“And Ion saw more of me,” Vinia said as she held the guiding bar, it being her turn to steer the carpet. “In his dream.”

  “Not to mention four grown princesses,” Ion said. “They had really nice—”

  Both girls glared at him.

  “Splashes,” he concluded. “In my dream.”

  They all laughed.

  “The dread Adult Conspiracy has trouble policing dreams,” Hilda said. “Fortunately dreams are harmless.”

  “But fun,” Benny said, looking at her in a manner that verged on violation.

  “I wonder whether in the dream we could have enhanced our bodies to be more, well, mature,” Hilda wondered. “Too bad we didn’t think of it in time.”

  “Too bad,” Ion agreed. “Maybe next time.”

  Vinia spoke to her invisible ring. “Castle Roogna, please.” Would that bring good luck to the capital?

  The ring flashed, showing the direction. She steered the carpet that way as it gained altitude. They were on their way to locate the first prince.

  Hilda, peering down into the passing patchwork, spoke. “What is that?”

  Ion and Benny joined her. “Something is toasting a butternut tree,” Benny said. “The butter is melting into the ground and the leaves are curling.”

  “That’s not nice,” Hilda said. “Those trees are harmless, and the butternuts are good on pancakes.”

  “Maybe we should investigate,” Ion said.

  Vinia steered the carpet around and down until they came to the tree. It was being enveloped by a fiery cloud and was burning up.

  “Hey!” Ion called. “Leave that tree be.”

  The fire continued. So Ion brought out a vial and loosed a vapor. It expanded and spread, floating toward the tree. When it got there, the fire fizzled out. It was fire retardant.

  The fire cloud reacted angrily. It charged the carpet, enveloping it, but couldn’t do it or its riders any harm. Then it coalesced and changed form, becoming a fiery human-form female in a flaming gown standing before them. “Who the blazes are you, you puny children, that you dare interfere with me?” she demanded.

  “I am Prince Magician Ion, and these are my associates Princess Sorceress Hilda, Vinia Human, and Benny Buck. Who are you?”

  “I am Fiera Fire Cloud, evil twin sister of Fracto Rain Cloud. Any fool who messes with me gets burned.”

  Ion frowned. “Any fool who messes with a Magician gets doused.”

  Fiera huffed into a raging flame. “Oh, yeah?”

  Ion brought out another vial. “Yeah.”

  Fiera charged, this time reaching the carpet, having become compact enough to pass the protective shield. Vinia tried not to flinch.

  Ion uncapped the vial. A cloud of mist emerged. It intercepted Fiera as she moved and clothed her in ice. Her flame-colored hair froze in place, and her gown turned icy, cracked, and fell away, leaving her naked. Vinia saw the boys’ eyes widen appreciatively. In this form Fiera did have a figure.

  “Why you insolent brat!” she exclaimed, flaming into white heat. “I’ll detonate you!”

  Ion opened another vial. This time an ice dragon emerged, far larger than the vial. It whipped about and breathed a shivering vapor on Fiera. She was instantly enclosed in a block of ice.

  It didn’t stop her fury. She exploded like a firecracker, bursting the ice apart. She launched herself at the ice dragon, flinging her arms around its neck, making it sizzle into steam. Then she turned back to Ion.

  Who was holding another vial. “I can keep this up as long as you can,” he said calmly. As a boy he might appreciate her figure, but as a Magician he was all business. “Until I get annoyed. Then I’ll stop playing games and try for better effect.” As threats went this was understated, but it was hardly empty.

  Fiera started to swell in fury. Then she paused. “You’re not afraid of me, are you?” she asked in dawning wonder.

  Ion laughed. “Why should I fear a fire spirit? I’ve got dozens in my vials. They are like elixirs, and I collect elixirs, being immune to them. Now, are you dull witted and need more proof?”

  Her transition was sudden. “No, I think I’ve seen enough. You really are a Magician.”

  “I really am. Now I suggest you depart, so I can douse this poor innocent tree with healing elixir.”

