Alec approached. “Is it true?”

  ″Lord Harwich, I am so terribly sorry.”

  Tears filled her eyes and Alec feared that she’d fall into hysterics.

  ″Are you certain Miss Regina did not get out of the house?” He had to know. If the servants were safe, why wasn’t Regina?

  ″She had fled up the stairs because we could hear her calling. Then we smelled the smoke and were able to go down the back stairs, the servants’ stairs, and out through our entrance,” she explained.

  ″She never came out?” he asked.

  ″We did not see her leave from the back, and nobody saw her leave from the front. The first of those who got out had gone around to the front, but the fire was already filling the entry and the stairs.

  His stomach tightened as he glanced over to the ruins. Regina was likely in there, and he couldn’t bear it.

  ″Are all the servants accounted for?” Alec asked.

  ″Everyone except Humphrey, Lord Rennick’s butler.”

  ″And Lord Rennick, I understand he is gone as well?”

  Beth nodded. “It is a horrible tragedy.”

  ″Does anyone know how the fire started?”

  She shook her head again. “No. Had Miss Regina not been awake, and yelled up to us, it is likely we would all be in there.”

  If nobody knew for certain then there was still hope. There had to be hope. Regina couldn’t be gone. He’d not accept it.

  Bow Street Runners had arrived to investigate, and they were picking through debris. Alec noticed that one was Lord Matthias Strotham, the third son of Marquess Shomberg, who had chosen to pursue being an investigator over the church or military. He and Alec had attended Eton together.

  ″Is there any chance Lord Rennick and his daughter were able to survive?” Alec asked him.

  Lord Matthias shook his head. “Did you know the family?”

  Alec wanted to confess that he was in love with Regina, but he’d protect her reputation always. Even in death. “Acquaintances,” he lied.

  ″It is impossible for the father, daughter, or the butler to have survived,” Lord Matthias confirmed.

  ″Are you certain?” Alec pressed. His mind couldn’t accept the possibility that she was gone forever, and it took everything in his being not to march inside and start digging through the rubble, hoping to find Regina alive. He’d not been there to protect her. He’d vowed to protect her, yet he hadn’t been here when she had needed him the most.

  Alec willed himself not to cry. He couldn’t. Not in front of so many people, most of them strangers.

  He might not have been able to protect her life, but he was not going to destroy her reputation in death.

  His heart squeezed painfully.

  She was dead. Gone. Lost to him forever.

  The aching pain was so deep that his heart must have shattered. There was nothing for him any longer.

  Slowly he walked back to his set of rooms, packed his belongings, and returned to Willanton.

  Chapter 2

  Foxwell Park, Wales, December, 1815

  * * *

  Regina glanced about the parlor with its polished wood floors, white walls, muted blue settee with matching chairs, and dark blue draperies. The mahogany tables were all familiar and hadn’t changed in the past ten years, but it felt foreign to her now. It was so long ago that she’d visited with her grandmother and taken tea in this room. She had so many fond memories, but Regina no longer felt comfortable here, nor did the estate where she was raised feel like home.

  She was lost in a way. Not certain what her future held. Her heart still ached for Alec, but it was best if he believed her dead, gone. She couldn’t face his pity and he was so good and kind that he’d not reject her. It wasn’t fair to him, and she also feared putting him in danger. Therefore, she must put him behind her and forget, just as she intended to put her past away for good. She only had one task to complete and then she could face her future.

  ″Are you certain you are up to this?” her cousin asked.

  Joseph Rutledge, the newest Viscount Rennick sat across from her, concern in his blue eyes. The Rutledge blue eyes.

  ″Yes,” Regina answered and pulled the veil forward to shield her face. She tried to avoid forcing others to look at her scars whenever possible. It was for them, and herself because Regina hated nothing more than seeing pity.

  ″Your hands are shaking,” he noted.

  ″It is one of the difficult days,” she answered honestly. If wine or any form of spirits were kept in the dower cottage, she may have poured a glass and lied to herself that it wouldn’t do her any harm.

  ″We can wait if you are not feeling up to this meeting,” Joseph offered.

  ″Whether it be today or a year from today, I will feel the same,” she said. “It is time. I cannot hide here any longer.”

  ″Very well.” Joseph sighed as he stood. “I’ll return shortly.”

  Joseph had not expected to inherit so soon, though everyone knew that he was the heir apparent, the only son of her father’s younger brother. Uncle Charles had died three years earlier. Joseph now lived in the manor that had been part of the Rutledge family estate for the past six generations, and it was no longer Regina’s home.

  She was still welcome within, but for her safety and those who resided inside the manor, it was decided it was best that she hide in the dower cottage. Joseph claimed that he was allowing the use by a friend who was a recluse. The servants thought he kept a mistress within, especially since he visited so often. Neither he nor Regina cared what anyone thought, so long as they didn’t know the truth.

  Humphrey, the former butler to Regina’s father, had arranged for a few servants to see to Regina’s care and only those who would hold her secret, which was why she’d been able to spend these last months recovering without fear of being found.

