“I have absolutely no doubts about that. I suppose I should mention the banquet is this Saturday.”

  “Well, you should have told me that earlier,” I say, tugging my hand from under his and throwing both hands in the air. “That’s way too soon, I couldn’t possibly go. Maybe my brother could go with you. Or your sister.”

  Leland laughs softly, shaking his head. “Wesley has a DJ gig that night, although Felicity did say she’d be on standby if I decided I didn’t want to go solo. I’d much rather go with you, though, Stella.”

  “Even though I’m your third choice?” I joke. “Or fourth, I guess, since your mom wanted to go with you.”

  I expect him to laugh, but his expression sobers. “You were my first choice, Stella.” He closes the distance between us and grips my shoulders again. “I just didn’t want to add to everything you have going on right now by asking you to return to the school. I can imagine being there would stir up a lot of stuff for you. And…in that same vein, I suppose I should tell you Nelle will be there.”

  I let out a loud, drawn out groan. “Well now I have to go. You know Nelle will be suspicious if I’m not with you. Plus, what kind of girlfriend would I be to let you go alone, especially since you’re giving a speech and wearing a suit and everything.”

  Once again, I expect Leland to laugh at my theatrics. Instead, the earnest, searching look on his face nearly takes my breath away. I’ve had my share of guy friends over the years and none of them have ever looked at me the way Leland is right now. Hell, half the people I’ve dated haven’t looked at me this way. It’s a mixture of affection, admiration, and a touch of heat, although I worry I’m imagining that last part.

  It becomes clear I’m not imagining it when his eyes dip down to my mouth. An involuntary sound slips past my lips. It’s soft enough that I hope Leland doesn’t hear it, but he must, because his eyes flick back up to mine and there’s a question there now.

  My answer is a kiss. It’s a quick one, a mere touching of lips, a test of sorts. Leland’s hands move from my shoulders down my arms until his fingers twine with mine.

  “Stella, I—”

  “Dessert time!” Lana says, bustling into the kitchen.

  My first instinct is to spring away from Leland. Thankfully, his grip tightens on mine, reminding me this would be a normal way for a mother to find her son and his girlfriend during a moment alone. He keeps hold of one of my hands while releasing the other so I can turn to face Lana. Felicity enters the room, her face scrunched in apology as if she tried to slow her mom down, but she got away from her.

  “Stella, dear, Leland mentioned your birthday is coming up later this month. I didn’t want to be presumptuous and assume I’d see you that day since things between you and Leland are still fresh—although I do hope my son has something nice planned for you—so I made cupcakes for dessert. I hope you like carrot cake.”

  I’m so stunned and touched by the gesture, my voice comes out faint when I say, “It’s my favorite.”

  Lana’s smile widens. “It’s Leland’s favorite too. You two really are the perfect match.”

  Yep. Things are definitely getting more complicated.

  CHAPTER TEN

  Evie opens the apartment door and freezes when she sees me sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table. With a grin, she holds up a paper bag from the bookstore. “Apparently our psychic link is as strong as it always was.”

  “What did you buy?”

  She kicks off her shoes and hangs up her jacket before sliding down onto the floor beside me and dumping out the contents of the bag: two stained glass coloring books and a package of markers.

  “I noticed you usually use pencil crayons, but a sales associate saw me looking at these books and said markers work best.”

  Evie’s thoughtful gesture leaves me speechless. I move aside the coloring book I was using and pick up one of the ones she bought. Coloring has been an outlet for me since my therapist suggested it after my accident. The activities I could do were limited, and I was prone to bouts of depression and anxiety that left me feeling hopeless and exhausted. I thought it sounded ridiculous and juvenile, but I eventually gave it a shot. It didn’t take long for me to discover the repetitive, mostly mindless activity quieted my racing thoughts. All these years later, it still has the same soothing effect.

  “Thank you.” I’m afraid to look at her in case it causes me to give in to the tears that are building behind my eyes. “That’s mighty thoughty of you.”

