She averts her gaze, angrily looking at a mark on the table. She digs her nails into the palm of her hand. “Do you think if Kyle hadn’t set his eyes on you, if he had left you alone, that he wouldn’t have run away from us all?”

  What?

  She’s blaming me.

  For Kyle leaving.

  But it is my fault…isn’t it? The last time I saw him was at graduation and the way that conversation ended…it felt so final. I had so many regrets that day.

  I still do.

  I wish I could see him again, hold him tight and just talk to him, ask him what’s going on in that head of his, if he was really planning to run away from everyone, and if it was my fault.

  Now, it feels like it’ll never happen.

  “If he had just kept away from you, we would all know where he went,” she says bitingly.

  “You don’t know?” I say tentatively.

  Her eyes flash to mine. “Only Roman knows. The rest of us are in the dark.”

  “He never told you?”

  “Roman?” She lifts an eyebrow before scoffing, shaking her head. “He never told me anything.”

  I look down at my hands, wondering what to say to my former nemesis. A part of this feels like my fault. Like I’m responsible for the seemingly irreparable crack in their friendship; a friendship of people that had no regard for my wellbeing - with a few exceptions. It wasn’t entirely Kyle’s fault about prom; he didn’t know Roman went behind his back and manipulated the situation entirely for my humiliation. I painted Kyle with the same brush as his friends. Not even giving him the benefit of the doubt.

  She scans my expression. “You want to see him, don’t you?”

  I observe Madison carefully. She may seem like a different person but that doesn’t mean I trust her. Not by a mile. She doesn’t need to be privy to my thoughts. Especially when it comes to her friendship circle. For one thing, I don’t know what she wants from me. Gossip? Intel? As bad it sounds, I wouldn’t put it past her.

  I clear my throat. My silence is enough of an answer for her.

  She chuckles mirthlessly. “You don’t trust me.”

  “I don’t have any desire to. You may claim to have changed but that doesn’t mean I let my guard down. Not for a second.”

  She regards me for a moment. “Fine.”

  Madison stands up. “I’ll see you around.”

  “No, you won’t,” I smile softly.

  She tilts her head. “I have a feeling we will. Roman and I aren’t over. Not by a long shot,” her icy stare returns. “Let’s see how long this infatuation of his will last.”

  What the hell.

  Madison turns on her heel, striding out of the door, leaving me alone with my thoughts. Her words are like daggers to my chest. Her and Roman aren’t over?

  After everything…after all this time, she’s still tormenting me.

  But this time, it’s a treacherous, intimate kind of pain.

  ——

  Call me stupid.

  Call me a lot of things.

  But I refuse to be a coward.

  I head over to Roman’s campus. I need to get answers out of him.

  He’s hanging by the courtyard, leaning back on the grass with a couple of other male students. Roman throws his head back, laughing at a joke and it’s a beautiful sight; he looks carefree and without a worry in the world. There’s no stress lines, no stiff posture - just freedom in his happiness. I almost hesitate in approaching him.

  Is asking about Kyle really a good idea? Right now?

  Abort, Kennedy.

  Abort.

  I turn on my heel, walking past the way I came but it’s too late.

  “Kennedy!”

  I consider walking ahead, pretending I didn’t hear anything. But the people around me look his way, glancing at me in confusion. It’d just draw too much attention if I bolted out of there. I bite my tongue, turning around and watching as he jogs over my way.

  There’s a soft, relaxed expression on his face as he approaches. His eyes are bright, latched onto me.

  “Hey,” he breathes.

  “Hi,” I say softly. I can’t keep my eyes off him either.

  “What are you doing here?”

  Good question, Kennedy. What are you doing here?

  I scratch my temple, laughing nervously. “About that, I was hoping to catch you alone. But you’re busy with your friends, it’s fine, I’ll come back another time -“

  His hand reaches out, holding my face in his hands. It’s addictive. The way he holds me like I’m a precious jewel that he needs to protect. His thumb tenderly strokes my cheek, sending heatwaves down my spine.

