As soon as they were under way, Tess came and sat beside her. “Are you okay? I didn’t have a chance to ask if you get seasick or are scared of boats.”

  “Not scared, just excited,” Britt said, feeling a heavy whumph as the boat passed out of the bay and onto the open ocean. A spray of water misted across her face, leaving a salty taste on her tongue. The wind tugged at her braid, and Tess reached over and tucked a loose strand behind her ear. Britt had started to shiver from cold, but Tess’s touch left a trail of heat across her skin.

  Tess let her fingers linger for a long moment before she moved her hand away. “I remember when we first met. You didn’t have a single hair out of place, even on such a windy day.”

  Britt raised her hand and felt the side of her face where Tess had touched her. She expected to find blistered skin given the way Tess had spread warmth over her, but her skin felt as smooth as always. “The ocean and I spent some time fighting over my hair,” she said. “I was so shaken by running away from home and my job that I needed to feel like I still had control over at least some small aspect of my life, and for some reason I fixated on keeping my hair from looking windblown. I didn’t really care how it looked, I just wanted to be able to manage something. I eventually gave up, though, after reading about animal testing and how bad hairspray is for the environment.”

  Tess rested her arm along the back of the bench, alternating between looking at Britt and scanning the horizon, presumably for killer whale fins. She seemed unconcerned by the boat’s shuddering progress as it picked up speed and left the shore far behind, and Britt decided to follow her lead and not worry about the boat disintegrating out from under her. Besides, she was far too distracted by Tess’s arm lying within inches of her shoulders to care whether they capsized or not.

  “You seem to have collected a lot of causes. Killer whales, wolves, the anti-hairspray movement. What else have you been contemplating?”

  Britt pictured the mind map she had made to counteract her Crimes I’ve Committed Against the Environment list. Every time she tried to research one way she could make a difference, she found five more possibilities to explore.

  “Well, when I finally leave La Push, I might buy a tiny home. I’ve kind of been living the lifestyle already since my cabin is maybe two hundred square feet. It might not count, though, since I still have all my furniture in my old house and I have a storage unit in Forks for most of my things. But I definitely plan to downsize. Reduce my carbon footprint. I’ve become a vegetarian, for the most part, and I want to try to be a vegan. And eat locally, even though it’s pretty limiting in La Push. Oh, and go to one of those Slow Food meetings. I want to adopt a black dog, volunteer to play with the homeless cats at adoption centers, get a hybrid car, start composting once I get settled in a new home, and trade out all my cleaning supplies and cosmetics for non-animal-tested ones.”

  Britt paused and took a deep breath. The list was overwhelming, and she had barely covered one quarter of the ideas she had.

  “Gee, is that all?” Tess asked. “I hope you don’t need to work for a living, because you aren’t going to have time to get a job.”

  Britt sighed and leaned her head back but bounced upright again when the nape of her neck came in contact with Tess’s arm. “I figure it will get easier as I incorporate each step into my life. I planned to start with one thing and add others once I’m accustomed to doing the first one, but they all seem important and I can’t decide what to do first.”

  “Or you could decide what matters most to you and focus on it instead of trying to do everything. Unless you really want to be in your tiny house making slow vegan food for you and your dog. At least you’ll be able to toss the meals you don’t like onto your compost heap.”

  Britt laughed because Tess was joking, but she had identified one of Britt’s main worries. She didn’t seem to have a passion for anything. Not like Tess did, or the others who had applied for her grant. She thought killer whales and wolves were beautiful and important, but she didn’t have a driving need to devote her life to them. She would be content doing so, but she would be taking on someone else’s cause if she did. She doubted she’d ever find her own niche and would instead spend the rest of her life trying in vain to emulate everyone who did something positive for the environment.

  Melissa came over to them, and Britt welcomed the interruption of their conversation. She liked talking to Tess, but she got tired just thinking of all the things she needed to be doing. Or to stop doing. She felt as if she needed to turn her life inside out to finally live the way she should, and she had to be careful not to be swayed by other people’s agendas. She felt weirdly young and impressionable instead of competent and confident. She had always enjoyed the company of strong, opinionated people like Cammie and David and Tess because she had been focused and driven toward her own purpose. Now she had to protect her fledgling dreams in a way she hadn’t experienced for a long time.

  “We’re at the coordinates, but we haven’t seen any sign of the whales. No other reports have come in.”

  “Let’s lower the hydrophone and listen for a bit. We probably missed them, though,” Tess said. Melissa nodded and went back the way she had come. “I’m sorry, Britt. I was hoping to get a chance to show you the killer whales.”

  “It’s okay. I had fun out here, anyway.” She was surprised by how enjoyable the visit to the Center had been. She had been expecting an awkward encounter with Tess after their mess of an interview, but they had moved quickly past the apologies and back to companionship. She had learned more about killer whales and she would never look at sea otters the same way again. Unfortunately, she didn’t feel any closer to discovering a clear direction for her life, aside from the realization that she liked being around Tess. She wouldn’t have any excuse to see her again, though, since once she decided who would get the grant, their connection would be gone.

