He doesn’t move, his eyes sunk in mine.

  “Jagger...?” I breathe out, and then I finally put the chocolate in my mouth.

  “Hey,” he says, his voice deep and strong.

  I’m still gaping at him, thunderstruck.

  “How’s... um...? When, um...?”

  Unable to articulate a thought, I erase the space between us, push up on my toes and kiss him on his cheek, his arm curling around my waist as he lowers his head. His skin is cold and soft, nipped by the cold wind that’s still sweeping the streets outside.

  “I’m sorry... I didn’t expect to see you,” I murmur.

  My eyes go down on him again.

  “You look good.”

  “You too,” he says, a grin filling his eyes. “Are you done for the day?”

  “Should I be?”

  His lips curve into a mysterious smile.

  “Mm-hmm.”

  “Okay.”

  I run a nervous hand down my skirt, shut down my laptop, and snatch my purse. I collect my coat, and he holds it for me as I shrug it on.

  “Are you hungry?” he asks.

  “Yes.”

  “What would you like to eat?”

  “Anything.”

  His fingers clasp mine as we walk past Roxane who, I’m afraid, is about to pass out. Out of the corner of my eye, I catch her stare following us as we walk down the corridor. The elevator doors slide open, and we step in.

  His phone chimes with a message.

  “I made a reservation,” he says.

  “What if I had other plans?” I ask, smiling.

  He grins, evading my eyes.

  “You were expecting him, weren’t you?”

  “Yes.”

  “So there were no other plans.”

  The elevator stops with a soft ding, and the doors pull open. He takes my hand and walks me out of the building. A car waits for us, the driver rushing to open the door.

  I slip on the back bench, and he takes a seat next to me. His phone buzzes with another message. He grins, slides his finger over the screen and sticks it in his pocket.

  Shortly after, the car stops in front of our favorite Italian restaurant in Greenwich Village. The place is packed, and it dawns on me. He must’ve made the reservation way in advance.

  The hostess greets us.

  We take off our coats before she leads us to a private booth.

  A table for two is ready for us. Red tablecloth, white roses in a centerpiece.

  As we get seated, the sommelier approaches us. Jagger orders wine while I run my gaze on his face. He catches me gawking, and I shift my eyes away.

  The sommelier pours our wine.

  We clink the glasses, our eyes briefly locking.

  “Happy Valentine’s Day,” he says as I expect any moment to wake up from this dream.

  “Same to you,” I murmur, a sudden bout of sadness rolling over me.

  From where I sit, I can see the small table near the entrance where we once ate. The memory of that day comes back to me with the good and the bad, and I wish it wouldn’t dampen my mood.

  “What is it, Violet?”

  I smile, tears pooling in my eyes.

  “Nothing,” I say rushed and grab the food menu.

  He slides his hand on top of my fingers.

  “Talk to me, baby,” he says with his soft, gentle voice that once he had only for me.

  “He told me you cry sometimes, but there’s no reason to be sad,” he says and smiles warmly, and for a moment I feel bad.

  “I think there are many reasons,” I murmur. “We shouldn't have done so many things.”

  “Don’t say that.”

  “I am saying that. There are things I regret.”

  “What things?”

  “What happened to you.”

  “That would’ve happened anyway.”

  “Not if you weren’t there. We shouldn’t have moved there.”

  “You can’t live like that, Violet. Nobody knows when shit like that can happen.”

  I slowly shake my head.

  “You don’t understand. Nobody should go through that. People say everything happens for a reason. You learn and grow. It’s bullshit. There’s no reason for something like that to happen to anyone. I thought about a lot of things after London. The three of us had everything, and yet, we thought it wasn’t enough. You thought you weren’t enough for me and I thought my life was not complete, and then, later on, Braxton thought we were better off without him and he stayed away from us. None of this crap would've happened had we just tried to protect what we had.”

  “Is he one of the things you regret?” he asks, a shadow flitting through his eyes.

