26

  Something Changed

  And two weeks later, showing up late for meetings wasn’t the only thing she had to worry about. Her period was a few days late too.

  She’d never been completely regular. Not often. There was no reason to be nervous about this, but for some reason she was.

  She was keeping it to herself though. Josh and Ruby’s wedding was this weekend and Nathan had enough going on.

  He was back on nights but had taken a few days off for the wedding prep. He’d even slowed down a little in the house now that the kitchen was done.

  A dream kitchen of her own if she had to admit that. She loved every single thing about it and had told him that. Though she’d tried to rein it back so he didn’t think she was overdoing it. That she was seeing herself living there, even if in her mind she might be.

  Talk about putting the cart before the horse. Especially when she was the one that was pulling up lame more than him in terms of their relationship.

  She wasn’t stupid and had seen that Nathan was making comments and statements about her and the future. More than she’d been.

  If she was pregnant...no. Not going there right now.

  There was a knock at her office door and she looked up to see Blair standing there. Oh no. It had to be a dream for Blair to show up out of the blue like this.

  “What did you see?” she asked her cousin.

  “Why does it have to be a dream about you? Maybe I had one about me?”

  “Did you?” she asked.

  “I dreamed of a baby,” Blair said, coming forward and sitting down across from her.

  There were chills on Brina’s arms. “You were pregnant in the dream?”

  “I was. I couldn’t see my face, but I knew it was me. I felt it.”

  “It’s what you want, we know that,” she said. “My guess is you two are trying like bunnies now that you officially live together.”

  Philip hadn’t put his house up for sale until they were actually married. One week on the market and it was already under contract. Of course Ruby was the realtor. Brina had cooked dinner at Nathan’s the other night and Josh and Ruby had come over. She really liked them as a couple and it was fun to do something with someone else.

  They’d done a few things with Blair and Philip too, but not as much. Not that she didn’t enjoy spending time with her cousin and her new family, but Blair had a way of putting pressure on her and Nathan’s relationship. She had a feeling it wasn’t just Nathan that was uncomfortable at times.

  “That’s what newlyweds do. So do people in new relationships. I see your car at Nathan’s a lot.”

  “There is no privacy in our family. So did you take a test already?”

  “No. I’m not due for two weeks. It’s almost like I had the dream and maybe the conception happened last night. I wanted it to happen. Do you think that is part of it? That it’s my subconscious doing that to me?”

  “You know that is a possibility,” Brina said.

  “I do. But I had to tell someone. I couldn’t tell Hannah because she gets so excited she might slip and say something to the rest of the family. You won’t say a word to anyone.”

  “I won’t. I know how you are with your dreams. If it’s true, you will be telling me. But you wanted someone to know you had the dream first...kind of like an I told you so.”

  Blair laughed. “See, you know me so well. You’re the one that is always so unbelieving, even though all my dreams of you and Nathan have been true so far.”

  “I suppose so,” she admitted.

  “And things are going well there,” Blair rubbed in.

  “Well enough,” she said with a grin.

  “Just tell me that you are softening toward him.”

  “I wasn’t hard toward him,” she argued. “Why would you say that?”

  “That isn’t what I meant. I just meant that maybe you are opening your heart up a bit for a real relationship. Not just someone to have some fun with or to scratch an itch when you need it.”

  “It stopped being that months ago. Though it started that way for both of us something has changed. I’m not sure what or where, but it did.”

  Maybe it was those few serious conversations they’d had. Or that Nathan understood her so well. Or that she understood him.

  A part of her wanted to call Marcella the next morning after Nathan told her what happened, but she didn’t. She didn’t want anyone to know Nathan had told her.

  She hadn’t had to worry though. Marcella called her the next day at lunch and told her everything. She’d played coy and asked for the employee’s name, got it, and then reached out when Marcella gave her the number.

  Michele didn’t answer so Brina left a message. She hadn’t heard a word until two days ago and she was going to have an interview with Michele tomorrow. If the woman didn’t get cold feet.

  It wasn’t worth saying her employers couldn’t fire her for coming forward. That there were whistleblower laws. Saying that might scare her off faster than a mouse when the cat pounced.

  “All that matters is that it did change. And you’re going with it, right? Not trying to control or guide it the way you want?”

  “No. Can I tell you something?” Brina asked.

  “You know you can. You’re in love, aren’t you?”

  “That isn’t what I was going to say.”

  “But you didn’t deny it.”

  “I’m not saying that to you if I haven’t said to him.”

  “I knew it,” Blair said, pointing her finger.

  “Stop. Ben is one of the attorneys defending my big case.”

  “That dick. Did you stick your foot up his stuck-up ass when you saw him?”

  She laughed. “I wanted to. He hasn’t changed. He didn’t even sign his name to anything and just showed up. He thought it would throw me off.”

  “Then he doesn’t know you that well. When your mind is made up about something, nothing steers it away. Especially someone who treated you so badly.”

