I let out a sigh because I am officially exhausted from this back and forth and I don’t know any response that allows for Lucas and I to be okay. “Fine,” I tell him and surprise flashes across his face. I pause as it sinks in what I have to do now. “For what it’s worth, I do love her. But…I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you. So, if you’re not okay with this…then fine. I’ll end it.” I don’t wait for him to respond; I just move down the hallway toward Avery’s room as I prepare to rip both of us apart.

  My knee is bouncing nonstop as I chew on my thumbnail nervously when I hear a knock on the door. I rush to it, not knowing who it is when I fling it open without looking. I breathe a sigh of relief when it’s Theo and he pushes his way inside. “Hey, what happened?” I ask immediately as I take in his defeated expression. He drops to the bed and his head falls into his hands and I immediately fear the worst. Though I’m not exactly sure what the worst-case scenario is here. He shakes his head and looks up at me with sad eyes and I already know what he’s going to say. “I’ll talk to him.”

  He shakes his head. “Come here, baby.”

  “No,” I tell him as I turn towards the door, prepared to find Lucas and make him understand my side of this as well. I feel Theo’s hand on my elbow and he pulls me towards his chest. He wraps his arms around me as I succumb to the tears I’d been avoiding every time I thought about this outcome.

  He lifts my chin to meet his eyes. “Please don’t cry. I hate seeing you upset.”

  “What did he say?”

  “It’s just too hard or weird or painful for him. I think maybe a combination of the three.” He rubs my back and it just spurs more tears. I’m lifted off my feet and carried to the same couch where we had a very different interaction just hours earlier and he sits with me in his arms. I wrap my arms around his neck.

  “So, that’s it for us?” I ask him as I pull back to look at him.

  “He’s my son, Ave.”

  “I know.”

  “I can’t…I don’t want him to spend the rest of his life hating me.”

  I don’t know what to say because I can’t even argue with that. I can’t be mad. If anything, a part of me actually admires Theo for sacrificing his own feelings for the sake of his son. “Maybe he just needs some time?”

  “Maybe.” He shrugs as he runs his finger over my cheek. “But then I need to give him time.” He rubs his nose gently against mine and I take a second to breathe him in if I’ll never be this close to him again. “And I can’t have you while I wait.”

  “So, we can’t see each other at all anymore?” The tears haven’t stopped sliding down my face, even as he tries to wipe them away.

  “No,” he says sadly and the pain on his face is so evident it makes my heart hurt more.

  “Theo… I…” The words stop before they come out because what difference would it make to say it now? “I just…I want you to know…” I look at him and he nods.

  “Me too.”

  I press my lips to his gently. I stroke his jaw, feeling the light stubble under my fingertips and I drag my tongue along the seam, wanting access to his mouth and he opens finally. I move to straddle him as I kiss him for the last time even as the tears continue to slide down my face. He doesn’t let this go on for long before he stops us and holds my face in his hands. “I don’t want to get carried away. I should get back downstairs.”

  I lick my lips and nod. “I’m just going to go to bed if that’s okay?” I offer weakly. I’m not sure if Lucas or Rae would want to see me and it’s late. I’m emotional and I really don’t want to see anyone. “Fuck.” I sigh. “I forgot my parents are here.”

  He rubs his forehead and lets out an exasperated sigh. “So did I. I don’t know that this news has made it to them though.”

  “No, my mom would have called me. I’ll let her know I’m going to bed.” I get off of his lap. “This really isn’t fair.”

  “No, it’s not.” He tucks a curl behind my ear and presses a final kiss to my lips as he makes his way towards the door.

  “Theo,” I call after him and he turns to meet my gaze, “if there’s ever a time that he is okay with it…will you come find me?”

  “Wherever you are.”