  “Don’t even think about it. I’m glad you’re here,” he says roughly. Roman leans in, giving me a heated, strong kiss.

  My stomach flips.

  He holds me tightly as his hand tightens around my waist while the other strokes my cheek. He releases me from his hold, watching me softly.

  “How was your day?” He smooths my hair.

  Butterflies are in my stomach.

  How do I make it stop?

  Kennedy?

  KENNEDY.

  “It was good,” I murmur. “Bumped into an old friend.”

  “Oh?” He lifts an eyebrow.

  “Yeah, although it wasn’t quite the reunion I was expecting,” I say. I clear my throat. “Listen, we need to talk.”

  “That sounds like a serious question. Should I be sitting?” He muses.

  Preferably.

  I put my hands on his, slightly pulling them away. “I need to talk to you about Kyle.”

  And just like a candle extinguished by a gust of cold air, his expression instantly turns cold. The softness turns to hardness, his eyes don’t twinkle in amusement but a careful, guarded hostility. He searches my expression.

  “Why?”

  “I…I haven’t heard from him since graduation and you’re the only one who knows where he is -“

  “Who told you that?” He interjects tersely.

  “Madison,” I rub my face. “Look, it’s not what you’re thinking. I just want to talk to him, he was my friend and I want to see if he’s okay.”

  “No,” he grinds his jaw.

  “No?” I raise my eyebrows.

  “I said no.”

  I stand affronted. I take a step back. “Who are you to tell me no? You know where he is, don’t you? I would have asked anyone else but Madison said you were the only one who knows. Why are you being like this?”

  “Why am I being like this? Because Kyle is never just a friend.” His eyes flash with anger. A familiar flashback hits my mind. My body tenses, my fists clenching.

  “You don’t trust me.” I seethe.

  “I don’t trust him,” he says bitingly.

  A tense silence presses between us. None of us budge. Our stares locked together.

  “You’re acting like a jealous brute, Roman.”

  “Tough.”

  I can’t believe how stubborn he’s being. Granted, I didn’t think he’d warm to the idea but the fact that he can’t even bear the thought of me meeting another man is…unbelievable. Especially when that person is an old friend.

  Yet Roman doesn’t see it like that; he just sees competition.

  He can’t bear the thought of seeing someone else that’s not him.

  “You’re unbelievable,” I mutter.

  I turn around, walking away but Roman catches my wrist, swivelling me around. “Take your hand off me.”

  “Don’t walk away from me.”

  “If you don’t get your hand off me, I’ll scream this campus down,” I say threateningly.

  He lets go but his stormy gaze doesn’t subside.

  “You know what? I’m glad we talked. Whatever this is,” I motion between us. “I can’t do it - I won’t do it. You haven’t changed one bit. Save yourself the trouble and don’t call me ever again. I’ll find him myself.”

  He takes a step closer. “Don’t even think about it.”

  I match his advances, inches away from him as I glare up at him. “Try and stop me.”

  “You don’t think I will?” He lifts an arched eyebrow.

  A niggling feeling tugs at the back of my mind. A faded memory. A hidden note. The message in those words. All of it comes trickling back, a trigger for this conversation.

  “Did you…did you write that note? At graduation?”

  The sharp line between his brows. The confusion over his incensed eyes. Realization dawning over his face before it disappears into his brooding, tightly guarded expression. The emotions are closed off.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he replies coldly.

  Shaking my head, I feel the edges of my heart burn, torn and withering away into scattered pieces.

  CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE

  ROMAN

  Why does she do this?

  Why is she doing this?

  I watch Kennedy storm off campus, sending me the finger as she leaves. I clench my fists, trying to reign in my anger. This is all I need. Just when I had her back. Just when I finally found her…Kyle always somehow manages to get there first. Without even trying to.

  “You okay, man?”

  Hunter leans back on his elbows, watching as I approach the grass. I let out a growl of frustration, pulling out a chunk of weeds. I let out a sharp exhale.

