No. I’m here with Nora and we’re working. We can talk tomorrow.

  Though he knew the answer, he couldn’t help but ask. Are you breaking up with me?

  The little dots indicating she was responding seemed to taunt him for a terribly long time.

  I know I told Ben this wasn’t a break up offense and that we would work things out.

  He winced, waiting for more but it didn’t come. So let’s work this out.

  I’m working. Don’t bring this shit to me tonight and fuck my mojo.

  Despite his annoyance, he smiled. If she felt well enough to send back that little verbal middle finger, she’d be okay. Yes, she was sad about this bullshit, but Harlow wasn’t cowed for long and her spine was still just as steely as it had been before.

  She’d make it. And so would they.

  You said tomorrow. We’ll talk this out tonight after the show. I don’t want to go to bed with this unsettled between us.

  You have a real issue with boundaries sometimes, Miles. Your family is here. Spend time with them before they leave later. Tell them I said to travel safe.

  He groaned and tried to Facetime her. She didn’t pick up.

  I’ll see you at the venue in two hours. He also sent a selfie. Couldn’t hurt to remind her how handsome he was.

  Miles would spend this last time with family and wouldn’t rush over to the arena even though he really wanted to.

  “Why can’t they just listen when we tell them something?” Harlow asked Nora.

  “Don’t ask me. I have a non-alpha male boyfriend. Brian listens when I tell him to back off,” Nora said.

  “Because you had to train him, though. Maybe that’s it. Plus you were babies when you first got together so you grew up with one another. Hopefully, after some time and some reinforcement of boundaries Miles will figure it out.”

  Nora thought that was hilarious. “Sure. Let’s pretend we’re done talking about that. You two are going to hash this out and have make-up sex and then he’ll go back to doing whatever because he’s a bossy person who is used to being in charge. As are you. So, tell me what Gloria said on this video.”

  Nora met her at the coffee shop after Brian went to the venue and Harlow was telling her friend the story of her day. Harlow had watched the video in the cab on the way back to the hotel and had been even sicker to her stomach since.

  “Let’s see, first she says my dad bought me from her. Then she says he made me in his image. You know, left wing lesbians on the west coast, witchcraft, and shit. I’ve been slutty since I was a kid and now, I’m shaming my innocent family—she means her side—with my promiscuity and association with my sugar daddy who is paying me to fuck him so I can be on his tour. Oh and worse, his pierced penis has touched another penis at some point in his life.”

  Nora blinked; her mouth opened to speak but she closed it again as she shook her head.

  “I know. It’s like trail mix of terrible takes. Ben said something that makes a lot of sense though. That if we react it might get more attention to the video, which makes things worse. So do I shut up and hope it goes away, at least until the tour is over? Do I sue and make her take it down?”

  “I totally agree that Ben could have handled this better. And I really agree that Miles could have. Are you going to let Ben continue to advise you on this? He seems to truly care.”

  “I’m struggling with that. The reality is, he’s so close to Miles. It becomes a Harlow and Miles issue. And it’s not. Ben is absolutely a very nice person. I appreciate that he got on this so fast. And I appreciated that he shared some very personal stuff about his father. He said he saw himself in me and got tripped up and that’s valid, you know? But he loves Miles. Miles is his family and everything we say or do, regardless of whether it is about Miles, will be brought to him or compared to him or measured as to what he’d feel. It’s not that he’s a bad guy. He isn’t. But this whole thing is about me standing on my own and finally rejecting whatever this Gloria thing is. Right? I’m wondering if it’s better all around if I don’t use his services. Obviously, I’ll pay for his time. But I can talk to Jeremy. He’ll know people I can hire, and they won’t be connected to Miles. I’m worried this will cause a problem with his family no matter what I decide to do. Which makes me pissed. Because this is my shit, and I shouldn’t have to feel guilty because other people messed up. But here we are.”

  Nora grunted. “He better not have been angry. He shouldn’t have brought this whole thing up to you at that lunch. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there.”

  “Most of the lunch was fine. They’re all interesting. Ben was just being nice.” Harlow paused and then just blurted, “What do you think I should do?”

  “My opinion is that I’ll support you no matter what. That said? Yes, you can talk to Jeremy, and he’ll have multiple suggestions to you, all with details about their specialties and the like within twenty-four hours because that’s how he is. They will all be qualified and if you hire one, you’ll have total control and there’ll be no connection to Miles except what you choose.”

  Harlow just waited. She’d already come to those conclusions too.

  “If you go that way, you’ll be dealing with a relative stranger. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Or, you can continue on, at least a bit more, with Ben. Do you think he’ll tell Miles anything after you and he spoke?”

  Harlow thought about it carefully. “No. I don’t think so.”

  “Ben has gone through some of his own shit with a fucked up parent. And he shared that with you. That’s not necessary. He didn’t have to do that. But it makes a difference that he did. And it makes a difference that he understands what you feel like first hand.” She took Harlow’s hand a moment to squeeze. “And he’s already part of a circle you trust.” Nora shrugged. “Do what you feel is best. There are pros and cons to each decision. But in your position, given all the stuff I know, and you’ve told me, I’d at the very least try to work with Ben. At the first sign of anything you don’t like, kick him loose. He wants to help. He’s already helped, you said. The real question is, will he be professional and keep his mouth shut when it comes to his beloved nephew.”