  Melissa was sitting on the other side of the boat, wearing bulky headphones and an intense look of concentration on her face. She glanced at Tess and shook her head, giving her a thumbs-down sign.

  “Does this happen a lot, where you follow sightings and just miss seeing the whales?”

  “Sometimes. Especially with the offshore orcas because their patterns are still unpredictable to us and the area is so vast. It’s easier to pinpoint the location of a pod in Puget Sound or the San Juans. This is part of the reason why we don’t know as much about the offshore whales as the others. Well, I’ll go help them pack up the equipment and we’ll head back to the Center.” Tess stood up but didn’t leave right away. “I’m glad you came today, Britt.”

  “Me, too.” Britt thought Tess was about to say something else, but she just smiled and headed back to where Melissa and Jake were working. Britt sighed and leaned back against the railing. For a second, she had thought Tess might be about to ask her out again, which was ridiculous. They couldn’t date while the Center was in contention for the grant. Besides, Britt had already been clear about not wanting a no-strings relationship, and as far as Tess knew, she still had a girlfriend. But despite all the reasons to say no, she knew in her heart her answer would have been a foolish yes. Luckily, Tess hadn’t asked.

  Yeah. Luckily. She closed her eyes and let the steep rocking motion of the trawler ease her mind.

  Chapter Twelve

  Tess got back to the house and reached into the back seat of her car to get the grocery bags. She had spent the drive to Forks sorting through her feelings about the day. Nothing was on an even keel when it came to Britt. The abrupt swing from anger at the diner to relief when Britt arrived this morning was tiring on its own, but just the normal parts—when the two of them were talking and sharing ideas—were intense as well. Tess liked spending time with her, and she had almost caved at the end of the boat trip and asked Britt if they could see each other again, but she hadn’t been able to think of a reasonable excuse for them to spend more time together.

  She walked up to the porch and balanced two of the bags against her thigh while she struggled to get the key her mom had given her out of her jeans pocket. She eventually gave up and used her foot to bang on the door.

  Kelly answered the door and crossed her arms over her chest. “There you are. Always keeping us waiting.”

  “A little help here?” Tess relinquished a few of the bags to Kelly and came inside, kicking the door shut behind her. “Does Dad need something? Or are we having another Hansen family fun night? Pictionary? Or s’mores and a sing-along in the backyard?”

  “None of the above,” Kelly said, putting her bags on the kitchen counter and rummaging through one for items for the refrigerator. “Mom took Justin shoe shopping, so it’s time for your first guitar lesson.”

  “Really? I thought you’d back out of your promise to teach me.” Her interest in learning to play had waned a bit in the past few days. She tended to go hot and cold with most pursuits, playing with hobbies and girlfriends for a short time before getting distracted by something new. Marine biology was one of the rare topics that held her attention on a permanent basis. Her friends were the same, and her affection for them never wavered. She wasn’t overly eager to play an instrument anymore, or to spend quality sister time with Kelly, but at least the lesson offered to distract her from thoughts of Britt for a little while.

  They quickly put the groceries away, and then Tess checked on her dad. He was taking a nap with the television still on and was resting peacefully for once. She knew the addition of physical therapy exercises had made him uncomfortably sore for a few days, especially because he had taken every pain pill she brought him without a peep. His body seemed to be adjusting to the new work, though. She refilled his water glass, setting it close by the bed on his nightstand, and quietly left the room, shutting the door behind her. She left the TV on because it would mask the sound of the guitar.

  Kelly was in her usual place on the couch when Tess came in. As Tess sat down and watched her tune the guitar, she realized Kelly had been at the house nearly every day since Tess had arrived. Was she always here so often, or did she possibly—unbelievably—want to spend time with Tess? No way. The more likely explanation was Justin. He liked being around her, and Kelly probably came over here for his sake.

  “Have you taken any music lessons before?”

  “Nope. I listen to music all the time, though.”

  “Yay for you. We’ll start from scratch, then. Hold the guitar on your lap like this…”

  Kelly might be an annoying sister, but she made a decent teacher. Most of the stuff seemed fairly easy. Strumming, making chords. Tess listened with half her attention and used the rest to think about Britt. Did she play any instruments? She wouldn’t have a chance to in the future if she kept up with her ridiculous plan to right every environmental wrong she had ever committed. She was going to burn herself out. Get so frustrated by her inability to be a superhuman that she’d decide to go back to the chemical plant…

  “What are you doing? I just taught you the G chord, but your fingering is all wrong.”

  Tess wanted to tell her she could produce a dozen women who would say her fingering was just right, but Kelly didn’t seem to be in the mood for jokes. “It was hard to keep my index finger way over there, so I just changed positions.”

  “You can’t just decide where you want your fingers to go. Chords are specific, not random. Didn’t you hear how out of tune you sounded?”

  “Sure.” Tess hesitated. “During what part?”

  “You’re hopeless,” Kelly said, trying to pull the guitar out of Tess’s hands, but Tess didn’t want to let it go. “No wonder our sonar experiments didn’t work.”

