The way he says it instantly shrinks my greatest accomplishments down to a hobby. ‘Right. Because that’s all I do?’

  ‘I didn’t mean it like that.’

  ‘Well, I’m sorry I’m not some political big shot, or a genius like my brother.’ My eyes burn, and I blink back my tears. ‘I thought I was enough for you just how I am.’

  ‘Oh, for Christ’s sake. I don’t have time for this.’ He pushes back in his seat, the scrape of the chair legs sealing my fate. ‘You’re being ridiculous, Mia. Seriously.’

  I don’t want to fight. If he leaves angry, I’ll spend the entire day wondering what he’s thinking and hating myself for always being so stupid. I reach across the table for his hand, but he pulls away and the space between us widens. ‘I’m sorry. I’ll order the raisin toast. Just don’t go, please. Not like this.’

  But he’s already on his feet. ‘I don’t know why you behave this way. I have almost no free time, but I still try to fit you in wherever I can. We could have had a nice breakfast together.’ He glares at me, and my mouth goes dry. ‘Just… don’t answer. I’ll see you tonight.’

  ‘Will—’ The look in his eyes silences me, and I drop my gaze so he won’t see the tear slipping over my cheek.

  ‘Try to have a good day, all right?’

  ‘Yep,’ I murmur. ‘You too.’

  After he leaves, Amelia hovers at the table. ‘You okay?’

  She means well, but knowing how much Jason loves her and how happy they are only makes me feel worse. Comparison can be a merciless thief. ‘Yep, I’m fine,’ I lie.

  ‘Can I get you something?’

  I exhale and let my hand fall to Koda’s head. I scratch behind his ear, and he leans into my touch, no conditions attached. ‘Sure,’ I say, pushing the menu away. ‘I’ll have the raisin toast.’

  Chapter Six

  Britt

  I TAKE one last drag of my smoke, hold it longer than I should, then flick the butt out toward the river. It arcs through the air and lands with a gentle plop on the surface. For a moment, it just floats there, bobbing like it might stay forever, but the current is stronger than it looks. My eyes follow along as it’s carried off, further and further, until it’s barely a speck, and then nothing at all. A reminder that everything disappears eventually. Even the things you swear won’t.

  I shouldn’t be out here by myself. Not after what happened to Lilly. I’m so freaking tired I could pass out, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t sleep. She was my best friend, and now she’s just… gone. How can that be?

  Not for the first time, I pull at my hair and twist it tight around my finger until the tip turns white.

  This whole town is a joke. And everyone in it.

  Lilly was the only thing that made living here bearable. No matter what anyone says, she’s the best person I know… knew. Shit, I’ll never get used to saying things like that. She can’t be gone. She just can’t.

  I let go of my hair and consider pushing up to my feet, then hesitate. Standing will set the day in motion, and I don’t think I can face that. Not today. Maybe not ever.

  The whole thing feels like a dream, and a freaking bad one at that. I knew something was wrong when she never answered my messages. She always answers, and I always answer hers. It’s what we do.

  Like muscle memory, I pull out my phone and glance at the screen. No matter how many times I check, it still feels like a punch in the gut when there’s no message from her staring back at me. Usually, we text all day. About nothing. About everything. Like, I get it. I know she can’t. But it just feels wrong. Like in those movies where astronauts come unhooked from the rope thing that ties them to the ship, then float off into oblivion. That’s what it’s like. Untethered, doomed, claustrophobic and completely lonely all at once, and just like space, there’s no end to it. It’ll last forever, and there’s not a damned thing I can do to change it.

  God, Lilly. This sucks.

  A twig snaps behind me, and I spin around. The clearing is empty, but I remind myself that just because I can’t see someone, it doesn’t mean they’re not there.

  ‘Hello?’ I peer toward the tree line, searching for any sign of movement.

  Met only with the murmur of water running over rocks, I swallow and stare harder into the bush.

  ‘If you think you can hurt me, arsehole, you’ve got no idea who you’re dealing with.’ The words tumble out before I can stop them. ‘I know what really happened to Lilly!’

