Her heart was racing. He’d said love. Not that he loved her, but that he wanted to make love to her. Wasn’t it the same thing though? She’d never been in love before. Never let herself open up enough to feel anything remotely close to what she felt for Max. She’d had enough heartache and pain in her life and the thought of opening herself up to more had always made her skittish.

  “I’m scared,” she said.

  He pulled her into his arms and started to slowly move with her on the dance floor. “Of what? There’s nothing to be scared of.”

  “You. Me. Us. This whole situation frightens me.” It was more than she thought she’d ever say to him.

  “It scares me too,” he said, and his hand brushed her hair from her cheek.

  “That’s not very encouraging.” If he was trying to help, he wasn’t.

  “Don’t think about anything else but this. But me.” He leaned down and kissed her on the lips, his tongue coming out to taste her. “Only think of me tonight and what I make you feel, what I’m going to do to you.”

  She really had no choice but to do as he said. Her body was already yielding, along with her heart. “Tell me what to do.”

  “Nothing. Just enjoy it. It’s all about you tonight.”

  “Why can’t it be about both of us?” she asked, swaying into him as his hands moved down her sides to settle on her hips.

  “Another time, another place, I promise.”

  His mouth sealed any questions she might have had and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

  She felt like she was melting under his skillful hands. She’d always thought they were so big, too big to be so gentle, yet he’d never been anything but with her. Even when they were hurrying.

  The cool air on her back made her shudder as Max lowered her zipper all the way down. Then he spun her a little until he was looking at her back.

  Next thing she knew, his lips were at her bare shoulder and his fingertips gliding the dress down her arms. It wasn’t long before she was left standing there and heard his intake of breath.

  “Quinn, you just blow me away.”

  She’d completely forgotten about what she had on under the dress. The surprise she had for Max. The black lace bustier, matching thong, and thigh-high stockings.

  “I said I’d surprise you.”

  “And you did. You’re trying to make it hard for me to go slow tonight, to show you how much I treasure you.”

  “Then don’t make me wait. Do what you do best,” she said, moaning as he glided his knuckles down her spine.

  “No way. I’m taking all the time I want. Turn around for me, let me see the front.”

  She did as he said, turning and watching his eyes shine as they landed on the strapless top that was barely covering her. It was kind of joke. Since it was see through, he could see all he wanted, but he also seemed to appreciate it.

  “You know what? I’m thinking this might need to be modeled for me another time.”

  “I can do that for you right now,” she whispered.

  “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were trying to persuade me to not make love to you tonight. To not treat you with the love and care you deserve.”

  He was right, but she didn’t want to admit it. “Why would you say that?”

  “Because you said you were scared. There’s nothing to be scared of. I won’t hurt you.”

  She wasn’t so sure of that, but kept those words to herself. Her heart hurt right now…it was bursting with emotions toward him.

  He scooped her up in his arms and walked her to the bedroom where she saw more candles lit and roses on the bedside table.

  “You really did have a lot of tricks up your sleeve tonight.”

  “I wanted to have the petals on the bed, but figured that was just a little over the top.”

  “It would have been,” she said, but she would have secretly enjoyed it.

  Laying her on the bed, he came down next to her and started to kiss her again, relaxing her body more than ever before. When he was done devouring her mouth, he moved down her neck to her chest, going to work on her breasts.

  He’d never made a secret how much he loved them, even though she never believed it. But he always spent a huge amount of time on that part of her body. Not that she minded, because she didn’t. His mouth was just as skillful as his hands.

  Nudging the lace down over her breasts, he started to kiss, then suck until she thought she was going to scream at how patiently he was toying with her.

  Then he laughed and bit her slightly. “Don’t be so impatient tonight. I’ll make it worth it.”

  “You always do. Don’t make me wait, though.”

  “I’ve been thinking about this night for weeks. There is no way I’m rushing it. Not when I have no clue when we’ll have another like it.”

  She pushed that thought from her head. The thought that said she should be offended they were still hiding their relationship, even though she was the one who kept saying it was best this way. It was hard to break the habit of always thinking short term.

  Somehow without her knowledge, her top was removed, then her thong, and finally her stockings. She was in such a sexual haze that she never felt him do anything. Probably because his mouth seemed to be everywhere his hands were.

  “Aren’t you going to get undressed?” she asked, finally realizing he hadn’t taken one stitch of clothing off.

  “In due time.”

  She was beginning to think his due time and hers were completely opposite, but it didn’t matter because he didn’t leave her hanging. No, he put his mouth to work in another place, in a place that sent her spiraling out of control and moaning out his name.

  “I love when you do that. I love watching you. You’re so reactive to everything.”

  “I just feel,” she said without thought.

  “That’s the way it should be.”

  She lay there as he quickly undressed and joined her on the bed. She hadn’t even realized he’d gotten a condom out and was ready. She was still trying to catch her breath.

  There was no time to catch her breath though, before he was over her and then sliding seamlessly inside of her. Her body sighed in pleasure, the wonder of how she could feel so good with him when she never did with another person before.