  I make it back to the party and it seems like nothing is out of the ordinary. It’s nearing midnight so the festivities are winding down but people are sitting around talking and a few people feeling their drinks are still on the dance floor. I am grateful that I don’t see Avery’s parents so that’s two less people I have to deal with right now. I don’t see Raegan or Lucas either for that matter, so I’m sure they are somewhere together. I go out onto the patio where I see Bryan and Wes each holding a drink while my brother smokes a cigar. I make my way over to them and Bryan gives me a look.

  “You got caught?”

  “Lucas came down and…he’s with Rae,” Wes adds as he gives me a sad look that isn’t judgmental or with any hint of I told you this would happen.

  “I’m sorry this happened tonight. We were trying to wait until after the wedding to tell anyone,” I tell him because I’m sure this is not what Wes wants to be dealing with on the night of their engagement party.

  “Clearly, you weren’t trying that hard,” Bryan says with his usual sarcasm and I give him a look that I hope tells him I’m too tired for the back and forth.

  “Now is really not the fuckin’ time,” I snap and he sighs.

  “Alright, sorry,” he says and I think he realizes I’m not in the mood. “So, what happened?”

  “He’s pissed. So, I told him I’d back off.”

  “You did the right thing,” Bryan says as he holds out an unlit cigar for me and I shake my head. “Look, maybe he’ll come around.”

  “Maybe, but I ended it with Avery anyway.”

  “That’s okay. She knows why. I’m sure she understands,” Wes interjects. “This whole situation is complicated, but you guys knew that going in. You knew that there was a chance that he wasn’t going to be okay with this.”

  “I guess a part of me thought once I told her I loved her, he wouldn’t be so angry.” Maybe I didn’t deserve that. Maybe he was right and there are just some things a dad can’t ever do. Maybe I was kidding myself to think he’d ever be okay with it.

  “Give him time. This is a lot,” Wes says.

  “He said I was just like his mom. I think that hurt more than anything.”

  “Okay, well he didn’t mean that. Rebecca hasn’t lived in the same state since he was fourteen and not in the same country since he was what, sixteen?” Bryan snorts and I know I must look like shit if even he’s trying to be supportive.

  “I almost wish he did love her.” It would make me feel better for giving her up. But maybe I didn’t deserve to feel better and maybe he was allowed to subscribe to the belief that I can’t have the girl that he wanted once upon a time.

  “He doesn’t?” Bryan asks.

  “No. He just said it’s too weird.”

  “Well, it is weird, Dad.” I hear Raegan’s voice from behind me and when I turn around, I see her standing alone with a disappointed look on her face. Her lips form a straight line and she shakes her head. “Avery? Really?”

  “Where is he?” I ask her.

  “He left. He’s meeting some friends.” She takes a few steps closer to us and Wes immediately takes off his jacket and slips it around her shoulders. She gives him a smile before turning back to me. “He said that you said you love her. Is that true?”

  “Yeah, Rae.” I nod.

  “Does she love you?”

  “I think so,” I tell her because although she didn’t explicitly say it, I do think that’s what she was trying to tell me before I left her room.

  “Look, he probably didn’t like what I had to say, which is that he thinks he has some hold over Avery and that he’s under the impression that one day she’ll wake up and love him back.” She puts her hands on her hips. “This doesn’t mean I’m on your side either. I’m Switzerland. Probably because of him.” She points at her fiancé. “I know it was hard for you to accept me with someone so close to your age so in my eyes, her age is not the problem and I told Lucas that. It’s not even the fact that it’s a girl you’ve known for years.” She scrunches her nose. “A little weird.” She puts her thumb and index finger close together. “But it’s more that it’s her. I’ve watched him love her and then get over her but still stare at her with that look, you know?”

  “I get that so I broke it off, Rae. I told her we couldn’t be together.”

  She sighs and wraps me in a hug and I’m happy that at least one of my kids doesn’t hate me at the moment. “I don’t know that I think that’s right either. It’s not anyone’s fault that she didn’t love him back.”

  “Sounds like it’s mine,” I say as I drop to one of the patio chairs.

  “It’s not, Dad.” She sits next to me and sighs as she runs a hand through her hair. “I’ll talk to him again.”