  Nobody would ever know she had survived, and she would no longer go by the name of Miss Regina Rutledge. She needed to disappear for good once she’d given her statement. The decision had been made once Lord Matthias, the investigator for Bow Street concluded that it was likely Vickery would go free because it was her father who had started the fire and Vickery had stabbed him in self-defense. No matter how much Regina claimed it was murder, the facts were that Vickery had stabbed Regina’s father only after he’d swung at him with the fire iron as if the intentional three knife wounds following were of no consequence.

  As much as she and Humphrey had wished to put all the blame on Vickery, they both knew that they had to tell the truth of what they’d seen. Her father struck first and second, only then was he stabbed, and it was her father who had started the fire. Regina hadn’t known at the time of the altercation she witnessed that her father’s butler was standing behind her, witnessing it as well.

  For her safety, it was imperative that everyone believed she died. This had been the decision of the Bow Street Runner, Lord Matthias, who had investigated her father’s death and the fire. Despite her death, Vickery remained vocal that had Regina survived, he would have made claim to her for the humiliation she’d caused and then discard her as his mistress when he tired of her. It was only fitting since she raised her skirts for others in London and no longer deserved the respect of being called a wife. It was Lord Matthias’ fear that if Vickery learned the truth, his pride would require that he make good on his boastfulness, which left Regina in danger.

  Sometimes Regina even wished she’d died. Then shook the thought away.

  She’d been saved, or Humphrey had saved her, but her life would never be the same.

  ″Miss Rutledge,” Lord Matthias greeted as he followed Joseph into the parlor. “It is good to see you again.”

  ″Thank you,” she murmured, wishing to have this behind her.

  Lord Matthias was here for a full, detailed statement regarding the events leading up to and including the night of the fire, or at least the best that she could recall. He still hoped to one day charge Vickery with the death of her father, but she knew that such was futile.

  However, that wasn’t the only reason he was here today.

  After she’d told him everything that she remembered, Lord Matthias withdrew papers from his satchel. “Your new identity with a complete background of where you were born, educated, and letters of reference. The couples have been contacted and will give a positive recommendation and swear that they had employed you as a governess for the time listed.”

  She simply blinked at him. Was this how spies operated when they took on a new persona? Except, she wasn’t sneaking off to gain information for the crown. She was sneaking off to Scotland in hopes of obtaining a position as governess in the home of Lord McGowan. She’d never met him, nor could she even remember being at the same functions as he, so it was unlikely he’d recognize her.

  ″I wish that you would remain here,” Joseph insisted.

  ″I cannot,” Regina answered. “Your mother and sisters will arrive in two days and take up residence in the manor. We cannot risk them learning that I’m alive.”

  ″But, to cease to exist. Are you certain this is what you want? What of friends, the rest of your family? You will not be able to see them again.”

  It pained her that he was correct, but it was Alec she did this for. She’d sacrifice everything so that he could be free of her and hopefully find happiness with another.

  Tomorrow, she would travel to Scotland to begin her new life.

  Briar Crest Abbey, Willanton, January 1816

  * * *

  Once Alec returned home, he put all his attention to Turner Textiles, which he owned with his cousin. Together they considered ways to make it more profitable and to become the best textile mill in England. He took to raising sheep, something he hadn’t considered in the past. He purchased even more land and more sheep. He worked from the moment the sun rose and until it set, and sometimes later.

  He avoided sleep and the quiet and did absolutely everything possible to keep the memories away and buried his aching heart. When work wasn’t enough, he turned to brandy.

  His cousin, Preston Ambrose, Viscount Melcombe, knew that he’d met someone in London, and she’d stolen Alec’s heart and that Alec had lost her. Alec never provided Preston with a name, or why the woman would never be his. It would remain his secret because Alec would continue to honor Regina and never disclose what they had done in secret.

  Alec dreaded the coming Season, but he would attend, and he would find a wife. This time it would be someone pleasant, attractive, and a woman he could somehow find the desire to bed. If he wasn’t in need of an heir and a spare, Alec would never consider marriage. Now, he’d only do so out of necessity to the title.

  At least his cousin, Preston, would travel with him. He’d promised to help Alec find the woman who would suit him best, and who wouldn’t mind living in the village so far away from London. Though it was likely Preston would be married by the time Spring came around, Alec intended to hold his cousin to his promise.

  Turning, he walked to the window. The snow still fell, and it was deeper than he ever recalled in all his years of living here. The snow was the reason he’d remained in today. He was to have had a meeting with Preston and their solicitor about the future of Turner Textiles, but he couldn’t bring himself to leave the manor. The weather was a perfect excuse, and he might as well remain within, beside a warm fire, get bloody foxed, and try not to think of Regina.

  Instead, he’d think of London and what he hoped to find in the coming Spring

  Alec knew that he’d never be happy again, nor would he ever love. He couldn’t endure such a loss a second time. Further, he wasn’t certain he had the capacity to love any longer.

