Through a process called molting.

  As a lobster grows, its rock-hard shell becomes very confining for its soft and durable flesh.

  The lobster feels a tremendous amount of pressure and must go through an excruciating process.

  So it can grow.

  But it must be done, no matter how uncomfortable and painful it may be.

  Growth is a painful process, for any living creature.

  But is so much more bearable with a friend.

  To reveal the strength that you didn’t know you had.

  xo,

  SNA

  1950 Lilly: Happiness Is a Great Pair of Shoes

  “I honestly don’t know what to do,” Lilly said to Anna one morning in her kitchen.

  The two of them sat face to face at the kitchen table over cups of coffee with cream. Lilly cradled the mug between her hands, appreciating the warmth it gave her. She looked up at her sister for advice and hope, as she was desperate for some direction.

  “Do you have a skirt?”

  Lilly looked straight ahead at her sister and nodded.

  “A blouse?”

  Lilly nodded again.

  “You’re ready. Go and look for a job.”

  Lilly looked around the kitchen, waited for a few moments to digest it all, then nodded in agreement. She had no choice but to move forward and take her sister’s advice. Working at her mother’s store worked for a while, but after the pinching of her behind scenario, and the full staff her mother already employed, it was decided that Lilly should find another job.

  A pang of heaviness landed on her chest as she thought about her current household situation. Her husband had left the premises just six months ago, and the money he had left her was quickly beginning to run out. With three mouths to feed, it was now up to her to put food on the table.

  “This was not how I envisioned my life at twenty-eight,” Lilly said while exhaling a deep breath.

  “Angry?”

  “I was. Now, I’m okay. It was time for him to go.”

  Her sister smiled and said, “You can do this. I’ll help whenever I can.”

  “Hey, can I borrow your shoes?” Lilly asked her sister.

  “Of course. Thank heavens we are the same size. You can take my new red ones. They will look great on you.”

  Lilly smiled and began to feel excited about this new adventure yet hesitant as she was about to swim in unknown waters. Would there be sharks?

  The next morning, as her last child left for school, Lilly left her home and walked to the bus that would take her downtown. The sun was shining, and she was looking forward to being outside as she put on her sister’s shoes to begin her job hunt.

  However, once she arrived at the bus stop, her feet were throbbing with pain, especially the right one, toward the back. She pursed her lips and closed her eyes as a shot of pain tore through her foot. To ease the discomfort, Lilly balanced her weight on the other foot. After waiting about ten minutes, the bus finally arrived. Each step was more painful than the next. She inhaled a deep breath as she took out her change, paid her fare, searched for a seat, and sat down with a deep exhale.

  “I think you’re bleeding,” an older man said to her and pointed to her right foot.

  “Oh, dear,” Lilly exclaimed as she saw blood around her ankle that matched her sister’s red shoes. She reached for a tissue to blot it, although it didn’t do much good, as she was wearing stockings. Lilly began to panic. How was she supposed to find a job with a bleeding foot?

  She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When it was time to get off, she gathered all her strength and stood up, clutched the pole before her and hobbled off onto the streets. She looked up and gleefully smiled at what was in front of her. A fire hydrant! A beaming Lilly hobbled up to it and hunched over it to rest just for a little while. She filled her cheeks up with air and blew it out, then looked down at her foot. She shook her head and thought, what am I going to do now?

  A pair of bright green shoes—the color of a perfectly manicured summer lawn—entered her view, along with a sweet voice.

  “You all right?” the voice asked.

  “Not really. I’ve had better days,” Lilly chuckled as she pointed to her foot.

  The woman with the green shoes noticed the blood running around her ankle and down the front of her foot in a straight line.

  “Oh, I know that song!” the woman said with a giggle.

  “Excuse me?” Lilly asked in disbelief.

  “What I mean is, I’ve seen that before, I can’t believe that this exact same scenario happened to me years ago. I know exactly how it can be fixed. Follow me.”

