Connor sighed. “Sorry, we let Freddy watch a documentary on ancient aliens. He’s all about abductions now. You’ll have to forgive him. He’s actually quite brilliant.”

  “He’s a fucking maniac,” Dax said. “And I’m having a talk with him about his paranoia.”

  Holland lingered outside with Connor. “Will he really shoot at me? Because I’ve already had that happen once today.”

  “Freddy, no. I’m not going to, either. I’m sorry, Holland. I should have followed my instincts.”

  “Your instincts?”

  “When Dax told me what you had done, my first thought was fuck no. I should have followed that thought through, but I was scared to.”

  “Scared?” Was Connor afraid of anything?

  “Because Dax was already married.” He took a long breath and stared out over the water. The cabin was roughly twenty feet from the bayou. She could see what looked like a pier and a boat at the end of it. “I worried that if I discovered I was right, I would have to tell him he’d fucked up his whole life. And yours.”

  “I’m good, Sparks,” she lied. “I did what I had to do, and I’ve made my peace with it.”

  Connor scoffed. “You’re so full of shit. He won’t give up, you know. He’s missed you.”

  “He was married to Courtney for two years, so I question that assessment.”

  That truth was the hardest pill to swallow. Dax hadn’t woken up, realized he’d made a colossal mistake, and gotten a quickie divorce. He’d stayed married to Courtney until the woman had left him.

  “He was embarrassed. His decision to stay with her was more about you than anything else. He didn’t want to look foolish or like he couldn’t move on. Deep down I think he decided if he couldn’t have the woman he wanted, he might as well give it a try with someone else.”

  If Holland could have removed herself from the scenario, Dax’s actions made sense. But she couldn’t. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

  “It does. I would have agreed with you on this a few months ago. I would have told Dax to move on and find someone else if he absolutely had to get married and do the family thing. But I figured something out.”

  “What’s that?”

  “People aren’t interchangeable. There’s only one Lara in the entire world. She’s the only one who could . . . I don’t know.” He shrugged. “Complete me. Just saying that makes me feel as if I have a discernable estrogen level, but it’s true. Dax can’t move on because you’re the one woman in the world for him. You have been for a very long time. I remember the day he met you. He called me and told me he’d met the future Mrs. Spencer. I told him he was insane. But he was right.”

  “I seriously doubt I’m the one woman for him, Sparks. He’s just feeling guilty about not fighting harder three years ago. But I didn’t want him to fight. He did exactly what I intended him to and I don’t regret it.” Even as she said the words, Holland knew she was lying to herself, but she couldn’t lay her feelings bare to Connor or Dax or anyone. She couldn’t tell anyone how she’d mourned him. “We weren’t together very long. It was brief and intense, and at the end of the day, it was a good thing we broke up because it wouldn’t have worked.”

  Except he’d said he was going to leave the Navy for her. She would have happily moved to D.C. if he’d been there.

  But he wasn’t and the time had passed. Now she knew what it meant to be without him, and she couldn’t let herself fall in love with him again.

  “If you say so. But you should know that Dax is pretty good at getting what he wants, and there’s no doubt he wants you.”

  “And what if I told you I’m just going to use him? I’m going to sleep with him and get him out of my system. And at the end of all this, I’m going to walk away.” She’d thought about it the whole drive out here. She wasn’t sure she could stay away from Dax physically. The heat between them was far too strong. Maybe if she gave in, she would realize that her memory was faulty. They couldn’t be as good together as she remembered.

  It would help her if Connor told Dax to stay away from her. Dax might actually listen to his best friend.

  Connor grinned. “I’m going with my gut this time, Kirk. You can talk all the smack you want, but you loved him then. You can tell yourself that you’re getting him out of your system, but you love him now. That’s all that matters. You’re the type of woman who gives her heart away once. It won’t ever happen again. Oh, you might fool yourself into believing you could be content with someone else. You might be able to date another guy and sleep beside him, but when it comes down to really committing, you won’t be able to. You’ll always say no because deep down, you will always be waiting for Dax. Like that cop found out. Bet he wants to strangle whoever uploaded that sucker to YouTube. Let’s get inside and see what fresh horror my wife has created with tofu.”