  “No. I don’t regret him. We wouldn’t be here, had he not stuck with us. It hurt me that you chose him over me, there in London, and he tried to explain to me why you did that, and I wanted to believe him. If it weren’t for him, I would’ve lost that glimmer of hope. I was wrong in doing what I did to you, and you had a reason to be mad, and that made it so much harder for me. And then you spent all that time with him, unwilling to talk to me.”

  “Just so you know, it wasn’t easy for him either, and I chose him for a reason. I knew he had enough strength to deal with me and all the crap I threw at him. He was able to ignore it and let me be. I wasn’t sure you were able to do that,” he says.

  “Where is he?”

  “He’s waiting for us.”

  “Where?”

  “At the hotel.”

  My face begins to burn.

  “Did he tell you we’ve slept together all this time?”

  He narrows his eyes with a smile.

  “Yeah, he did. He lied at first, but he eventually confessed...” he says, a slow smile curling his lips.

  “Why did he lie?”

  “He wanted me in his bed.”

  He pauses and studies my eyes, and my gaze begins to falter.

  “You know, there were moments when I thought you needed him more than me or perhaps you wanted only him.”

  “Hmm... Those moments were probably real but not for the reason that you think. He’s known me for a long time, and he can easily forget if I’m mean to him. You, on the other hand, would’ve filtered everything through your own experience, and things that might’ve had nothing to do with you would’ve easily crushed you.”

  “Seemingly, you know me well,” I say, conceding.

  “You taught me well,” he mutters and smiles. He stays silent for a few moments before he speaks again. “He’s not all I need. We fuck, and it’s hot, and I love him, and he loves me too, but we both need you, and you must know he loves you deeply.”

  “What about you? Do you still love me?”

  He lowers his eyes for a moment.

  “I wish you hadn’t left. Not for that reason, anyway. It made me feel cheap. I thought we were better than that. Especially since we’ve talked about it. I didn’t want you to give up on your life. I thought you didn’t want that kind of life. I thought you were looking for something different. I didn’t think it would matter to you if you walked into an office on a Monday morning or not. You wanted to do soul-searching, and I understood, but I thought we were past that point. To me, it felt like a big step backward.”

  He looks down again, and something in his eyes makes my heart bleed.

  “I didn’t stop loving you, Violet. I stopped trusting you.”

  “He said it was your idea to send him over to New York.”

  “It was. I knew he’d be able to pull you back, and I was hoping you’d have some sort of revelation and see things for what they were, but when you called...”

  He smiles and raises his eyes.

  “For some reason, I was jealous. I never was before that day, but maybe that was because I never felt insecure. Hearing your voice reminded me why he was there, and why I had to stay behind, and it hurt me badly.”

  “I wish we could relive that night, and perhaps tell you something different.”

  He shakes his head.

  “It’s the past. It no longer matters,” he says, a hint of sadness creeping in his voice.

  I cup his hand.

  “I wish I was there with you.”

  “Nothing would’ve changed. I would’ve been there that night, no matter what. It was bound to happen,” he says, and motions for the waiter.

  18

  VIOLET, New York

  We order food and start talking about Rapt, his parents, Liv and Jonas and my family.

  An hour later we enter his hotel suite.

  I glance around.

  “He’s not here. He’ll come later,” he says crushing a smile, and I feel a blush crawling up my face.

  “You want something to drink?” he says, taking my coat from my hand.

  He heads to the bar tucked in the corner. His strides are confident, his gestures calm.

  “Yes, sure,” I say, following him to the bar as well.

  He flicks his eyes to me, catching me studying him.

  “Braxton said everything is fine with you, now. Physically…” I say, sliding onto a bar stool.

  “Yes. I’m fine.”

  He walks around the counter, stops next to me and hands me my drink. I take a mouthful of the cocktail, much more than I should, and dutifully, I swallow it. The alcohol runs through my blood, spreading warmth over my body.

  My face starts burning.

