Vinia doubted it too. This sector was secure. No gnomes had been killed, but they would not care to go through this battle again. She turned off the webcam.

  “I was wrong to doubt you,” Vinia said sincerely. “You really did have it figured out.”

  “Thank you. Now you’ll be moving on to the next sector?”

  “Yes. But we can get together again for a party, a physical one maybe this afternoon. With the friends I have made in the course of these contacts.”

  “You may have to come pick me up for that. I promise not to stickum you.”

  They both laughed. Then Vinia summoned the map and touched LOVE/HATE.

  “Hello again,” Lorna Lovebug said, feeling Vinia’s arrival. “You’re just in time. The humans are coming.”

  Indeed, they were showing at the far edge of the section, tramping across the slope toward Thanx. Vinia hastily turned the webcam on again and locked in the scene. “I am recording the action.” Now she was hovering in a tiny bug, but the cam was with her in that size. Science magic was wonderful!

  “Good. We lovebugs are on this side of the field, the hatebugs are arriving on the other side. We figure to close in as we eliminate the humans and encounter each other as we finish. Then Hayes and I will pretend to mate as we sneak off on our own.”

  Because they were actually two females. Vinia had lost track of that midst the other complications.

  Now she looked more closely at the invaders. This was odd. The human soldiers appeared to be armored but unarmed. No swords clubs or guns, not that Mundane guns worked well in Xanth. They also did not look worried. Did they know something the bugs didn’t?

  “I don’t trust this,” Vinia said. “Humans are the most dangerous of enemies: Why are they walking blithely into trouble without weapons?”

  “I don’t know either,” Lorna said. “Could they have found out about us?”

  “If they did, wouldn’t they be carrying nets or something to catch and nullify you without giving you a chance to touch them?”

  “I would have thought so. Of course, we do have small cutting spells to slice through fine mesh.”

  “I think we’ll just have to watch and see what happens,” Vinia said uneasily.

  “One question: you are human. Are you sure you shouldn’t be on their side?”

  Vinia laughed. “I support Thanx. Humans come in all manner of stripes, and adult male humans are not to be trusted by the likes of me.”

  “Especially not when a lovebug bites them.”

  “Especially,” Vinia agreed grimly. She still didn’t know what the Adult Conspiracy concealed but was pretty sure she didn’t want to discover it that way.

  “Fortunately, you are here only in spirit, so are in no danger.”

  “That’s right. I was forgetting.” But it wasn’t much of a relief. Vinia suspected that this battle was going to get plenty ugly all too soon. She still might have to summon Demon Grossclout to bail them out.

  The wave of human men didn’t even notice the bugs as they forged on into the two swarms. They reached midfield. Then they started swatting themselves as they got bit, still not seeming to realize what was coming.

  Lorna took her turn, diving in to sting the elbow of the man who passed her. He swatted, but she was already clear. He moved on, not seeming concerned.

  “We can sting more than once but need time between to restore our supply of venom,” Lorna said. “So this is rest time for me. It’s the same with the hatebugs. Fortunately, there are enough of us in the swarms to take care of all the enemy soldiers.”

  Then the stung man paused, as others in the vicinity were doing. The venom was taking effect. Slowly he turned to the man next to him, just as the other was doing the same. They came together and kissed. They were in love!

  “Let’s see how the hatebugs are doing,” Lorna said. She flitted on across the field to the other side.

  There the men were starting to fight each other. Each one hated his neighbor. They were punching and kicking and swearing, no longer concerned about their mission. They were in hate.

  “Good enough,” Lorna said. “Now let’s check the center.”

  “Is that different?” Vinia asked.

  “When a lovebug stings one man, and a hatebug stings his neighbor, then it gets interesting.” She approached two men. “There’s a pair now.”

  They watched as one man approached his neighbor with a smile, while the other responded with a snarl. Suddenly they were clenching each other, one kissing, the other hitting. They fell to the ground, struggling.

