That afternoon, she, Hollie, and Louisa showed up at my condo in Toronto and told me to get ready for a night on the town. They took me to dinner at a fancy restaurant, a show at the Princess of Wales Theatre, and then out for drinks before inviting me for a sleepover at the fancy hotel they’d booked at the last minute.

  My eyes sting at the memory. I mentally take back my earlier thoughts of wishing for a big celebration. I have the greatest friends on the planet, and they’ve always made me feel loved. They must have been dismayed by Lars taking off on my birthday with nothing more than a note and a cupcake, but they didn’t say a single disparaging word about him that night. In that one evening, they made me feel how he never did: cherished, valued, supported, and unconditionally loved.

  I pull myself from my thoughts and glance at Leland. He’s looking around at the trees in the park, his lips curved in the barest of smiles. He doesn’t seem to mind that I withdrew into myself and fell silent for a long time. He never minded in high school either.

  His smile grows when he catches me looking at him. “I forgot how pretty this place is, especially in the fall.”

  The sound of laughter draws our attention to a pair of young women on the other side of the park. One grabs the other’s hand and they take a flying leap into a giant pile of colorful leaves. I chuckle to myself as they emerge, laughing even louder than before as they pick leaves out of each other’s hair. They share a kiss, then one of them pulls out her phone to take a picture of them pressed cheek to cheek.

  “I’m not sure I’m up for leaf jumping, but how about a selfie?” Leland asks.

  I shift to stand beside him when he holds out his arm. “Are you going to post this one in the reunion group too?”

  He scrunches his face as if he’s giving it serious thought. “Undecided. This one may just be for me.”

  He puts his arm around my shoulders and draws me closer until I’m tucked into his side. I refuse to entertain the voice in my head that points out how perfectly we fit together. Or how cute we look as we smile into the camera, our faces nearly touching. I laugh when he shuffles us around to get the most colorful trees in the background.

  “There,” he says after taking several shots. As he’s showing them to me, a text pops up on the screen from his sister, asking if he can bring more cleaning supplies when he comes to the store. We begin walking again as Leland taps out a response. I expect him to loop back toward the park’s entrance, but we keep going further down the path.

  “Oh, that reminds me,” he says as he slips his phone back in his pocket. “Felicity was wondering how you’d feel about helping her get the store ready. She’s going to start collecting résumés and interviewing people in another week or so, but she wanted to start setting up the store to give potential employees an idea of what to expect. I suggested she hire someone, but she had a bunch of reasons that wouldn’t work.”

  Leland holds up a hand and begins ticking things off on his fingers as he speaks. “It’s too short notice, considering she wants to get started immediately. She doesn’t want to rush through the process of hiring someone since she’s become really particular about who she hires. She says it’s better to take her time and hire the right people than hire the wrong ones and have a high employee turnover. According to her, repeat customers like to come into a store like FandomTown and recognize the people working there. They want to walk in and feel safe and comfortable, knowing they’re talking to a fellow nerd. Her words.”

  My lips tug into a smile. “I know exactly what she means. When you go into a store like that, you’re likely either a nerd yourself or looking for a gift for someone who’s into specific fandom stuff. You want someone who gets that and doesn’t act like they’re above it all.”

  “That’s exactly what she said. It’s different from a lot of other retail jobs. Employees need to be knowledgeable and—again, her words—‘willing to geek out with shoppers’.” The air quotes he makes around the last words has my smile growing.

  “So anyway, she thinks you’d be the perfect person to help her set up the shop if you’re interested,” he continues. “She said she’d pay you for your time and you could consider it a trial run before applying for a regular job at the store.”

  “She wants me to apply to work there for real?”

  “Well, yeah,” Leland says, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “You need a job and she needs employees who know their stuff when it comes to fandom…stuff.” He makes a face, laughing at himself. “I’m learning as much as I can as quickly as I can, but I’m really more of a behind-the-scenes guy when it comes to the store. Seems to me you’d be the perfect fit for a job like this.”