  “How is it?”

  “Good,” I say my voice strained.

  “You want some water?”

  “No, no. I’m fine.”

  I’m actually more than fine, the alcohol killing some of my nerves.

  He finishes his drink in one gulp, and that’s not like him, and then I realize, he’s more nervous than I am. I swivel in my seat as he closes the space between us and sets his glass on the counter.

  Smiling, he takes mine from my hand. My eyes follow him as he slides his hands onto the counter on either side of me, and leans in close.

  “I want you to come back, Violet,” he says without the slightest hesitation in his voice.

  “You mean, Spain?”

  He nods.

  “What about the company?”

  “It’s an online magazine. You can work remotely. Once in a while, we’ll travel back here.”

  “Is he on board with that?”

  “It was his idea.”

  I look at him baffled.

  “Working from there. The other part was both of us.”

  “If I move back there...”

  “You’re not going to be alone. I’ll be home, and he’ll live there too. He’s switched to an online program. I’m not telling you to come to us and stay. I know you’ll do whatever you want to do, but I hope you will.”

  “And what will the future hold?”

  A soft smile curls his lips.

  “Nobody knows. I no longer think about the future. Anything could happen. Good or bad. If it’s good, there’s no need to plan it. If it’s bad, I don’t want to think about it.”

  “I wasn’t thinking about anything bad.”

  “I know,” he says, and his eyes darken briefly. “So?”

  His eyes bore into mine as he waits for my response.

  I bring my hands to his face and straighten my back, pulling close to him. His lips tilt slightly with a smile.

  “If I come back, I might want to stay for good.”

  He gives me a soft smile.

  “That’s even better.”

  “Have you ever given it any serious thought?”

  Silent, he nods.

  “Always. It was you who sometimes faltered,” he says, grinning, and I give him a warm smile.

  “Never in the way I felt about you,” I say, and his grin withers away, his eyes filling with a deep emotion. “You two are not interchangeable. I love him as much as I love you and I can’t imagine my life without any of you.”

  “I can say the same thing,” he murmurs.

  “But I want to feel safe, Jagger.”

  He slides his fingers up my neck, his thumb slowly stroking my jawline.

  “You’ll feel safe. It was our mistake. We lost sight of you, the same way you and I lost track of him. This thing was new to all of us, but I promise it won’t happen again.”

  He tenderly cups the side of my face as I curl my fingers around his neck.

  He lowers his mouth to mine, and I take a silent breath before his lips touch me. Heat pours into my veins the moment we connect our lips.

  He leans against me, and my arms loop around his body, and then he pulls me into a deeper kiss, his blood becoming mine, his heart melting into mine, his soul so close to me, I get completely lost in him.

  Swept away, I let myself fall with him, trusting him and loving him from the bottom of my heart. He is my first love, and that’s what he’ll always be.

  “You took me so far, Jagger, and you did the same to him. You bounded us to you.”

  “He did the same,” he murmurs. “And I’m not so sure you’re that innocent either,” he says, arching an eyebrow, and giving me a playful smile.

  “I didn’t start it, that’s for sure,” I say, slowly unbuttoning his shirt.

  His eyes dip to my lips as I curl them into a soft grin.

  I run my palms across his shoulders, sliding his shirt off him, my gaze dropping to his torso.

  A new tattoo covers most of his left arm and his shoulder. It’s a beautiful dragon spitting fire, the inked work speaking of the hands of a talented artist.

  He seems wider in his chest, his arms stronger. His torso tapers at his waist, and I briefly dip my eyes below.

  I lock his gaze as I gently touch his groin, smoothly undo his pants, and slink my hand inside.

  I curl my fingers around him, my hand running up and down.

  “But I’m more than willing to start this...” I breathe in him.

  He tilts his head down and brushes my lips before he locks them in another kiss. My blood starts running at a different speed as heat pulses in my hand.