  With an intuition of trust, Lilly stood up as straight as she could and followed her new friend, who seemed to be just a few years younger than herself. No more than twenty-five for sure, she thought. While hobbling and wincing at the piercing pain from her foot, Lilly noticed that this woman was impeccably dressed. It was if she walked out of a magazine shoot. Her hair was elegantly styled in a chignon, while her face was framed with a rose-colored scarf that perfectly matched her lips. She wore a beautiful three-quarter-length canary-yellow cotton pleated skirt and matching blouse, with its collar standing up to frame her face. The rose color on her lips looked so bright and cheery next to the yellow. Lilly couldn’t help but stare at the picture perfect young vision that stood before her.

  Completely amazed, Lilly wondered if she did that on purpose and was impressed with this young lady’s attention to detail and care for her appearance.

  As they walked across the street, Lilly looked up to try and see the name of the building they were headed toward, but the sun shined right into her eyes, preventing her.

  “Mmmph!” her new friend said as she used both arms to push open two hunter-green double doors that were framed in brass.

  “Ah, here we are!” the young woman proudly said as she quickly walked to her counter, while Lilly followed her and quickly realized that they were in a department store.

  “Your shoes look so great with what you’re wearing!” Lilly called it like she saw it—as it truly did.

  “Oh, thank you. I do love a pretty yellow. It reminds me of a flower. And my shoes are like the stems,” she said. The girl placed her foot in front of her body like a ballerina and twisted her heel with pride to show off the vibrant green shade. “Living in Montreal, our warm days are few and far between—we must take advantage of them while we can.” She kicked up her heel and laughed. “Funny, I was saving this outfit for a special occasion, but I decided to wear it this morning.”

  It was like looking at a ray of sunshine. This girl was oozing with enthusiasm, and it was magnetic. As she began to look around, she realized that they were in the cosmetics department; it was so glamorous and smelled wonderful, with the bright lights, shiny countertops, and pretty things everywhere. Lilly watched the salespeople and customers spritz on perfume and try on lipstick. For a while, she almost forgot about the bulging, bloody blister on her foot and realized where she was.

  “Is this Sunderland’s?” she asked.

  “You bet it is!” the young woman answered as she placed her hands on her hips and smiled as if she built the department store herself and was damn proud.

  “Oh my, what have we got here?” A man in a dark suit came over to the two women. He wore a name tag that read Mr. Sand.

  “Morning, Mr. Sand, this is … I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name,” the young woman said.

  “Lilly.”

  “Pleased to meet you, Lilly. I’m Vivian.”

  “Lilly, you stay here. I see that we have a little issue with your foot. I’m going to get you a bandage,” Mr. Sand said then added “Deja Vu, Ms. Vivian! What a lovely coincidence this is.” Lilly made a confused face, while Vivian laughed.

  “I told you that the exact same scenario happened to me—well, it happened on my very first day! Isn’t that a riot?”

  “That is crazy!”

  “I know!” The two women smiled at each other, as a bond between them was beginning to immerse.

  “I could really use a drink,” Lilly blurted out.

  “Oh, but it’s only 9:30 in the morning,” Vivian laughed as she checked her appearance in a nearby mirror. “Can you at least wait a little while?”

  “Do I have a choice?” Lilly responded.

  Vivian walked up to Lilly, held her hands, and said, “We’ve all had bad days. Take a deep breath and know that Mr. Sand knows what he’s doing. Trust me. I’ve been there.” Vivian looked to the right at the store clock. “Geez, I got to make like a tree and leave! My shift starts in ten minutes, and I haven’t had my coffee yet.”

  “Your shift?”

  “Yes, why?”

  “I’d like a shift.”

  “Are you looking for a job?”

  “You can say that.”

  “Got any experience?”

  “I worked in my mother’s grocery store since I was nine!”

  “We might have something here.”

  “There’s something else,” Lilly said hesitantly, as Vivian waited in anticipation and lowered her chin so she could see right into Lilly’s warm, caramel eyes that would just pop with the new eye shadow they received last week. Ah, she digressed. Back to what this lovely and sincere young lady was going to say. “I kicked my husband out. I have three kids. I really need a job.”