  “I’ll just burn up other trees, hither and yon. It’s what I do. Incidental mischief. You’ll never be able to save them all. But you can stop me.”

  Ion didn’t trust this. He glanced at Vinia.

  Vinia stepped into the dialogue. “Hello. I am Vinia. Are you bargaining?”

  Fiera turned a fiery face on her. “Maybe. He does impress me.”

  Vinia didn’t trust this either. “You offer what for what?”

  “I will burn up no more trees, as long as …”

  “As long as what?”

  Fiera turned back to Ion. “As long as you are my boyfriend, Magician. I happen to be short on boyfriends at the moment.”

  Uh-oh. Probably this moment and any moment. “He’s taken,” Vinia said.

  “By whom?”

  This was treacherous ground, but she was stuck for it. “By me.”

  Fiera nodded. “You’re a child. You look to be about twelve. I’m adult, and I don’t honor the stupid human Conspiracy. Can you offer him this?” She stood up straight, turning, inhaling, showing off a truly voluptuous nude figure. “I don’t have to be burning all the time. I can cool to merely hot.” She did a little skip, moving her legs just so. She was hot, all right.

  Vinia could see that Ion, no longer in combative Magician mode, was on the verge of freaking out, his eyes reflecting woman-shaped fire. This was no dream. The shape-changing cloud really could offer Ion something special that Vinia herself could not, at least not yet, and she knew he wanted it. Adult naughtiness. What could she do?

  Desperate, she glanced at Hilda, knowing she would help if she could. But could she?

  “Ion, summon an elemental fire spirit,” Hilda said. “A ranking one. Not one of your bottled nonentities.”

  Responding almost in a trance, Ion fished out a vial and flipped off its cap. Vapor issued forth. There was a peculiar smell. The others waited, but that was all.

  Fiera sniffed. “That’s a pheromone,” she murmured. “But what kind?”

  Then another figure appeared, in flaming man form. “I am FireBrand, Brand for short. Who summons me?” an imperious male voice demanded.

  “We did,” Hilda answered. “We’ve got a fire fem who is in need of a competent boyfriend. Are you the one?”

  “Of course I am,” Brand said. “That elixir summons only dominant single handsome males. But is she the one I want?”

  Hilda turned to Fiera. “Do your thing again.”

  Intrigued, Fiera did her turn, inhale, and skip. Vinia was privately jealous; the fire cloud did have the stuff to show off. Of course her form was designed for that effect.

  “Answer: affirmative,” Brand said. Indeed, he looked hotter than before. What was there about minidances that appealed so strongly to males? Vinia decided to learn that dance for possible future use, when maybe she had the right form for it.

  “Then she’s yours,” Hilda said. “Take her and keep her out of mischief.”

  “Hey, I haven’t agreed,” Fiera protested. She glanced at Vinia. “Were you just assigned to be the Magician’s girlfriend?”

  “No,” Vinia answered. “It just happened. We liked each other.”

  “So you did have some choice.”

  “Yes.”

  “Isn’t that the way it should be for anyone?”

  Vinia had to be honest, though it cost her. “Yes.” She rather admired the cloud’s spunk.

  “So we agree on that.”

  “Yes.”

  “Enough of this girly chat chat.” Brand moved to Fiera, took her in his fiery arms, and kissed her fiery lips. A blazing little heart flew up. So much for her question of agreement or even of choice. Vinia was almost sorry.

  The two fire spirits puffed into vapor and faded out.

  Vinia seized the initiative, not wanting her boyfriend to suffer an extended afterimage of the fire maiden. He was already halfway freaked out. “Now heal the tree, Ion,”

  Ion opened another vial, responding to her voice despite his incapacity. The vapor surrounded the charred butternut tree. Immediately the burned bark sloughed off and little green leaves sprouted. It was healing.

  “Good enough,” Hilda said.

  Now Ion emerged from his near trance. “What just happened?”

  “Another dream,” Vinia said fondly. Then she guided the carpet up, up, and away, gliding high into the sky.

