I swallowed hard and silently rattled off in my head what I needed to do. I had to keep my head in the game. I had to think back to some of the things I had heard Tedo and April say that day they were disposing of Terrell’s body. I had to put myself in a survival mind-set or I would lose the nerve to do exactly what it was that I needed to do.

  Then I had a thought: Did this dumb nigga secure the door?

  “Go secure the door to make sure no one comes in here,” I instructed. “That’s the last thing we need right now. Bad enough that before long they’re going to be looking for this guy.”

  Finally, I heard the locks click. The door was secured and I would have to set about doing the deed. I walked over to where the CO lay.

  “What the fuck are you doing? How the fuck did I get in here?” the CO murmured as he came into consciousness. His eyes locked with mine and I could see the shock registering on his face. “Wha-what are you doing with that?” he asked, nervousness dancing in his voice. He could see me holding the thick black tape and a wrench in my hands.

  Suddenly, I couldn’t move. I blinked wildly for a few seconds, but I was paralyzed, stuck. I don’t know what the combination of emotions was that took hold of me. Looking at the CO’s face, my mind reeled back to his actions, not only against the other girls, but against me too.

  * * *

  It had been another day when I’d been violently dragged out of a cell. As I had stood in the middle of the medical-testing facility room, I looked out into the crowd of doctors, orderlies, COs, and medical techs. I hated all of them. Some of them were dressed in their scrubs, some of them wore their uniforms, and some were in suits and ties, like this was their executive jobs.

  As I had darted my eyes from face to face, I could definitely tell the difference between the ones that were there for actual work and the ones that were there for their sick proclivities. The bastards had huge lust in their eyes, and it seemed to be oozing out. I had listened as the doctor said all sorts of things about my vital signs, my health history, and the past tests they’d run on me. It was like I wasn’t even human to them anymore.

  “Misty Heiress, here for murder. No family visits. Weight, one hundred fifty-one pounds. Breasts, thirty-six, D-cup. Waist, twenty-nine inches.” Everything about me had been rattled off like the stats of a sporting event. It was a demeaning and humiliating process.

  I had been growing angry inside by the minute as I watched all of them look at me and write notes about me like I was a lab specimen. I had kept seeing this CO lick his lips as he watched me.

  “Several more tests are needed to determine viability,” one of the doctors had said. “As such, we will take a look at her closer. Isolation is necessary.”

  I had been so busy listening and trying to figure out what they were going to do to me, I hadn’t realized just how preoccupied this CO seemed with me. When it was time for them to strip me for the testing, the doctors usually made most of the guards and COs leave the room. This day, though, they got to stay.

  I had seen him. I had known then that it wasn’t going to be a good result if I was left alone. I had been correct. I had been left alone, and the CO didn’t hesitate to take advantage of it.

  “What are you doing?” I had asked when he returned alone. “You’re not supposed to be in here.”

  The CO had laughed at me. “Don’t ask so many questions,” he had said, then grabbed his crotch.

  I had started to cry. “Don’t do this. Please,” I had begged.

  “It won’t take long. It never does,” he had replied. “You bitches turn me on so much.” He had been breathing heavy and sweating. Clearly, he had been excited by his dirty thoughts.

  I had tried to scream, but the CO had grabbed me by the neck and put his huge hand over my nose and mouth. I had realized if I didn’t stop, he’d suffocate me. My nails were dug into his hands.

  “Stop fighting and I’ll move it,” he had huffed, growing sexually excited by my fear.

  Finally, I had stopped trying to scream. I just wanted him to take his hands off of me. He moved his hand from my mouth and trailed them down my body.

  I had squeezed my eyes shut, realizing what was happening. I had lain there, my body stiff and rigid. I had held on to the sides of the sheets so hard, my knuckles had paled.

  He had raped me, again and again.

  I had felt a lot of anxiety, and had wanted to die . . . again. That had been the same feeling, over and over and over.

  “You feel so good,” the CO had panted in my ears, as if talking to me was going to change the fact that he was doing this against my will. “Tell me that it feels good for you too,” he had demanded. “Say it!”

