“What seems to be the trouble?” suddenly asked a small voice from nearby.

  When we looked in the direction of the voice, I saw that it belonged to a tiny turtle.

  “Pinkie!” said Brutus happily. “I thought you’d disappeared!”

  “They threw me back into the tank with the others,” said Pinkie with a smile. “Took me ages to get out again. The life of a turtle is one that requires a lot of patience.”

  Suddenly Brutus’s eyes went wide. “Pinkie!”

  “Brutus?”

  “Maybe you can help us free our humans!”

  “Oh, sure. What do you want me to do?”

  “Can you maybe crawl underneath that door over there and, um…”

  “Yes?”

  Brutus was frowning before him. “Um…”

  “Yes?”

  He shook his head in frustration. “I thought I had an idea, but now it’s gone.” He turned to me. “Max? You have a big head. Maybe you can come up with something?”

  I glanced from Pinkie to the door to the water tanks and thought hard. Then I had it. “Do you think you can get your friends to help us out?” I asked the tiny turtle.

  “Oh, sure. They’d love to help. Anything to get out of this nasty pond and back to the ocean where they belong.”

  “So… maybe you can ask them to move that thick plank over there and squeeze it into that hole over there between those cinder blocks? And place that piece of wood underneath.” And as I explained to Pinkie what I thought might be a good plan to free our humans, she keenly followed along, then returned to the large basin she’d escaped from, and moments later we watched with interest how thousands of tiny turtles started moving out of the tank across the fishing net Johnny must have left there again, and then down the little stepladder placed against the tank and in the direction of the room where all of our humans were locked up.

  It was a long shot, as our workforce was numerous but also very, very, very slow…

  “I don’t know, Jer. I’ve never killed anyone before, and I really don’t want to start now. And besides, Marge is good people, and so are the others in there—even those cops.”

  “I know,” said Jerry as he nervously paced the floor. “Don’t you think I know? I’m not a killer, Johnny, whatever people say.”

  “So what do we do, Jer? We can’t let them go, cause that would make Randy get all upset with us, and maybe kick us out, and we can’t kill them either.”

  “I know—just let me think, all right? Just let me think!”

  Johnny watched as his friend thought hard. In fact he thought so hard the veins in his temples were standing out, and he was starting to worry Jerry might suffer an aneurysm soon. And all for a measly paycheck. They weren’t even going to get paid in percentages but in one lump sum for their trouble.

  “I don’t think I like Randy anymore, Jer,” he now confessed. “I think he’s gone a little loopy. Must be all those drugs. They must have addled his brain.”

  “Will you just shut up?” said Jerry. “I’m trying to think here!”

  “Oh, sure, Jer.” And he was quiet for a couple of seconds, until he thought of something else. “If we get caught this time the judge won’t be happy, Jer. We told him last time, we said, Mr. Judge, we said, we won’t never do it again, sir. This time we’ll be good. So I can tell you right now that when he sees us again he’s going to be very upset.”

  “Shut up, Johnny.”

  “Just saying, Jer.” He glanced over to the cats, and his heart wept. “Poor cats,” he said. “And poor dogs. Just look at them. They look so sad. What are they gonna do without their humans to take care of them? Who’s gonna feed them, who’s gonna need them? We can’t do this, Jer. It just don’t feel good.”

  “Will you just shut up for one second?”

  “Sure, Jer. I’ll shut up now.” And so he was quiet for another couple of seconds, then said, “And what about Odelia? How is she going to feel without a mother and a father and a grandmother and an uncle and a boyfriend? She’s going to be sad, Jer. And I like Odelia. I like her a lot. She’s got spunk, and I don’t want to make her an orphan, Jer. It’s just not right.”

  “Shut up, Johnny!”

  “Yes, Jer.” He thought about how they could get out of this mess, and even though he wasn’t used to thinking hard—he usually left that to Jerry, who had a head for that kind of thing—he suddenly thought he’d come up with an idea. “So what if we simply give ourselves up, Jer? I mean, if we rat out Randy now the cops will probably tell the judge not to be too hard on us, right? Lenient, as that nice judge always likes to say. And they’ll probably be happy that we didn’t kill anyone so they might just let us go and call it quits.”

