Dodie brought my sandwich and an iced fruit tea for both of us and she sat down at the table.

  “Wouldn't it be nice if you and Nick made a match of it? It would be so cute to see all your little beach babies playin' in the sand down by the water. Your Auntie Sam would get such a kick out of that.”

  I almost gagged on my sandwich. I was hoping that I would see the last of him for the next two weeks after he brought me my overnight case. I was trying to think of some meaningless response to give her, but I didn't need to because Aunt Sam came down the back stairs into the kitchen.

  “Well, Teri! I thought you might hit it off with Nick, but you're already planning a family! Good for you for moving on from that horrible Waldo! Come here and let your old Auntie give you a hug.”

  Aunt Sam was in her early sixties, but she looked a lot younger to me. She had hazel eyes and ash blond hair which she wore in a pixie cut. She was wearing a white patio dress with purple flowers, shiny gold sandals and a lot of gold bracelets.

  “It's so good to see you, Aunt Sam,” I said. “I'm not planning anything with Nick, and my ex's name was Walter.”

  “Oh, forget him,” Aunt Sam said. “You've got Nick now. I'm so glad that you are getting together. You're both so much alike. He's such a sweet, thoughtful young man. A bit shy, though.”

  Sweet, thoughtful, shy? I would have described him as narcissistic with borderline personality disorder. Maybe I was missing something, but I doubted it.

  “Now let's sit down and you can tell me how your parents are doing.” Aunt Sam continued. “I'm afraid that Lizzie wasn't too happy with me for inviting you down here. She thought it would be best if you went through the seven stages of grief at home where you could be surrounded by all your familiar things.”

  “I didn't know there were that many stages of grief,” I said. “Besides, by the time I got home from Arizona the only emotion I was feeling was irritation with myself for wasting so much time with Walter. Unfortunately, Mom felt it was best to keep me busy so I wouldn't think about the break-up, so she asked me to come with her every time she went out. The first day we went to the post office so she could pick out which flower stamps she wanted to buy, then we went to the mall so she could buy new rugs for the bathroom and we hit the kitchen store so she could get a new wire whisk. Do I need to tell you how grateful I am that you invited me to come down here for a couple of weeks?”

  Aunt Sam laughed. “Yes, that sounds like Lizzie. Well, I'm grateful that you accepted my invitation, Teri, and you're welcome to stay down here as long as you like. Permanently would be fine with me.”

  “That's so nice of you, Aunt Sam, but I've got to get back to Ohio soon and start trying to find another teaching job.”

  “So you like teachin'?” asked Dodie.

  “I don't hate it,” I said with a shrug. “I just don't seem to be very good at it. I got my college degree in English because I couldn't think of anything else to major in, so when I graduated I applied for a job teaching English at the local high school. Someone with more experience got the job, but they needed a physical education teacher so I took that job for a year, then I taught typing for a couple of years till they needed an art teacher, so I taught art for five years.”

  “That sounds interestin',” Dodie said.

  “It sounds appalling!” said Aunt Sam. “You've spent all those years doing a job you didn't like!”

  “People have to work, Aunt Sam,” I said. “Not many people do jobs that they really love to do. I don't really mind.”

  “Life's too short to spend it doing things you don't love to do. I've always followed my heart and my dreams in life. It drove my parents and poor Lizzie crazy, but I don't regret a thing. I won't pretend it hasn't been a bumpy road at times, but it has been a fun one!”

  “You're right about that,” Dodie agreed. “Of course, now that she's dating Nick she'll loosen up a bit; just you watch.”

  “I'm not dating Nick! I just want my flat iron back!”

  Aunt Sam looked at her watch. “Speaking of life being too short, this day will be too short to get those rooms ready upstairs if we sit here and chat all afternoon. Maybe you can come upstairs and help me finish the bedrooms while Dodie starts on the living room?”

  “Sure I'd be glad to help. Where should I put my suitcase?”

  “That's something I need to explain to you,” Aunt Sam said. “I just found out a few days ago that I have some unexpected guests arriving tomorrow and they'll need all the rooms. It was too late for you to cancel your travel arrangements so I thought you could share my room till they go. I have a nice queen size bed and there's a day bed, too.”

  “Or you'd be welcome to share my room,” said Dodie. “It's in the back of the house and you get a nice breeze at night.”