  They reached Castle Roogna, Xanth’s human capital, without further event. They had been there before, of course, more than once, but this time it was more important business.

  King Ivy greeted them warmly, as always, making sure to include Benny and Vinia. “It’s always nice to see my sister’s family.” She was king, not queen, because of a peculiarity of custom and language that other kingdoms did not share. She and Ida looked similar, except that Ivy did not have a moon orbiting her head. Her magic was Enhancement. “I feel so lucky to have you visit.”

  A figure of speech? Or was it the ring’s luck? Vinia feared she was being concerned over nothing. What did it matter, anyway?

  “This time we’re on business,” Hilda said. “We are rescuing six crystallized princesses of assorted species, but first we need six suitable princes for them.”

  “Ah, those princesses. Ida spoke of them in passing.”

  “Yes. She feels they’re okay where they are. But we think they deserve more. We met them, in a dream, and like them. Today we need a human prince. Do you know of any who might like to join the small feminist Queendom of Thanx?”

  The king’s brow arched. “I am not familiar with that queendom.”

  “It doesn’t exist yet,” Hilda explained. “But it will once we get the right princes.”

  Ivy considered. “There are princes, but I fear they would not care to settle for secondary status in a feminist habitat. They’re men, you know.”

  “We know,” Hilda said. “It’s a problem.”

  Then Ivy got an idea. “There was a change in the neighboring Shee kingdom last year. The Shee are light elves. It was taken over by a woman, who deposed her father the king. We have gotten along well with the new regime.”

  “An elf kingdom?” Hilda asked. “We’re looking for human.”

  “There are many varieties of elves, of different colors and sizes. The Shee are so close to human as to be commonly mistaken for us, to their annoyance. Same size, similar features. At any rate, the former king of Shee is now an adviser to his daughter the queen. I would not be surprised if deep down inside he might bear just a bit of resentment for his lowered status. For one thing, his daughter married a bird, so now the bird outranks him in the royal hierarchy. He might be amenable to joining a new kingdom.”

  “A bird?” Vinia asked, surprised.

  “It’s a complicated story. He’s a very smart, shape-changing bird.”

  “But a king?” Hilda asked. “Wouldn’t he be, well, old for a princess?”

  Ivy smiled tolerantly. “Age is less important to a man than to a woman. An older man can be more than satisfied to marry a young woman, especially if she’s pretty, and often young women prefer older men, especially if they are smart or powerful. Nothing can be certain until they meet, but we might form a fair estimate. What does your princess look like?”

  “We could play her dreaming jewel recording,” Vinia said.

  They played it, and Hula Human performed her evocative dance, waving her long dark hair about as her ample hips swayed.

  “Oh, yes, he’ll like her,” Ivy said.

  “But he doesn’t even know her,” Vinia protested.

  Ivy smiled again in her knowing way. “Men hardly care what is in a woman’s mind, just what she looks like. He’ll like her. He will agree to almost anything, in exchange for her favor. The only question is whether she will like him. You must impress on him the need to impress her. That should do it.”

  It seemed almost too simple. But they had seen how men were captivated by sexy women, and Hula was that. They agreed to give it a try. If it didn’t work out, they would resume their search.

  They spent the rest of the day relaxing at Castle Roogna, chatting with the resident ghosts and zombies, and next morning they took off for the Kingdom of Shee. They arrived around midday and asked to talk with Queen Birdie. The folk there did seem almost identical to humans. Birds were everywhere, a clearly favored type.

  Birdie was gracious. “King Ivy messaged us you were coming. Something about setting up a new feminist kingdom?”

  “Queendom,” Hilda said, and explained.

  “Father might indeed be interested to join a woman of that description,” Birdie said. “He hasn’t said anything, but I know he’s a bit restive about the changed situation here, especially the favored status of the birds. Certainly you should talk to him. I will set up an appointment.”

  In the afternoon they met with Sherlock, former king of Shee. Like his daughter, he had light blue hair and eyes and seemed completely human. He was in his early forties and looked fit and actually halfway handsome.