  “No.”

  “Was that Kennedy?” He frowns.

  Jason - a friend of Hunter and I - sits by us, watching in confusion. “Who’s Kennedy?”

  “His wannabe girlfriend,” Hunter whispers.

  “Shut the fuck up,” I snap.

  They both flinch, giving each other a tentative look. Sure, my anger is out of control right now but I don’t need their snide comments making it worse.

  “She asked about Kyle,” I growl.

  Hunter sits up, baulking. “Kyle?!”

  “You deaf or something? That’s what I said.” I bare my teeth, seething.

  “What does she want with him?” Hunter gives me a pointed look. He’s thinking the same that I am; is Kyle back? Does he know that Kennedy’s around? Has he found her yet?

  No, that’s impossible.

  I barely knew she was here and she has no clue either. Although, she wants to find him and that’s enough to set me on edge. He’s not going to be hard to find. It’s not like he doesn’t want to be found. Just one quick Google on ‘Kyle Matthews’ and she’d find it eventually. She’d find that he’s closer than she thinks.

  I fucked up big time.

  Instead of being honest with her and communicating like a fucking human being, I ended up making it a thousand times worse. She’s a stubborn girl and telling her to stay away from someone and to listen to my orders riles her up more than anyone. Ken makes it her mission to do the exact opposite.

  One of the things I hate and love about her.

  Would it be so bad if she talked to him?

  Envy boils in my blood.

  Yes, it would. Don’t let her go.

  The green eyed monster rages.

  I try to stifle it down. An instinctive and irrational feeling. Something I need to get a control over. I can’t be my father’s copy.

  “She wants to meet him,” I grind out.

  Hunter whistles softly. “Oh.”

  Jason frowns. “I’m confused. Who’s Kyle and what’s the big deal if that girl meets with him?”

  “That girl is this guy’s sweetheart and although she doesn’t know it totally yet, Roman is absolutely head over heels for her -“

  “Shut up, Hunter,” I tense.

  “- and Kyle is Roman’s on and off friend. Kind of jealous of the guy because he’s had everything Roman’s wanted and he’s afraid that Kennedy will fall for Kyle, leaving Roman -“

  I kick the side of Hunter’s leg and he exclaims in shock. “I will punch your throat.”

  Hunter keeps quiet, rubbing his thigh.

  Jason raises his eyebrows. “Why are you jealous of a guy that’s not even her boyfriend?”

  “Because he’s Kyle and he likes her and he’s always wins,” I grumble.

  “Not this again,” Hunter rolls his eyes.

  I send him a sharp glare. “It’s true though, isn’t it? I’d know better than anyone.”

  He averts his gaze, his face solemn. Hunter turns back to give me a careful look. “Listen, she’s her own person. She likes you -“

  “Not anymore.”

  “- feelings don’t just disappear after an argument. You fucked up from what it sounds like, so make it up to her and apologise. Stop being so territorial - if she meets with Kyle, she’s not gonna fuck him and leave your ass. Give her some credit.”

  “Hate to agree but he’s right,” Jason shrugs.

  “It’s not her, it’s him I don’t trust.”

  “He’s not like that dude -“

  “But it always happens.” I grind out. “He always gets everything I want. If I died and it was just Kyle left, you bet your ass my dad wouldn’t even shed a tear. He doesn’t have to fucking try and he gets what he wants.”

  “Dude, you’re making it sound like he’s living the dream. You don’t even know what he goes through -“

  “Save it,” I grind out. “I know him better than you.”

  —

  “Long time no see, little bro,” Hailey smirks. She’s got red streaks intertwined in her blonde hair, a new tongue piercing and the same attitude since Mountford as she rests her hand on her hip, watching me with amusement. It’s been a while since I’ve seen my younger sister since starting college. Seeing her here on campus is a weird surprise.

  “Well if it isn’t the family basket case,” I grab her into a hug which she returns begrudgingly. I release her, ruffling her hair.

