“No! I didn’t have a choice. I was always loyal to you. I didn’t have a choice. I didn’t kill your family. It wasn’t me. I did everything you asked for. I was prepared to trade my life. What more could I do, Ahmad? Now you have my mother. You can’t kill her! She’s all I have in the world! You can’t kill her!” I cried, saying the words, pleading over and over again. I had worked myself into a frenzy. More coughs erupted from my chest and out of my mouth. “Help me!” I cried out. “I’m going to die!”

  “Enough!” Lisa screamed. “She is hallucinating to the point of hysteria. Give her the medicine, or you’ll send her into cardiac arrest. This is a lot on her body. You’ve overdone it! Stop it, right now!” she demanded. “You have taken things too far, too many times now, Dr. Clemons. You’re bordering on inhumane and unethical practices, and I’ll not stand for it anymore,” she gritted.

  The doctor squinted his eye and rounded on Lisa, like he was about to snatch her voice box out.

  “You listen to me, Nurse Sanders. This is my test subject and my test. I say when it’s enough. You do as I tell you to do, and you shut your mouth. I am the boss here,” Dr. Clemons gritted. Then he came beside my bed and flashed his light in my face again. “If I want to kill her right now, it is my prerogative. When these nobodies are sent here, I get to do as I please with them. Who is going to care? All of a sudden, you have so many morals? Yeah, right. If you did, you wouldn’t work here. I get to do as I please. Nobody can stop me, and with them, nobody cares,” he said with a hint of sick satisfaction in his tone.

  I heard his words, but I couldn’t believe my ears. It was a lot to handle. I had never thought of myself as a nobody or someone who would ever be in the position where I had no one who cared about me. My heart was breaking. It was worse than any pain I had ever experienced.

  “She is still a human being,” Lisa challenged. “You still have standards to work by. You can’t do all of this. I don’t care what you say! This is wrong.”

  “Nurse Sanders, you can be excused if you can’t stomach what we do here. We’ve spoken about this before,” Dr. Clemons said. “You can also be released. I don’t have a problem with either. Or you can get on board and do your job in silence, which is what we actually pay you to do. Now I won’t hear another word from you, or you’ll be locked out of here and I’ll have your nursing license in my shredder by morning.”

  “Mommy! I’m so sorry! I just wanted to make things better. Just kill me, Ahmad, and let my mother go! It is me that you want! I was the one who brought all of the heat to your door and pulled the lid off of your business!” I cried out. The images of Ahmad and my mother faded in and out. “Mommy! Don’t go! Please stay!” I screamed.

  “Shut her up. Administer more heavy sedation before the drug dosage. She is ready for the next phase immediately,” Dr. Clemons said, nodding toward his flunkies.

  The orderlies, or whatever they were, immediately surrounded me. My heart rattled in my chest, but there was nothing else they could do to me that would hurt me more than I’d already been hurt. I gave up at that moment. Whatever was going to happen must’ve been my fate from the beginning, I reasoned with myself. I kept screaming out for my mother. I kept asking for God’s forgiveness.

  After a few minutes, one of those huge guys grabbed me by my hair and yanked my head.

  “Agh!” I screamed. I felt like my neck would pop. I don’t know how after all of those hours, I hadn’t gone into shock.

  “Get off of me! Get the fuck off of me!” I screeched so loudly that my throat itched. It took every ounce of strength I had to get those words to come out. “Fuck all of you! You’re all going to burn in hell for what you’re doing!”

  I felt blood rushing to places on my body that I didn’t know even existed. I mustered up all of the strength I could—and trust me, it was not a lot. I managed to buck my body wildly. All of my fighting efforts were to no avail.

  Of course, they were stronger than me. Of course, I wasn’t going to be able to break free, but it just made me feel slightly better inside to try.

  The man holding me finally let go of the fistful of my hair he had been roughly grabbing. He released me with so much force that my head slammed to the bed. I was dazed for a few seconds, but not for long. I was brought back to reality when I felt the last syringe plunge into my thigh. The force was so great that I swore it broke off in my muscle.