  His fingers went to hers, entwining them together, then pushing them up over her head. He had a steel grip on her, but it was more comforting than anything. As if he was afraid to let go of her.

  That was okay with her—she never wanted him to, but she wouldn’t dare say that. Not now, not when she didn’t know how he felt about her. Not when she didn’t know what the future held.

  Lifting her hips up, she encouraged him to move, so he did. A little bit at a time, slow and steady, then long and fast. Back and forth, teasing her and pushing her to a point where she thought she’d burst.

  There were words trapped in her throat that wanted to be screamed out, words she never thought she’d voice, so she bit her tongue. Now wasn’t the time to say them. Never like this.

  He didn’t let up with his movements, almost as if he knew what was going on with her and was trying to force her to say it, to say something.

  In the end, her body started to crest, her nails were biting into his hands, and he leaned down and covered her mouth with his, silencing anything that might slip out.

  No words needed to be spoken, she was sure. Their bodies did all the talking, all the feeling, and expressed all their love.

  ***

  The next morning, Max woke up feeling lighter than he had in years.

  Quinn had said she was afraid, and he knew it, but she had no clue what he was feeling. The fear was there for him, too. He’d been down this road before. He knew what he felt and how it ended last time.

  Part of him wanted to experience this again. He wanted to show her what love was, wanted her to feel it too. The other part was terrified to even try.

  To put himself out on the line like that. To put his kids out there.

  He gave her what he wanted to last night. The whole day, he hoped, was one she’d never forget. He knew he wouldn’t.

  But he’d seen something in her eyes, something that said the fear was the same as his. As much as it pleased him, he wasn’t ready for it to be spoken.

  With that in mind, he decided to make it so that neither one of them said anything they might regret.

  There was time still, it was early. And though he knew what he felt, he wasn’t ready to let it be public either.

  Parenthood

  The next afternoon, Quinn was curled up on the couch in their suite under a blanket. It was blustery out and way too cold for her to want to leave.

  Max had convinced her to go to breakfast this morning when they finally managed to get up and shower, but after that she just wanted to stay in for the day.

  They ordered room service for lunch, took advantage of their alone time some more, and right now he was going to get a snack from the vending machines.

  “What’s going on?” she heard Max say as he opened the suite door. She thought for sure he was talking to her and went to answer, but noticed he was on the phone. “Fine,” he said before disconnecting the call.

  “Is everything okay?” she asked, looking at his face and seeing the confusion.

  “The kids will be here in five minutes, and no, I don’t know why, but I’m about to find out. Since Mia pretty much bit my head off, it won’t be pleasant.”

  So much for their time alone, but she was happy she got what she did. Especially since Max didn’t seem as warm today. Not that he was cold either, but something was different compared to last night and she couldn’t put her finger on it. All she knew was she was glad she never said what she was really feeling in the heat of the moment.

  “Do you want me to leave?” she asked, hoping.

  “No. You might need to take the kids in another room, because I’ve got a feeling this is going to get ugly and it’s long overdue.”

  There wasn’t much more time for them to talk because the door opened and Lara came running in, tears in her eyes as she wrapped her arms around Max’s waist.

  Davey walked in, his head down, his face red, and went straight into Lara’s room and shut the door hard.

  “What the hell?” Max asked.

  “I’m hungry, Daddy,” Lara said, sobbing.

  He looked confused. “When did you eat lunch?”

  “We didn’t,” she said, sniffling.

  Max swung his head around angrily to Mia.

  “I had to work. I told them I’d get them lunch when I was done,” she said impatiently.

  “Where have the kids been if you’ve been working?” he asked, running his hand up and down Lara’s back.

  “They were with me. I didn’t leave them alone, what do you take me for?”

  Quinn knew what she wanted to say, but held her tongue.

  “We’ve been sitting in chairs in the waiting room for hours. We were bored and hungry, and Mom wouldn’t come talk to us.”

  Max’s face was beet red. He turned and said, “Quinn, can you take Lara in with Davey and let them order room service? See if you can get them to bring something up fast. Mia and I need to talk.”

  Quinn nodded and reached her hand out for Lara. “Come on, sweetie. Let’s go see what yummy things you can order to eat.”

  Lara let go of her father and ran to put her hand in Quinn’s as they made their way to Lara’s room. Davey was already sitting on the bed with his headphones on watching something on his iPad. When Quinn heard Max yell, “What the hell is wrong with you?” she grabbed Lara’s headphones out of her backpack and handed them over.

  “Let’s get something on for you to watch too while you figure out what you want to eat. I’ll order it for you.”

  There was more shouting from the other room, mostly Mia, but enough that Lara flinched again and hugged her tight.

  Quinn did the only thing she could think to do, the same thing she did when she was trying to shield Lily, Brett, and Karl from the screaming going on around them as kids. She hugged them tight and rocked them. Trying to soothe them as much as she was trying to soothe herself.