  “Hey, hey! Watch it!” She grimaces, fixing her locks.

  I chuckle, leaning back on a tree. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

  “You don’t,” she sticks her tongue out. “I’m here for a concert actually.”

  “So you just happened to stop by my campus? Are there a lot of concerts in the afternoon?”

  “It’s LA, beefcake. There’s always a party.”

  I point to her tongue. “That’s new.”

  “Would it make you feel better if I said it’s been there since middle school?”

  “Very funny.”

  She walks down the cobbled path and I keep up with her pace, putting my hands in my pockets. “How’s campus life, college boy?”

  “Pretty sweet.”

  “You could sound a bit exhausted,” she scoffs.

  “And deter you from applying? I’m sure Dad will bust my balls if I did that.”

  The mention of Dad sours my mood a little. Not one phone call to ask how I’m doing or if I’m okay. But he’s checked up on me in other ways, alright. Getting in touch with some faculty staff members, he calls the football coach to monitor my progress, checking if I’m living up to the Johnson family name.

  I glance at Hailey and wonder if Dad’s made her life a little more stressful now that I’m gone. It’s just the two of them and Dad’s pressure cooker brain feeds off of making people sweat. But looking at Hailey, I just see the same carefree, no-shits attitude and it fills me with silent relief. What I’d give to be her in shoes when I was her age.

  “You’re staring at my face,” she grumbles without looking at me.

  “Just wondering how you did you grow up into a punk rocker,” I snort.

  “For your information, this was supposed to be purple but I bought the wrong bottle. It’s to match a drummer from the band I’m watching tonight. She’s my idol,” she hums.

  “Sounds normal.”

  She snorts, giving me a pointed look. “Part of the reason I’m here actually.”

  “Oh?”

  “It’s Kyle’s band that I’m going to.”

  And just like that, I know what it feels like when a train slams into my chest.

  I stop in my tracks, facing Hailey. “You’re joking.”

  “That’s why I’m here. I wanted to ask you if you’ve spoken to him since he left.”

  “No,” I say gruffly.

  “Still hate him, huh?”

  “Who said that?” I roll my eyes.

  “He’s still part of -“

  “No,” I put hand up. “No.”

  Hailey watches me with that gentle, almost pitying expression and I hate it. I want the bitchy attitude back, anything but this. She puts her hand on my arm but I tug it off, taking a step back. I ignore the wounded, puppy dog expression.

  “If you want to come -“

  “Fuck no,” I say mirthlessly. “Look, if this is why you’re here then save it, I’m not interested in going or talking to him.”

  “Why not? He could do with the support, you know?”

  “Whatever,” I roll my eyes. “I gotta go. Text me when you’re done.”

  “The concert is at the Empire Room…if you change your mind.”

  “I won’t. Is that all?”

  She frowns, crossing her arms. “No, that’s not all. Is it hard to believe that I wanted to see you?”

  I slacken my shoulders a little before leaning down to her eye level, scanning her blue eyes. “No but I’m not giving you my room if that’s what you’re after.”

  Her face drops. “Damn it, Roman!” She kicks the pavement like a child.

  CHAPTER TWENTY SIX

  “He’s here!”

  A group of girls scream in front of me. It’s late and I’m in a club called the Empire Room, apparently where Kyle is playing in his band. Roman was absolutely no help so I had to resort to desperate measures.

  Google and Gina Velasquez.

  Kennedy: Tell me whatever you know about Kyle. He’s around LA but no-one will tell me where

  Gina: Dude, just google ‘The Vipers’ and you can thank me later. He’s playing tonight :)

  So that’s where I ended up and she was right. I felt dumb not knowing. He told me he wanted to started a band. Why didn’t I think of it earlier?

  Lo and behold, the Vipers are playing at the Empire Room. A fancy club with a deep rouge interior and dim lighting. The place is packed though, full of people my age as they wait for the band to arrive on stage. My hands go sweaty. My chest is tight with anxiety.