  “A feminist kingdom?” he asked doubtfully.

  “A mixed species queendom. They will call it the Queendom of Thanx,” Vinia explained. “It will be small, but surely good for independent women.”

  “This interests me. After the way I acted as king, I want to support women’s efforts to improve their situation.”

  They played the Princess Hula scene for him. “What a woman!” he said. “And a princess in her own right. She’s perfect.” Any objections he might have had about the queendom seemed to have vanished. “But would she be interested in me? I am a king only in name, courtesy of my daughter.”

  “I might be,” the figure in the scene said, startling them all. Then they realized that it was an add-on mischievously included, anticipating his likely question.

  That settled, they discussed the details. “The princesses will do the choosing,” Ion warned. “You will have to impress Princess Hula.”

  “That comes with the territory,” Sherlock agreed. “I have been advising my daughter and have picked up a notion how to play the role.” He sighed. “The fact is, I was not a great king. The power went to my head, and I demanded that everything be done only my way. I even imprisoned Birdie to make her accede to the prince I had selected for her to marry, was furious when she escaped, and tried to kill her when she returned. No wonder the people got fed up with me. I had become a rogue king. She has treated me far more generously than I treated her. I am ashamed of my former role, and I mean never to be that way again, regardless of my future power or lack of it.”

  He seemed sincere. Vinia hoped it lasted. “I wonder,” she said. “You are actually an elf?”

  “A Shee, a light elf,” he agreed. “There are many varieties of elves, as there are of humans. You also have dwarfs and giants and assorted colors.”

  “One of our princesses is Elga Elf, who stands about knee-high to you and is dusky. She is quite pretty, with long blond hair, but says she has one bad blemish, though we have not seen it.”

  “She sounds like a fee. Do you have a picture?”

  “Better than that. She made her own dreaming jewel presentation, similar to Hula’s. We can show it to you.”

  They played it. “Definitely a fee,” Sherlock said. Then as it ended he added, “There’s an addendum. It may be important.”

  “Oh?” Vinia asked. “We saw nothing.”

  “You are not an elf. Let me touch the jewel.”

  When he touched it, the recording resumed. “If you see this, you are an elf,” Elga said. “You know that each of us fees has one disfiguring flaw. Here is mine.” She stripped away her clothing and stood bare. She had a snakelike tail half the length of her body.

  Vinia was astonished. “But she splashed in the pool with the others! I never saw a tail.”

  “Nor did I,” Hilda said, also surprised.

  “Nor I,” Ion said. “I thought her blemish might be a hidden wart on her bottom. Something like that.”

  “I didn’t see it, either,” Benny said. “I thought she imagined it.”

  “Elves are adept at concealment,” Sherlock said. “She probably wrapped the tail around her waist and covered it with a flesh-colored belt. For a brief appearance that could have sufficed.”

  “It sufficed,” Vinia agreed.

  “But of course we weren’t looking at her waist,” Benny said. “The rest of her figure was perfect.”

  “Especially her bare—” Ion started, before Vinia’s look cut him off.

  “The fee can change forms to a limited degree or turn invisible briefly. She probably did not show you those qualities, either.”

  “She did not,” Vinia agreed. “But we saw her only briefly, in the dream.”

  “Now you know her secret,” Sherlock said. “Do not reveal it elsewhere. That would be unkind.”

  “We will not,” the four agreed.

  “We want to help her, not hurt her,” Vinia added.

  “But will it spoil her for a fee elf prince?” Hilda asked worriedly.

  “Not at all. All the fees have deformities. It will confirm her as authentic. That’s why she made the addendum. He will have a flaw, too. They just don’t care to advertise it to nonelves, understandably.”

  “They all have snakes’ tails?” Vinia asked.

  “No, some have ducks’ feet. Some have extremely hairy bodies. It varies. But every fee has something.”

  “Now I am glad we enlisted you as an ally,” Ion said. “You are really helping us understand things.”

  “I am glad of that. I want to make a good impression on the princesses of Thanx. That begins with making a good impression on the four of you.”