  Sharing a room with my aunt or Dodie would be all right but I kind of liked my privacy. Still, this was a free vacation and I wasn't going to picky. While I was mulling over which offer to take, Dodie said, “Of course, Teri could stay in the RV, too. It's more private, and she and you-know-who might like to spend some alone time together.”

  “Now that might be a good idea,” Aunt Sam said. “Why don't you take her out to look at it while I go up and get the sheets out of the linen closet so we can finish upstairs?”

  I followed Dodie to the side door of the kitchen which led out to the back driveway. Sitting next to the pavement on the grass was a big old motorhome that looked to be from the 1970s. It was blue and white with chrome everywhere you looked, and in spite of its age it seemed to be in good condition. Dodie opened the side door and said, “Why don't you go in and see what you think?”

  I stepped inside and looked around; A sofa ran along one side, facing a flat screen TV on the opposite wall. The little kitchen had nice modern appliances including a small dishwasher, and at the back was a surprisingly roomy bedroom with a decent-sized closet and a queen sized bed. There was even a bathroom with a nice shower with a skylight above it. It was totally great.

  “I would love to stay here,” I said. “I had no idea that Aunt Sam traveled around in an RV.”

  “Oh, she doesn't,” Dodie replied. “She had a guest last year who paid a lot of money to have this thing shipped over here from the mainland so he and his family could drive around the island and visit the various beaches and tourist spots. Unfortunately, one of the places they stopped was at the casino at the south side of the island and he lost a bundle of money and couldn't afford to have the RV shipped back to the mainland when he left, so he sold it to your aunt. She uses it for times when she gets over-booked in the house. That's why it's always hooked up to all the utilities includin' satellite and wi-fi. So are you sure you'd like to stay here?”

  “Absolutely! I'd better call Nick and tell him where I am. He's bringing my overnight case and he should be here any minute.”

  Dodie laughed. “Did he say he'd 'be here in five'?”

  “Yes. How did you know?”

  “Because I know Nick. He'll maybe be here in a couple of hours if you're lucky! You'll have time to help your aunt finish gettin' the rooms ready upstairs. She'll probably want to give you the lowdown on our guests that will get here tomorrow, too. They've been comin' here for the past four years and they can be quite a handful!”

  “I imagine so, if they're taking up all the rooms. Do they have a lot of kids?”

  “Yes, they're all spoiled little kids; just in adult bodies. You'll see what I mean when you meet them tomorrow. Which reminds me, they e-mailed us a list of their special diets.” Dodie pulled a folded sheet of paper from her pocket. “Let's see, we have a one vegetarian, one on a fruitarian/vegan diet, one on a keto diet, one pescetarian, one carnivore and one that's just a picky eater. I'll probably be cooking 24 hours a day!”

  “I'll be glad to help in any way I can,” I said.

  “I may just take you up on that offer, although I expect you'll find that your Auntie Sam will have plenty for you to do.”

  It turned out Dodie was right. When I went upstairs I found Aunt Sam in the first bedroom sitting on a chair reading a book. There was a stack of sheets on the unmade bed.

  “Oh, there you are, Teri. I was waiting for you. Putting a fitted sheet on a king-size bed isn't a one person job. I don't know how Dodie ever manages it by herself. So, what did you think of the RV?”

  “I loved it. It's like having my own apartment.”

  “That's good then,” Aunt Sam said, as she picked up the fitted sheet. “Now let's get started. I'll do my side first and then you can finish your side.” After we had tucked it in and smoothed it out, she stood back to look it over and said, “Oops! This is upside down. The seams at the end should be the other way.”

  “Does that matter?”

  “Not to me, but it might matter to Brent Maxwell. He's quite a complainer. We'll have to start again.”

  “Is he one of the guests who'll be here tomorrow?” I took the sheet off and turned it over.

  “Yes, he's an author who has just finished his 200th novel and he's bringing his family here to celebrate. He writes the Dirk Nightshade spy novels.”

  “Dirk Nightshade? I haven't heard of those books before. Are they like James Bond novels?”

  “Hah! Doesn't he wish! No, Brent Maxwell's books are known more for quantity than quality, but don't let him know I said that.” We had finished putting the fitted sheet on again, when Aunt Sam said, “Oh, dear, this is all wrong.”