  ***

  Max couldn’t remember being this angry before, ever. Not when he found out Mia was cheating on him, not even when she walked out of their divorce proceedings without blinking an eye. No, those times hurt, and his hurt made him angry, but never furious.

  Right now he was furious.

  “They’re children. Your children. You stop what you’re doing and you feed them when they’re hungry. You don’t leave them with strangers and tell them to not bother you while you work. I might add, you wanted to spend time with them this week. You never said you were bringing them to work.”

  “Something came up. Cut me some slack,” she said, looking around the suite and lifting her nose.

  “Slack. You don’t get that when you want to spend time with them. Time that you haven’t spent with them in over a year.”

  “I’ve been busy,” she said, putting her hands on her hips. “I’m very rarely in one city for any time, what do you want from me?”

  He wanted her to care, but long ago gave up on that wish.

  “I want you to acknowledge that you wanted the kids for a few days and take responsibility for it, then spend time with them. Otherwise stay out of their lives.”

  She started to stalk about the room, the same as she did when they were married. When she didn’t get her way and was processing something.

  “I’m not meant to be a parent. This parenthood thing isn’t for me. Maybe it will be easier when they’re adults, but I’ve got too much on my plate for them now.”

  He couldn’t believe she’d just said that. “Newsflash, you are a parent. You can’t wipe that away. If you don’t want to spend time with them, say it. Tell me and we’ll figure it out.”

  “It’s just not working out,” she said, snapping again. “And how dare you tell Davey he can ask me if I even care about him? Why would you tell him that was acceptable?”

  “Really? You want to go there,” he shouted at her. “You just admitted this parenting thing wasn’t for you. Do you think the kids are stupid? They aren’t. Davey isn’t stupid and he wanted to know. He has the right to ask you what he has suspected all along. Give him credit for trying to be honest. Guess he didn’t get that trait from his mother.”

  “That’s cold, Max,” she said, venom all but shooting out of her eyes.

  “The truth can be.”

  “I never wanted kids! That was all you. You didn’t give me a choice.”

  What the hell was she talking about? “You never once said you didn’t want kids. This is the first I’ve ever heard it.”

  “I couldn’t very well tell you that. You would have never married me.”

  She was probably right, and though he was so in love with her back then and it would have hurt, he would have been smart enough to look long term and realize he wouldn’t be happy never having kids.

  He wouldn’t trade his bad marriage in for anything if it meant he never had Davey and Lara.

  “You’re probably right. So why then? Why go through it? Why put yourself and me through all those years of misery?”

  She snorted at him. “I had such high hopes for you. The up-and-coming young Hamilton. You were all the rage at the hospital during your residency, and you only had eyes for me. I’d be crazy not to take advantage of that.”

  It was probably the last thing he wanted to hear right now, or expected her to say.

  “So it was all a game to you?”

  “No. I did love you, Max. I did. I never had a life like this. My parents couldn’t afford college. I really wanted to try with you and give you that life, so I figured how hard could it be to have a child? I knew you’d get a nanny for me. It really wasn’t that bad at first.”

  He couldn’t believe she was talking about their children as if they were a chore she could just toss away.

  “Then what changed?” He didn’t know why he was torturing himself right now, but he felt like he needed answers.

  “It wore on me. I wanted a life of my own. I wanted to be successful. I didn’t want to be known as Max’s wife. Then you wanted another child, and I didn’t know what to do.”

  “You never said a word. You never said you wanted to wait, nothing.”

  “I wasn’t supposed to even get pregnant,” she spit out. “Do you think I wanted to put my body through that again? Especially since you weren’t willing to help me get it back to the way it was beforehand.”

  He wasn’t about to go there again. It wasn’t worth it. “Then how did you get pregnant? Humor me, because you sure the hell weren’t pushing me out of the bedroom.”

  “I must not have put the diaphragm in right one night. I always knew when we were going to have sex. It was hardly spontaneous.”

  Again, news to him, but she obviously knew each time before he got home and since she was willing to have sex so often, he never thought twice about it. Again, part of her plan.

  “But you did get pregnant again. You had another child. You didn’t even try or pretend when Lara was born. Just more years of my life and the kids’ while you pushed us aside to do your own thing. Or was it to hold on long enough so I’d foot the bill for your fashion career?”

  “I wasn’t about to let go of you until then. Besides, all you’d do is go hook up with trash like that nanny back there. At least I saved you the embarrassment in front of your friends.”

  He didn’t know where or why she’d said that. “What are you talking about?”

  “Max, let’s be real. You have a soft spot for those with less then you. You approached me. It makes you feel good to take care of someone. To be a father figure to them. Does it make you feel like a man?”

  She was way off base. Yeah, he approached her back then, but not because she was beneath him like she suspected. He didn’t even know that about her then. She was just a cheerful face he saw each day and struck up a conversation. Before her, all his relationships came from the same social circle as his. It wasn’t worth it for him to correct her now since she’d never believe him anyway.