  I take a step back, and my left boot sinks into the mud. I glance down at my soaking wet foot now covered in shit. Of course. ‘Well, that’s just frickin’ great.’

  Another twig snaps, and the hairs along the back of my neck prickle. I snap my head back toward the tree line.

  ‘I know what you’re doing. You’re not scaring me.’

  I hold my breath and wait to see if he’s got the balls to show himself. The thing is, if he does, I’ve got no idea what I’ll do. Shit, what was I thinking coming out here alone?

  I reach around and pull a small silver switchblade from the back pocket of my jeans. In a town like Wildling, a seventeen-year-old girl shouldn’t need to carry a knife, but this is no ordinary town. Everyone thinks it is. They think it’s boring. Predictable. They don’t see the cracks because they don’t fall through them. They’ve got no idea what really goes on here. I do. So did Lilly. Now she’s dead.

  I wait a few minutes, and when nothing happens, I slowly slide the knife back into my pocket.

  What was it like for her? I wonder for the hundredth time.

  It’s the thought that’s kept me awake every night since it happened. No one will tell me the details, so I’ve got no choice but to imagine how she died. Was it fast? Was she lying there alone, knowing she was going to die? Did she call out for me?

  It’s a never-ending list of questions, with answers that don’t make a damn bit of difference, but I need to know. And I should know. Not out of morbid curiosity, but because I was her person. I’ve shared every moment of her life since kindergarten. No matter how many people in this town thought she didn’t matter, she did. At least to me. And that has to count for something.

  I pull up the collar of my denim jacket and shove my hands deep into the pockets. Getting home means walking back through the bush. I remind myself that if someone was in there, they just had every chance to kill me and dump my body in the river. No one would ever know, but they didn’t. I should be relieved, but thought doesn’t comfort me the way it should.

  My wet foot squelches as I take a step forward toward the tree line. Another step, and just in case, I reach for the knife.

  One more step.

  A crow wails and launches from the trees. Something spooked it.

  I freeze, swallowing the lump in my throat. My legs are jelly.

  ‘Shit. Screw this for a joke.’

  I take out my phone and hover my thumb over the screen. I want to dial but the list of potential names feels painfully short. My mother? She won’t know what to do. My father? He can’t answer at work. My sister? She’s in Sydney, and I don’t have any other friends, not anyone who gives a rat’s arse.

  The only person I want to call is Lilly.

  ‘Hey!’

  The male voice pulls my eyes from the screen, and I see Luke Mittigan stepping out from the trees.

  ‘Luke, are you touched in the head?’ I sigh and feel my shoulders unclench. ‘What are you even doing out here?’

  He jogs toward me, all lanky limbs and awkwardness. His face is still boyish, a mix of angles and acne. Freckles scatter the bridge of his nose, but the sharp line of his jaw hints at the man he’s becoming. We’ve been in a situationship for a few months, probably more from a lack of options than genuine interest.

  His grin widens, and I know it was him being stupid in the bush. He’s such a wanker like that sometimes.

  ‘Gotcha,’ he laughs. ‘Was just out for a run. Clearing my head. Who did you think it was?’

  I glare and punch his shoulder, harder than if we were just messing around. ‘I don’t know, and why would you scare me like that? Lilly just died.’

  ‘Dunno,’ he says with a shrug. ‘Just trying to make you laugh, I s’pose. Was stupid. My bad.’ He moves in closer and loops an arm around my shoulder. I stiffen before I can stop myself. ‘Everything feels weird since she died, hey?’

  I study his face for a moment. He’s been acting different since Lilly. Like he’s trying to fill a space that isn’t his or wanting too much from me, or something.

  ‘Of course it’s weird,’ I say, wishing he’d get his arm off me. I don’t want his lame attempts to comfort me. I just want Lilly back.

  He nods, waits a beat, then asks, ‘What were you shouting about before? You reckon someone killed her?’

  Like me, Luke never quite measured up. His older brother was recruited by the Canberra Raiders NRL team, and by comparison, everything Luke does is shit, at least that’s what he thinks. So, instead of proving his parents wrong, he proves them right by not trying at all.

