Miles realized that what his heart couldn’t take was watching the woman he loved being broken hearted over what a bunch of assholes who’d never buy her music anyway thought.

  “So then what? Let her keep it up until it does get attention for whatever reason? Let her abuse you whenever she gets bored or whatever it is that strikes her fancy? Forever? Because she gave you away at two, which means she’s had twenty-four years not to be an asshole and she hasn’t made that decision yet.”

  “What do you suggest then?” she asked, frustrated that he wasn’t going to support any plan that had her taking one moment’s worth of shit from Gloria.

  “I suggest you let my lawyers step in and do exactly what I told Gloria I would do if she kept her bullshit up. First, she needs to be reminded she’s in breach of that divorce agreement. Then she needs to be informed in cold, hard, very concise terms that she needs to keep your name out of her mouth. If she wants to blather that she sold you, fine. Let the world know this bitch sold her fucking kid after neglecting her to the point it delayed her development. People want to threaten you with the facts when the facts make them look like a goddamn movie villain? Okay then.”

  Harlow’s eyes were shaded behind her big sunglasses and most of her face was partially obscured by her hat, but she’d gone very still. She wasn’t angry, he knew—from experience—how her body language changed when she was pissed at him.

  “That could be the end of my dad’s relationship with Hector and Luis.”

  “If Hector and Luis stop speaking to your dad because you told your mother to stop calling you a whore and me your sugar daddy, why would you want them in your life anyway? What do they bring to you that you’d continue being silent in the face of this abuse? Why is it your responsibility to stop protecting yourself so she can continue hurting you? To what end? Keep your brothers comfortable? I will not sit by while you make another choice that puts your own wellbeing behind the wellbeing of people who never think of you anyway. And, since I’m all worked up now, your brothers act like the way your mom treats you and your strained relationship as a result is none of their business. And they expect you to accept that as a reasonable excuse. But you can’t expect the same in return? You can’t set boundaries with Gloria because they’ll have a tantrum and be mad at…your dad? Who they barely acknowledge anyway. What kind of love is that?”

  She stood, tossing aside her hat so she could pull her dress up and over her head. Leaving him utterly mesmerized by the black bikini emblazoned with cherries. Decidedly vintage in feel with bottoms that came to her belly button while the top kept everything covered while framing what wasn’t.

  “Are we swimming?” he asked.

  “I need to be in the ocean for a few minutes,” she said.

  He dropped his hat, ditched his shirt, and followed her to the water. It was all he could do to watch as she got far enough to dunk herself, coming back up with her hair plastered to her head. She met him in waist deep water, droplets clinging to her skin like diamonds.

  “You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I love every part of you. Your vulnerability fills me with awe but also fear that someone will use it to hurt you. I know you love your family. And it doesn’t matter if I think they deserve that love or not. You are a person full of love. It’s one of the many reasons I find you gorgeous. But it also awakens every single one of my protective instincts.”

  She wrapped her arms around his waist, and they stood as the ocean swirled all around their legs, a solid unit in the midst of leashed chaos. The white noise of the surf wrapped around them both like an embrace.

  “Secrets I have held in my heart, are harder to hide than I thought,” he sang to her.

  “Maybe I just wanna be yours. I just wanna be yours, wanna be yours,” she sang the Arctic Monkeys lyric back.

  “You are, you know that, right?” He kissed her, tasting salt.

  “Yeah. Same goes.”

  He grinned at her. “Thank god for it. I’d get into so much more mischief if I wasn’t yours. Now all my mischief is carnal.”

  She laughed and the sound filled him with joy. “And getting up in my business.”

  He nodded, solemn for a moment. “Yes. I can apologize, but we both know I’ll do it again. Not because I don’t think you can handle yourself. I know you can. But because damn it, Harlow, I can’t watch you suffer. Not without pitching in at your side.”

  She hugged him and kissed his neck before diving back under the water and popping up again. “You’re a water baby, huh?” he teased.

  “I love the beach and the pool. Beach is too cold in Washington, but it’s only a two hour flight to get here. Hotel pools are fine depending on the hotel. I’ve been able to swim regularly during this tour. But this is so much better.” She threw her hands out to her sides and tipped her face up to the sun.

  His parents had an indoor pool. He’d lure her over for a swim as often as he could because he loved this Harlow. Carefree and splashing, even after the difficult conversation she’d had that day.

  After another half an hour or so, they headed back to the shore.

  Though it was a hot day, the water had been refreshing enough that it felt really good to lay next to her on the blanket and let the sunshine dry them off.

  Miles sat and after a quick rummage through the tote, he found the sunscreen and began to rub it all over her skin. The big sunglasses were back, but her mouth had quirked up into an amused smile when he took extra care to get her cleavage and thighs covered.

  Then she answered the question that’d been asked before she’d headed into the water. “I tried to convince myself that if I ignore this she’ll go away. And she might. For a time. But she’ll come back. Always. But I’m so afraid I’ll fuck things up with my dad and brothers.”

  Miles reapplied his sunscreen as well and laid back down next to her, seeking her hand and trying to hold his tongue.