  Tess rubbed an imaginary sore spot on her forehead while still managing to keep the guitar out of Kelly’s grasp. The two of them had spent weeks trying to use echolocation like dolphins, bumbling around the house with their eyes closed and emitting high pitched squeaks. Their mother had ended the game when Tess crashed into the corner of a shelf, shattering one of her grandmother’s vases and getting bloodstains on the carpet. “I remember those experiments. They were your idea, not mine.”

  “If you’re going to keep hold of the guitar, at least practice the chord again,” Kelly said, manipulating Tess’s fingers into an uncomfortable position on the fretboard of the guitar. “I know they were my idea. I was the one who got you interested in dolphins and killer whales because I liked them first. You copied me, like always.”

  “Did not,” Tess said, grimacing at the babyish expression and tone of voice. She had fallen in love with the sea creatures on her own, when she had run away. Although those echolocation games had taken place before…“Hey, you did. I remember stealing your orca stuffed animal from your bed. You had such a fit, I figured it must be something special.”

  “And I used to read those Quileute blackfish myths to you by candlelight when the power was out, about the orcas using their songs to heal souls and bring rain.” Kelly wrenched Tess’s index finger back into place.

  “Ow!” She examined the pads of her left-hand fingertips, where the steel strings had left red dents in her skin. She wasn’t sure how she felt about sharing her love of killer whales with Kelly. They belonged to Tess, setting her apart from her family and making her unique. She kept her gaze on her hand, running her thumb over the small welts and not meeting Kelly’s eyes. “Do you ever regret not making them your career like I did?”

  “No,” Kelly said, with no trace of doubt in her voice. “I love orcas in a more metaphysical way, not in a scientific way like you do. Although you seem to have both kinds of feelings for them, as you talked about in your book.”

  Tess looked at her in surprise. “You read my book?”

  Kelly scowled and took advantage of Tess’s lapse of attention, pulling the guitar away from her. “Yes. I still read, even though I’m a mom and wife. I read anything I can find about killer whales. Plus, you’re my sister. Of course I read your book.”

  She plucked out a simple lullaby while Tess processed the conversation. Her book had been making a surprising number of appearances today, from the god-awful display Melissa and Jake had sprung on her to Kelly’s revelation. She thought about the expression on Britt’s face when she had been reading the back of the book. Tess wondered if Britt would get a copy and read it. She seemed to study every subject she came across in depth, and Tess wouldn’t be surprised if she saw the book as another resource to help her make the decision about the grant. Britt would see more of Tess, too, in those pages. Although some of the book dealt with the harsh reality of the killer whale’s history and current situation in the Northwest, most of it was Tess’s personal and visceral ode to a vanishing species.

  She watched Kelly softly strum the guitar, her loose dark hair falling over the side of her face and throwing her cheekbones into shadow. Tess had spent years trying to shield herself from her family, but she felt pleased—or maybe relieved—to know Kelly had seen the real Tess on those pages. And the thought of Britt reading her words and understanding her more deeply made something tremble inside her stomach.

  Then Tess thought about the acknowledgments in her book, and the stories of her first encounters with killer whales. Kelly was nowhere to be found in there, and Tess had forgotten how much a part of the story she really was. Out of habit, she turned her guilt into an offensive attack, even though it was a half-hearted one.

  “You’ve never come to see me at Evergreen,” she said. “If you love killer whales so much, you might have been interested in coming to visit the lab.”

  Kelly stopped playing and glared at her. “Did you ever ask?”

  “No. I would never have expected you to say yes.”

  Kelly shook her head and mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like Such an idiot!

  Tess took a deep breath. The conversation had two possible routes to take. It could devolve into yet another petty argument between the sisters, or Tess could try a different tack.

  “I’ve been working at the marine center. Well, volunteering for now. If you wanted to come out on the boat sometime, you’re welcome to, and you could bring Justin. We might not see killer whales, but there are usually lots of seals and minke whales.”

  Her tone still sounded belligerent, but at least the words were nicer than her usual ones.

  “I’d like that,” Kelly answered with an equally quarrelsome tone that belied her words. “Thank you for finally asking.”

  Tess shook her head. Leave it to Kelly to keep the moment from getting too sappy.

  Kelly handed her the guitar again. “Let’s try those chords one more time. You can’t be completely hopeless.”

  She took the instrument and attempted to stretch her fingers into the unnatural positions Kelly seemed to find comfortable and easy. Tess would have quit, but she had a sudden vision of herself serenading a potential lover. She was doing quite well in the romance department—when she wasn’t in Forks, at least—but adding dreamy guitar playing to her seduction repertoire couldn’t hurt. She did her best to ignore the image of Britt listening to her play, and watching her fingers gently strum the notes…

  She and Kelly winced at the same time. “Well, at least I could tell I was playing the chord wrong that time,” Tess said, struggling to get her fingers to cooperate. At this rate, she’d be attracting more howling coyotes than women, but practice would make perfect.

  Chapter Thirteen