6

  BRAXTON, Rome

  I roll to my back and sink into the pillow.

  The sound of trickling water drifts from the fountain recycling water not far from the bed. The winter morning drapes fog over the windows.

  I glance to my right.

  The sheet has rolled off Jagger’s back. Sprawled on his stomach, his arms flexed, he snores softly, his face buried in the pillow.

  I run my fingers on his back and kiss the back of his hair before I slide off the bed, sneak into the bathroom, and take a quick shower.

  Moments later, I walk back.

  The bed is empty.

  “Jagger?”

  A sound of splashing water bounces against the walls as he cuts his way into the pool.

  I peel the towel off my hips and dive into the water.

  I catch up with him, and then he makes me chase him into the other room. We spend about an hour swimming and pushing each other under the water, the way we used to do.

  His laughter echoes in the chambers, filling my heart with warmth.

  We’re just about to climb out when I grab his arm and pin him against the edge, not far from the stairs.

  The ghost of a smile fleets through his eyes.

  I slide my hands on either side of him and press my body against his.

  “What is it, Brax?” he asks, his fingers draping on my neck, his thumb stroking my lips.

  “You make me very happy,” I say, my voice loaded with emotion.

  “You too, man,” he mutters.

  “I don’t want to fuck things up, Jagger.”

  He presses his index on my lips, and I go quiet.

  “You won’t.”

  My gaze dips to his chest, and he tips my chin up.

  “I was always open with you Brax, and I never let you down. I’m not gonna change the way I feel for you or let you fuck things up.”

  “I believe you...” I say softly.

  “But?”

  “This is uncharted territory for both of us, and it’s completely new to Violet. And the way I feel... ”

  I pause and glance away.

  He tips his head to the side trying to catch my eyes. I shift back to him and lock his gaze. He gives me a questioning look.

  “Yes?”

  “I’ve never felt this way, and yet, to me your happiness is more important than anything else, and she’s a big part of that. After I had left, I wanted her, and I needed you, and I fought myself. That’s why I stayed away. The truth is, I don’t know how to do this, Jagger... not without hurting you or Violet. I can’t always put into words how I feel or convey to you how much I love you. And the same goes for her. I know we have to strike a balance... And yet, all I wanted after I left was to be back in Ibiza, to wake up with you and her, to live that amazing summer all over again. To make it so that it never ends,” I say, and I smile, saddened.

  “I want the same things, Brax. All I want is to love you and her and if at all possible to be all in the same place before I lose you both,” he says, and I’m washed with regret and guilt for almost pulling away from him. “I almost lost you...” he says quietly, his eyes dipping to my lips, and I angle my head and kiss him softly.

  “No, you didn’t,” I say, breathing in him.

  “I don’t want you to fuck other people.”

  “I don’t, baby. All I want is to fuck you badly...” I say, smiling, and he flashes a grin.

  “So, what are you waiting for?” he asks teasingly and my lips crush his.

  VIOLET, New York

  “When are you coming back?”

  “I’m not coming back,” I say curtly, and my mom purses her lips in disapproval.

  Lorraine sits at the kitchen table, her gaze swinging back and forth between mom, me and her tea.

  The men’s voices echo in the living room. Dad, Tom, and Brad. Sheryl, his soon to be wife, is on a plane to Michigan to celebrate Thanksgiving with her family. Brad’s working this week, so he stayed behind.

  My mom crosses her arms over her chest, leans against the counter, and raises an eyebrow, her lips still pressed together in utter disappointment.

  “It doesn’t make any sense, Violet.”

  “What does?”

  A frown sets on her brow. She’s not in the mood for my philosophical question. Clearly.

  “Are you making any money right now with your new business?” she asks, sarcasm dripping in her voice.

  “I make enough,” I say, unable to offer a blunt lie.

  She catches the faltering of my voice.

  “You’re living off that man?”

  “No, I’m not.”

  “Yes, you are. You don’t make enough money to be independent. I know how these things work.”

  “Then you must know it’s a business, not a paycheck.”

  “A business that doesn’t make any money.”

  “I just started it. It takes time to make a profit.”