  “But you’re right. And my dad is right. If we don’t push back now, she’ll just take that as a sign that she can do more. She’s got some respect for authority, so I think the only way to get her to stop, or even consider stopping, is to use an attorney to say so. They can threaten to expose her with the same information she’s using in violation of the agreement. But make it sound fancy. And legal. And it won’t be personal so her most effective weapon is useless against them.”

  Relief coursed through him. He’d called his attorney while she’d been in the shower the day before, just to see, obviously via hypotheticals, what were some options and he’d liked several things he’d heard. Obviously he’d need to tell her about the call. Maybe just fold it into the convo somewhere she wouldn’t notice too much.

  “Agreed. Would you consider using my attorney? Or not her, someone else at her firm who deals with this type of stuff. They’re very good and have a great reputation.” He’d done some research on that too. But she didn’t need to know that part. “I gave a head’s up that you might be contacting them. I do think it needs to be as soon as possible since that video has been up weeks at this point.” There. He’d told her about the call.

  “Yes. Maybe. Let me think on it for a little while. Not days, so get that look off your face. I’m trying to process and don’t think I missed that part about the head’s up to an attorney on my behalf.”

  He hated that she had to, even as he understood the need. So he’d do his best to help and not make things worse, no matter how much he wanted to step in and handle things. “Okay. I get it. So while that’s processing, can we talk about how Gloria makes you feel like your success isn’t yours even though she barely knows you and is a terrible judge of character in any case?”

  Her look radiated surprise and a little hurt. He was sorry for the second, but he’d needed the first or she’d have had time to erect excuses between them, so she didn’t have to face what had happened.

  She was the bravest person he knew, but if she had the choice between dealing with her own shit or someone else’s, she’d choose the latter. And the longer he knew her, the more he understood that.

  Miles used to think her hesitation at the beginning with being seen together was an overreaction. Sure, he figured some would think she was on the tour because of her dad. But the group—small though it was—who brought up some whackadoo theory about her fucking her way to a tour slot had no problem making that claim all the time.

  When one of the people shouting that stupidity from the rooftops was your mother, it hit differently. Deeper. And he wasn’t willing to let her wallow in this unnecessary pain any longer.

  “That’s why you were so mad about me paying the retainer. Not that I wasn’t out of line.” He put his hands up. “I was impatient and wrong to do it without asking. And I see how it played into the narrative she was trying to put out. I’m sorry for it.” He leaned over to kiss her. “But, you’re still vulnerable to her attacks on that. And because of her years of abuse, she’s turned an opinion of a bunch of people who don’t know you at all into a weapon against you. That can’t continue.”

  “You’re very full of pronouncements today,” she said.

  “Are you new here?” he teased.

  “I know I work hard for my success. I know she thinks otherwise and that yes, she doesn’t know me. But it’s hard to be out and about and know strangers have an opinion about my life that’s so…awful.”

  “I get it. Not to the extent you face it. I know as a woman it’s far harder and way more common to have to deal with this stuff. But it’s not true. You know that. Your album sales say otherwise.”

  “I’m trying to think about that. You know, when I start feeling shitty about someone’s opinion, I need to pull out some high point as a reminder that random people’s perception isn’t reality. I’m trying.”

  He nodded. “Your dad will love you even if you make waves. Especially when it’s to protect yourself. Oh don’t get that face. Kids who grow up with parents like Gloria often have issues like this. They want to be perfect because they were denied affection and told it was a result of bad behavior. But all it is, is a result of abuse. She’s fucked your head up and of all the things worth hating her for, that’s the one at the top of my list. Your dad loves you. I love you. Your friends love you. Your fans love you. She doesn’t because she’s incapable of it. That’s not you. That’s her. Every time you find yourself pushing your own feelings down because you’re worried they make you unlovable, I want you to try to remember this conversation and stop it. You’re not unlovable. You are absolutely loveable for countless reasons.”

  She huffed a breath and he smiled but kept his eyes closed and deliberately did not think about what a garbage human Gloria Martin was and how she’d tried so hard to destroy Harlow’s heart.

  CHAPTER

  THIRTY-ONE

  The Columbia River Gorge was one of the most beautiful places in Washington to play live music. She’d made the several hour trip from Seattle to see shows more than once since she’d relocated to the state. She’d been backstage with her dad at multiple shows AMJFJ played.

  Nothing could have prepared her for what it was like to be on that stage looking out at the crowd instead of the other way around. The river and gorge at her back as the sun began to set made the whole moment surreally perfect.

  And hot. August in Eastern Washington wasn’t like the milder summer weather in the greater Seattle area on the west side of the mountains. No, this was real summer. Nuclear ball of fire in the sky and dust stuck to the sweat on her skin summer.

  “The last time I was here,” she said into the microphone, “me and my friends,” she indicated Nora and Brian, “sat up there on the lawn.” Harlow pointed to the higher point of the bowl, past the floor seats and the second level seats beyond that. The lawn was the outdoor venue version of the nosebleed section of an indoor arena. “The time it took to get from there to here was long. But oh, so worth it. How you doing up there on the grass tonight?”