  “Huh.” It’s the only word I can muster as I consider what he just said.

  “Felicity said you can have your pick of jobs too,” Leland adds, his tone cajoling now. “Besides sales associates, she’s also looking to fill positions for people to run the store’s social media and events.”

  “I…don’t know what to say.”

  “Okay, well, what’s stopping you from wanting to work at FandomTown?”

  “I guess…” I trail off, not completely sure how to put my feelings into words. I’m worried it’ll sound silly or strange to have reached this age and still be so uncertain about so many things. Leland glances at me, eyebrows raised slightly and a gentle smile gracing his face.

  “I guess I always thought I’d find a serious career someday,” I say. “It’s why I’ve mostly had temp jobs all these years; I thought trying new things would show me where my strengths lie and what I enjoy doing. I figured I’d find something I was truly passionate about, something I could not only stick with but also excel at. My friends all have that. And yet here I am, about to turn thirty-five, and I don’t even have a job, let alone a career.”

  From the corner of my eye, I see Leland slowly bobbing his head. The park is quiet except for the sound of birds and the crunching of fallen leaves under our feet.

  “Plenty of people don’t go the career route,” he says. “And lots of people who have a career aren’t necessarily passionate about what they’re doing. I think the majority of people probably work out of necessity, whether it’s a career or a job, and whether they love it or hate it. As for passion and doing something you’re interested in, that’s what hobbies are for if you’re not lucky enough to work doing something you love.”

  I make a hum of agreement. “True.” Evie and Hollie are passionate about what they do, while Louisa has built a career as a virtual assistant so she can work from home. She enjoys it and she’s good at it, but animals are her true love, which is why she volunteers at the local animal shelter whenever she can until she lives somewhere that allows for pets of her own.

  “You said you thought your temp jobs would help you figure things out, right?” Leland asks. “You must know by now what you’re good at and enjoy doing versus what you’d rather not do.”

  I ponder this for a moment. “I’m not great with numbers. I’m a decent writer, but other than the copywriting temp jobs I’ve done, I’m not sure I would want to pursue writing as a career. I can’t see myself doing any sort of telecommunications work, even though I’ve been told I’m good on the phone and I’ve enjoyed the receptionist jobs I’ve had.”

  “Okay. Are you good with people?”

  “I think so, yeah,” I say. “In certain situations, anyway.”

  “So if you worked at FandomTown, you’d have the best of both worlds: something you’re good at that you also enjoy. Besides all the behind-the-scenes and admin stuff she has to deal with, Felicity says her job is like getting to come to work and play all day.”

  I let out a small laugh. “That does sound like fun.”

  Leland bumps my shoulder again. This time, it’s paired with a devilish grin. “Think about it, Stels.”

  His phone buzzes from his pocket, but he ignores it. “You can check that, I don’t mind,” I tell him.

  He gives me a rueful smile. “I probably should. Felicity’s probably wondering where I am.” He pulls his phone from his pocket and unlocks the screen. After a few beats of silence, he lets out a huffing sound. “Well, it’s officially on.”

  At my confused look, he shakes his head. “Fee says she accidentally let it slip to our mom that I’m seeing someone.”

  “Accidentally or accidentally-on-purpose?”

  He huffs again. “I was wondering that too. Our mother has been in real Mom Mode since we moved back to Bellevue. It doesn’t help that she recently retired and is still trying to figure out what to do with all her newfound free time. She was probably on my sister’s case about something and Felicity threw that out as a distraction. Or she could have been flustered and legitimately let it slip. Either way, I hope you’re prepared to put this fake dating plan into action.”

  Before I can say anything, a series of melodic chimes indicates an incoming call on his phone. He angles the screen toward me so I can see the word Mom on the screen.

  “Wow, she didn’t waste any time,” I say.

  We both stare at the screen until it goes black. “She’ll call back again in approximately five seconds,” Leland says. “And she’ll want to know every detail, plus when she can meet you.”