  “I told him how it was. I said my piece. And then the past few weeks I’ve been thinking about that relationship and where everything went wrong.”

  “You didn’t do anything wrong and you know it,” Blair said.

  “There are always two people with faults,” she said. “I’m not stupid. I wondered if I wasn’t open-minded enough. I wondered if I wasn’t flexible.”

  Blair snorted. “Please. You are who you are and you shouldn’t change your ideals for anyone. If you believe in something and they don’t, that isn’t your fault.”

  “Or theirs,” she argued but held her hand up to stop Blair from continuing. “But it is if they treat someone like crap over it. Or make them feel bad about what they believe in or are misleading to get what they want. I’ve taken a long look at myself and wondered how flawed I was.”

  “We’re all flawed, Brina. But if you can lay your head down at night without guilt, then you are doing something right.”

  Could she though? She wasn’t telling Nathan she was late, and she wasn’t telling him about Ben and how it changed her mind about her feelings on relationships.

  And yes, she was falling in love with Nathan and wasn’t cluing him in on that either.

  Nathan heard his phone ringing and put the nail gun down. He was hanging sheetrock in the laundry room.

  “Hello,” he said to the number he didn’t recognize. But it was local and since he had so many things ordered it could be any business calling him.

  “Nathan.”

  Shit. It was his mother. He had her number in his phone so he could avoid her call. She obviously wasn’t using her cell or changed her number.

  “What?” he said.

  “It was my birthday yesterday and you didn’t call me.”

  “Nope, I didn’t,” he said.

  “I call you on yours,” she said.

  She called a few times a year. His birthday and Christmas. He didn’t answer half the time. They hadn’t really talked in years and he had no desire to do it now.

  “What do you want?”

  “Your brother said you bought another house and that you’re seeing someone.”

  Damn Dylan. He probably meant well. He was positive his mother asked about him and Dylan wouldn’t avoid the conversation if asked. Just like their father, Dylan was more forgiving.

  “Your point?”

  “I just thought I’d call and see how you were doing. How serious it might be.”

  “Why do you care?” he asked. “You’ve never been serious about any man in your life. You just went from one to the other trying to kill your pain.”

  “You wouldn’t understand,” she said.

  He was going to regret this, he knew, but said it anyway. “Explain it then.”

  “Your father’s love was suffocating.”

  “Come on,” he said. “Take responsibility for being the way you are.”

  “At least you didn’t call me a nasty name this time,” she said.

  He wanted to, but why bother? He wasn’t someone to repeat it to get his point across. “You have your life. You don’t care that what you did destroyed three other lives.”

  “It was between your father and me.”

  “No, it wasn’t,” he said. “We were all hurting over Cassie. You blamed him for not seeing it. You even threw it in my and Dylan’s faces for not knowing what was going on. You never once thought maybe you played a part in it. That maybe you didn’t see it either. She was your daughter and you two were close.”

  “We were. Closer than I was with anyone else in the family. And when she died a part of me did too.”

  “Just like the rest of us. But rather than holding onto the rest of us, you pushed us away. You knew damn well by moving from one man to the next that Dad could only take so much. You made him look like a fool.”

  “I was in another place back then.”

  “I don’t need to hear this. Why are you telling me now years later?”

  “Because I’d like to salvage my relationship with you.”

  He shook his head. “And you think one phone call is going to do that? You think I can forget what you did and how you wiped your hands of all of us for years? There is more going on now and I’d like to know what it is.”

  There was silence on the other end. “I’ve been sick. I just found out I’ve got MS.”

  “So that makes it okay in your eyes to want a relationship with us again? Is it guilt?”

  “I don’t know what it is. I was wrong. I’m sorry. Dylan knows my faults and doesn’t hold it against me. Neither does your father. But you always did.”

  “I’m sorry you’re sick.” He guessed she must be worried she’d need someone to take care of her at some point. She’d burned her bridges with his father and probably any other man. She couldn’t stay in a relationship no matter how hard she tried...or said she did.

  “I’m taking a bigger look at my life. I’m trying to make amends. I don’t want the rest of my life spent with my son hating me.”

  “Again, one phone call won’t make a difference.”

  “No. But it could be a start, couldn’t it?”

  “You don’t think I have an answer for you now, do you?”

  “Of course not. I just didn’t want you to hold back any relationship because of what I did or what you knew of your father and my relationship.”

  “It wasn’t a relationship.”

  “Fine. What we had didn’t work. I treated your father horribly. I was hurting and I wanted him to hurt even more.”

  “We were all hurting. If you’d opened your eyes you would have seen it more. Instead you tried to bankrupt him on top of it.”

  “He ran my name through the mud,” she argued.

  Nathan was getting sick of this conversation. “With reason.”

  She sighed on the other line. “You’re right. Dylan has never mentioned you dating anyone before. He seems to think it’s serious. I just wanted you to know that you are nothing like me and everything like your father. Your father is the type of guy to only love once. I used that to do what I wanted thinking he’d always be there for me.”