  “And look at this one,” Lorna said zestfully. It was a single man who seemed to be fighting himself, flailing with arms and legs. “He got stung by one of each.”

  Vinia shuddered. “This is awful—for them.” Then she thought of something else. “Suppose they send in couples? Men and women together.”

  “Hatebug stings would break up those couples in a hurry,” Lorna said. “And lovebug stings would make them forgot about invading, in the interest of making love.”

  She was right. A couples invasion wouldn’t work. Then Vinia realized something else: “This first wave must be a test case, to pinpoint the location of the bugs and verify their effect. These men were cynically sacrificed for information. The second wave will come better prepared.”

  “Smart strategy,” Lorna agreed. “But we shall be ready.”

  Soon the second wave appeared. These men carried nets and wore special goggles to enable them to better spot the bugs. The moment any bugs approached they were swept up in the nets so they were helpless.

  “And here’s how we handle that,” Lorna said. “We swamp them.”

  They joined the first swamp. Hundreds of bugs formed a cloud and flew at the men, who could catch only a few at a time in the nets. In moments they were stung and rendered helpless.

  The third wave came bearing spray guns. Deadly mist spread out in clouds. Any bugs it caught dropped to the ground, dead.

  “This is awful,” Vinia said. “You are dying like, well, flies.”

  “But we have a way,” Lorna said. “Our suicide squads will stop them.”

  “Suicide squads!” Vinia exclaimed, appalled. “How can that stop the dying?”

  “They are coated in goo. They will jam the nozzles.”

  They watched from a safe distance as the cloud of suicide bombers flew right to and into the deadly mist, aiming directly for the sprayers. Most fell before they got there, but a few managed to splat directly on the nozzles. The bugs were dead, but the goo soon clogged the spouts, which stopped spraying. The men cursed as they tried to clean them, but the sprayers were hopelessly clogged.

  The fourth wave was dressed in wet suits that completely sealed their bodies off from the outside, together with helmets, goggles, and masks that protected their faces. They did not try to attack the bugs; they merely forged on ahead, meaning to cross the section and enter Thanx proper with little delay.

  “And, now, our hardened stingers,” Lorna said. “They have been specially treated to be able to drill into just about anything.”

  Sure enough, the suited men were soon loving and hating, ruining their attack.

  There was no fifth wave. The men had finally given up. This front, too, had held. And Vinia had it all recorded by the web. She turned it off, satisfied. “Now you can get together with Hayes.”

  “Yes, if I can find her.” Lorna paused, steeling herself. “If she survives. We took a lot of losses.”

  Now Vinia froze. Hayes could indeed be lost. The two swarms were coming together, and the lovebugs and hatebugs were carefully joining. But was Hayes among them? “I can help,” Vinia said. She fissioned into two and focused on her other self.

  “Hello, Vinia.”

  “Oh, Hayes, I’m so relieved! I didn’t think to tune in on you during the battle, and then we feared—never mind. Let me guide you to Lorna.”

  “I’m relieved too. I was concerned she could have perished in the melee.”

  “She’s fine. This way.” They flew toward the section where Lorna was. “There she is!”

  The two bugs came together, clinging to each other. Then they flew away, linked, exactly like a normal couple. The other bugs paid them no attention, being busy with their own liaisons. Thank you! they thought together.

  “You’re welcome. Now I must organize the party. I will be back in touch soon.” She reverted to her own body, merging the six or seven parts of it.

  It was finally done. The war was won.

  Chapter 11

  Virus

  Vinia approached Queen Demesne in Dragoman’s lair. The dragon wasn’t there: Vinia suspected that Chloe Centaur was occupying his attention in some private nook. Mature females had a way of doing that when they chose. If only immature females could do the same! “I want to have a party for the seven or eight creatures who really helped me organize the defense,” she told the Demoness queen. “Is it all right if we gather here in the lair? It’s the most convenient place, until the queendom has its own facilities.” Those were still under construction.

