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  To

  The Dear Memory

  Of

  Robert Earl Of Lytton

  In Affection

  And

  Admiration

  Dramatis Personae

  Lord Windermere

  Lord Darlington

  Lord Augustus Lorton

  Mr. Dumby

  Mr. Cecil Graham

  Mr. Hopper

  Parker, Butler

  Lady Windermere

  The Duchess of Berwick

  Lady Agatha Carlisle

  Lady Plymdale

  Lady Stutfield

  Lady Jedburgh

  Mrs. Cowper-Cowper

  Mrs. Erlynne

  Rosalie, Maid

  The Scenes of the Play

  Act I: Morning-room in Lord Windermere’s house.

  Act II: Drawing-room in Lord Windermere’s house.

  Act III: Lord Darlington’s rooms.

  Act IV: Same as Act I.

  Time: The present.

  Place: London.

  The action of the play takes place within twenty-four hours, beginning on a Tuesday afternoon at five o’clock, and ending the next day at 1:30 p.m.

  Lady Windermere’s Fan

  A Play About a Good Woman

  Act I

  Scene: Morning-room of Lord Windermere’s house in Carlton House Terrace. Doors C. and R. Bureau with books and papers R. Sofa with small tea-table L. Window opening on to terrace L. Table R.

  Lady Windermere is at table R., arranging roses in a blue bowl.

  Enter Parker.

  Parker Is your ladyship at home this afternoon?

  Lady Windermere Yes—who has called?

  Parker Lord Darlington, my lady.

  Lady Windermere Hesitates for a moment. Show him up—and I’m at home to anyone who calls.

  Parker Yes, my lady.

  Exit C.

  Lady Windermere It’s best for me to see him before tonight. I’m glad he’s come.

  Enter Parker C.

  Parker Lord Darlington,

  Enter Lord Darlington C.

  Exit Parker.

  Lord Darlington How do you do, Lady Windermere?

  Lady Windermere How do you do, Lord Darlington? No, I can’t shake hands with you. My hands are all wet with these roses. Aren’t they lovely? They came up from Selby this morning.

  Lord Darlington They are quite perfect. Sees a fan lying on the table. And what a wonderful fan! May I look at it?

  Lady Windermere Do. Pretty, isn’t it! It’s got my name on it, and everything. I have only just seen it myself. It’s my husband’s birthday present to me. You know today is my birthday?

  Lord Darlington No? Is it really?

  Lady Windermere Yes, I’m of age today. Quite an important day in my life, isn’t it? That is why I am giving this party tonight. Do sit down. Still arranging flowers.

  Lord Darlington Sitting down. I wish I had known it was your birthday, Lady Windermere. I would have covered the whole street in front of your house with flowers for you to walk on. They are made for you.

  A short pause.

  Lady Windermere Lord Darlington, you annoyed me last night at the Foreign Office. I am afraid you are going to annoy me again.

  Lord Darlington I, Lady Windermere?

  Enter Parker and Footman C., with tray and tea things.

  Lady Windermere Put it there, Parker. That will do. Wipes her hands with her pocket-handkerchief, goes to tea-table, and sits down. Won’t you come over, Lord Darlington?

  Exit Parker C.

  Lord Darlington Takes chair and goes across L.C. I am quite miserable, Lady Windermere. You must tell me what I did. Sits down at table L.

  Lady Windermere Well, you kept paying me elaborate compliments the whole evening.

  Lord Darlington Smiling. Ah, nowadays we are all of us so hard up, that the only pleasant things to pay are compliments. They’re the only things we can pay.

  Lady Windermere Shaking her head. No, I am talking very seriously. You mustn’t laugh, I am quite serious. I don’t like compliments, and I don’t see why a man should think he is pleasing a woman enormously when he says to her a whole heap of things that he doesn’t mean.

  Lord Darlington Ah, but I did mean them. Takes tea which she offers him.

  Lady Windermere Gravely. I hope not. I should be sorry to have to quarrel with you, Lord Darlington. I like you very much, you know that. But I shouldn’t like you at all if I thought you were what most other men are. Believe me, you are better than most other men, and I sometimes think you pretend to be worse.

  Lord Darlington We all have our little vanities, Lady Windermere.

  Lady Windermere Why do you make that your special one? Still seated at table L.

