I was laying in bed staring at the ceiling when I got the sudden urge to pee. I jumped up and ran to the bathroom. As I ran, I could feel the pee coming down my legs, but the only thing is that; it was blood flowing down my legs instead. Once I got my shorts and panties off and sat down on the toilet, I felt pressure in my vaginal area. I put my hand down there and felt the head.

  “Oh, no baby. It’s not time for you to come yet,” I said as I picked up the phone and called emergency I felt my baby coming out of me inch by inch and felt like I was going to die.

  “Ahhhhhhhhhh!” I screamed as I felt my baby come out into the water. I immediately jumped up and pulled him out. I knew he was dead because he wasn’t moving or anything. He was so tiny he could fit in the palm of my hands. I grabbed a lot of towels and wrapped him up. I sat down on the bathroom floor that was covered in my blood. I was in shock as I sat there on the floor cradling him in my arms. I never heard the paramedics and hotel personnel come in until I felt them trying to take him out of my arms.

  “Come on ma’am. Let’s get you to the hospital. Is there anyone that we can call for you?”

  “No. I don’t have anybody.” I handed the baby over to the paramedic and I was placed on a stretcher. I covered my face with my forearm because I didn’t want them looking at me with sympathy. Sympathy is for the weary and I don’t want that shit. I got my feelings under control and put the loss of my son in the back of my head. I didn’t blame anyone for me losing him. God wasn’t ready for me to be a mother and I would never question his will. Him taking my baby from me was nothing but punishment for me killing the first child he had blessed me with.

  After staying in the hospital for a couple of days, I was released. Before I left, I went to the chapel and had a little service for my son. I didn’t even bother to name him. Don’t ask me why I just didn’t have it in me. I was so fucked up behind this shit I wasn’t thinking clearly. Life was a complete blur for me.

  After leaving the hospital, I headed to a place I promised I would never frequent again. The dope spot. I needed some Heroin to make me not care. I didn’t want to think about my dead son or my husband. I wanted to go back to the place in my life where the only thing that mattered was Honey. I was careful about who I copped from because I didn’t want to cop from any one who knew Boo or his crew. Once I found someone, I brought enough to last me for a couple of days. I went back to the same hotel I was staying at when I miscarried and I got higher than a giraffe’s pussy. All my pain, hurt, and anger went away with each snort. I was floating on clouds and I had no intention on coming down so soon.

  I laughed as I thought about how I fell in love and got my feelings hurt. Fuck love that shit was a joke. Everything I’ve ever loved had either hurt or left me alone to fend for myself in this cold ass world. So going forward, I’m numb to everything around me. It’s back to Me, Myself, and I. Life was easier when I was a cold hearted bitch. After coming down off my high, I flushed the rest of the shit I had down the toilet. I had come back to all of my senses. I’m a boss bitch and I just fell off into some feelings. It’s all good though I’ve stepped right back out of that shit.

  Chapter 10- Neicee

  Not knowing where my friend was at was driving me crazy. It didn’t help that Boo was acting like a little bitch over seeing her in a porn movie. This comes from the same nigga that fell in love with a stripper in the first place. I swear niggas kill me with the fucking double standards. I don’t blame Honey for disappearing on his ass. Boo cuts up too much and overreacts all the time. I know he loves her, but he has to do better. These niggas will never learn.

  I was glad Peanut was acting like he had his shit together. He hasn’t fucked with me since I stabbed his ass. It’s a shame we as women have to result to bloodshed to get a motherfucker to fall in line. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not glorifying the fact that I almost killed him because I was never cool with hurting my husband. However, he treads very fucking lightly when it comes to me and what the fuck he does. Madear ain’t never lied when she said he would have some act right after that shit that happened.