  “You don’t have such a big mouth now, huh?” the orderly hissed. “This time, we get to enjoy you as a reward.”

  “Please don’t hurt me anymore,” I slurred. I had no idea what he meant by that, but I was certain they would make sure I found out.

  “It is too late for that. You are here for good, and there’s only one way out of here,” Dr. Clemons whispered next to my ear. “The only way out is through me. I say when, or you’ll be mine forever.”

  The next thing I knew, blackness engulfed me. I couldn’t tell if I was dead or alive.

  13

  MY MIND PLAYING TRICKS ON ME

  The ticking sound from a clock somehwere in the room seemed loud in my ears.

  Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. It was like my senses were hypersensitive because I would swear that clock was right up against my ear.

  I hadn’t heard that sound before. A ticking clock was something I would’ve remembered. Most of the clocks I’d seen since I’d been snatched into this nightmare were big digital ones, with glowing green numbers. A clock with a second hand was odd, and it was different from anything I’d seen here. It was the first sign that something was drastically different.

  A chill shot down my back. I knew instinctively I was in a different place than I’d been when I blacked out . . . again. My eyes fluttered open and landed straight on the bright white paint on the ceiling. It was so bright, it stung to look at it. I turned my head slightly and, through caged windows, I could see the sky outside.

  That was a first. I hadn’t been in a place with windows in weeks, or maybe it was months by now. I’d lost count of days and times. I’d lost count of the last time I’d actually seen my mother or had spoken to her. I’d lost all sense of who I was and where I belonged.

  “You’re awake,” Dr. Clemons said, with a sly smile on his lips.

  I jumped at the sound of his voice. I wasn’t expecting him, nor had I seen him lurking. I darted my eyes around frantically.

  “Where am I? What—what is going on?” I asked. My voice was gruff and shaky with apprehension.

  There was no one else in the room. That was a first. Usually, he had a group of doctors with him, or Lisa would be there, or even the armed guards or a CO or two. When I realized we were alone, I grew suspicious right away.

  “No need to worry,” Dr. Clemons said. Then he moved closer to me.

  “No,” I said, but it was too late. He stuck me. I was so sick of being drugged, it wasn’t even funny. I had huge purple marks on my arms and legs from all of the injections. The shit was out of hand now.

  “Ms. Heiress, you’re a beautiful woman,” Dr. Clemons said, smiling like he’d been friendly all of this time.

  I heard the lust in his voice. I was very adept at picking up lust in men’s voices. As a child navigating a family full of perverted uncles, I knew the tone right away. It was the first time Dr. Clemons had changed from all scientific and business to this. I was high from whatever he’d given me, but I wasn’t so high that I couldn’t tell this was different. He wasn’t doing any medical testing.

  “Your skin is so soft,” he said, running his hand down my face.

  I whipped my head to the right and shrank away from his touch.

  Dr. Clemons grabbed my arm tightly and moved his face closer to mine. He held on to my arm like he could sense that I wanted to run away.

  “If you fight, it just turns me on,” he said. He wore a wicked smile. Then he let out a sick laugh, which caused every hair on my body to stand up.

  “Please don’t,” I slurred, barely able to get the words out.

  “Aw, you want to be nice now? This is all part of the punishment for what you did,” Dr. Clemons said, smiling like he’d actually said something funny.

  When he smiled, I saw how the evil played out over his face. It was like I was left alone with the Devil.

  “I am here against my will,” I said, my eyes going low. “I have rights and you can’t do this to me. I know my rights. I will have you arrested,” I continued.

  Of course, it got me nowhere fast.

  “Your rights? You gave up all of those rights when you committed murder, and when you murdered the wrong person. No one cares about your rights anymore, Heiress. You’re mine now, and that’s that,” he said in an irritated tone. “I run this show, so you just better get used to it.”

  With that, Dr. Clemons pulled off the sheet, licked his lips, and began groping my titties and then my legs and ass as he stared at me. I swear, it was grossing me out.

  “Don’t!” I said, but that just seemed to spur him on even more.