  “Of course, dear. You and they saved Thanx today. You are certainly entitled to some relaxation.”

  “I didn’t want to disturb you, if you have something else going on.”

  “No, dear, I don’t. I am about to retire for a while, as I seem to have caught a virus that has me feeling glum.”

  “But Demons don’t get viruses!”

  “That is part of what bothers me. Perhaps the strain of organizing the queendom has depleted me, and it will pass. I will tell the guards to admit your friends and will ask the princesses to cater your party.”

  “Oh, they don’t need to do that! They have concerns of their own.”

  “Indeed, they do, and returning some token favor to you is their first priority. You must allow them to express their appreciation for your marvelous endeavors on behalf of their welfare.”

  Demesne had managed to phrase it in a way Vinia could not refute. “Thank you,” she said as the Demoness faded out. What could make a Demoness feel as though she had a virus?

  Hula Human appeared. “You performed phenomenally, Vinia. We watched on the screen as it happened. I will do a dance for your party, if you wish, though it will not be as entertaining for females as for males. I will also see to some decorations.”

  “Thank you. I really don’t want to put you to any trouble.”

  “No trouble, dear. For you and your friends, we are glad to do anything.” She walked away.

  Cedar Centaur appeared, with tiny Elga Elf perched on his shoulder. Vinia remained privately amazed how they had become a couple. But with love and an accommodation spell anything was possible. “You will need tables, chairs, and a translator,” Elga said briskly. She oversaw Maintenance, so naturally knew exactly what she was doing.

  “Uh, I guess so,” Vinia agreed. “Now that we’re physical.” These were details she somehow had not thought of before.

  They got busy, with the elf directing and the centaur procuring and moving, and in barely three moments the necessary furniture had been set up, with the urn containing the universal translation spell in the center of the table. The two were done before Vinia could properly thank them.

  Goblette Goblin and her partner Georgia appeared. “We’ll make pastries and anything else your friends want to eat. Nothing is too good for you.”

  “Uh, thank you. But you really don’t need to—” But the goblins were already gone.

  Ah, well. Vinia turned her focus inward. The fragmentation effect of the elixir had not yet dissipated, so she was able to do it on her own. She tuned in on each of the six, no seven, no eight friends who had fought the invaders. “Hello all. This is Vinia. I am throwing a party in Dragoman’s lair. Go there now, and the guards will let you in. There’ll be entertainment and refreshments. Plus, I’ll play the recording of your activities I made with the webcam, so that all of you can see what the others did.”

  “We’ll be there,” they chorused.

  Then Vinia solidified in one place and another to pick up Snazzy Snail and Nimbus Nickelpede.

  Ghorgeous Ghost joined her in her body. “Oh, it’s so nice having a living host! I’ve been dead entirely too long. I have gravely missed the sheer physicality of the living state.”

  “Uh, yes.” Yet as the ghost arrived, Vinia felt odd. Was something the matter with her? Like a virus?

  “No, dear, not at all,” Ghorgeous said, reading her thought. Vinia realized that she was unpracticed in hosting and didn’t know how to keep her thoughts private. “Look in a mirror.”

  Vinia walked to the wall where there was a large mirror. There stood a lovely young woman who looked somehow familiar.

  “Let me explain,” Ghorgeous said. “I am a grown woman. Now that my spirit is in you, you have assumed the form you will be when you are my age. You are a grown woman, too. You are also familiar with the secrets of the dread Adult Conspiracy.”

  Vinia realized it was true. Suddenly she knew what it was all about! “Is that all?” she asked, disappointed.

  “It is indeed,” the ghost agreed. “Hardly worth tormenting children about, is it! Maybe one day they will abolish that foolish convention.” She was Mundane, but it seemed that the Conspiracy was there, too.

  “Hardly worth,” Vinia agreed. It wasn’t even all that interesting. But her body—it was beautiful!

