Nolan realized that the thing was a pun on the word “computer,” a kind of advanced Mundane calculator. That was why Gent recognized it.

  “I have heard of it,” Apoca said. “It resides in a cave. What’s it doing here?”

  “I will ask it,” Gent said. He stood over the screen. “Pewter, are you still operative, or are you useless junk?”

  Printed words appeared on the screen: I AM OPERATIVE, YOU IDIOT EX–LOVE SLAVE.

  Gent smiled, not entirely nicely. “Then why are you out here lying on your tinhorn backside emulating junk?”

  IT IS A MEDIUM-LENGTH STORY, IGNORAMUS.

  A bulb flashed over Apoca’s head. She had gotten an idea. “Let’s set you upright, Pewter, introduce ourselves, and exchange stories. Maybe we can do each other some good.”

  DON’T KISS ME, VILE FEMALE.

  Nolan had to smile. So the machine knew her nature.

  “I won’t kiss you if you behave,” Apoca said evenly. “You need help, we need help, so it makes sense we explore the situation.”

  Nolan knew she had an idea she was working toward. But what was it?

  Com Pewter paused much of a microsecond, then printed AGREED. He evidently realized that it was better to cooperate with a Lips woman than to oppose her.

  They got to work. When Pewter was upright and the members of the Quest introduced, and their mission clarified, Pewter explained that a Mundane trucker had gotten badly lost and wrecked in the pundemic, spilling computer parts across the landscape. Pewter knew that an excellent upgrade was there for the taking, if he got there in time. So he took his magically propelled wagon and headed into the zone. Unfortunately his route took him across the path of a herd of bulls that were immune to hostile magic. They had solid herd immunity. Some were bullheaded, some were unmanageabull, and some were downright horribull. His traverse spooked them, and the herd stampeded. They bore right down on him. He tried to throw up a bullwark to fend them off, but they were immune to what they took to be hostile magic, and crunched him underhoof, wrecking his wagon. The wagon was in an adjacent gully upside down. It could be righted, but its magical power had been stomped out of it by the magic-resistant hooves; now it was just wheeled scrap. Thus he was stranded without transport, to say nothing of his parts upgrade.

  “You can change reality in your immediate vicinity?” Apoca asked.

  YES, TO A DEGREE. BUT THE HERD WAS IMMUNE.

  “Can you restore a lost talent to a person?”

  Nolan saw Vinia perk up. Suddenly Apoca’s idea was coming clear.

  TO AN ORDINARY PERSON, YES.

  “Vinia rode the horse Hue Mane, and it stole her talent of seeing colored paths. Can you restore it to her?”

  YES. THAT IS JUST A MATTER OF DRAWING IT BACK TO HER FROM THE HORSE.

  Apoca nodded, gratified. Vinia looked about ready to faint from relief. Nolan was silent, letting her handle it as she chose. He was privately proud of her queenly ability to handle a situation. He knew she would be an effective negotiator.

  “Now, about our return favor,” Apoca said. “You are in trouble. We can get you out of it. In fact, we can leave you better than before. Are you interested?”

  The machine was cynical. SUCH A CLAIM MUST BE DOCUMENTED.

  “Of course. We can provide you with a mode of travel that will not only haul you wherever you wish to go but can also be your companion, to the degree you choose. It will even warn you of danger.”

  SHOW ME THAT MODE.

  “Rocker Robot, come forth.” The robot obeyed. She had kissed it and it answered to her command. “Rocker, check your awareness. Would association with Com Pewter be beneficial to you?”

  The robot clicked once.

  “Then if we make this deal, I will kiss you farewell and you will go with Com Pewter, to serve him and profit by his magic. He can surely improve you by enhancing your details. You will in turn haul him on his wagon, protect him from explosions both physical and social, and engage in such dialogue as the two of you care to have. You do have something in common, both being odd machines. You will both be better off.” She turned to Pewter. “Deal?”

  DEAL. The device was smart enough to recognize a really good bargain.

  She went to Rocker and kissed his panel. Nolan pictured sparks flying as the love spell was nulled. “I release you. I thank you for your service to us and wish you well hereafter.”