  He stuck his hand up under the hospital gown and fiddled with my pussy. After a few minutes, I could feel his fingers penetrate me. I instinctively snapped my thighs shut tightly. That didn’t stop him, though.

  “No sense in fighting,” he said when he felt my resistance. “There’s a million ways I can make you give me what I want, but I will try the easy way first. I like the easy way, but the hard way turns me on too.” He continued acting and sounding like a freaking rapist.

  I swallowed hard, but I wasn’t budging.

  He forced my thighs apart and rammed two of his fingers inside me.

  “Oww! I swear, you won’t get away with this.” Tears drained out the sides of my eyes. I wished that I could spit fire at his disgusting ass.

  “I always do. No one cares that you’re here. You’re lost to the system now. You’re all mine to do as I please, when I please,” Dr. Clemons reminded me again.

  He probed my insides like the sick fuck that he was. He grabbed my hand and placed it down into his crotch. I closed my eyes and willed my brain to take me to another place mentally. Dr. Clemons used my hand to rub his dick through his pants. I swear, he was rubbing for about ten minutes and I could barely feel even the least little bit of anything. That meant he had the smallest dick I’d ever felt.

  He was grunting like a bear or some sort of animal as he forcefully groped himself, using my hand. I was so disgusted and angry. I could feel a knot growing in the pit of my stomach. I was fuming inside. I swore right there that if I ever got out of this, I would find a way to kill this sick bastard. I had nothing to fucking lose, anyway. Some people really deserved to die, and I decided in that moment that he was one of them.

  Dr. Clemons’s grimy hands moved all over my body. All I wanted to do was take a long, scalding-hot shower right then. As I rubbed his dick, I felt his cell phone in his pocket. My mind immediately perked up. I worked my hands until I made it fall out of his pocket and onto the bed. He was so into being a pervert that he didn’t even notice that it had fallen.

  I made a mental note to grab it before he saw it. I knew that phone was my only hope of an escape at this point. It was the only hope of getting some contact to anyone on the outside.

  “You ready for the next phase?” Dr. Clemons asked.

  Like he really thought I’d answer: Yes, baby, I am. He was truly sick.

  I looked around and I still didn’t see another soul. No Lisa. No guards in the room. No other patients. It was clear he’d brought me there to do his dirty deeds in secret. I wondered how many others he did this to in a day.

  Dr. Clemons climbed off of the bed and walked to the other side of the room. As soon as he did, I grabbed his cell phone and stuck it into the pillowcase. My heart was racing. I was scared he would miss his phone and start looking for it, and then he would figure out I had it and I’d be punished. There was no telling what he’d do.

  It looked like Dr. Clemons was feeling around in his pockets, like he was trying to find something. My teeth started chattering from my nerves. Shit! I hope he doesn’t realize it’s gone! I knew he was looking for his cell phone, so I hurried up and tried to get his mind off of it.

  “Somebody is going to find out about this,” I blurted. “You’ll be arrested and your cover will be blown. You can’t get away with what you’re doing. We have rights.”

  I was hoping I could distract him. It worked.

  He turned around on his heels, with a mean scowl on his face. He was distracted by his immediate anger over my threats. My plan had worked like a charm. He rushed over to me; his eyes squinted into dashes. In my head, I was screaming, Your dumb ass fell for it!

  “You need to shut your mouth. You talk too much, Heiress,” he growled. “I’m the boss around here and what I say goes. So it doesn’t matter who finds out about it. No one is coming to rescue you. Don’t you understand? Neither the system nor society cares about your black ass. Obviously, neither does your family, because we haven’t received one call from administration saying your family is looking for you. What does that tell you? You’re a nobody, and I can use you up and no one will care.”

  “You’re evil. And, like my grandmother always said, you can’t get away with evil without being repaid for it by karma. White devils always get what they deserve,” I shot back.

  At that point, it didn’t matter what he did to me. He couldn’t demoralize or dehumanize me any more than they already had in every way possible—and now he was taking it to an even lower point.