  “Holy Moses. Give me your number.”

  Lilly reached into her purse and tore off a piece of the paper that enveloped her cigarettes. She then dug deep into her purse, praying that she would have a pen, found one, and happily wrote down her number before handing the paper to Vivian and thanking her. Vivian gave her a warm smile, squeezed her shoulder and waved goodbye as she went on her way. “Joe … I’m coming for yooouuu!” Vivian sang as she went on her way to the department store lunch counter.

  Lilly hobbled to a quiet corner of the store where a bench was, took off her shoe, and said, “Ahhh,” A tremendous weight of relief left her shoulders and her mind as the pain subsided from her foot and was replaced with a feeling of hope that she might just get a job in this beautiful palace.

  Mr. Sand soon arrived with some cloth, a bandage, and a new pair of stockings, along with an agenda for Lilly to follow. He bent down to Lilly’s height and spoke in a soft tone, as it was a confidential matter of course.

  “Go to the ladies’ room around the corner and make yourself comfortable on the couch near the mirror. Remove your old stockings and place them in your purse. When you get home, soak them in one part vinegar and two parts water for twenty minutes before hand washing them. As for what you can do now with your poor foot, blot the blister, and place the bandage on top. Then, put on these new stockings!”

  Mr. Sand presented the package of stockings to Lilly as if he was offering her an hors d’oeuvre. Lilly hung onto every word that left Mr. Sand’s lips like Godspell and then took a few moments to make sure she understood, which she did, but wasn’t sure about one thing that seemed too good to be true.

  “You’re going to give me a pair of stockings … for free?” Lilly asked.

  “We like to take care of our customers.”

  Now Lilly understood how her kids felt when they found the Cracker Jack prize.

  “Finally, after all is completed, have a cigarette!” Mr. Sand said as he giggled, and so did Lilly, who couldn’t believe her luck.

  Now this is what I call job hunting! She thought.

  Now more than ever, Lilly wanted to work at Sunderland’s, and could anyone blame her? From the moment Lilly walked through those hunter-green doors, she felt comfortable, cared for, and respected. Lilly didn’t want to leave. She wanted more and wanted to reciprocate those feelings right back to Mr. Sand, Vivian, and anyone who entered the department store.

  “Take off those shoes!” Vivian hollered as she saw Lilly hobble down the department store aisle on her way to the ladies’ room.

  “What?” Lilly looked around, as she tried to find where that voice was coming from.

  “It’s me, Vivian … just trust me. Take them off,” Vivian said thinking to herself how strange it was that she not only had the exact same problem but also the same solution when she began at Sunderland’s years ago—minus the fuzzy slippers.

  Lilly threw her hands up in the air and took off her shoes, then made her way to the ladies’ room in her blood-stained stockings, where a great long dusty rose couch greeted her so she could follow Mr. Sand’s superbly specific instructions. “I really need to work here,” Lilly said to herself.

  As soon as the cigarette was finished and Mr. Sand’s directions followed, she got up, walked down the department store aisle with more ease, and thanked Vivian and Mr. Sand before she left Sunderland’s to walk to her bus stop.

  On the bus ride home, Lilly quietly prayed that a job would open for her and promised to wear proper walking shoes and carry a purse full of bandages.

  * * *

  Back at the department store, Mr. Sand turned to Vivian, who was creating a display of face creams on a nearby table.

  “First of all, you look absolutely stunning today, my dear … do spin around and let me see the whole ensemble!” Vivian giggled and put down the product line she was rearranging to twirl in a circle like a ballerina.

  “Ta da!” Vivian sang as she bowed, and Mr. Sand applauded. “Blame it on Mrs. Linton, she sure inspired me this morning.”

  “She should come around more often.”