  I had scrunched up my face and gagged.

  Is he fucking serious? No, it wasn’t good for me too! You disgusting bastard! You’re abusing my body and you’re asking if it’s good for me too? I had screamed inside my head.

  What came out of my mouth was much different. “Yes,” I had whimpered the lie. If I hadn’t, I think he would’ve continued until I did. I had just wanted it to be over.

  Just like the rest of those bastards, the CO had groped my tits and had put his hands in every orifice on my body. There had been no way I could fight back.

  I had tried really hard not to vomit on the CO and myself as he continued his assault for another few minutes. The longer it had gone on, the eviler I felt inside. I was having all types of murderous thoughts about the CO.

  This is what these people had made me into. I was picturing myself doing all types of violent sick shit to all of them. In that moment, I’d told myself if ever given a chance, I would torture them all.

  When the CO had finished, I let a wicked smile spread on my face. He probably thought I was excited by him, but I wasn’t.

  I had actually been thinking that this motherfucker had no idea what would be in store for him if I ever got my hands on him alone. He thought he could do sick, nasty, perverted shit to me, and get away with it forever. But he and the rest of them had no idea what I had in store for whichever one of them I got my hands on if I ever got out.

  * * *

  “Pl-please . . . what are you going to do to me?” the CO pled, snapping me out of my nightmare.

  “I’m going to do to you what you like,” I said, moving closer to him. “You remember all the sick things you liked to do, right?”

  “It—it wasn’t only me,” the CO stammered, and I menacingly bent over him with my stun gun. He put his hands up in defense. “Please! I will do whatever you ask me to do. I’ll help you get out of here,” he begged, using his best acting skills.

  I knew better than that. I didn’t trust a soul. Not even the people who were actually helping me. I’d already learned that everyone in this world had ulterior motives. Everyone.

  “Wait, now you want to help me get out?” I asked, tilting my head to the side and folding my face into a confused frown. “I was just listening to you tell this guy that you were going to turn us in.”

  “Um . . . no . . . I won’t. I’ll help you . . . I swear,” the CO lied. “Please don’t kill me. I have a wife and kids. I’ll do anything!” The CO continued to spill lies out of his mouth, one after the other.

  The CO could see my eyes glistening with fire and evil thoughts about what I had in store for him. “Please. Don’t do this,” he begged.

  “All right, but what should your punishment be for the bad things you’ve done?” I asked, teasing him as I bound his feet with black tape. A mixture of excitement and fear flitted through my stomach, causing a wave of cramps to stab through my abdomen.

  “Tell me what you think is fair?” I asked.

  “Nothing. I’ll help you get out of here and I won’t tell anyone about this,” the CO answered, watching me carefully.

  “But remember everything you did to us? We suffered. If I just let you go, then you won’t ever know the pain you caused us. There will be no consequences for your actions. Plus, I don’t fucking believe you, asshole,” I growled. With that, I grabbed his face and went around his mouth with the tape.

  The CO shook his head, left to right, begging with his eyes. I smiled to myself as I walked around him, bounding his hands. I noticed that he’d peed on himself. It actually gave me sick satisfaction to have someone else in this helpless position.

  “We don’t have a lot of time. You’re dragging this out too long,” the facilities guy said to me as he paced around the door.

  He was right. I was taking too long. We really did need to get the heck out of here, but it was like I couldn’t hear him because I was taking so much satisfaction in exacting my revenge on this CO.

  I could tell the facilities guy was thinking that I was no better than those abusive doctors and officers, but I didn’t care. Maybe he was right. Maybe I had a level of evil in me that surfaced at times like this. I didn’t care anymore, really. I needed to do this.

  “I have to do it my way,” I whispered to myself. I looked around the utility room for anything else I could use as a weapon, just in case I felt crazier than I did in that moment. The CO was a pretty big guy, so I couldn’t be too careful.

  “Damn,” I whispered as my eyes lit up.