  The robot blushed. Apoca could have that effect on males of any variety, even without using her power.

  Ghorgeous appeared and went to him next. “I have appreciated working with you, Rocker. You’re a good contraption.”

  The robot blushed again.

  She floated on to Pewter, touching his screen with a gossamer finger as she formed an image of herself leaning forward, flashing cleavage. “Treat him right.”

  The screen went momentarily blank, then formed a brief smiley face. This machine, too, was not entirely immune to human female beauty, even ghostly.

  Then they hitched the robot to the wagon, using the harness that Pewter’s reality change conjured, and lifted the machine onto it. They were good to go.

  “Your turn, Vinia,” Nolan murmured. He wanted to be sure the deal was complete.

  Vinia went to stand before Pewter. The screen blinked, then printed COLOR VISION RETURNS.

  She slapped her forehead. “It’s back! I can see the green!”

  Nolan’s knees felt weak.

  Apoca smiled. Her deal had restored their main asset.

  ONE FAVOR, Pewter printed.

  Apoca looked at him, a frown hovering near her face. “You want more?”

  MY WAGON KNEW THE ROUTE TO THE WRECK. THAT IS GONE, ALONG WITH ITS BRAIN. VINIA CAN SEE THE WAY.

  Apoca glanced at Nolan. He nodded. For one thing, it would verify that Vinia’s path sense really was operating again. “Agreed,” she said.

  IN RETURN I GIVE YOU THIS NEWS. WHEN GHORGEOUS GHOST TOUCHED ME, I READ HER REALITY. THAT IS WHAT MADE ME BLINK. SHE IS VITAL TO YOUR QUEST IN A WAY YOU DO NOT YET KNOW. I DO NOT KNOW THE DETAILS, BUT THIS IS IMPORTANT.

  This was confirmation of Rocker’s belief. “Thank you,” Apoca said thoughtfully. “We do appreciate the news.”

  Nolan mulled that over. How could the ghost be so important? She had no substance and no special expertise.

  “I don’t know either,” Ghorgeous whispered in his ear. “But I promise I’ll do everything I can to help the mission, whatever it may be.” She kissed the ear. It warmed with pleasure.

  Vinia pointed across the field where the tracks of the herd remained. “That way to the Mundane wreck. And our destination, too, farther along. Green all the way.”

  They walked across the field, pacing Rocker as he hauled the little wagon along. They found a navigable path. It was, coincidentally, green.

  The path wound through hill and dale, forest and field, sand and stream, avoiding the stenchiest puns, until it found the wreck.

  A small dark cloud formed beside Nolan. “Well, now, handsome naga prince. You must be up to something nailing.”

  “Something what?”

  “Fastening, bolting, securing, screwing, hammering—”

  “Riveting?”

  “Yes,” it agreed sourly. “Or at least interesting.”

  A talking cloud with a speech impediment? What kind of pun was that?

  “No kind of pun, Nolan,” Ghorgeous said in his ear. “That’s the mischievous demoness Metria. She’s chronically bored and always on the prowl for something interesting but tends to garble her vocabulary. She loves to flash her hot panties at innocent men, spoiling their innocence. Ignore her so she’ll go away.”

  “And hello to you, Ghor,” the cloud said. “Are you dating crossbreeds now? You must be desperate. This is really gross.”

  “Engrossing,” the ghost said quickly, cutting off the threatened game of words.

  “Oh, bleep!” Apoca swore. “The fiendish fiend. I’d rather swallow a pun.”

  “And suffer emnudifying pundigestion? You’re bluffing, hot lips.”

  Emnudifying? Then Nolan caught on: her version of embarrassing.

  “So would I, cloudbrain,” Vinia said.

  “You too, jailbait? This is bewitchifying.”

  “Ignore her,” Ghorgeous repeated. “It’s the only way to get rid of her.”

  THE GHOST IS CORRECT, Pewter printed. THE DEMONESS KNOWS BETTER THAN TO COME WITHIN MY REALITY RANGE.

  “I sure do, Tin Ear. You’d gander me if you had a hand. If I put my bottom close.” The cloud formed momentarily into a floating human bottom.