  Evie snorts out a laugh at the inside joke, a reference to one of our favorite childhood movies, Disney’s Robin Hood. She gives me a one-armed hug and then hops up from the floor, suggesting I pick pages for us to color while she changes out of her work clothes.

  She returns a few minutes later with two small glasses of wine. “You not seeing Leland tonight?”

  “No, he had a bunch of paperwork to do,” I tell her. “We hung out with Felicity at the store today and had lunch together. And he took me out for pizza last night.”

  Evie makes an indecipherable humming sound. I debate questioning her, but my best friend isn’t one to hold back, so if she has something to say, I know she’ll say it sooner or later. She watches me for a moment before picking up a red marker and getting to work on the page in front of her.

  “You and Wes going out tonight?” I ask.

  “We’re supposed to, yeah. He’s doing some overtime and he’s going to call me when he’s done.”

  Silence falls as we color our pictures. This has always been a solitary activity for me, so it feels strange yet comforting to be doing it with Evie. When ten minutes pass and we both remain silent, I pull up one of my favorite instrumental playlists on my phone.

  “Okay, I totally get the appeal of this,” Evie says after a while. Her page—an elaborate scene of a castle, lake, and forest—is about a quarter done. I’ve been watching from the corner of my eye as she methodically chooses her colors and carefully shades in each section. “Did you start this up again when you moved back to Bellevue?”

  “No, I picked it up again a few years ago.”

  “Was it…were you…”

  “Depressed?” I ask, and Evie cringes a bit as she nods. “It’s okay, we can talk about it. I was depressed, or at least I could feel myself slipping into familiar patterns of depression.”

  Coloring was not only an inexpensive activity, but also one I could hide from Lars, knowing he would think it was silly and childish. It became one of my many harmless little secrets, like the time I spent on the fandom forum or reading fanfics. It was a way for me to keep color in my life when it felt like I was living in a black and white world.

  “I’m sorry, Stels.” Evie’s eyes go wide suddenly and she jerks to face me. “Wait, are you struggling with depression now? I know being back here has been a big adjustment, but I thought—”

  “No, no, it’s nothing like that,” I say quickly, cutting her off. “I started coloring for something to do between endless job searches and sending out résumés. And I grabbed my book this afternoon when I got home because I’m nervous about the banquet tomorrow.”

  Evie’s shoulders slump in relief. “Okay. I was worried I’d been a bad friend and had missed the signs. You’d tell me if things got bad again, right?”

  “I would, but I promise I’m fine. Better than I have been in a long time, in fact.”

  Her eyes brighten and the corners of her lips twitch. “Because of Leland?”

  I give her a playful eye roll and reach for my forgotten glass of wine. “He’s part of it, yes, but so are you and the girls. Wesley too, of course, and Felicity. Even Fergus. I feel safe and loved here, like I can be myself.”

  Evie drops her marker and inches closer to me so she can loop her arm around me. I lean against her, resting my head on her shoulder. “You are safe and loved here. We all want to see you happy and thriving.”

  I nestle closer to her and we stay as we are, falling back into the comfortable silence of a few minutes ago. It doesn’t last long before Evie says, “Just for the record, I think you and Leland are great together. And I know you’re going to say it’s all an act, but it’s not. You care about him.”

  I sigh. There’s no use denying it, especially not to the person who knows me better than anyone. “I do care about him. A lot.”

  “But?”

  “But…he deserves better than possibly being a rebound from both Lars and Tannis. Our pretend relationship is perfect in so many ways because it’s keeping me on track and giving me something to focus on while I figure things out. For months, I told myself I should be strong enough not to keep making bad decisions, especially where Tannis was concerned. And yet she’d snap her fingers and I’d go back to her, even though in many ways, she was no better than Lars. I exchanged one emotionally abusive relationship for another.”

  The words pour out of me as Evie holds me tightly to her side. It’s easier to talk about it without her looking at me. Her sympathy and understanding might make me crumble.