  Harlow blew out a breath. “I totally think, after this talk with Ben, that the idea of an investigation is a good one. Not that I think she’s hiding a criminal past or anything like that. But the fact is, I don’t know much about her, and no one seems to want to be up front and tell me. So this will get me some details. Maybe I’ll actually find out something to help me understand her choices better. I just want to try. It’s not a should I hire an investigator, but who should I hire.”

  She’d call Ben to talk to him. See if they could both get past this situation. See if she could truly believe his claims of keeping Miles out of things unless and until she said it was okay otherwise.

  Nora agreed that was a good choice.

  It was coming up on soundcheck so they paid for their drinks, grabbed one for Brian and headed out.

  Naturally not even three minutes after they’d arrived and were in their green room, Miles came strolling in.

  She gave him a look that dared him to talk about anything before she was ready. He grinned and plopped down on the couch next to her.

  “I’ve been looking for you. I brought you an extra slice of pie.”

  As apologies went, pie was a great start.

  “Where is it?”

  “It’s in the fridge in our room. You can eat it later tonight after the show.”

  She harrumphed.

  “Harlow…”

  She turned her head to look into his face. Letting him see just how much she didn’t want to talk about it right then. As she’d told him already more than once. He paid that retainer without even discussing it with her first. He knew about that video and said not one damned thing and now he wanted to talk about it? On his schedule? Because he got caught out and she was holding him accountable to her schedule to work it through? No, sir. Not today.

  You wanted me. Now you’ve got me. But only if you respect my boundaries.

  “My family says they’ll see you at the Gorge,” he said at last. “They really liked you.”

  “That’s nice. I liked them too,” was all she said.

  “All of them?”

  “Dude! What did I say? Four times. Four. Times.”

  “I wasn’t trying to discuss the things you promised we could hash out later tonight. I just wanted to be sure you were okay with them.”

  “Just because you like to eat my pussy doesn’t mean I’m going to give you a pass for steamrolling over my wishes,” she said in a quiet voice.

  It was true. Mostly. He was really good at eating pussy! But still.

  “I just want to know things are okay,” he said before kissing her forehead.

  “Yeah, well you don’t get to know everything exactly when you want to. Especially when I already answered that goddamned question. I’m really pissed at you. Leave me be.”

  “And you didn’t even respond to me telling you I love you.”

  “You said it on voicemail so unless you’re my nana or my dad, fuck off with that.”

  He laughed then, pulling her into a hug. “Harlow?”

  “What?” she asked, annoyed.

  “I love you.”

  Oh. Well.

  It would serve him right if she said thank you, or that’s nice. But she was pissed at a choice he’d made, not really him, and withholding love wasn’t the response.

  She settled on, “I love you too.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah. Don’t let it go to your head.”

  “Too late.”

  “Go.” She made a shooing motion with her hand. “We have soundcheck in fifteen and I need to get my shit together.”

  “You keep pushing me away.” He frowned.

  Harlow made a very heroic effort not to roll her eyes at this gorgeous, spoiled baby.

  “This is my job. Though people like to think I have it because of you, I work really hard, and I deserve my success. It’s not pushing you away. It’s not about you at all!”

  Miles finally heard what she was saying, and shame washed over him. He’d been flirting and trying to charm his way out of her being mad. But that response told him about something deeper.

  Motherfucking whatserface! She’d stirred her pot of toil and trouble to get herself some attention and clicks but had also amplified something that hit Harlow in the confidence.

  “I know you work hard, and I apologize for insinuating otherwise. Can I still watch your soundcheck?”

  She looked him over carefully, measuring her answer and he wanted so badly for her to say yes that he ruthlessly tamped down his instinct to kiss her or attempt to sway her in any way.

  “I need you to understand something.”

  He nodded.

  “When I set boundaries it’s because they’re important to me. When you bulldoze over them it makes me feel like they don’t matter to you. Frankly? I don’t care if they don’t matter to you. That’s your problem. They matter to me. And that’s the point. There will be plenty of times in our relationship that one of us will set a line we don’t want the other to pass. It’s one thing to blunder over it because we’re human and we care about each other and want to fix things. But I’m not a problem to be solved. Mainly, I want you to respect me and my independence and when I tell you something like, we will hash this out but not until after I’ve finished my performance, I expect you to do that. Whether you want to or not. Whether you like it or not. Whether you agree with my reasons or not. I get that you are bossy and spoiled and very much used to people following your lead. And I get that it’s a heavy thing to be that person everyone looks to in times of trouble. I’m proud of you for that.”

  It was that last bit that felled him. She saw him to his soul and got him in ways no one else did. It mattered so much. And it was just another sign that they were meant to be together.

  “Thank you,” he said first. “For sharing that and for the compliment.”

  “We can talk about the rest later. Yes, you can come to soundcheck.”

  He did give in to impulse and kiss her then. Far more briefly than he wanted, but he wanted to show her he heard her and respected her boundaries.