  There were a lot of things I could choose from. There were tools and sharp objects and saws and even sandpaper. I picked up a pointed-end pickax and rubbed my hands over it. Then I picked up a hammer and thought about all the pain I could inflict with that. It was a torturer’s dream to be in a closet full of tools. I smiled a little bit. It was the first hint of satisfaction I’d felt in months. I looked over and I could see the facilities guy’s eyes stretch.

  “Listen, I don’t want no part of this,” he mumbled nervously. “We don’t have time. I’m telling you the cavalry is going to be looking for him any minute now. You’re being stupid.”

  “Just keep watching the door and do what I tell you to do,” I snapped. “At this point, whatever happens, happens, but I’m not giving up my chance on this revenge.”

  I stepped closer to the CO and took in a lungful of air, blew it out, and moved in for the kill.

  “Look at you now. Not so tough—raping people and pissing on them, or beating them for no reason,” I snarled.

  The CO’s eyes darted around frantically, and he moaned through the tape. He started moving his body and it reminded me of an inchworm the way he moved in and out, trying to get away from me. There was nowhere for him to go. I’d been in that position many times since I’d been locked up, so I knew the fear and angst he was feeling. I loved to see it dancing in his eyes. I was completely overcome with vengefulness in that moment. All sense and sensibility had disappeared.

  “There is nowhere to run, you bastard,” I gritted. My eyebrows dipped on my face as I looked at him lying there, helpless—like a sloppy, fat, beached walrus—with tears coming out of his eyes.

  “Now you know how this feels, don’t you?” I asked, squinting at him. “Not knowing what to expect. Not knowing what will happen to you, minute by minute. Not having anyone to help you or save you. Having your life and limb dangling in front of you in the hands of a sick person. How does it feel?” I felt my nervousness and fear hardening into a fiery nugget of fury, which spurred my actions on.

  “Mmmm,” the CO groaned, shaking his head.

  “You want this one first?” I asked slyly, holding a pair of oversized pliers out in front of me. I wanted to see all six-foot-three and three hundred pounds of him suffer.

  “Yes, I think these will do the trick,” I said, my jaw stiffening and my eyes flattening into dashes. I straddled over the CO with evil dancing in my eyes.

  The CO began breathing harder and harder. I could see all the veins in his temple and neck cording against his skin as he strained from pure fear.

  “That’s what I wanted to see,” I said excitedly. “Remember what you said to me one time when you raped me? Remember your words? You said, ‘This is no fun if you close your eyes. Let me give it to you, while you watch and act like you love it,’ ” I said, repeating some of the words he’d said to me, in the same cruel way he’d said them.

  The CO inched his body some more, snapping his eyes closed.

  Suddenly another quick memory of him forcing his wide body between my legs and his slimy dick into my desert-dry vaginal opening flashed through my mind. I remembered how he’d forced his chunky, sweaty palm over my mouth and nose, cutting off my air supply until I’d finally given up fighting. After the rape, I could barely walk or take a comfortable piss for days.

  “Oh . . . what, you don’t remember?” I asked, scowling.

  The CO began wheezing like he was having a heart attack as I opened his pants and looked down in disgust at his shitty-brown skin and the layers of fat that made up his stomach. I felt my insides grind with nausea. I gripped the tool so tightly I left a dent in the palm of my hand. The adrenaline coursing through my body didn’t allow me to feel the pain, though.

  “Open your fucking eyes,” I whispered in a low growl as I pressed my hand into his soft chest.

  When he felt me touch him, he began panting and crying like the bitch that he was.

  “Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about,” I snarled, getting ready to do the deed.

  “We are going to get caught,” the facilities guy warned.

  I ignored him. Nothing or no one was going to stop the maniacal thoughts running through my mind. I wished I had way more time so I could really drag it out and make his ass suffer.

  The CO tried to move so that he could get away from me.

  “Uh-un, un. You can’t go anywhere now,” I scolded. “Now, do you remember the first time you raped me?” I asked, my voice hoarse with anger.

  The CO nodded his head up and down in the affirmative.

  “Whose idea was it?” I asked. “Yours?”

  The CO shook his head side to side, frantically indicating no.