  “But when I depart your body, you will revert to your normal age and knowledge. Then you’ll be frustrated all over again, physically and emotionally.”

  Vinia doubted that but didn’t care to argue. She would surely remember and keep it to herself. If nothing else, she would remember that it wasn’t worth obsessing about.

  “Where would you like to be?” she asked Snazzy and Nimbus. “On a table or a wall? The other girls are larger than you are.”

  “I prefer to remain with you,” Snazzy Snail answered. “You are bound to be the center of the action.” The translation spell was operating nicely: it was just as if the snail were speaking vocally, when she had neither lungs nor verbal language. “I will stick to your right shoulder, if it is all right with you.”

  “That’s fine,” Vinia agreed, putting her there.

  “I, too,” Nimbus Nickelpede said, similarly vocal. “I will perch on your left shoulder.”

  “Okay.” Vinia put her there. There was a faint smell of stink horn, but she remembered how it had foiled the goblins, and that made it almost pleasant.

  Now the other girls arrived. First the two lovebugs flew in, and after brief discussion perched on Vinia’s head. Then the salamander scrambled along the floor and perched on the back of a chair. Then Fiera Fire Cloud walked in, in her human girl form. Finally, the siren arrived, in a special wheeled tank so that her tail could soak in comfort.

  It was time for introductions. “Hello, all,” Vinia said. “I am Vinia, whom you have met astrally. I am looking older than I am, because I am hosting an adult spirit. Here in me is Ghorgeous Ghost.”

  She paused, and the ghost took control of her body. “I have to borrow Vinia as host, because I have no physical presence. I was murdered the night before my wedding and have been dead almost ten years. Vinia rescued us from being locked in the place we died. Now my girlfriends and I are haunting a house here in Thanx, and any and all of you are welcome to visit, as friends. We promise not to frighten you too badly.”

  “Hello, Ghorgeous,” the others chorused, not at all frightened.

  The ghost returned the body to Vinia. “This is Snazzy Snail,” she said, nodding toward her right shoulder.

  “Hello,” Snazzy said.

  “What a beautiful shell!” the mermaid said. The others chorused agreement. The ghost and the siren had met the snail before, but were glad to compliment her in public.

  Snazzy blushed, turning her shell momentarily pink. “Thank you.”

  Snazzy did not tell how the snails had stopped the gnomes, so Vinia took the initiative. “Maybe she’s too modest to describe their campaign against the gnomes, so I’ll do it. They put stickum on the ground that caught the gnomes’ feet, and they stuck tight and couldn’t move. The gnomides are having to lasso them and haul them out one by one. They’ll never mess with snails again. You’ll see that happen then we play the webcam recording.” The audience applauded. They liked the idea of sticking it to the invaders.

  Vinia indicated the girl on her left shoulder. “This is Nimbus Nickelpede.”

  “Oh, my, you look good enough to eat,” Nimbus said, to laughter. “It is good to meet you as friends. We nickelpedes don’t have many friends.”

  Goblette and Georgia Goblin entered, carrying a tray of refreshments. “We tried to get delicacies for every taste,” Goblette said. “But we’re not sure what ghosts eat, or lovebugs, or fire spirits.”

  “About lovebugs,” Vinia said. “You should meet Lorna and Hayes, both female. They’re a couple. Just like you.”

  “Oh, my!” Goblette said. “We didn’t know.”

  The two bugs flew up to perch on the two goblins’ extended hands. “We couldn’t come out until after the battle,” Lorna said from Goblette’s hand.

  “We’re so glad to meet you,” Hayes said from Georgia’s hand. “Openly. We’ve been in hiding.”

  “We know how that is,” Georgia said. “Straights can be so cruel.”

  “You must visit again, after today,” Goblette said. “We surely have notes to compare.”

  Vinia saw that new friendships were forming. She was pleased. “Why don’t you two stay for the rest of the party,” she suggested to the goblins, who remained with the bugs.