  I was anxious to meet up with Rose` it had been two weeks since I seen her and I was anxious to know what the hell was going on with her and the bitch ass nigga Ace. I have to take my hat off to her. I don’t know how she does it, but I know that I would do the same for Peanut if a bitch nigga tried him. I still can’t believe all the niggas they broke bread with jumped ship at the first sight of trouble. Straight fuck niggas. It’s cool though because I know them Remy’s boys got some shit brewing. I’ve seen them put in work before I even started fucking with Peanut so I know shit is about to get real in the field.

  The mall was crowded as hell as I made my over to the food court. I was craving for a Philly Cheese Steak from the Great Steak company. My fat ass was about to order a ten inch and one to go home with. Don’t judge me I’m eating for two.

  “Hey, Bish!” Rose’ said as she jumped up and hugged me.

  “Hey I missed you so much. Is that nigga putting his hands on you?”

  “Actually he’s being the perfect gentleman. He’s actually almost too perfect. The shit is so scary but sit down for this tea. This nigga has lost what little mind he has left.”

  “Hold that thought Bish. Let me go order my food. I’m hungry as a hostage.”

  “Hurry up greedy bitch. I have to go meet up with Tahari.” I hurried up and walked over to order my food. As I headed over to the counter, I noticed the bitch Kimbella walking with her and Peanut’s daughter. I took a closer look and she was also holding hands with their friend Mook. I was trying my best to get a little close without being seen. I pulled out my phone and I took pictures of their asses. What threw me for a loop was when I heard Paris call the nigga Daddy. Peanut was going to have a fucking fit when I told him.

  Once they were out of my view, I headed on over to order my food. As I stood in line, the most genius idea popped up in my head. I hoped and prayed this shit didn’t blow up in my face, but it was to protect me family because at the moment, this little girl’s paternity was in question. At first, she looked like Peanut to me, but gradually she’s started to look more like her mother. That’s unfortunate for the poor child because Kimbella is one ugly baldheaded bitch.

  “Was that Mook and Kimbella?”

  “Yes bitch. Looked like a happy little family to me, but that ain’t none of my business.” I sat down and started eating my food.

  “I haven’t saw him since the night Remy caught me and the kids with him. I actually thought his ass was somewhere swimming with the fishes. Remy had that nigga so scared I know for a fact he pissed on himself. Make sure you tell Peanut about that shit. I don’t trust that bitch as far as I can throw her. Any bitch that fucks with her baby daddy’s best friend ain’t to be trusted. I’ll kill that bitch dead if I find out she’s plotting against us.”

  “My point exactly. Trust and believe me, I got that shit under control.” I took out my phone and showed her the pictures that I had took of their asses.

  “You slick bitch. I know that shit’s right. Expose them disloyal motherfuckers. Not to get off of the subject, but have you heard from Honey yet?”

  “Hell no! I’m so concerned about her and the baby. I know that she’s mad at Boo, but why she got to punish us for the stupid shit he do. Madear is having a fucking fit. She has hired a private investigator and everything. I’m so mad at Boo because he acting like the shit is not fazing him.”

  “I’ve been talking to him, but he’s not listening. I hope he comes to his senses before he loses her for good. They are about to be a family. Both of them need to grow up and get their shit together. I feel sorry for the poor baby. Has to grow up with Lizzie Borden and Charles Manson as parents. Both of them are crazy as fuck.”

  “Not Lizzie Borden and Charles Manson. Them two were psychos for real.”

  “Let me tell you about this nigga Ace. Do you know he wants us to have a Polyamorous relationship with Diamond? What’s crazy is that this bitch is down for it? Of course, I have to play the part so I’ve been in the house with them.” I almost choked on my Pepsi as I listened to this shit that Rose` was saying.

  “He wants y’all to have sex together and shit?”

  “Yes. The thing is he wants us to be one big happy ass couple. This man is walking around like he hasn’t beaten or raped me. The only upside to this shit is that he hasn’t tried to have sex with or touch me inappropriately. I can’t wait to get over to the hotel to get some dick from Remy. I’m sick of listening to him and Diamond fuck all night.” I heard a lot of sick of shit, but this takes the cake. People need to stop saying that only white people do sick shit like this. I swear black people are taking on a whole new level of freakiness.