  The newssheets that contained the accounting of the fire and the investigation were stacked at the corner of his desk. Humphrey, the butler, had witnessed the entire event, along with Regina and an unknown maid. Her name had not been disclosed because she feared retribution from Vickery. Given what Alec had heard about the man, he didn’t blame her for remaining anonymous.

  If Humphrey and the maid got out, why hadn’t Regina? Everyone thought Humphrey had been lost to the flames, so was it possible that Regina had somehow survived?

  He shook the question away.

  If she had survived, he would know. She would have come to him or at least sent word, especially since she was now free. The fact that she didn’t mean she had truly been lost to him and he must accept that fact and live with the guilt.

  Everything that had occurred that night was his fault. Had he not loved Regina and had he not taken her into the gardens, there wouldn’t have been a reason for someone to spy on them and she’d be alive today.

  It was his fault for not keeping his hands and lips to himself. It was his fault for not being able to control his passion. It was his fault for not walking away from Regina because she was betrothed to another. It was Alec who had caused her death. Vickery may have been the instrument, but it was a result of the actions of Alec and that was something he’d live with for the rest of his life.

  What did plague him, however, was that even though Vickery claimed witnesses, as in more than one, had seen Regina in the gardens with a man, his name was never mentioned. If they’d seen her, then they’d seen him, so why wasn’t Alec’s name listed as the gentleman who had ruined Regina? It wasn’t as if he were a powerful lord whom people feared. Even Vickery claimed that he’d not been given a name. If Alec had been in Vickery’s place, he would have demanded to know the name, and then called the gentleman out.

  It was likely that he’d never learn, though Alec was grateful that he’d not been tied to the scandal.

  Chapter 3

  Edinburgh, Scotland, March 1816

  * * *

  Regina, though she now went by the name given to her by Lord Matthias—Miss Pearl Pierce—paced the front sitting room of the Downing Employment Services, her nerves taut and stomach in knots. She glanced around the room tastefully decorated in peaches, muted green, and cream, more fitting for a parlor than an employment agency. Even the servants were no different than one would come across in a proper household owned by anyone in society.

  ″Mrs. Downing will see you now.”

  Regina took a deep breath and stepped forward to follow the butler. He led her into the office across the entry from where she’d been told to wait. Mrs. Downing’s office conveyed warmth and was decorated in lavender and cream. An older woman with greying hair, but a welcoming smile motioned for Regina to take a seat on the other side of the delicate cherry wood desk.

  Regina grasped her reticule tightly, settled into a carved, wooden chair, and kept her posture erect, shoulders back, chin straight and level.

  ″I have reviewed your experience, Miss Pierce, and letters of reference,” she announced. “However, I have nothing from your last employer, Lord McGowan.”

  Regina took a deep breath and wished she could block from her memory what she’d witnessed within that household but could not. She just prayed that when she shared the truth with Mrs. Downing, she’d not think poorly of Regina. She desperately needed this woman to find her a position in another household. “I was retained by Lord McGowan to be a governess for his daughter at the start of the year. The daughter, a five-year-old, was delightful and a joy to teach.”

  ″Why did you leave?”

  ″Lord McGowan was not delightful.”

  ″His wife?”

  ″She died in childbirth.”

  Mrs. Downing nodded and made a note. “What complaints do you have of Lord McGowan?”

  Regina’s face heated. “Lord McGowan enjoyed house parties. They are not the normal house party one might expect in polite Society.” She knew this to be a fact because she had attended several before her disappearance. “His parties included bachelors, and women er…women that…they were not respectable misses and ladies of the ton. They were invited for a specific purpose.”

  ″I see.” Mrs. Downing raised an eyebrow, set her pencil aside, and leaned back. “Go on.”

  ″I learned within a month that when Lord McGowan was entertaining, it was best not to leave the nursery floor. I had come across too many um…encounters that should have remained private, shall we say.” Those memories caused Regina’s face to burn hotter. “Therefore, at my request, the maids would deliver all meals to our floor, and we remained behind closed doors until the guests had departed.”

  ″If you were not required to be present, why the need to leave?”

  ″Because on two occasions it was necessary that I go to the kitchens and, even though I used the servants’ stairs, I was accosted by a guest. I was not ruined, I can assure you, but I found myself declining his invitation with force. Once the guests knew I was above stairs, they would visit and knock on the locked door and beg me to join them. This always happened late in the evening and after they were deep in their cups.” Otherwise, no man wanted her, of that she was acutely aware. Too many had turned away from her on the rare occasions she’d been seen in the light of day. “I no longer felt safe in Lord McGowan’s home, and decided to leave, knowing he would not write a letter of reference.”

  She’d said what she needed without providing details. Regina hadn’t even asked for her wages for her last two weeks because she wanted to be out of that household.

  ″You are not the first servant who has come to this agency with similar stories of Lord McGowan’s parties,” Mrs. Downing assured her. “The others had been maids. You are the first governess, but I do not doubt what you have told me.”

  Regina inwardly sighed, though it didn’t guarantee that Mrs. Downing would help her find a position.

  ″I presume you hope to find another position as a governess,” Mrs. Downing confirmed.

  ″Yes, please.”