They’d gone through so many boxes looking for the damn thing.

  “In the top drawer of her nightstand. Along with a list of all her bank accounts and passwords. She also wrote me a letter.” Seren’s voice broke on the last sentence, and she took a moment before going on. “Why I didn’t look there first, I have no clue. She always kept everything important in her nightstand.”

  “Sometimes we don’t think things should be easy.”

  Seren murmured her agreement. “Also. I’ve got a cowbell I want to give you.”

  “Okay.”

  “I know it’s silly, but I think you’re gonna love it. And I was wondering if you’d like the door knocker. You know the cow that’s out front?”