  “Oh, so it was Dr. Clemons’s idea?” I asked, taunting him.

  The CO nodded his head up and down, frantically indicating yes.

  “So it was all Dr. Clemons’s idea. You didn’t ever just feel like doing it on your own?” I repeated the question in a different form. “What about y’all torturing my friend Shanta and leaving her bleeding from her vagina? Or, what about hog-tying several of the girls and fucking them in the ass until they bled? You didn’t like none of that?”

  The CO shifted uncomfortably, but I pressed my weight down on him. His chest shuttered like he was struggling to breathe.

  “Well, I hope you enjoyed it, and I hope there are girls for you to rape in hell,” I growled, raising the pliers and clamping them down on the CO’s balls with all of the force in my body until I drew blood.

  “Grrrr!” the CO squawked from behind the tape on his mouth. His eyes shot open in shock. His body began writhing in pain.

  I moved and quickly picked up the pickax.

  When the CO saw me change tools, he really started going crazy then. He gagged, his bound hands instinctively moving up and down trying to get to me.

  I drove the pointed end of the pickax into his neck and hit the main vein. Blood spurted everywhere.

  “Holy shit!” the facilities guy yelped. “You’re fucking crazy, and I’m out of here.”

  “Do not move until I say to move,” I growled.

  I stood over the CO and watched as his body bucked wildly. He tried to roll around to remove the blade from his neck, but I could see that he was getting weak as blood gushed from his neck and soaked the entire floor.

  I remembered the doctor I used to work with telling me that it took about two minutes for a person to bleed to death if the internal jugular vein is cut, which is larger than the external jugular vein. It was more effective if the victim was lying down, like the CO was. I was hoping he would bleed to death in one minute.

  “You might as well stop fighting. It’ll only be a few more seconds. I hope it was all worth it. You and Dr. Clemons ruined me. Y’all turned me into a fucking monster that can’t go back to being anything else,” I said to him, my voice suddenly going eerily calm.

  The CO let out a few more ghastly choking noises. I gagged a few times as the smell of the piss and shit that leaked from his body got to me. A smile curled on my lips as I took a sick sense of enjoyment watching the life leave his body. When the CO finally went completely still, having asphyxiated on his own blood, I went to work, making sure we didn’t leave any traces of ourselves behind.

  “Shit,” I cursed, registering that I had cut my finger. I couldn’t be sure that I hadn’t mixed my blood with his, but I also knew I couldn’t focus on that now. “Let’s get the fuck out of here,” I huffed, and raced over to the door.

  “I’ve only been saying that for the past twenty minutes! Now you have blood all over my shirt,” the facilities guy complained.

  I stepped back, looked at the dead man in front of me, and smiled like a lunatic proud of my handiwork. I was quickly realizing that murder was easy when it’s for the right reasons.

  “These motherfuckers ain’t ready for Misty Heiress,” I mumbled under my breath.

  18

  FREEDOM, OR NOT

  When I was finally pushed out of that prison, and I could tell I was outside of those walls, tears sprang to my eyes and would not stop falling. I was thanking God in all kinds of ways, although I knew I would need to pray really hard after what I had just done to that CO.

  After the facilities guy got me outside in the cart, I was loaded into the back of the linen truck, just like it had been planned. We were about an hour late for the planned meet-up times. I didn’t know how that would affect things, but I prayed it wouldn’t.

  The facilities guy left me in the hands of another man, who was driving the linen truck. I heard them mumbling about where I needed to be taken and what needed to happen. I thought I even heard them mention something about me having a lot of money. That made me a bit uneasy. Too many people in on a plan wasn’t good. And them thinking I was sitting on some paper wasn’t good either.

  “You the one being busted out of here?” an old white man with a huge, round belly wheezed before he closed the door and locked me in the back of the truck. I coughed because inside the truck, it was fucking filthy and it smelled like a mixture of shit, musty armpits, and cheap cologne. I guess the cologne came from his ass; the other odors were from the dirty laundry. I didn’t think I’d ever be that acquainted with dirty laundry in my lifetime.