  All that calm in him was so misleading. Pressed against me, his body burns like a volcano. His hand slips off my neck, sliding inside my cleavage. He snags the front zipper down, and pulls my dress open, all the way down. Then, deftly rolls his fingers inside my panties.

  Two fingers trail my slit, stroking my clit, before they push between my legs, dipping into my wet heat.

  “Fuck, I missed this,” he groans in my mouth, tearing off my delicate panties.

  He scoops my breasts out of my bra and crushes them beneath his chest, his hand lifting my thigh up, his erection pressing against me. I arch against him, and without delay, he roots himself in me, thrusting all the way.

  He feels so good.

  We lock eyes, and he smiles as he feels my core throbbing. He rolls his hips while softly running his thumb across my lips, teasing me, oh, so badly.

  He registers the flaring of my nostrils and the smooth rolling of my lip beneath my teeth and then my tongue swirling around his finger.

  “Fuck…” he mouths, grinning wantonly, my hips rocking against his thrusts. “You missed that too, huh?” he says, and a shudder of pleasure sweeps through me.

  My center gets wet and hot, and he plays with me a little more, pressing his thumb against my lips, nudging them open, sweeping my tongue.

  Moaning, I clamp my lips on his finger, sucking it hungrily. He tips his head back, and watches me with hooded eyes, pounding me harder, and I start to groan and suck his thumb as if I lost my mind.

  “I’m... I can’t….”

  “Not yet, baby,” he says, and pulls his finger out, his mouth crashing on mine, his tongue plunging inside, the feel of him making me shake with unimaginable pleasure.

  The wave rises at an incredible speed, and I’m unwilling to stop it.

  I grip his neck and let the orgasm flow through me as he pounds me hard, the way he likes it, making me his again.

  VIOLET, New York

  He sweeps me off my feet and carries me to the bedroom. My dress still clings to my shoulders as he lays me on the bad. I tear it off me as his pants fly off him, his rock hard cock curving up in the air.

  And then, the door opens.

  Without looking at Braxton, Jagger grabs my hips and pulls my slit against his mouth, smoothly licking me. I squirm and moan, pressing his head down while throwing a drunk glance at Braxton.

  His eyes narrow with a lustful smile.

  He sheds his clothes off and slides next to me onto the bed, one hand palming his groin, the other kneading my breasts. He hovers over me and starts sucking on my nipples, and my fingers thread through his hair.

  “How is it, baby?” he murmurs, shifting close to my lips. I tilt my head to him.

  “I told you he’d be back,” he murmurs, and I look at him and feel like dying if I don’t taste his lips.

  Smiling, he angles his head and breathes in me first before he locks my mouth into a feast.

  I growl as if I’m wounded, my hips rolling against Jagger’s mouth.

  We break our kiss, his gaze foggy and unfocused. He locks my eyes only for a moment before he pulls up and straddles my chest, his hand wrapped around the root of his erection.

  Smoothly, he fills my mouth, and I choke with pleasure. It doesn’t take long before I take him deeper and deeper, his shaft hard as steel. I run my hand on him and lick his crown, and then I pull him back again.

  “Easy, baby...” he says, smiling and looking down at me.

  He thrusts and waves his body, the motion of his hips in perfect sync with my head.

  “How is it…?” he says, his eyes staying on me as I feel the tension rising in my body.

  His smile starts to fade away.

  A small bite on my clit throws me over the edge. I arch my spine and tilt my hips, giving Jagger full access as he slides his tongue inside my core. Braxton’s almost choking me.

  Pleasure jolts through me, throwing me to heaven, my eyes going blank for a few moments as I’m swept away by the intense sensation.

  Panting, Jagger pulls up.

  Braxton moves to one side of me as Jagger slides to the other. Both on their knees, they run their fists on their hard shafts.

  I wrap a hand on each of them. I stroke one with my mouth as I run my hand on the other, and then I shift. They tilt their hips forward, and I pull my legs open, the air licking the flesh between my thighs.