  “I don’t think they’ll do that, Johnny.”

  “No, but maybe they will. That judge likes us—I could tell last time we were in court. He said to me, Johnny, he said, I like you, Johnny. I like your face, so I’m gonna be lenient, he said.”

  “He didn’t say no such thing.”

  “No, but he was thinking it. I could see it in his eyes.”

  “Oh, Johnny,” said Jerry with a sigh, then finally shrugged and said, “You know what? I think you’re right, buddy. We can’t kill them so we just gotta let them go. It’s for the best.” And then he threw his gun to the floor. “I hate that I’m not a killer!”

  But Johnny placed his large arm around his associate’s shoulder and said, “For what it’s worth, I like that you’re not a killer, Jer. And I’m sure Marlene likes it, too.”

  Jerry looked up with a hopeful look. “You think so?”

  “Oh, sure. In fact I think this whole episode might bring you and Marlene back together. When she hears what a good thing you did here today, I’m sure she’ll take you back in a heartbeat, Jer. And if she doesn’t, she’s a fool.”

  “Don’t call my wife a fool, Johnny.”

  “I’m sorry, Jer. I didn’t mean that.”

  “I know you didn’t.”

  And they both sighed with relief. They might be crooks, but they weren’t killers, and even though they’d miss a nice payday (not as nice as Johnny would have wanted) and would probably get into a heap of trouble with the law again, it was all for the best.

  And just when Johnny was walking over to the little room to free their prisoners and give himself up, he saw that a very large number of turtles had managed to stick a plank into a hole in the wall of that little room, and were using it as a lever to make that wall crumble, just like the walls of Jericho that one time.

  He watched the scene with surprise. “Way to go, little buddies!” he said. “Way to go!”

  And since he didn’t want to spoil the fun, he stood back and watched things unfold.

  Soon the wall did crumble, and the face of Grandma Muffin came peeping through the hole.

  “Hey, Vesta,” he said good-naturedly. “Jerry and I have decided to let you go. We’re not cut out for this killing stuff. So what do you think?”

  “I think that’s very smart of you, Johnny.”

  “I knew you’d like it,” he said, well pleased, and proceeded to open the door.

  46

  “Great plan, Max,” said Harriet. “Too bad those two crooks got cold feet and let everyone go.”

  “Too bad? I think it’s great,” said Lil Ran. “Even though it will probably mean that my human will be in big trouble now.”

  “Maybe it’s for the best,” said Fifi. “Your human will have time to think about the things he’s done when he’s in prison.”

  “And those people who were after him won’t be able to get at him,” said Rufus.

  I walked up to the little room now, and watched as Uncle Alec came walking out, followed by Chase and Gran. The only people who were still in there were Marge and Tex, and they didn’t seem to be interested in joining the others in their quest for freedom.

  The turtles, on the other hand, had tasted freedom and were now redirecting their efforts towards the staircase, and moving up those stairs en masse. Soon they’d all be out in the street, and presumably start making their way back to the ocean, where they belonged. And a good thing, too, I thought.

  But what was going on with Marge and Tex?

  “You’re both under arrest,” said Uncle Alec as he patted his few stray wisps of hair, “for, um, robbing me of my freedom and, um…”

  “It’s all right, Chief,” said Johnny. “I want you to arrest us, and I want you to tell the judge that we didn’t kill you when we had the chance.”

  “Yeah, here’s that gun Randy got us,” said Jerry, and handed the thing over to Uncle Alec. “I’m very sorry but I couldn’t go through with it, Chief. I guess I’m not cut out for it.”

  “I’m not cut out for it either,” said Johnny. “It’s just not something I see myself doing.”

  “All right,” said Uncle Alec, looking a little surprised. “That’s really nice of you fellas. That you decided not to kill us, I mean. Very nice indeed.”

  “I like you, Chief,” said Johnny. “You may be a cop and I may be a crook but that doesn’t mean I can’t like you, right?”