  “It looks good to me. What could be wrong with it?”

  “Well, we should have put that end with the tag on it at the bottom of the bed, not the top. We'll have to start over.”

  I suppressed a sigh and reminded myself that this was a free two week vacation and I shouldn't complain. All I was doing was putting a sheet on a bed. Three times.

  “Brent Maxwell must be pretty old if he's written 200 books,” I said as I took the sheet off the bed again. “Let's see, if he wrote two books a year he'd be over a hundred!”

  “He puts out a new Dirk Nightshade book every two months and he started when he was 29,” Aunt Sam replied. “I can't do the math but I think he must be in his sixties. That's his latest book over there next to the chair. I was trying to read it before he gets here in case he asks me about it, but I've only managed to slog through the first chapter, so I hope that'll be enough.”

  “How could anyone write a new book every two months?”

  “Did I mention that it's a question of quantity over quality? Brent Maxwell writes 'formula fiction'; standard spy stories written in the standard way. His agent says they sell well at airports. She's going to be staying here, too. Vanessa is her name, and she was also Brent's second wife.”

  “He works with his ex-wife? They get along that well?”

  “Not just one ex-wife; wife number three, Kristi, is his editor! And as for getting along, well, you'll see when they get here. Oh, and did I mention that Brent is also bringing his new girlfriend with him? He brings a different one every year; they're always peroxide blonde and half his age. This year's model is named Dawn.”

  “Good heavens! Should we bulletproof the house before they arrive?”

  Aunt Sam laughed. “And we're not done yet! There's also Gavin, Brent's son from his first marriage, and Charlie Gleason, Brent's lawyer.”

  “Should I ask about wife number one?”

  “She's dead and has therefore been spared from Hurricane Maxwell. Of course, she is half responsible for Gavin, who is a younger and ruder version of Brent, so I suppose you could say she's here in spirit. Do I need to tell you that these people are not my favorite customers?”

  “Can't you just make an excuse and say you don't have any vacancies?” I asked. “It would be easier than-” All of a sudden I was cut off by a loud, twangy voice singing “Your Cheatin' Heart”. I almost jumped out of my skin.

  “Oh Lord, that stupid clock,” Aunt Sam clucked. “It's on the wall next to the desk, Teri. Go over and push the button at the bottom so that horrible noise stops.”

  I hurried over to the clock and did as Aunt Sam had instructed, and “Your Cheatin' Heart” wheezed to a stop. The clock was shaped like the face of a man in a cowboy hat and bore an inscription that read “Studley Oscar Simpkins covers the Greatest Hits, SOS Recordings, Inc.”

  “What on earth is this thing?” I asked.

  “It's some ridiculous novelty clock that Charlie Gleason gave Brent as a gag gift for his birthday a couple of years ago. I keep it in the storage room but I have to hang it in Brent's room when he comes here. It plays a different god-awful 'hit' song every hour unless you push the mute button. For some reason Brent thinks it's just great.”

  “I've never heard of Studley Oscar Simpkins.”

  “Neither have I, although the card that came with the clock says he's a beloved singer in the Florida Keys. They didn't say who finds him beloved.”

  “Hopefully that's not his real name,” I said. “I'd hate to think of some poor kid trying to survive in school with that name.”

  “Yes, if only he had a cool name like Dirk Nightshade,” Aunt Sam laughed. She picked up the novel from the chair and handed it to me. “Here, my gift to you. One chapter is more than enough for me.”

  The cover featured a painting of man who looked vaguely like a young Sean Connery, and the title read: “Dirk Nightshade #200 – Riviera Rampage!” I turned the book over and read the description on the back cover. It began, “Dirk Nightshade - The dream of every woman, the envy of every man: Ruggedly handsome man of mystery Dirk Nightshade returns once again to the haunted Chateau d'Intrigue on the Riviera. In spite of the dangers he faced in this stately home in the past, Dirk is forced to brave them again to save the life of his long time friend, beautiful police woman Brigitte Deliciosa! Working under cover as a French maid, Brigitte is caught in a devious trap by Dirk's longtime nemesis Flint Nocturne, who will stop at nothing to destroy our hero and his allies! This exiting adventure is a must read for all thrill-seekers who want to follow Dirk Nightshade to one of his most stunning conclusions ever!”