  “You’ve found the strength now, and that’s what matters,” she says.

  “But have I actually found the strength or is Leland a temporary bandage on a larger wound? And if that’s the case, doesn’t he deserve better?”

  Evie’s sigh ruffles my hair. She’s quiet for a minute before speaking again. “Okay, go with me here, I’m going to stick with your bandage analogy.” She eases away so she can see me. “Sometimes a bandage is necessary for the healing process. It keeps out unwanted things like dirt, germs, etcetera, right? So maybe being with Leland is helping you heal by giving you a chance to focus and get your priorities straight. You said yourself you feel better than you have in a long time, which tells me you’re doing the work and not just slapping that bandage over a wound and hoping it takes care of itself.”

  “Huh.” The word comes out faint as I process everything Evie just said. “I…I think we’re on to something with the bandage analogy.”

  Evie laughs. “I’m right, though, right?”

  “I think so, yeah. Although I can’t lie, I’m still scared of messing things up.”

  “I get that. I think we all feel that fear at some point. I still wake up every morning expecting the last few weeks with Wesley to be a dream. I loved him for so long and it’s still hard to believe this is my reality now. I have moments of panic where I think I’m going to mess it all up somehow or push him away, or he’s going to realize we’re better off as friends.”

  “That’ll never happen, Ev.”

  “I know.” She rubs a hand over her chest, tapping the spot over her heart. “I know that in here, but my head likes to try to trip me up sometimes.”

  “You too, eh?” I press my palm over hers and she switches the positions of our hands so mine is pressed over her heart. It beats a steady, comforting rhythm. “Good thing we have each other to help drown out those voices.”

  “Good thing,” she echoes. She releases my hand and dives at me for a hug, nearly knocking me over. We hold on to each other and laugh, rocking back and forth. “Okay, enough serious talk. I’m going to call Wesley and tell him I’m spending tonight with you. Then I’m going to order us some dinner and pour us some more wine. I think a girls’ night is in order, don’t you?”

  My first instinct is to tell her not to cancel her plans with Wesley on my account, but how can I turn down an offer like that? “A girls’ night sounds perfect.”

  *****

  I flop onto my back and then sit up again immediately with a groan. I am way too full of Chinese food and wine to lie down right now, even with the sea of pillows and blankets around me.

  Evie and I decided to build a blanket fort while we waited for our food to be delivered. She said it had been on her mind since Wesley mentioned it recently, and our impromptu girls’ night seemed like the perfect chance. It’s pretty rudimentary and I’m afraid it might collapse at any moment, but we’ve both enjoyed the blast from the past.

  Someone buzzed up to the apartment a minute ago and Evie went to answer it. I check my phone while I wait for her to return. Nothing new, but I open my text chain with Leland anyway, just to reread our last exchange. He messaged an hour or so ago to ask if I’d had dinner yet. I told him Evie and I were ordering in and suggested he call Wesley since my brother was unexpectedly free for the evening.

  “Well this is a nice surprise,” Evie says from the direction of the front door. “Come on in.”

  “We’re not staying, we just dropped by to bring you and Stella some dessert,” Wesley says.

  We? I pop my head past the blankets to see Wesley and Leland standing inside the front door. Leland is surveying the fort, and he grins when he sees me.

  “We’ll be right back,” Evie calls, dragging Wesley down the hall toward her bedroom.

  Leland and I watch them go, then exchange an amused look. “Did I hear something about dessert?” I ask.

  Leland holds up two takeout containers. “Permission to join you in your fort?”

  “Granted.” I slip back inside and crawl to the far end to make room for him. I can hear him removing his coat and shoes and then walking across the room. He drops to his knees in the doorway of the fort and hands me the containers so he can crawl inside.

  “Wow,” he says as he settles beside me. “I haven’t been inside a blanket fort in…thirty years?”

  “I’m sure most normal adults can say the same.”

  In the small space, the sound of his chuckle wraps around me like a warm quilt. “Normal is highly overrated.” He inclines his chin toward the containers in my hand, so I open one. The scent of cinnamon immediately permeates the air, making my mouth water.