  “How is Heaven adapting to this shit?”

  “She’s good, but that’s because she’s with her brothers. I’m not gon’ lie though Ace has been trying his best to be a good father, but he will never compare to Remy.”

  “I know that shit right.”

  “I got to get out of here and get to this business meeting. I’ll see you as soon I get some free time. Love you and let me know if you hear from Honey.”

  “I love you too.” We parted ways and I headed home. This baby has my entire body hurting and swollen. I just want to climb in bed and let Peanut rub my booty until I fall asleep.

  On the way home from the mall, I couldn’t help but think about the bitch Kimbella. I knew that I wasn’t supposed to be thinking of swabbing their daughter’s mouth, but I had a gut feeling that something wasn’t right with the whole scene I saw earlier. I stopped in Walgreens and grabbed a over the counter DNA test. I was about to swab her damn mouth. I refused to let this bitch make a fool out of my husband. She gets twenty five hundred a month in Child Support. I want to make sure this bitch not taking him for a ride. I swear if the shit comes back negative I’m going to kick her ass pregnant and all.

  When I pulled into our driveway, there was a woman sitting on my stairs. After putting the car in park, I hopped out and walked full speed ahead trying to see who the fuck she was.

  “Can I help you?”

  “As a matter of fact, you can, I was looking for Parish?”

  “That’s my husband. Why are you looking for him?” This woman was looking so desperate to me almost to the point where she looked like she was about to cry.

  “I’m looking for him because he’s my son. I haven’t been able to find out where my son Brion was at?” I had to grab on to the banister to keep from losing my balance. How is this lady sitting here in front of me when she’s supposed to be dead.

  “Look I don’t know what type scam you running, but my husband’s mother is deceased. Please get off my property before I have you arrested.”

  “That’s what me and my mother Madear agreed to tell the boys. I was a prostitute and I was strung out on drugs. I was no good for either of them so it was best I disappear from their lives altogether. I’ve been clean for the last six months and I want my family back. I’ll leave your property, but please tell my son that I came to see him. I’m a grandmother, huh?” she said as she reached out and rubbed on my protruding belly. Before I could respond, Peanut pulled up with Boo and our son in tow. From the looks in their eyes, I knew that they had noticed their mother.

  “What the fuck!” Boo said as locked eyes with their mom.

  “You knew about this shit, Neicee?”

  “Babe I didn’t know about anything. I just pulled up and she was on the porch.” I walked off the porch and headed towards him.

  “Get the fuck off of my property you dead ass bitch before I put a bullet in your fucking head!” Peanut brushed past her almost knocked her down and going on the house. He slammed the door and the next thing I heard was shit breaking.

  “Why are you here? You’ve missed everything. Madear has been here for us through it all. She’s our mother so you can go back to wherever you came from. We didn’t need your crack head ass then and we don’t need your crack head ass now.” Boo walked inside the house as well and I could hear him snapping the fuck out as well. These niggas is replacing every fucking thing that they break in my house.

  “I’m sorry about all of this. Give me your number and I’ll make sure they get it. You have to give them time to come to terms that you’re still alive.” In a sense, I felt sorry for her because she looked like she was trying to get back right but Peanut and Boo were giving her a hard ass time.

  “You have nothing to be sorry about. This is all my fault and I made some decisions in my past that I knew would effect my future with my children. I accept full responsibility for everything. Here’s my number. If it’s not a problem I would love to be in my grandkids’ life.”

  “Neicee! Bring your ass in here. What the fuck ya ass out here talking about?” I quickly grabbed the number from her hand and put it in my purse. Peanut had rage in his eyes and the last thing I wanted was argue with him over this. I was shocked to know that Madear had a hand in lying to these boys about their mother. It was one thing for her to abandon them, but another for them to go through life under the impression she was dead. That shit was wrong on so many levels.

  “Don’t do that shit no more.”