  ‘I don’t know,’ I reply quickly. ‘I’m probably just tired.’

  ‘You need something?’

  He’s also Wildling’s unofficial chemist. His dad runs the local pharmacy, and badly, given Luke always has a stash of prescription drugs he’ll hand out for the right price – which isn’t always money.

  ‘I’d love a few Vals if you’ve got any. Might help me sleep.’

  ‘Not on me, but I can hook you up with some later.’

  ‘Thanks.’

  ‘What do I get in return?’ he asks, nudging me with his shoulder.

  ‘My best friend just died. As if I feel like doing that.’

  ‘Fair enough,’ he says, squeezing my bottom. ‘You’ve still got me, though.’

  Instead of answering, I sidestep, creating space between us. There’s no right way to tell him that it’s not the same. That if I could, I’d swap him for Lilly in a second.

  As we walk back through the bush, I try to calm myself but subconsciously catalogue every sound. Today it was just Luke being stupid, but after what happened to Lilly, I know I’m not safe. Eventually, the person responsible for her death will want to make sure I stay quiet.

  The only question is when.

  Chapter Seven

  I ABSENTLY push away my plate and stare into the empty hours ahead. Fridays are the one weekday I have off work, and I told Daley that under no circumstances was he to put me on call over the weekend because I’d be spending it with Will. Now I have nothing to do, and that’s a recipe for disaster.

  The quiet is not my friend. Will’s always asking why I can’t just sit down and relax. Why I’m always off in my head about something. I can feel you thinking, Mia. Why are you like this? Just go to sleep.

  I don’t have an answer for why I’m like this. Sometimes I think maybe I just came into the world thinking and worrying. Am I on time? Am I crying too loud? Am I all you’d hoped for? Jason’s the same, except when his mind ticks over, the outcome is always some kind of world-changing concept or idea. All I come up with are more things to worry about.

  On cue, visions of Lilly’s blank, staring eyes flash through my mind.

  Daley wants me to have a counselling session just to debrief, but the thought of sitting in another room with muted walls and a chair pointed at me sends my palms clammy. I can’t do that again. Not for any reason.

  But her skin was so pale. My mind drifts up to the gash on her cheek, and I squeeze my eyes closed, desperate to stop seeing it. Going over it again and again isn’t going to change the fact that she’s dead. All I’m doing is tormenting myself. I need to stop, so instead I let my thoughts turn to Will, and the way he looked at me when he got up from the table. It wasn’t anger in his eyes. It was pity, and you can’t be in love with someone you pity. That much I know for sure. Maybe that’s why he’s being different. Maybe compared to the people in Canberra, I seem pathetic and sad.

  My thumb hunts for the ragged edge of a nail, finds it, and pulls until the familiar tear makes me wince. Will hates it when I pull at my nails. Stop it, Mia, your fingers are going to look like frayed rope if you keep doing that. I never say anything back, but it always makes me wonder if, despite all the past counselling sessions, my fingernails are a reflection of my slowly unravelling mind.

  He’s miles away and can’t shout at me, but I stop and glance down at my left hand. Sure enough, it’s bleeding. Now I’ll never be able to leave it alone. I’ll pull at it and pull at it until… my mind flashes back to the ravine and Lilly’s hands. Her nails. They were perfect.

  My body stiffens, and I close my eyes, quickly thinking back. Long slender fingers with perfect purple polish, every nail intact and unbroken.

  My eyes flash open, and I catch my breath. Every spring, the park erupts in colour. A kaleidoscope of wildflowers covers the ground, native birds wheel above, and wild brumbies roam across the open valleys. Hikers come from all over to follow the trails and lose themselves in the wilderness. Not all are experienced, and many don’t realise an underground fault line runs the length of the park. Once upon a time, back before Wildling and some of the nearby towns existed, there were a series of mini earthquakes that caused the land to shift and bow. Like the rumbling of a hungry stomach, the events opened a series of gaping mouths that now sit ready and waiting to swallow up unsuspecting hikers.