  Holland watched as Connor ducked inside, worried that his words would prove all too true.

  FIFTEEN

  Dax sat back as Freddy pointed to a whiteboard. Apparently one of the first things Lara had done when Connor had secured this place a few days back was to set up a conspiracy room. The cabin belonged to a wealthy businessman who had donated heavily to Zack’s campaign, and he’d been eager to allow any of Zack’s friends to use his little cabin on the bayou, as Connor had explained. Dax had to wonder if the dude would be so eager if he could see the way his den was being used.

  There were whiteboards, sticky notes, and taped-up papers covering what used to be a lovely room. Everywhere Dax looked along the far wall was some note or thought of Freddy’s.

  “So you believe Joy was killed in order to ensure that Zack won the election.” Holland sat on the floor, her legs crossed and her blond hair held up by a pencil she’d poked through her bun.

  He supposed it was practical, but all it did was make him want to touch the soft skin at the nape of her neck. He could run his nose over it, filling his lungs with her scent before he kissed her. She would shiver and then he could haul her close.

  He was so damn horny. He couldn’t even concentrate on the case because all he could focus on was the fact that they would have to share a room. The cabin only had two bedrooms and one couch. Freddy had explained he rarely slept in a bed anyway, so he was happy to take the sofa.

  “Yes, I believe that’s why Joy Hayes was eliminated. I’ve theorized a number of reasons the same people would want to kill the admiral as well,” Freddy explained.

  In the last few months, the dude had put on some muscle. Apparently fleeing from government agents and losing himself deep in the Appalachian wilderness had done wonders for Freddy’s physique. He looked like a Special Forces soldier, with the single exception of the long hair he kept in a queue.

  Was Holland staring at Freddy because the dude was crazy, or did she think he was hot?

  Because Dax was pretty sure he was hotter than Freddy. And sane. Mostly.

  “We think he knew something,” Holland said with a smile the paranoid guy’s way.

  Lara nodded and stood beside Freddy. “Absolutely. The only question is, what? Dax, are you aware that your father had several articles concerning Joy Hayes’s death on his person at the time of his arrest?”

  That made Dax sit up straight and focus on something other than his jealousy. “No.”

  “It’s in the police report,” Freddy said.

  Holland frowned. “I remember that when they arrested your dad, they logged the contents of his briefcase when he went through processing. According to that report he had ten pages of New York Times and Washington Post articles inside, dated a few days prior. How can you be sure the articles were about Joy?”

  “The page counts match up with what he would have torn out of the paper. I reconstructed the main articles, pieced them together, and came up with a theory. It’s conjecture, but I feel strongly about it,” Freddy said with a nod.

  “So you think the Russian mob learned about this trip and set him up?” During dinner, they’d gone over what they’d found out the day before.

  Freddy had confirmed the pictures had not been taken at the same place or time the police believed. He’d also scanned one of the pictures into the computer and managed to isolate the numbers on a glowing clock far in the background. According to Amber Taylor’s police statement, the incident with the admiral had occurred between seven and ten p.m., while the clock in the pictures displayed a time of two twelve in the morning.

  Dax had handed the rest of the photographs to Freddy. Lara’s former neighbor might be crazy but damn he was good.

  “Not necessarily,” Connor said. “It may simply have been the easiest place to drug your father and set up the situation. I need to know why he was in London before I can really decide.”

  “I’ll sneak back into town tomorrow and talk to my mother.” He would have to. His mother was the only one who might remember.

  “Good. Ask her if she knows anything about a connection between your father and Zack’s mom,” Lara said.

  “Constance Hayes?” Holland asked, obviously surprised. She turned to Dax. “They knew each other, right? You guys went to school together for years.”