  “Won’t she think it’s a bit soon for us to have a ‘meet the parents’ moment?” My parents wouldn’t expect to meet anyone I was dating until I deemed it serious enough.

  “No, because technically she has met you,” he says. “Briefly and nearly twenty years ago, but still. Plus you’re Wesley’s sister and she loves Wes.”

  His phone goes off again and he gives me a look that says ‘see?’. “I can put her off. Tell her I’m dating without telling her who you are, unless Felicity already mentioned it. Even then, I could tell her it’s new and we want time to ourselves. She’ll at least be placated knowing I’m seeing someone.”

  Despite the fact his phone continues to ring in his hand, his words are slow and even. There’s no expectation in his expression or tone. I’m certain he’d respect whatever I told him, even if it was that I’m not ready to take our ruse as far as meeting his mom.

  I’ve become so used to the people I date expecting things from me—to be available when it’s convenient for them, to go on dates where they want to, to do the things they’re interested in. Leland and I may only be pretending to date, but he’s already showing me how I’ve twisted myself to fit into what works for other people without taking my own desires and interests into account. How I’ve settled for less and accepted that’s how things are.

  The phone goes silent. Leland lifts his gaze from the dark screen, giving me a sweet, patient smile.

  I swallow hard, reminding myself this is just a game and games are supposed to be fun. Leland helped me the other night when I needed it, and now it’s my turn to help him. My parents are far from overbearing, but I’ve seen how frazzled Evie gets when her mom thinks she should have more say in her life.

  “Wesley used to love going to your place for dinner,” I say. “He always said your mom was an amazing cook.”

  Leland’s confused expression at my seemingly random change of topic makes me want to laugh. “She is an amazing cook. Having Mom’s home cooking again has been one of the best perks of being back in town.”

  “Do you think you can wrangle a home-cooked meal for our first meeting with her?” I ask.

  One side of Leland’s mouth creeps up before it turns into a full-blown smile. “Yeah. Yeah, I can definitely make that happen.”

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Sometimes I wish my brain had an off switch.

  It’s Wednesday evening and I’m home alone. Evie and Wesley are out on a date and, despite initially looking forward to some time on my own, I can’t get my racing thoughts to shut up.

  I’ve been thinking a lot about my conversation with Leland the other day. He was right about not everyone loving their job and using their non-working hours to cultivate hobbies and interests. I’ve been so set in my idea of having a ‘proper’ job or career, something that pays well, is fulfilling, and maybe even sounds impressive to others. In all my years of working, I’ve never found anything that checks all those boxes, and there have even been times when I’ve been downright miserable.

  There’s something deep inside me that’s resentful of those temp jobs, and it ties into the part of my heart that still longs for the life I mapped out as a teenager. My identity was so wrapped up in skating and competing, I didn’t know how to do or be anything else after my accident. But the accident was nearly twenty years ago, and I need to stop using it as a way to justify my poor decisions and aimlessness in life.

  Because of that, I accepted Felicity’s offer of a temporary job helping her set up FandomTown. I spent a few hours at the store yesterday and today so we could go over some of what needs to be done. Now I’m wishing I’d offered to stay longer or see if Felicity and Leland felt like doing something tonight.

  I’m putting in time mindlessly scrolling through my favorite fandom forum. I discovered it years ago when Lars suggested I stay home instead of working. I joined on a whim one day when I had nothing else to do, and I soon discovered an online community that filled some of the empty spaces growing inside me. All fandoms are welcome on the site, so I would hop from virtual room to room, chatting with people all over the world about favorite shows, movies, and music. We would discuss obscure theories and couples we shipped, plot holes in TV shows, and underrated bands. The site not only gave me a place to be myself and talk to like-minded people, it also helped me make friends when I felt isolated and too ashamed to tell my best friends what was happening in my marriage.

  When my phone pings with a text, I practically rocket off the couch to snatch it from the coffee table. I smile when I see Leland’s name and his tiny square picture on my screen—a cropped shot of his face from the park selfie we took on Saturday. His text reads: Do you have plans for this evening? I’m in the area of your building (assuming you’re even home) and was wondering if you wanted to hang out.