  The cheers of the crowd made her smile.

  “It’s awesome to be ending this tour here. We promise to give you all we’ve got tonight. Keep an eye on your neighbors, okay? It’s hot. Stay hydrated and remember beer doesn’t count as water.”

  Nora counted off and they launched straight in to “Dark Heart” as Harlow began to sing. Her dad and Jenna were in the front row along with Marcella and Cherry. In fact, the entire front row was family of one sort or another. Parents, aunts, cousins of not just Above Me, but Earthquakes.

  Harlow had been pulled into a hug right before they came out on stage as Erin Brown had tracked her down for that reason. Miles’s aunt had taken a deeper interest in Harlow and had begun to text here and there with various questions or comments.

  Gillian had quietly and sweetly let Harlow know that if Erin got to be too much it was okay to tell her so, or to contact Gillian. Erin was a lot. As were all of Miles and Poppy’s family, but they all seemed to come with good intentions.

  Still, it was pretty impressive to be hanging out with Sweet Hollow Ranch and Adrian Brown and half the most important musical influences in Harlow’s life. Sure her dad was one of them, but it was mind blowing to consider just who all the people she was surrounded by were. Not only to her, but to musicians and music lovers everywhere.

  Right then though, they were dads and aunts and moms and uncles and the like.

  “So,” Harlow began as their set neared the end. “Wanna hear something new?”

  The crowd roared and she looked over at Brian, who grinned wide, and then back to Nora, who’d been the one who, along with Maddie’s help, had written the song with Harlow.

  “This one needs an extra guitar and I know you’ll give her a big welcome. Maddie Hurley.”

  Maddie came jogging out, already holding her guitar. She waved at the audience, who renewed their excited hooting and shouting.

  The opening lines were, “Yeah and I am my own country. I know where I end and you begin. Don’t stop me from wanting. Won’t stop you from taking as much as you give.

  Miles stood there listening to a song she’d written about him. She’d told him she had a surprise for him toward the end of their set and that Maddie was part of it. The reality of that promise was…so much better, so much more than he’d imagined it.

  “She wrote a song for you,” Silas said quietly at Miles’s side. “Gotta admit, Harlow is the fucking real deal. I’m going to miss her after today.”

  Miles snorted a laugh. “Right? No need to miss her though, Si. She’s going to be part of my life and since you’re also part of my life, we’ll see her as often as we can around our work.” This opening gig, being able to see her and be with her every day for three months had been spectacular. Had given him a chance to really dig deep and get to know her but also lots of time to play and have fun.

  Chances were, they wouldn’t on the same tour bill again. Maybe big, multi day festivals in the future, but he had the distinct feeling Above Me was going to be the one having opening acts on their next tour rather than being an opening act again.

  From now on, they’d both have to make a different sort of effort to stay connected. A new step in their relationship, but he realized how totally okay he was with that.

  They came offstage but the lights stayed low to let the crowd know there’d be an encore. That’s when Miles saw Richie coming toward them, his guitar tech at his side. The look on Harlow’s face as her smile transformed her concentration, brow furrowed, to total joy seemed to sing through the air.

  Miles stepped back and simply watched Richie Martin fist bump his daughter and then strap his guitar on.

  The crowd roared when Nora bounded out and back to her drums. Brian followed and then Harlow, holding an acoustic guitar. Then there was a hush as they wondered what Above Me was going to play.

  Then she started playing the open to Monster Magnet’s, “Space Lord” and Brian began to sing. Richie waited in the wings and then stepped out as he began to play, and the fans went apeshit.

  Including the whole backstage area that erupted into wild cheers as they all hit the first chorus and the song exploded.

  Miles’s dad showed up at his side, bumping his shoulder a moment before they both just watched Richie hit that guitar bit at the crescendo of the song and shred the fuck out of it as Harlow sang along and moved her body.

  “Richie Martin, everyone!” she said after the song had ended. Richie made a bow and then pulled his daughter into a hug before they all took one last bow and headed offstage for the last time on this tour.

  As the crew loaded off Above Me’s gear, everyone seemed to congregate in a huge knot of excited people, congratulating them on their performance and being wowed by the new song as well as Richie’s appearance at the end.

  “Quite a surprise,” Miles told Harlow as he hugged her. “I hope you three are proud because I’ve watched you play nearly every day for three months and tonight’s show was your absolute best.”

  Harlow didn’t say anything. She just hugged him again.

  “Going to be hard to top that,” Silas told them.

  “Somehow I think you kids have a future in the music business,” Harlow teased. “All joking aside, I really can’t wait to see what Earthquakes has in store.”

  He grinned. He was pretty amped up about it too.

  And then Miles walked out on stage as the lights swiveled up and created an aura of blue around him and the anticipation and excitement in the air hit his lungs like a drug. Fuck yes. This.

  This was an addiction he could be okay with. This and Harlow. And there she was, instead of backstage, she’d taken a seat up front and bounced around, dancing as the band ripped into Beg Me.

  “Well how the hell are you?” Miles asked the audience once the song had ended. He looked side to side to lock eyes with Omar and then over to Maddie.