  “I’m going now,” he said, heading to the door. “I’ll see you at soundcheck.”

  He made himself leave and ended up bumping into Maddie as she came out of their green room.

  “Hi there,” he said to her. “Nice to see everyone, huh?”

  “It was. My parents brought proof of life for Carl.”

  Carl was Maddie’s cat that her parents were sitting while she was on tour.

  “He’s gained weight,” Maddie said with a snicker. “My dad spoils animals too much. My mom said he gives Carl brie. Who gives cats expensive cheese? Vaughan Hurley apparently. He’s a big old softie.”

  Bits and pieces from home life helped when you were out on the road, Miles had discovered very early on. Even though they were all adults and out on their own, calls from parents or pictures of pets could really help the loneliness.

  Miles realized he’d gotten some much appreciated love from his family, but also that he hadn’t needed that touchstone as much as in the past. Because his heart was on the tour at his side.

  “Going to catch Above Me’s soundcheck. Wanna come with?” he asked.

  “Yeah. Hang on a second. I want to grab a hoodie. It’s freezing down here.”

  CHAPTER

  TWENTY-EIGHT

  At the end of Above Me’s set, Harlow was suddenly so tired all she wanted was to go back to the hotel and rest. It had been a lot since that damned interview had come out. A lot of stuff that had been revealed when she had no choice in it. And she knew that was just the way of things.

  Emotional stuff rarely cropped up when you were ready for it, or prepared. It nearly always came out of the blue and hit hardest and deepest because you’d been trying to pretend it away.

  Nora took one look and shook her head. “You don’t need to be here. Earthquakes performs perfectly every night and that’s not because Miles’s girlfriend is watching.”

  “No. But it means something to him that I am.” Which was the truth and why she chose to guzzle a bunch of water, eat some fruit, and changed out of her stage clothing and into something more comfortable.

  “You and Brian should go back though. He’s getting better but you both have been running ragged. Eat something healthy and sleep,” Harlow told Nora when she’d finished.

  “I don’t want you to deal with this alone.” Nora watched her closely.

  “It’s not him,” Harlow said. “It’s Gloria and all this other stuff. He fucked up, yes and we’ll deal with that. But his response was a misstep. You can’t protect me from either. Not from Gloria and not from Miles being a pushy control freak. Go take care of yourself. Thank you for being such a good friend. It means more than I can ever say.”

  Even after she and Miles cleared the air the situation would still exist. Her triggers and sensitive parts would be part of her, and it wasn’t up to Miles or Nora to heal her or support her through it. That wasn’t how it worked. If only it was.

  Brian approached and gave Harlow a hug. “I love you, Har. We’re here at your side. Not to fix you or protect you. But because you’re our family and that’s what family does.”

  “You’re going to make me cry and I can’t. I need to hold it together until it’s safe for me to let it go,” she told him quietly.

  He nodded as he stepped back. “Okay. I understand. We’ll see you later. Text to let us know you return to the hotel, so we won’t worry.”

  She agreed and as they made a right, heading to the back of the venue where they’d get a car to take them back, Harlow took a left, heading to the stage.

  If she’d been hoping to get there without an escort or notice, that fell away when Miles, who’d obviously been waiting at the base of the steps leading toward the stage, caught sight of her and smiled.

  “I was hoping you’d want to come watch us.” He held out a hand and she took it; glad she’d decided to stay.

  Harlow ascended the steps at his side and settled herself in her usual place, out of the main line of sight from the crowd but a great view of the stage so she could watch him do his thing.

  The rest of the band waited, and she waved. “See you in a bit,” he told her before a sweet kiss and then he joined the others and the familiar sound of their opening came up, along with the change in houselights.

  The roar of the crowd when they all stepped out made her smile.

  It was three hours later when they finally arrived back at the hotel. Earthquakes was still buzzing from the energy of being on stage, so Harlow contentedly sat back and let it wash over her until they finally got to their room.

  Blessedly quiet and absent anyone but the two of them.

  “I’m going to shower,” she told him and closed the door to the bathroom. Hoping he got the message because she didn’t want to be swayed by stellar sex right then.

  And when she came out a few minutes later, wearing pj pants and an old t-shirt, he was waiting.

  “I’ll shower too. Be right back.”

  They were both being so careful. It made her happy and terribly sad at the same time.

  Finally when he’d come back, she’d settled on a chair in the small sitting room attached to the bedroom. He’d have chosen the couch to be next to her if she’d been there. And it would have been harder to keep her concentration if all his delicious body heat mingled with hers.

  He frowned but pulled the other chair up so it was directly across from her, close enough that their knees touched.

  “I only found out about the video thing yesterday,” he said. “And I only learned exactly what she’d said last night at the dinner upstairs. I should have told you, but I wanted you to be able to rest. And this morning, first you did yoga with my mum, and I didn’t want to ruin that. Then we did other stuff that truly made me forget. Then lunch.” He winced. “I’m sorry you found out the way you did. Ben feels terrible that he brought it up. He knows it was the wrong place. I think he just wanted to help and got in his own way.”