  Lord Darlington Still seated L.C. Oh, nowadays so many conceited people go about Society pretending to be good, that I think it shows rather a sweet and modest disposition to pretend to be bad. Besides, there is this to be said. If you pretend to be good, the world takes you very seriously. If you pretend to be bad, it doesn’t. Such is the astounding stupidity of optimism.

  Lady Windermere Don’t you want the world to take you seriously then, Lord Darlington?

  Lord Darlington No, not the world. Who are the people the world takes seriously? All the dull people one can think of, from the Bishops down to the bores. I should like you to take me very seriously, Lady Windermere, you more than anyone else in life.

  Lady Windermere Why—why me?

  Lord Darlington After a slight hesitation. Because I think we might be great friends. Let us be great friends. You may want a friend some day.

  Lady Windermere Why do you say that?

  Lord Darlington Oh!—we all want friends at times.

  Lady Windermere I think we’re very good friends already, Lord Darlington. We can always remain so as long as you don’t—

  Lord Darlington Don’t what?

  Lady Windermere Don’t spoil it by saying extravagant silly things to me. You think I am a Puritan, I suppose? Well, I have something of the Puritan in me. I was brought up like that. I am glad of it. My mother died when I was a mere child. I lived always with Lady Julia, my father’s elder sister, you know. She was stern to me, but she taught me what the world is forgetting, the difference that there is between what is right and what is wrong. She allowed of no compromise. I allow of none.

  Lord Darlington My dear Lady Windermere!

  Lady Windermere Leaning back on the sofa. You look on me as being behind the age.—Well, I am! I should be sorry to be on the same level as an age like this.

  Lord Darlington You think the age very bad?

  Lady Windermere Yes. Nowadays people seem to look on life as a speculation. It is not a speculation. It is a sacrament. Its ideal is Love. Its purification is sacrifice.

  Lord Darlington Smiling. Oh, anything is better than being sacrificed!

  Lady Windermere Leaning forward. Don’t say that.

  Lord Darlington I do say it. I feel it—I know it.

  Enter Parker C.

  Parker The men want to know if they are to put the carpets on the terrace for tonight, my lady?

  Lady

Windermere You don’t think it will rain, Lord Darlington, do you?

  Lord Darlington I won’t hear of its raining on your birthday!

  Lady Windermere Tell them to do it at once, Parker.

  Exit Parker C.

  Lord Darlington Still seated. Do you think then—of course I am only putting an imaginary instance—do you think that in the case of a young married couple, say about two years married, if the husband suddenly becomes the intimate friend of a woman of—well, more than doubtful character—is always calling upon her, lunching with her, and probably paying her bills—do you think that the wife should not console herself?

  Lady Windermere Frowning. Console herself?

  Lord Darlington Yes, I think she should—I think she has the right.

  Lady Windermere Because the husband is vile—should the wife be vile also?

  Lord Darlington Vileness is a terrible word, Lady Windermere.

  Lady Windermere It is a terrible thing, Lord Darlington.

  Lord Darlington Do you know I am afraid that good people do a great deal of harm in this world. Certainly the greatest harm they do is that they make badness of such extraordinary importance. It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious. I take the side of the charming, and you, Lady Windermere, can’t help belonging to them.

  Lady Windermere Now, Lord Darlington. Rising and crossing R., front of him. Don’t stir, I am merely going to finish my flowers. Goes to table R.C.

  Lord Darlington Rising and moving chair. And I must say I think you are very hard on modern life, Lady Windermere. Of course there is much against it, I admit. Most women, for instance, nowadays, are rather mercenary.

  Lady Windermere Don’t talk about such people.

  Lord Darlington Well then, setting aside mercenary people, who, of course, are dreadful, do you think seriously that women who have committed what the world calls a fault should never be forgiven?

  Lady Windermere Standing at table. I think they should never be forgiven.

  Lord Darlington And men? Do you think that there should be the same laws for men as there are for women?

  Lady Windermere Certainly!

  Lord Darlington I think life too complex a thing to be settled by these hard and fast rules.

  Lady Windermere If we had “these hard and fast rules,” we should find life much more simple.

  Lord Darlington You allow of no exceptions?

  Lady Windermere None!

  Lord Darlington Ah, what a fascinating Puritan you are, Lady Windermere!

  Lady Windermere The adjective was unnecessary, Lord Darlington.