  “That’s not all she inspired…” Vivian walked back to the table, while Mr. Sand tilted his head to zone in on what was no longer his young protégé but a colleague who looked so happy that morning. Beaming with enthusiasm, practically flying like an eagle on her feet. “Something is brewing, and it isn’t the coffee down the hall,” Vivian said as she moved a box of cream to the left.

  “Think about it. Give it time. It will come,” Mr. Sand said as he patted her on the back.

  * * *

  Later that night, after the last dish was washed and put away, Lilly sat in her living room with her feet propped up on a pillow.

  The phone rang. It was Vivian.

  “Do you know anything about shoes?” she asked without even saying hello first.

  “Not really. As you can see from my poor choice today!”

  “You’re about to now. There’s an opening in the women’s shoe department, effective immediately. Do you want it?”

  “What time do I need to be there tomorrow?”

  “I would show up for nine thirty. Your boss, Mr. Fine, needs you there for nine fifty.”

  “Goodness—yes! I’ll take it! Thank you!”

  Lillian hung up the phone and sighed in relief as she smiled from ear to ear, giggled out of pure glee, and yelled, “Happiness!” Then she turned on the television and watched an episode of What’s My Line.

  Happiness was the word she used to describe anything that brought her joy. Jam and toast, a funny TV program, a great book to read, a walk in the park with her children— “Happiness,” Lilly would say, and her three kids even got into the act on their own.

  “Happiness, Mom! I won at marbles!”

  “Happiness—I love hot dogs!”

  “Happiness—I punched Larry’s lights out.”

  Most of the time, her kids understood the real meaning of happiness. As far as the divorce between their parents, they became quiet whenever Lilly asked about how they were doing. Except for her middle child who said, “There’s no more noise in the house. I like that.”

  The other two had their moments, but Lilly made sure to check in with them every so often. To remind them how much she loved them and how strong they were capable of being. She also made sure they felt safe and enjoyed their time with their father every other weekend and during some holidays. Her mother Sara, and siblings were also around, a lot, which helped tremendously. It wasn’t easy, but Lilly’s children were her world and she would do anything for them, and they felt that.

  The next morning, at dawn, Lilly sat upright from her bed and looked around. Today is the day, she thought, to make a new start, even make some new friends. She gave a generous stretch and a yawn and reached to the side of the bed where he used to sleep. She glanced at the empty space and frowned, then shook her head and looked at her foot to inspect the blister from yesterday. Still red and inflamed. Lilly reached for a cigarette and lit it.

  “Mom!” was heard outside her door.

  “In a minute!” she yelled back, staring outside of the window. The sun was blaring in, and it felt warm on her face. Two hours later, Lilly was on the bus downtown, this time wearing a pair of comfortable shoes. Walking in them was as close to wearing slippers, and Lilly began to relax a little and to think about what had happened just thirty minutes earlier.

  Perhaps Lilly rushed the kids a little too much this morning. Did any of them brush their teeth? She didn’t want to be late and disappoint Vivian, who got her the job.

  As Lilly waited for her bus, she took inventory. I am going to be great. Anna’s skirt and blouse, mom’s pearls, and my new “Cherries in the Snow” lipstick. Her eyes popped out of their sockets when she saw a model wearing it in the latest Chatelaine magazine just the other week. She had to have that color; lipstick was a luxury she could afford occasionally.

  Once the bus stopped in front of the building, Lilly marched off that bus as if she was saving her country. Passersby frowned at her aggressiveness, especially those that were in her way and got shoved to the side by her shoulder.

  “Excusez moi, mademoiselle!” a man in a brown hat shouted to Lilly while rubbing his shoulder as she walked past him.

  “Oh, sorry … but you were in my way,” Lilly politely responded.

  The man shook his head and whispered, “Merde! Go home to your kitchen!”

  Lilly thought she heard what she heard but decided to keep on walking. She had somewhere to be. It was 9:20 a.m., and she had some time to spare before she met her new boss.

  Once again, Lilly was faced with the monstrous department store doors and made a hmph sound, just like Vivian did the other day, as she pushed them open. Once she was inside, a man in a suit greeted her.