  “Well, it's certainly... uh, something,” I said.

  “Yes, it's something all right,” Aunt Sam said. “I love you too much to expect you to wade through it. We'll leave it lying around downstairs so he'll think I've read it.”

  “If anyone asks me, I'll say you were so engrossed that I couldn't get you to put it down.”

  “You're a sweet girl, Teri, and you always have been. Now we'd better finish the rest of these rooms so that you have time to get unpacked. Dodie will have supper ready at seven. She's making her special ham steaks stuffed with collard greens, sweet potato hash and corn bread all in your honor. You may not be used to southern cooking, but I think you'll like it. Oh, and I ought to mention that Brody Hicks may be at dinner, since he and Dodie are sweet on each other. Have you met Brody yet?”

  “Dodie and Brody?” I was surprised. “Yes, I've met him. He seems very nice, but...”

  “But Dodie is neat and tidy and cute and Brody looks like a bear in an oil-stained tie-dyed shirt, so you're wondering what could they have in common.”

  “Well, they say that opposites attract.”

  “When you seen them together you may find out they're not such opposites after all. Maybe you and Nick could double date with them sometime.”

  “You never know,” I said politely instead of “Not a chance in hell!”

  After I left Aunt Sam I went out to the motorhome and was just about to go inside when I saw Nick coming around the side of the house carrying my overnight case.

  “Dodie told me I'd find you here,” he said. “I knew from the first time I met you that you're anti-social but I didn't realize that it was so bad that your Aunt Sam couldn't let you be around the other guests.”

  “And I knew from the first time I met you that you obviously had been exiled to the island because of your lame pick-up lines,” I replied. “The truth is that Aunt Sam has a group arriving tomorrow and she doesn't have any rooms free.”

  “Yep, I have to pick them up. I brought your overnight case but since you were careless and left it in the boat it got a little moist.”

  “Moist? How moist?”

  Nick picked it up and handed it to me. Water was dripping off of it.

  “Fairly moist,” he replied. “I guess you put it under the seat and when Brody hosed down the boat he didn't notice it.”

  I sighed. “Well, at least it just got on the outside,” I said.

  “About that...”

  “Don't tell me that water got inside!”

  “It'll be okay. I managed to pour most of it out.”

  I looked inside my overnight case and saw my make-up bag, comb and hair brush floating in about six inches of water. My pj's and the bottom half of my bikini were lying under them.

  “Where are my flat iron and the top of my bikini?” I asked.

  “Somewhere in the Gulf of Mexico, I would guess. I was trying to do you a favor by opening the lid just the least little bit so I could dump the water out, and a couple of things may have gotten away from me,” Nick said. He took out his phone and started scrolling down the screen.

  “I assume that you're looking up stores on the island that sell flat irons so that you can replace mine immediately if not sooner.”

  “No, I'm trying to find the location of the nearest topless beach.”

  “You are so unspeakable!” I fumed. “Where can I buy a flat iron? I need to straighten my hair right away!”

  “What's the big hurry?”

  “Because I don't want anyone else on the island to see me until I can straighten my hair!”

  “Why?”

  “No one takes you seriously if you have blonde curly hair. They just think you're childish and dim-witted,” I said.

  “Add hysterical to the list and they're probably right,” Nick replied. “I'll give a call to Marlene over at the Doughnut Shop as soon as I bookmark the topless beaches. My clients might be interested in fishing around there....”

  “The Doughnut Shop? What does ---”

  “Hey, Marlene, how you doing, sweetie?” Nick said. “Do you happen to have something called a flat iron? There's a chick here at Sammie's that wants to buy one.” There was a pause. “Yep, she's the niece that got dumped by some guy named Wilbur and she's down here to lick her wounds.” He laughed. “Oh, yeah, she's hot all right and I sure wouldn't mind, but she has (his voice dropped to a whisper) personality problems, if you know what I mean.” After a minute he turned to me. “She said she doesn't sell flat irons, but she hears that some people iron their hair with a regular iron to straighten it.” Another pause. “Oh, she said you need to put a sheet of tinfoil underneath the hair if you're using an iron.” He thanked Marlene and hung up. “Sammie or Dodie must have an iron and tin foil, so that's your best bet,” he said, as he began walking away. “See you later.”