  Dax chuckled. How little she understood about their lives. “Zack’s mom wasn’t exactly the type to show up for parents’ weekend. Half the time his dad didn’t make it, either.”

  “And when summer break rolled around, they would either put Zack in some summer academic program or leave him with a nanny. Excuse me, I believe they called her a companion. Most of the time they hired grandmotherly types, but I remember that summer we were all sixteen, someone fucked up and hired an undergrad.” Connor nodded Dax’s way. “Ah, the great cover-up. I was staying with Dax and we convinced his parents that we were going to spend a week in New York with Gabe and Mad.”

  Holland smiled. “Who I’m sure decided to tell their parents that they were spending it with you guys. And Roman?”

  “He was supposed to be interning at Crawford legal,” Dax admitted. “We all went out to the beach and convinced the undergrad to bring some friends. Good times, man. Well, for everyone else.” He was suddenly aware that he shouldn’t tell those stories with such relish anymore. “I was just there for the beer.”

  “Me, too.” Connor gave him a thumbs-up. “But the other guys had an orgy.”

  Lara groaned and threw a pillow at her husband’s head. “Such a manwhore. I’m going to bed, where we’re not having sex. Maybe ever.”

  Connor’s lips curled up in a wolfish grin. “Want to bet?”

  Lara’s cheeks heated. “No. You cheat.”

  “Damn straight I do.” He followed his wife when she ran off to the bedroom. “See you guys in the morning.”

  Freddy sighed. “So ask your mother about any connections between your father and Constance Hayes.”

  Dax could barely remember a time the two had been in the same room . . . except when they’d interrupted his first kiss with Holland. “Any particular reason why?”

  Holland scooted up and onto the couch beside him. It took everything he had not to pull her closer. “Do you think he was in England because of her?”

  “Zack’s mom had been dead for something like five years by then.” It suddenly hit him. “Shit. But she died in England. And her name was on that list. I wonder if my dad knew about the dead pool? Have you made heads or tails of the other names on there?”

  Freddy set down his marker and stretched. “I’m working on it. A few of the names are Russian nationals, and one or two died right around the time Natalia went to work for the Hayes family. It’s not easy to get almost-forty-year-old Soviet documents. It could take me a couple of days, if they even exist anymore. I have a network in place. It’s a matter of running them down. The Russian I know is a little touchy. Last I heard he thought Putin was after him, so he’s probably hiding in Siberia.”

  “Isn’t Siberia where they send dissidents?” Holland asked.

  “Yeah, hide in plain sight, man. That’s Oleg’s way. That and drinking a lot of vodka. I’m going to pop into town and pick up a few things. There’s an all-night Walmart about ten miles away. I need tinfoil. Who doesn’t have tinfoil? It makes me wonder about the guy who owns this cabin. Can I take your Jeep? I walked in.”

  Dax tossed him the keys because he wasn’t certain if Freddy had walked in from the bus stop or whatever transportation he’d chosen, or if he meant he’d literally walked from the East Coast. “Sure, man.”

  “I’ll be back. Oh, and I might have put some traps around the house. You really shouldn’t go too far. Night.”

  Dear god. Dax prayed Freddy hadn’t put in land mines. But he wouldn’t put it past the crazy bastard.

  The door closed, and suddenly he was alone with Holland and about a thousand questions. Literally. They were surrounded by whiteboards covered in questions. But the one he most wanted answered wasn’t anywhere on the wall.

  “Do you think you’ll ever forgive me?”

  She stood abruptly. “I already have. There’s nothing to forgive, not really.”

  “I married Courtney.”

  “We weren’t together at the time. You were perfectly free to marry anyone you chose.”

  That had to be her pride talking. And her fear.

  “I chose you. Damn it, Holland. I chose you, not her. It was a horrible mistake and one I regretted the minute I sobered up.” He couldn’t explain to her how hollow he’d felt when he realized what he’d done.