  Lord Darlington I couldn’t help it. I can resist everything except temptation.

  Lady Windermere You have the modern affectation of weakness.

  Lord Darlington Looking at her. It’s only an affectation, Lady Windermere.

  Enter Parker C.

  Parker The Duchess of Berwick and Lady Agatha Carlisle.

  Enter the The Duchess of Berwick and Lady Agatha Carlisle C.

  Exit Parker C.

  The Duchess of Berwick Coming down C., and shaking hands. Dear Margaret, I am so pleased to see you. You remember Agatha, don’t you? Crossing L.C. How do you do, Lord Darlington? I won’t let you know my daughter, you are far too wicked.

  Lord Darlington Don’t say that, Duchess. As a wicked man I am a complete failure. Why, there are lots of people who say I have never really done anything wrong in the whole course of my life. Of course they only say it behind my back.

  The Duchess of Berwick Isn’t he dreadful? Agatha, this is Lord Darlington. Mind you don’t believe a word he says. Lord Darlington crosses R.C. No, no tea, thank you, dear. Crosses and sits on sofa. We have just had tea at Lady Markby’s. Such bad tea, too. It was quite undrinkable. I wasn’t at all surprised. Her own son-in-law supplies it. Agatha is looking forward so much to your ball tonight, dear Margaret.

  Lady Windermere Seated L.C. Oh, you mustn’t think it is going to be a ball, Duchess. It is only a dance in honour of my birthday. A small and early.

  Lord Darlington Standing L.C. Very small, very early, and very select, Duchess.

  The Duchess of Berwick On sofa L. Of course it’s going to be select. But we know that, dear Margaret, about your house. It is really one of the few houses in London where I can take Agatha, and where I feel perfectly secure about dear Berwick. I don’t know what society is coming to. The most dreadful people seem to go everywhere. They certainly come to my parties—the men get quite furious if one doesn’t ask them. Really, someone should make a stand against it.

  Lady Windermere I will, Duchess. I will have no one in my house about whom there is any scandal.

  Lord Darlington R.C. Oh, don’t say that, Lady Windermere. I should never be admitted! Sitting.

  The Duchess of Berwick Oh, men don’t matter. With women it is different. We’re good. Some of us are, at least. But we are positively getting elbowed into the corner. Our husbands would really forget our existence if we didn’t nag at them from time to time, just to remind them that we have a perfect legal right to do so.

  Lord Darlington It’s a curious thing, Duchess, about the game of marriage—a game, by the way, that is going out of fashion—the wives hold all the honours, and invariably lose the odd trick.

  The Duchess of Berwick The odd trick? Is that the husband, Lord Darlington?

  Lord Darlington It would be rather a good name for the modern husband.

  The Duchess of Berwick Dear Lord Darlington, how thoroughly depraved you are!

  Lady Windermere Lord Darlington is trivial.

  Lord Darlington Ah, don’t say that, Lady Windermere.

  Lady Windermere Why do you talk so trivially about life, then?

  Lord Darlington Because I think that life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about it. Moves up C.

  The Duchess of Berwick What does he mean? Do, as a concession to my poor wits, Lord Darlington, just explain to me what you really mean.

  Lord Darlington Coming down back of table. I think I had better not, Duchess. Nowadays to be intelligible is to be found out. Goodbye! Shakes hands with Duchess. And now—goes up stage Lady Windermere, goodbye. I may come tonight, mayn’t I? Do let me come.

  Lady Windermere Standing up stage with Lord Darlington. Yes, certainly. But you are not to say foolish, insincere things to people.

  Lord Darlington Smiling. Ah! you are beginning to reform me. It is a dangerous thing to reform anyone, Lady Windermere. Bows, and exit C.

  The Duchess of Berwick Who has risen, goes C. What a charming, wicked creature! I like him so much. I’m quite delighted he’s gone! How sweet you’re looking! Where do you get your gowns? And now I must tell you how sorry I am for you, dear Margaret. Crosses to sofa and sits with Lady Windermere. Agatha, darling!

  Lady Agatha Yes, mamma. Rises.

  The Duchess of Berwick Will you go and look over the photograph album that I see there?

  Lady Agatha Yes, mamma. Goes to table up L.

  The Duchess of Berwick Dear girl! She is so fond of photographs of Switzerland. Such a pure taste, I think. But I really am so sorry for you, Margaret.