  Gander her? Goose her. “Got it,” Nolan muttered. Metria evidently existed for distraction, regardless of the subject.

  “Yes, ignore me, prince.” The cloud poked out a pair of well-formed and silk-stockinged human legs right under his nose. More of them emerged, leading toward their intriguing juncture.

  “Avert your gaze!” Aurora warned. Thus advised, he managed to look away just before the mesmerizing panties showed. They would have fried his brain from this point-blank range. The naughty spirit really was mischief.

  “Bleep!” This time it was the demoness. “A telepathetic ant, of all things. This is the most intriguing party I’ve happened across in epochs.”

  “Ages,” Apoca said.

  “Wow!” Vinia said. “Polka-dot panties with no material in the dots.”

  “My specialty. They used to drive Professor Grossclout wild when I flashed them in class.”

  “I wonder if I could get some like that, for when I’m old enough to flash.”

  “Maybe your friend Hilda will sew you some.”

  “Yeah, maybe.”

  The two seemed to be becoming friends. But this was wasting time. Nolan cleared his throat.

  “Okay, here’s a deal,” Metria said. “I’ll put on dull clothing for the nonce. Tell me what you’re up to, and I’ll leave you lonely.” Apparently Vinia’s interest had mollified her.

  “Deal,” Apoca said quickly.

  Now the full demoness appeared, intoxicatingly shapely but fully covered. “All her clothing is just part of her demon substance,” Aurora said. “So you are seeing as much of her as ever.”

  “But some presentations are more compelling than others.”

  “Maybe next time I assume dream-girl form,” the ant said, “I’ll wear panties like that.”

  “I’m looking forward to it.” They were teasing each other, as fast friends did.

  Meanwhile, Apoca was telling the demoness about the Quest and its complications. When she finished, Metria nodded and faded out as promised.

  “But she’s still here,” Aurora told him. “She didn’t promise to depart, only to leave us lonely, that is, alone. Ignore her.”

  They walked on. Nolan wondered whether he could get Apoca to don polka-dot panties with holes. “She’s planning to, Nimbus says. But not while Metria is watching.”

  In due course, maybe even overdue course, they reached the wreck. The Mundane truck lay on its side, with the hardware spewed across the landscape. They helped Pewter assemble it and set up. Soon he had multiple screens, each showing a different aspect of his capacity. The new equipment enabled him to find routes the wagon had found before, so he could travel with confidence. That was only the beginning of it. He was about as happy as an emotionless machine could be.

  Then Rocker, Pewter, and the new instruments departed, as the pundemic could be wearing even on machines. “That contraption isn’t as bad as I thought,” Apoca confessed as they moved on.

  Nolan wondered whether the same was true for the demoness Metria.

  They came to a swampy region. “There’s something ahead,” Vinia reported. “Big but not dangerous to us. The green leads right to it.”

  “I will investigate,” Ghorgeous said. “That’s what I’m here for, I think.” She vanished.

  “That makes me wonder, again,” Apoca said. “Are we missing something about her? She is helpful, yes, but Rocker and now Pewter seem to think it is more than that.”

  “They do,” Nolan agreed. “But I just can’t figure out how.”

  “We know the common theme. Somebody needs somebody else, who isn’t much interested, but there’s a factor that can help.”

  “If the somebody can only figure it out.”

  “I am feeling stupid. It’s probably in plain sight, and maybe relates to Ghorgeous, but we can’t see it.”

  “I’m feeling stupid too,” he said.

  “Me too,” Vinia added.

  The ghost returned. “There’s an invisible giant caught in slowsand.”

  “In what?” Vinia asked.

  “Slowsand. There’s regular sand, quicksand, and slowsand. Regular sand gets in your shoes, quicksand speeds you up to a blur, and slowsand slows you down so you can take a month to make a single step. That giant won’t be getting out of there soon. Fortunately it’s not our business.”

  “But if that’s where the green path goes, and I think it does, then it is our business.”

  The ghost showed shoulders shrugging. “Then we’ll have to figure it out.”

  “What does a giant in slowsand have to do with our Quest?” Apoca asked.

  Nolan mimicked the ghostly shrug. “We may have to figure it out.”