  Before I knew it, Dr. Clemons slapped me across the face. My head jerked incredibly hard; I felt like it would separate from my neck. My hand went up to my cheek and I tried to rub away the pain. It throbbed.

  “Take off everything,” he breathed, panting like a fire-breathing dragon.

  I closed my eyes, but I didn’t comply.

  “Suit yourself. We can do this the hard way,” he said. Then he moved closer to me. He leaned in and inhaled deeply, sniffing my hair, then moving to my tits and my groin.

  It was just sick. I felt myself gagging. The only thing keeping me sane was the fact that one good thing had come out of this: I had his cell phone.

  I could not understand his need to sniff me. I felt like bugs were crawling all over my skin. I was numb from all the shit I had been through, so I just lay there—motionless and emotionless. I thought about the cell phone in my pillow. Then I began picturing my mother’s face or something more pleasant so that I wouldn’t start screaming.

  After a few more minutes of groping, Dr. Clemons walked to the door and tapped on it three or four times, like he was summoning someone.

  I was confused and crinkled up my face. As if they’d been waiting all along, two men, dressed like the regular orderlies, came into the room. They were scrambling frantically to get to where I was lying. One of them grabbed my left arm and the other grabbed my right arm. I started flailing. Not again! I was so sick of this shit. I was living in a constant torture chamber in this place.

  “What are y’all doing?” I cried out.

  They didn’t answer. Instead, they stretched me out and then they tied my arms above my head. I got a good look at one of their faces and his name tag. It read: BARKER. I was going to remember him too. I was going to start compiling my revenge list for when or if I ever got out of here.

  “What the fuck? Get off of me!” I let out an ear-shattering scream.

  I knew it was all for nothing, though. I knew not a damn soul on the outside would hear me. They kept manhandling me and I could hear chains jingling. There was no way I was going to let them chain me down. They were going too damn far now.

  “What the fuck are you doing?!” I shrieked. I could feel my face filling up with blood. My temples pulsed.

  Then Dr. Clemons’s flunkies put my legs in some sort of leg irons. One thing I hated was to be tied down. I had a fear of restraints, so this position and constantly being tied up and strapped down was making me absolutely crazy.

  Tears ran down the sides of my eyes. I kept looking all around, and then I noticed that there were bondage and sadomasochistic tools on a little table. This bastard was obviously into pain, bondage, and torture-type sex. No wonder he had to use helpless prisoners.

  Now it was clear why that girl Lena had come back dripping blood after she’d been gone. I couldn’t even imagine what he had in store for me. I couldn’t imagine the atrocities he’d committed against women in the prison.

  My stomach churned and I fought against the restraints when I saw that stuff. I was pulling my hands and trying to kick my feet. My efforts were futile.

  After a few minutes, those orderlies got it done. I was secured tightly to that bed. My mind was running a million miles a minute. I had no idea what to expect from this sick fuck now. When the men all left, Dr. Clemons undressed himself.

  At first, I watched so I would know when he was coming for me. However, the more I looked at him, the more I was spurned to turn my eyes away. His body looked worse naked than it did with clothes on. He had a layer of red hair on his chest and stomach that resembled a nasty carpet. The hair was shaggy and straight. It covered him, and he looked like a caveman or a monkey. His stomach was a hard six-pack and his arms were full of thick, defined muscles, but his dick was tiny. No wonder he had to rape inmates; he probably couldn’t get a woman on his own.

  When Dr. Clemons came over to the bed, he was smiling evilly. I started bucking again, but it was useless once more. He was clearly amused at my efforts to get out of the restraints. He laughed. Standing over me, he bent down and put his face on top of mine.

  “Agh!” I screamed, and started squirming, but that was a big mistake.

  As soon as I opened my mouth wide to scream, Dr. Clemons stuck his tongue into my mouth.

  “Mmmm,” I grunted, trying to fight to move my head.

  He was holding my head in place, and the harder I fought, the more pain shot through my neck. He kissed me so deeply, I felt like I would swallow his tongue. He was pushing it practically down my throat. I was gagging and felt like I would throw up.