  “Guess you thought wrong.”

  “I did. Now I’m paying the price. I abused his love for me and I’ll have to live with that. There is no making amends there and I won’t even try. He deserves to find happiness in his life and it’s not with me. But I can try to make amends with you. You’ve got my number if you want to talk.”

  He stared at the phone after the call was disconnected. His mother got one thing right. He’d never loved another woman before, but he was in love with Sabrina Shepard and he had to figure out a way to get her to love him back.

  27

  Fear Was Crazy

  “I can’t wait to see you in that tux,” Brina said when she walked out of his bathroom. “When will Josh and his cousin be here?”

  “In about twenty minutes. The guys don’t need as much time as the women do to get ready, but Ruby is kicking him out of the house.”

  “I’m surprised they stayed together last night and saw each other this morning. They aren’t superstitious like that?”

  He laughed at her. “You’re superstitious? The person who doesn’t believe in romance or happy ever after?”

  “No, I’m not that way. It wouldn’t make a difference to me if you saw me on our wedding day.” He stopped and looked at her and too late she realized what she’d said. “You know what I mean.”

  “No, I don’t,” he said. “Why don’t you tell me?”

  She hadn’t expected this to happen. Maybe it was the nerves of still not knowing if she was pregnant or not. It’d been nine days since her period was due. She’d been as late as two weeks before, but that time she hadn’t been having sex.

  She was trying not to sweat it right now and wanted to get past the wedding before she took the test. The test that she purchased on her way here and was in her purse and she had every intention of taking soon.

  “What is it you want me to say?” she asked.

  “I want you to tell me how you feel? How you feel about me? A few weeks ago I thought for sure you were pulling away and then things changed. I’m not sure what is going on.”

  “You never said a word,” she said. She should have realized he would have noticed her change. A few weeks ago she’d been quiet and thinking about her life and her relationship after her meeting with Ben.

  “I figured you’d tell me if it was something serious. You’re not someone to keep things to yourself if it’s important.”

  And there was the guilt again. She supposed she could confess about Ben. “I ran into my ex at my office a few weeks ago. He’s part of the opposing counsel with the AEA case. He’s just as much of a dick now as he was back then. Probably more so.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked.

  “It was nothing. I mean that day it pissed me off. Then I guess I had to take a good look at myself and see if what was holding me back was because of him.”

  “Was it?” he asked staring at her. Maybe trying to read her mind and it was unnerving in that way he always did things. Like he knew what she was thinking.

  “Yes and no. I realized I blamed that failed relationship on him, not me. I let it dictate too much of my thoughts on things. I’m still the same person I was back then but only better in some ways. I can admit when I’m thinking illogically and I have been.”

  He smiled at her. The one that he rarely did, the one that reached his eyes and melted her heart. “And what did you discover?”

  “That maybe you were thinking of the future more than me. That maybe you cared for me and my fear was crazy. That I shouldn’t be afraid to tell you I love you yet I am because we said we were just looking to keep it light and now it’s about as light as a ten ton truck.”

  “I have been thinking of a future with you. Why do you think I’ve been busting my butt in this house to get it done faster?”

  “Because of me?” she asked.

  “Partially. I see myself staying here when I wasn’t sure I’d ever find the house that just called to me. I realized it was the house and it was you. I want you both and I’m trying to give this to you. I’m trying to make this a place you want to be.”

  “I want to be here, but I want to be with you too. It doesn’t matter if it’s this house or another.”

  He reached for her, picked her up and placed his lips on hers. “I love you too. And I guess we both had something happen in our lives that made us realize that.”

  “What’s that?” she asked.

  “My mother called me last week. We had some choice words to say to each other and no reason to get into it now. But she said one thing to me: she said I was like my father and my father only loved once. She abused his love and she was sorry for it.”

  “You wouldn’t care to hear her excuses, would you?” she asked.

  “No. But I am like my father in that I’ve never been in love before but know I am now. I can’t see myself with anyone else and I’ve been wondering how to convince you to love me back.”

  “You don’t have to convince me of anything.” The doorbell went off. “Crap. Talk about horrible timing,” she said.

  “Not everyone is late like you,” he said back and she felt her face flush a bit but hoped he didn’t notice. Or didn’t think it was anything other than her flaw of never showing up on time.

  “Go greet your friend. I’ll stay out of your way.”

  “You can come sit with us,” he said.

  “No. I’ll stay up here and work.”

  “We’ll continue this tonight.”

  “I’ll hold you to it.”

  Nathan felt like the tux was choking him, but he didn’t care because he felt free in a way he never expected after telling Brina he loved her. And to find out she loved him back already was just the cherry on top of the hot fudge sundae he had the first night he and Brina made love. Looking back, it was making love rather than sex, even though it’d been scorching. He realized that now.

  When the ceremony was over and they were back at the reception hall, he couldn’t wait to get a beer. Brina was going to drive home so he could throw a few back and not worry about it.