  They walked on into the swamp, watching their footing carefully. There was a fairly firm bank, and of course Nolan could turn serpent or fish if necessary. But that would not help Apoca or Gent, and in any event, slowsand would trap him regardless of his form.

  Vinia’s green path led to a bank beyond which it was all slowsand. “Right ahead,” she reported. “The green stops here. But there’s a patch of green over the muck.”

  The giant must have walked this way and stepped off, intending to wade on through to the other side, then been caught by surprise. It might not even realize how much it had slowed.

  It was definitely slowsand. Assorted creatures were mired in it, apparently unmoving. There was a green alligation, a Welsh rabbit, and a maidserpent, all oblivious. The sand didn’t hurt them, merely slowed them.

  Apoca looked at Nolan. That meant the next decision was his. He marshaled his balky brain before it could sneak off and hide behind some other subject. “The bugs! Let them read the giant’s mind, and maybe tell it how slow it is if it doesn’t know.”

  “Is that feasible?” Apoca asked. “Maybe its mind is frozen too.”

  “No,” Vinia said. “When the six princesses Prince Ion and Princess Hilda rescued were frozen in storage, being crystallized, one was telepathic, and I was able to talk with her. Their bodies were in stasis, but their minds could be wakened as if in a dream. The bugs may be able to connect us to its mind.”

  “Let’s do it,” Nolan decided.

  He and Apoca stood together at the bank, extremely careful to go no farther, while Aurora and Nimbus reached out mentally. Working together they were able to do more than either could alone, reaching out without direct physical contact. And they connected! Nolan could feel the huge mind of the invisible giant, asleep at the moment but not frozen. The enormous invisible man was male and adult. In fact he was dreaming of an invisible giant woman, whose name was—

  “Gina,” Apoca said. “This is her boyfriend, Geode.”

  “He could have been here some time,” Nolan said. “Maybe that’s why she hadn’t heard from him recently.”

  “We have to help him.”

  “Maybe that’s why the green is here,” Vinia said. “It knew we had to help a friend.”

  That made Nolan pause. The involvement of the green path meant it was not coincidence. They should indeed assist, but there was a complication. “How do we help a frozen invisible giant?”

  Apoca spread her hands. “I fear we’ll need more magic than we have.”

  “The coven!” Vinia exclaimed. “Didn’t they say they owe us a favor? Maybe this is it.”

  “Maybe it is,” Nolan said thoughtfully.

  “I’ll go tell them,” Ghorgeous said. “Or at least I’ll tell the ghosts, and they’ll relay it.”

  “That should do it,” Apoca agreed.

  The ghost popped off. Meanwhile they explored Geode’s mind in more depth.

  Indeed, he did not know that he was in effect stalled in place.

  “Geode,” Nolan said, the bugs relaying his thought to the giant so that it seemed as if they were talking normally, apart from the fact that one was a multiple crossbreed and the other an invisible giant in stasis. “This is not a dream. I am Prince Nolan Naga, one of the small visible folk. Do you hear me?”

  “I hear you, naga,” Geode replied, surprised. “But I don’t see you.”

  “Here I am.” Aurora generated a dream picture of Nolan standing at the bank, a bit more handsome than he was in reality. “I was passing through and discovered you stuck in slowsand.”

  “Slowsand! I avoid that stuff.”

  “There is a patch of it here in the swamp we didn’t know about. You stepped in it and got caught. Now you are standing in place.”

  “This is hard to believe.”

  “Would you believe that we are friends of Gina Giantess, who misses you? By the time you wade on out of this muck, she may be an old maid.”

  That got to the giant. “I prefer her as a young maid. Of all the women I have known, she is the best. How do I get out of this?”

  “We are checking with a witch coven we know. Maybe they will have helpful magic.”

  “Why would witches help an invisible giant? We seldom if ever interact.”

  “They owe us a favor because we helped them.”

  “Why would you help an invisible giant?” Geode was not stupid.

  “We are friends with Gina, as I said. We got to know her at the invisible mountain, and she carried us to our next stop. We know she is a good woman. We’ll do it for her, because she would be desolate without you.” There was no need to mention Gina’s passing liaison with Gent.