  Relief and excitement mingle with what feels like butterflies in my stomach. Ignoring the winged insects, I drop my gaze to my pajama-clad legs. Early evening pajamas are becoming a habit; I changed my clothes the minute Evie left the apartment.

  I reply to Leland with: Evie’s out for the night, and I’m home. Would love to hang out. Just need a few minutes to put on clothes.

  Seconds after I hit send, I do a mental facepalm at how ambiguous that last part was. Before I can send a follow-up text to elaborate, another message from Leland comes through.

  Do you wander around the apartment naked when Evie’s not home?

  Naturally. Right now I’m in pajamas, though. I had a moment recently when I was tempted to leave the house in my jammies, but I came to my senses and realized I don’t want to be That Person. If you want to go out, I’ll need to change.

  As a lover of pajamas myself, I wouldn’t want to interfere with the glory of PJ wearing. Have you eaten? I could bring dinner to you?

  My fingers freeze over the keyboard as I try to picture Leland in pajamas. What would a guy like him wear to bed? I shake off the thoughts and reply, Staying in my pajamas AND eating something more appealing than a frozen dinner? Sold.

  Leland sends back a laughing emoji followed by: Be there in 20-30 mins.

  As I tidy the coffee table and put my laptop away, I contemplate changing my clothes even though Leland already knows I’m wearing pajamas. I settle for donning a cardigan to hide the fact I’m braless.

  My phone chimes when I pick it up to check the time. Stopping at the liquor store. Do you have a preference? Beer? Wine? Cider? Straight hard liquor? Or I can stop for something non-alcoholic.

  Whatever you think will go well with dinner. I’m not picky.

  He sends back a thumbs up. I wait another minute in case he has more questions, then set my phone down. Once again, I have to remind myself Leland is a friend and nothing more, despite our agreed-upon ruse. I can’t help comparing him to some of the guys I dated before I got married. My experience with dating women has mostly been different from going out with men, but even then, spur of the moment texts were often either one of the two Bs: a booty call or a boredom call. I can’t even remember the last time someone took the time to consult me on my drink preferences.

  It’s not long before the downstairs intercom goes off. I tell Leland which apartment is Evie’s before buzzing him in. I open the door to wait for him, and watch as he strides off the elevator a minute later, his hands full of paper bags.

  His smile is quick and bright when he sees me in the doorway. “Hey. I’m so glad you were free tonight.”

  The words warm me from head to toe, especially considering I just saw him at FandomTown a few hours ago. I surge forward to take a bag from him as it begins to slip from where it’s tucked into his elbow. We enter the apartment and he hands me another bag before setting down the rest and taking off his jacket and shoes.

  He eyes my pajamas with a small smile. I’m back in the same Mandalorian set I was wearing last week. “Nice PJs. You know, I was tempted to stop and buy pajamas so we’d both be wearing them, but didn’t know if that would be weird.”

  “Depends on what kind of pajamas you wear, I guess.”

  “I usually rock one of those old-fashioned nightdresses like Johnny Rose in Schitt’s Creek,” he says without missing a beat, which makes me laugh. “I likely would have bought something similar to what you’re wearing, though.”

  “Next time. FandomTown carries all kinds of pajamas, and I’m sure Felicity would give you a family-slash-part-owner discount.” I set the takeout bags on the coffee table and head for the kitchen to get plates and utensils.

  “That reminds me.” Leland’s voice fades as he bends to rustle around in one of the bags he brought. As I set the plates on the counter, he joins me in the kitchen with something held behind his back. At my expectant look, he produces a small rectangular Funko Pop box.

  When I don’t immediately take it, he sets it on the counter. “I heard you and Felicity talking about The Mandalorian today, and I saw you eyeing this when you were sorting toys. I mentioned it to Felicity and she told me to give it to you as a thank-you.”