  “I don’t want you getting in the middle of it.” I wrap an arm around her. “You’ve got a lot going on and I don’t want you stressing yourself out over things that are definitely not your problem.”

  “You guys are my closest family. Your problems are my problems.” She presses a kiss to my cheek. “And, Dad, you’re not like Mom. I yelled at him for saying that.”

  “Thanks,” I say hoping he didn’t really mean it.

  “Maybe just give him some time?”

  “If Lucas is ever okay with it, will you be?”

  She stands up and gives me a conspiratorial grin. “Sure. If you two get married and have a baby. In twenty or so years, I can tell my little sibling all about how I taught their mom how to use a condom.” She chuckles. “It’ll be fun. I’m psyched.”

  It’s been a little over a week since Raegan’s engagement party and I’ve been fucking miserable. It’s not bad enough to have gone through the worst breakup of my life, but the man still lives next door. I’m supposed to move out next week, so I’m grateful I’ll eventually have a reprieve from staring out my bedroom window in hopes I get just the smallest glimpse of him. I haven’t talked to Lucas, but I did talk to Raegan after she showed up at my house and forced me to talk to her since I’d been avoiding her calls. I wasn’t sure how she felt about it and I’ll be honest, she scares me a little bit. She told me to give it time and that she still wanted me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding.

  I’m not sure if that’s only because she still actually wants me to be in it or if it’s also to punish me a little bit by forcing me into a room with Theo and Lucas.

  Fuck me.

  While I’m definitely upset and wallowing in the misery of not seeing the man I’d quickly fallen for over the past month, a part of me believes it isn’t over.

  Lucas couldn’t stay mad forever, right? He would come around because he cares about me and his dad and he wants us to be happy.

  I could be patient.

  Or delusional.

  Or a combination of both.

  I’d called Lucas a number of times and he’d ignored all of my calls, something that he’d never done in the eight years we’ve been friends and while I understand why he’s mad, I don’t know how he expects us to move past this if he doesn’t talk to me.

  Maybe he doesn’t want to move past this.

  Well, that’s fucking annoying. If he doesn’t want to be friends anymore, why can’t I date Theo?

  “Ugh,” I growl as I toss the towel I’m holding on the counter and look at my phone for the millionth time in the past hour praying that there’s a message from him.

  My mom is rolling some dough next to me and when I look at her she’s giving me a curious look. “Care to share with the class?”

  “Not really.” I pull my vanilla latte to my lips.

  “You want me to guess?”

  I assume at this point she’s figured that I’ve broken up with the secret boyfriend I’ve been sneaking around with, but again, I’m sure she has no idea who it was.

  “I’m fine,” I tell her dismissively.

  “You’re not fine. You’re moping.”

  “Mom, can we not?” I sigh. Of all the people in the world I’d feel comfortable talking to about this it would be her, but I really don’t want to get into it now. Especially if Theo and I are never going to be anything again.

  What would be the point of telling her?

  “You’ve been in a mood ever since Raegan’s engagement party and I haven’t been able to figure out why.” She narrows her gaze before wiping her face with the back of her hand, successfully smearing flour across her forehead. “Did you have a fight with Lucas?’

  “No,” I lie, although on some level I suppose it’s the truth. We haven’t talked about it at all except for him calling me the worst. My stomach sinks just like it always does when I replay those words in my head.

  “You have a fight with someone else?”

  “I didn’t have a fight with anyone. It’s just…been a long week and I’m tired from packing.”

  “Hmmm.” She purses her lips. “You know, I’ve known you for twenty-one years,” she tells me.

  “That’s what my birth certificate says,” I tell her as I wash my hands thoroughly so I can help her.

  “You know, I know about things you haven’t even done yet.”

  “Really.” I deadpan.

  “Mmmhm.” She says as she continues to roll the dough. “I never really pegged you for someone with Daddy issues.”

  I snap my head to look at her. “What?”