  “And I like you,” said Uncle Alec. “So, um…”

  “What’s going on with Marge?” asked Johnny, darting anxious glances at the little room, where the sounds of an arguing couple could be heard now.

  “Oh, they’re going through a rough patch,” said Uncle Alec. “Chase saw Marge in Randy’s arms the other night, and Tex found out and now he wants to divorce her. But then Marge came back and told him she wants to divorce him for neglecting her needs all these years. So I guess things aren’t looking too good for them at the moment.”

  They all turned to the little room, and Johnny said, “But that’s not good, Chief.”

  “No,” said Uncle Alec. “But what can you do?”

  “I should never have said anything,” said Chase. “I should have simply kept my trap shut. And this wouldn’t have happened.”

  “Oh, it would have happened,” said Gran. “Didn’t you hear what Tex said? He caught Marge having a romantic candlelight dinner with Randy. So something was definitely going on between those two.”

  “But… Randy is not a good match for Marge,” said Johnny. “No, he’s not,” he insisted when Jerry placed a hand on his arm. “I’m going to fix this,” he said decidedly, and before anyone could stop him, he had stalked up to that little room and disappeared inside.

  And because cats will be cats, all of us joined him for this showdown, and even the dogs couldn’t stay away for once.

  “But, Marge, what do you expect me to say?” Tex was saying.

  “There’s nothing you can say, Tex. Nothing at all,” said Marge sadly.

  It all reminded me of one of those Hollywood divorce dramas, invariably featuring Meryl Streep. It was all very sad, and I could already see a tear glisten in Dooley’s eye.

  “Marge, you can’t do this!” said Johnny, entering the scene like a bull in a China shop. “You love Tex and he loves you. You have to work things out!”

  “Too late, Johnny,” said Tex. “Marge has been having an affair with Randy Hancock behind my back. And I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive her.”

  “I was not having an affair!”

  “But you wanted to have an affair!”

  “I wanted to feel that spark again, Tex—that feeling you get when you’re young and in love! That’s what I wanted!”

  Suddenly Johnny lit his lighter. “Here’s a spark from me, Marge. Is that okay?”

  Marge smiled at the big oaf. “That’s very sweet of you, Johnny, but it’s not exactly what I was talking about. It’s just that… Sometimes I feel Tex takes me for granted. That he doesn’t really appreciate me. And I don’t know what to do about it.”

  “I’m sorry, Marge,” said Tex. “I’m sorry for taking you for granted. I know how lucky I am that you’re in my life—and I know that the best day of my life is every day I get to spend with you. And it all started the day you said yes, and it still amazes me.”

  “It does?”

  “Of course it does.”

  “Look, I wasn’t having an affair, honey. I just… was attracted to the idea of feeling in love again, I guess. Though clearly Randy isn’t the man I thought he was.”

  “Clearly,” said Tex.

  “Just take her hand, Tex,” said Johnny. “And apologize.”

  “I just did,” Tex pointed out.

  “Oh, that’s right. So maybe you can apologize, Marge.”

  “Why should I apologize?” said Marge.

  “Cause in my experience you can never apologize enough,” said the big lug.

  “He’s got a point,” said Lil Ran.

  “Yeah, I think he’s right,” said Harriet, and turned to her mate. “I want to apologize to you, sweetie pie.”

  “What for?” asked a surprised Brutus.

  “I take you for granted, too, sometimes. And I want you to know how happy I am that you’re in my life.”

  “Oh, sweet pea,” said Brutus. “I’m very happy that you’re in my life. And I want to apologize for being a jerk sometimes. And taking you for granted.”

  “Max, why are they all making me cry!” said Dooley.

  Yeah, I was starting to get a little misty-eyed myself, actually.

  “Marge, I’m so sorry,” said Tex, taking his wife’s hands in his. “Let’s start our weekly date night tradition again. Bring back that spark.”

  “I’d like that,” said Marge.