  Over the past two years, Koda and I have rescued dozens of people who misstepped and fell into one of the ravines, but no matter who they were or where they were from, they all had one thing in common – every one of them came out looking the worse for wear. Filthy clothes, ripped pants, and dirty, torn fingernails from where they tried over and over to climb out.

  I close my eyes and picture what would have happened if Lilly fell and tried to get out. Knees scraping against rock. Fingers clawing in the dirt, trying to get traction. Twisted roots scratching the delicate skin of her cheek.

  I push the scene away, shake it off, then go back to what I actually saw. No torn clothing. No scratches or scrapes. One shoe off, but other than that, there were no signs she had tried to climb out.

  To think she might have wandered out there in the dark and fallen is plausible. The idea she didn’t try to get out is not. I glance at Koda, my heart racing, and dare to wonder. Is it possible that Lilly was already dead when she went into the ravine?

  Chapter Eight

  ‘MIA… It’s you.’

  I flinch at the sound of my mother’s voice behind me. ‘Where were you on that one?’ I whisper to Koda. ‘Thanks a lot.’

  I put down my coffee and turn, shielding my eyes from the sun. Like two mannequins from the window of the Country Road store in Winton River, my mother and half-sister Sophie stand over me, dressed head to toe in beige and white.

  It’s no surprise my mother has angled her back to the sun.

  You must always wear sunscreen, Mia. You might have your father’s complexion, but that doesn’t mean you won’t end up looking like an old saddlebag if you don’t look after your skin.

  The truth is, she couldn’t care less about sun damage on my face. It’s just her way of reminding me that I look like my father. As if in this town I could ever forget what I look like. The tangle of black hair that mirrors Mimi’s. Even though age has brushed hers with silver, every wild, untamable strand ties me to her in a way I can never seem to unravel. Olive skin, darker than everyone else in town, but still too fair to think I might be a part of the First Nations community, and an athletic frame that works well out in the field, but makes me feel like a work boot at a wedding every time I try to wear a dress.

  ‘Mum.’ I greet them with a tight smile. ‘Sophie.’

  ‘Hello, Mia,’ Sophie replies with a nod. ‘You bring your dog to breakfast, then? How… nice.’

  I glance at Koda and wonder what Sophie’s scream would sound like if he sank his teeth into her ankle. ‘He was hassling me all morning for some toasted muesli, so… you know.’

  Instead of laughing, her face pinches, and she rolls her eyes. ‘No Will then, I take it?’ She purposely twists her wedding band, and I’m sure it’s to remind me that she has one and I don’t.

  ‘He’s away in Canberra until Monday night.’

  ‘On the anniversary of your engagement?’ my mother gasps, before shooting a look of I knew it at Sophie. ‘And after what happened out in the park with that awful dead girl?’

  I have no idea whether she means Lilly was an awful person or discovering her body must have been awful. I quickly decide it’s probably better not to ask. Knowing my mother, it’s probably the first one.

  ‘Will has an important job, Mum. He’s one step away from being the Prime Minister’s executive adviser. He can’t just drop everything because of an anniversary or my job.’ I hear myself mimic Will’s words and immediately want to slap myself. When did I start doing that?

  ‘Oh, Mum,’ Sophie begins, with a flamboyant wave of her arm, ‘remember when Jonathan took us all to La Trattoria Bella in Winton River last month on our wedding anniversary? Wasn’t it just divine? And that garlic bread, oh… my… God, right?’

  Heat prickles along my neck. ‘You all went to dinner in Winton River and didn’t invite me?’

  ‘It was a couples thing, Mia, and Will was in Canberra that night… as usual,’ my mother says, with yet another eye roll I know she wants me to see.

  ‘Right, but like I said—’

  ‘Yes, yes, his job is very important.’

  ‘It is, Mum. You don’t understand.’

  Sophie cocks her hip and stares at me. ‘What’s that supposed to mean? Do you think my father’s job as the town GP isn’t important? Or that Jonathan’s law practice is no big deal? He personally represents Jack Stanton, you know.’

  ‘Yes, I’m more than aware of that, Sophie.’