  “You must have decided it wasn’t such a terrible mistake since you didn’t divorce her right away.”

  At least they were talking about it. “Courtney and I discussed it. I wanted to, but the press had caught the story and I didn’t want to embarrass my family any more. It was stupid, but pride was all I had at the time. And I had to protect Mom and Gus. So Courtney and I stayed married. I shipped out a week later. You were lost to me. And I was so angry.”

  It had been the worst time of his life. After losing his father and believing the worst about him, Holland had seemingly betrayed him. He hadn’t been able to fill the hole in his heart until he’d recently realized that she’d never meant to hurt him.

  “I might be able to buy that for six months, not two years,” Holland pointed out.

  “And I was at sea almost every one of those days. It was easy to forget that I was married. I gave her money and let her get an apartment that I spent exactly two nights in. Did I try to make it work? Not really. I might have thought I was at the time, but I was fooling myself. I knew it wouldn’t work for the same reason you knew it wouldn’t work with Chad. She wasn’t you.”

  She shook her head, biting her lip as her gaze slid away. “I don’t think we can go back.”

  “Then let’s move forward.” He closed the distance between them, unwilling to be parted from her a minute more. “What happened is in the past. It doesn’t define us. I only know how damn much I need you now. I can’t breathe I want you so much. The only question is do you want me, too?”

  Her head snapped up. She met his stare, both uncertainty and heat flaring in her eyes. “I’ve always wanted you. No one has ever made me feel the way you do, Dax. In bed. Out of bed. Good and bad. It’s always you.”

  Bitterness rang in her tone, but he ignored it and chose to focus on the positive. If he could get her into bed, get her underneath him, he could remind her just how good he could make her feel. He could also show her how much he cared. She wouldn’t be able to turn away from him then. Once he was back in her bed, he would bind her to him and never let her go.

  He sank his fingers into the silk of her hair. “I need you, Holland. My life has been a wreck without you in it.”

  She shook her head but didn’t attempt to wriggle free. “I want you, too. I can’t seem to help it. The minute you walk in a room, my body comes alive. But that doesn’t change anything between us. It doesn’t fix anything.”

  She was the one fooling herself if she thought making love again wouldn’t right a few wrongs between them. He’d take that bet. It would change everything for him, and he suspected it would do the same for her.

  He lowered his head down and layered his lips over hers.

  Sweet perfection. Kissing Holland was more intimate than sex with all the other women combined. When he kissed Holland, he could feel them aligning, communicating on a level he knew he never would with anyone else.

  Her arms wound around him, and Dax knew he had her. Now there would be no flying bullets, no interruptions. He had the night with her and he intended to make it count.

  Over and over he kissed her, reminding himself of her taste and the sweet way she fit against his body. He would learn her all over again.

  With a little whimper, she gave in and tugged at his T-shirt with a desperation that sent his blood racing. He pulled it over his head, tossing it to the side. Holland flattened her palms against his skin and he could see the sleepy expression of desire in her eyes as she looked him over. She caressed his chest slowly, as if assuring herself that he was real. He forced himself to remain still but he couldn’t stop the groan that escaped his chest. It had been so damn long since he’d felt her skin against his. He closed his eyes and let the sensation take over.

  Holland brushed warm palms over his shoulders and pecs, tracing the lines of his muscles down to his abs. She spread her hands apart, continuing her exploration a bit lower.

  Her shocked gasp forced him to open his eyes. She’d found his latest scar.

  “That’s a bullet wound.” She touched the puckered scar on his left side, right above his hipbone.

  Naturally, she would know exactly what had caused the scar. He would be able to shrug and tell any other woman that it was an unfortunate cigar burn or something, but not a woman who had been around guns all her life. “We ran into a small incident back a few months ago. Connor, Gabe, and I had a little run-in with our Russian friends. The good news is, they’re dead and I’m alive.”

  “Just an inch or two either way and . . .”