  “Churros,” he says. “Wes suggested tacos when I invited him out for dinner. Is it weird I felt like I was cheating on you since tacos have kind of become one of our things?”

  Laughter bursts out of me. “So you decided to make up for it by bringing me dessert?”

  Leland lifts one shoulder, his smile growing into a full-blown grin. “Pretty much. I wasn’t sure if you’d prefer chocolate or caramel sauce, so I got both.”

  “You’re the best fake boyfriend ever, Leland Levesque.” His smile wavers for the briefest of moments before returning to its previous brightness when I ask, “Want one?”

  “Nah, we got them for you.”

  “Want one?” I ask again, this time waving my hand over the container to waft the scent of cinnamony goodness in his direction.

  He laughs. “Okay, but just one.” We savor the first few bites in silence before he says, “Are you sure about the banquet? I’d completely understand if you wanted to back out.”

  “It’s fine. It might actually be good for me to go back and see the place again. Like facing your demons to take their power away, you know?”

  “Right,” Leland says slowly. “And you’ve said yourself that not all your memories of high school are bad. It was mostly just that awful year.”

  “Right,” I echo. “And even then, it wasn’t all awful.”

  Leland’s eyes glimmer with understanding. The dark depths of his irises rival the chocolate sauce in the container I’m holding. I never understood the concept of getting lost in someone’s eyes before now, but it becomes clear as Leland and I gaze at each other and I realize I could do this all night.

  His gaze dips to my lips. He inches toward me and I’m vaguely aware of swaying closer to him. I’m also vaguely aware of a noise from outside and, as my senses return, I realize it’s Evie and Wesley coming down the hall.

  “Hey Lee, you ready to go?” Wesley calls.

  Leland sighs and leans toward the opening of the fort. “Yeah, coming. One sec.”

  Disappointment courses through me, but I force it aside. It’s a good thing we were interrupted before something happened that would blur the lines of our fake relationship even more. And yet, Leland makes no move to exit the fort. I sit frozen as he leans in, his breath tickling my face for a second before he presses his lips to mine.

  I’m too stunned to move other than to press my lips a little more firmly to his. He tastes like cinnamon and caramel, which is now officially my new favorite flavor combination.

  Leland eases back, brushing his fingers gently over my cheek. He’s about to say something when the blankets peel back and Wesley peeks in.

  “You stuck in there, man? My wonky knee from that basketball injury in grade twelve makes it hard for me to get up and down from the floor these days. Need a hand?”

  “Yeah, thanks.” Leland gives me an almost rueful smile as he reaches a hand out to Wesley, who hauls him from the fort. He ducks back in to say, “Night, Stella. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  When he moves aside, Wesley peers into the fort once more. “All good, Little Star?”

  “Yeah, great, thanks. And thanks for dessert.”

  “Anytime. The four of us still need to go on a double date some night. Maybe afterward I’ll build us a massive blanket fort we can all fit inside.”

  The image makes me laugh. “Even with your wonky knee?”

  “Anything for my two girls.” The words, paired with the affection in his eyes, fills me with warm fuzzies. “I’ll even string it with those fairy lights you and Evie like so much.”

  “I’ll hold you to that, big brother.”

  When he leaves, I flop back onto the pile of blankets and pillows once more. My fingers ghost over my lips, which are still tingling from Leland’s kiss.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  Leland’s hand in mine is the only thing keeping me from bolting. His grip is firmer than usual, which tells me he senses my nerves and likely also my desire to turn and run in the opposite direction.

  I don’t think I’ve said a word since Leland picked me up at Evie’s ten minutes ago. Or maybe I have and I’m in too much of a daze to remember. My legs shake as Leland helps me from the car in the parking lot of Bellevue Secondary School. I attempt to smile, hoping to ease the concern on Leland’s face, but from the deepening of his frown I’m guessing it looks more like a grimace.