  “Now hug her!” Johnny loud-whispered as he gave Tex a light nudge. And since he was such a strong fella, Tex was propelled into his wife’s arms, and then they were hugging it out—and there was even some kissing, too, at which point I placed my paw over Dooley’s eyes, which probably wasn’t even necessary, as he was crying buckets now, and couldn’t see a thing.

  “Now all we need to do is stop Gran’s wedding,” said my friend.

  “Gran’s wedding?” asked Brutus. “Is that still happening?”

  “It is,” I said. “Which means Dooley will have to go and live with her and Wilbur.”

  “No way!” said Brutus. “She can’t do that!”

  In the doorway, Gran had appeared. “How many time do I have to tell you? I am not getting married! Not to Wilbur—not to anyone! And if you all don’t get out of here right now I won’t be responsible for the consequences when I get really and truly pissed off!”

  And as we walked out of that little room, Johnny wiping away a tear, and Marge and Tex in a tight embrace, suddenly Odelia came thundering down the stairs, followed by Scarlett, and followed by a small police contingent.

  “Hands where I can see them!” one of the cops shouted. “Release the prisoners!”

  Luckily the prisoners had all been released, thanks to two crooks having had a change of heart and the joint effort of thousands of little turtles.

  Thus ended another eventful episode—and Randy Hancock’s career.

  And as we emerged from that basement into the store, and then out into the sunlight, we all watched in awe how all of those turtles slowly made their way along the street, led by Pinkie, heading for the ocean.

  Our humans acted as traffic wardens, and stopped traffic to allow the turtles to make the big trek, and Brutus waved to Pinkie, who waved back and said, “Thanks for everything, Brutus.”

  “You’re welcome, Pinkie!” Brutus yelled.

  “You can always go and visit,” Dooley said as Brutus teared up at the departure of his tiny friend.

  “She lives in the ocean, Dooley,” said Brutus. “I can’t go and visit.”

  “Oh. Right.”

  “I’m sure she’ll come back when she’s fully grown,” said Harriet, giving her mate a gentle head bump, “to pay you a visit.”

  “I hope so,” said Brutus. “We became friends, being locked up down there in that basement.” He then swallowed and added, “Thanks for coming to save me, you guys. It means a lot.”

  “Of course, Brutus,” I said. “That’s what friends are for.”

  “Thanks, Max,” he sniffed.

  Life in Hampton Cove came to a full stop for a moment, as Pinkie’s family moved through town, kindly assisted by Hampton Covians.

  It was a sight for sore eyes, and when the final turtle had moved beyond the horizon, Odelia returned to give us a ride home.

  Epilogue

  We were all gathered in the backyard of Marge and Tex’s home, the latter manning the grill, this time with the assistance of Chase, thus ensuring that the meat we ate wasn’t charred beyond recognition and unfit for human or feline or canine consumption.

  The number of people and pets was pretty impressive: the entire Poole family was present and accounted for, of course, and their respective love interests in the form of Chase and Charlene. Gran’s friend Scarlett was there, and the pet contingent was represented by Rufus, Fifi and Lil Ran, alongside us four cats on the porch.

  “So are you looking forward to going home?” asked Harriet.

  “Yeah, I guess I am,” said Lil Ran. He was still a little sad that his human had been arrested, and would spend a considerable time behind bars, since dogs love their humans, regardless of whether they’re on the straight and narrow or as crooked as a corkscrew.

  “And you’re sure this housekeeper will take good care of you?” Harriet insisted. Like us, she’d come to like and appreciate the smart and sensitive Irish Setter.

  “Oh, sure. In fact she was the one who mostly took care of me before, while Randy was either out and about for his career, or out and about partying and getting wasted. She was the one who took me on my daily walks, provided my food, and generally was my constant companion—or I hers, depending how you look at it.”

  “But… I thought she was a criminal, too?” said Brutus. “Wasn’t she the one who drugged you and shot that video of her employer being ‘poisoned’ and sent all those messages to Randy’s phone?”

  “She did, but only because Randy convinced her it was the only way for him to stay out of trouble with the men he’d borrowed so much money from. She had no idea what he was really up to. She’s basically a good person, and did it out of loyalty.”