  “Get out of my face, Peanut. I was just trying to be nice to her. She was really upset about having to do what she did.”

  “Don’t do that shit. You have no idea what the fuck it was like growing up thinking that your damn mother was dead. Fuck that bitch! Don’t sympathize with her pathetic, unfit ass.”

  “I’m with you one hundred percent Bro. What type of mother leaves her damn kids on her mother to raise them? Madear was so fucked up about that shit. I’m not fucking with Porsha period.” Boo was now sitting on the couch flaming up a blunt. I knew I shouldn’t say anything, but I feel like they should know Madear knew about everything. Their mother shouldn’t be the only one who gets the brunt of their anger.

  “Well from what your mother said, Madear knew all about it. They actually agreed to tell you guys that she was dead because she was strung out on drugs.” They both looked at me with eyes wide as saucers. Without so much as a word, they both high tailed it out of there. As bad as I want to go behind them and see what unfolds with Madear, I have other shit to do. I placed a called to Kimbella and told her to drop off Paris because I wanted to take her and my son shopping. Of course, that bitch dropped her off without hesitation. I shook my head at myself because a bitch was definitely being messy boots today.

  Chapter 11- Peanut

  It was hard as hell trying to understand that our mother was indeed alive. We have enough shit on our plate in these streets. The one thing I was always so sure of was Madear. If anything in my life ever went wrong, I knew I had her to make everything okay. How could she let us live life believing our mother was indeed dead? That shit didn’t sit right with me. Madear knows how we were about our mother. Despite her being a prostitute and being strung out on drugs, she did at least act like she loved us.

  “I swear I need a drink before I spazz the fuck out. I have enough going in my life right now. Honey’s ass is missing in action and my damn mother has risen from the fuck dead. What fucking more can I take?” Boo said as he kicked the shit out of my dashboard.

  “Nigga I know you mad, but kick my shit again and your ass gon’ be getting buried. I feel you though lil Bro. This shit is not right. There has to be a logical explanation why Madear would even agree to some shit like this. I wonder did uncle Dino know?” I flamed up a much needed blunt and handed it over to Boo. My phone went off and I looked. It was a text from Kimbella saying that Neicee called and asked to get our daughter and taking her shopping. That was odd because Neicee never took the imitative to do that. I was always the one who decided on the days to get her. Not to mention I had just took her shopping over the weekend.

  “Hell yeah he knew. That nigga is a mama’s boy, so you know he riding with whatever Madear want him to.”

  For the rest of the ride over to Madear’s house, we just bumped Future’s Where Ya At featuring Drake. It was the perfect thing to listen to thinking of all the shit we been through doing our mother’s absence. Madear did what she could for us, but growing up in the hood all we could do was get in the streets and wreak havoc. We grew up mad at the fucking world, but at the same time we channeled that anger into becoming some rich ass niggas.

  “What the hell going over here?” Boo said as we pulled up in front of Madear’s house. Her and our mother was in the damn yard fighting like two bitches on the street. Madear was kicking Porsha’s ass.

  “Why the fuck would you stand there and let them fight, Unc?” Boo said as he grabbed our mother and I tried to grab Madear, but she had a damn death grip on her neck. I swear it looked like Madear was about to kill her with her bare hands.

  “I wasn’t breaking shit up. Both of them are crazy as hell. They can kill each other for all I care. I’m sick of their asses anyway. They done pushed my ass all in the mud in this three hundred dollar suit.”

  “That cheap ass suit nigga. We all know your ass shop at the Flea Market.” Porsha was saying as Boo was holding her back.

  “Fuck your crack head ass.” This shit was so embarrassing; the whole damn block was out watching my mother and grandmother act a damn fool.

  “Your ass got less than a minute to get the fuck out my sight. We’ve been doing good without you. I told you when you walked out that door not to ever bring your ass back around my boys.” Madear was sounding like she was about to cry, so I knew she was definitely in her feelings about this. I just held onto her tighter.