  “Give me a little credit, Avery Danielle. You and Theo are not slick.” I blink at her, not confirming or denying anything so she continues. “Okay, so we’re playing like you have no idea what I’m talking about. Obviously, I knew you were seeing someone but you were so secretive about it and I couldn’t figure out why. Why not tell me about this mystery guy? You’re an adult. So, I thought, there had to be a reason and then at the engagement party, he couldn’t take his eyes off of you.” She cocks her head to the side. “And you couldn’t take your eyes off of him.”

  Here I thought, we were being careful. Did anyone else notice?

  “How do you feel about it…?”

  “I… don’t know. How did it start?”

  “Last year, we kissed, but it wasn’t really anything until about a month ago and I know it sounds fast but, God Theo Graham has been…the man of my dreams for years.”

  “Hmmm,” she narrows her gaze at me.

  “It was nothing before I was twenty, I swear.”

  “No, I know, you had that knucklehead boyfriend for far too long.” She scrunches her nose in disgust and I chuckle at her never-ending distaste for my ex-boyfriend. “So, Lucas didn’t take it well?”

  “He did not.”

  “And Rae?”

  “Rae’s sitting kind of pretty in a glass house right now. She’s not really upset about it I think because Theo has really not given Wes a hard time.”

  “Oh, Wes is a gem. They are so cute. I absolutely need that story. Rebecca told me he’s her boss! Scandalous!” She giggles as she raises her eyebrows up and down.

  “I’ll tell you everything another time, I promise. Anyway, she’s trying to be supportive to both of them but also stay out of it—” I stop when Jordan pops her head into the back.

  “Hey, ummm one of your friends is here?” She looks at both of us.

  “Who is it,” I ask?

  “I don’t know.” She shrugs. “I think your neighbor?” She doesn’t say anything else before she heads back to the front and I look at my mother. Both of us walk to the main floor, me because I assume he’s here to talk to me, and my mother to be nosy. I see Theo standing in the area where customers wait for their to-go coffees. He’s wearing a black button-down and gray slacks and he looks so fucking good.

  Meanwhile, my hair pulled back in a bun because I haven’t washed it in days coupled with my bare minimum makeup does not make me happy for this encounter at all. Of all the days.

  His eyes light up as soon as he sees me and his eyes rove over me like I’m wearing the sexiest dress and not a cream t-shirt and black jeans. “Hi.” I stand next to Jordan who is making his coffee and I see she’s got two carrying trays out that can hold four cups each.

  “Hey. I’m just…uh…getting coffee for the office.”

  “Wow, the owner of the company goes on coffee runs.” I smirk at him, wondering, hoping that he’s just here as a way to see me.

  “I…was out already and thought I’d pick up coffee for everyone.” My mom slides up on the other side of me and looks at Theo. “Hello, Theo.” She smiles, knowingly like the cat that ate the canary. “Lovely to see you.”

  “You too, Camille.” He smiles.

  “I just finished baking what I think are my best cinnamon scones. I’m going to send some with you for your office.” She claps and points at him. “Avery will help you carry them over.” I go to reject that idea when she looks at me.

  “Don’t be rude. He only has two hands.” She begins putting some scones in a bag for him.

  Eight coffees and five minutes of awkward silence later, we’re walking out of the café in the direction of his office. “I told my mom,” I say, breaking the silence. “Well, she kind of put it together.”

  “I see, so that’s the reason for this?” He gestures as well as he can between us. “She…approves?” He raises an eyebrow.

  “I don’t know, I think she’s tired of seeing me so sad.”

  He turns his eyes back to the sidewalk and away from me. “I hate that you’re sad,” he says finally.

  “How are you?” I ask, wondering if he’s as miserable as I am.

  “I’m…okay. Have you talked to Lucas?” He responds.

  I shake my head. “No. Have you?”

  “Through Raegan some, but no, he’s not taking my calls. I was thinking of going to New York this weekend to see if I can get him to talk to me.”