  She flicks her hand at me, annoyed.

  “So where exactly do you live?”

  “A house... by the sea,” I say, hesitant.

  “You haven’t even shown me a picture.”

  “I don’t have pictures.”

  She looks at Lorraine, brushing away a loose strand of hair.

  “Who knows in what kind of conditions she lives...” she says to my sister who’s dragging her gaze to me, waiting for my response.

  “It’s a villa, and it’s nicer than you think, but you know what? You’re free to believe whatever you want.”

  She picks a platter filled with cookies, and her glass of wine before she takes a seat at the table across from Lorraine.

  I’m still standing, leaning against the kitchen sink.

  “You know what I believe?” she asks rhetorically while she digs for her favorite chocolate cookies.

  She finds one and pops it in her mouth.

  “I believe you made a big mistake, and I also think you’re not that sure this was the best thing you could’ve done. Whatever thing you and that boyfriend of yours had going on, must’ve cost you too much not to leave you with a bad taste in your mouth. No man is worth that effort.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  She shifts in her seat, a wicked smile rolling on her lips.

  “Oh. You want me to go down the list? I don’t think you want me to do that,” she says, running her finger at the corner of her mouth and brushing off a crumb. “But I’ll do it anyway, and you know why? Because it proves once again, that I was right. You should’ve listened to me when I told you that shacking up with that man was a bad idea. You left your job to live who knows where with him. Not only that. Jonas told me he’d offered you that promotion before he passed it over to his now fiancé, and I don’t need to be a genius to figure out that the ring on her finger was yours too. Do I blame him? No. Of course, not. He’s always struck me as having more common sense than you. He did what any smart man would do. With all he has to offer, why would he waste his time with someone wishy-washy like you?”

  I suddenly feel tired.

  “You want me to continue?”

  “Mom?”

  Lorraine’s appeal comes a little too late.

  “No, no... Let me speak,” she says holding her hand up. “One of Violet’s problems was that we never let her make her own decisions so she could learn from her own mistakes. She’s got all that fixed right now, and what a great job she’s done. She kicked to the curb the man who truly loved her, and then she stepped to the side to let the hippie girl snatch the man who could’ve given her the life of her dreams,” she says slowly shaking her head. “And why? Because my genius daughter got her panties on fire for some youngster, who’s probably playing games on his cell phone right now or howling at the moon with his friends or worse... He’s already found the next Violet, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s someone like her friend, Liv. Again. Why not? Seemingly you are the last woman men have fun with before they settle.”

  My stomach spins like a piñata.

  “Am I right, Violet?”

  I stay silent.

  “You believe whatever you want to believe.”

  “I do, and I happen to be right. Was he worth it? I don’t think so. Do you even know where he is right now?”

  I shrug, trying to look calm.

  “I don’t know. He’s probably sleeping. It’s night over there.”

  “Over there where? Where exactly is he?”

  “Italy.”

  “Italy? Hmm. That’s not a bad place to be when you’re... How old is he? Twenty?”

  “He’s twenty-one.”

  “You know what drives a twenty-one-year-old male? What’s the one body part that’s more active than his brain?”

  I shoot her a glare.

  “You know what? Enough, already. You told me a hundred times. As if what drives a twenty-one-year-old man doesn’t drive a forty-year-old or a fifty-year-old. What are you talking about? You were the one who said, men are men. What makes you think he’s the worst of them and everybody else are angels?”

  She starts to chuckle, condescendence glinting in her gaze.

  “Yes, men are men, and you should be able to manage one, provided you are all set with him, and he is worth the headache. You live off this young man right now, but you must know you have no future with him, and even if you do, it’s not the brightest. Make no mistake about it, he has the attention span of a love bug in the mating season. He’ll get bored with you so quickly you’re not gonna be able to grab the tissue box fast enough to blow your nose and wipe your tears when off he’ll go to mount another Violet. That’s the point I’m trying to make,” she says and sighs. “I’m clearly wasting my time.”

  She brushes invisible crumbles off her skirt as she pushes out of her chair, and then she sweeps the cookie platter off the table and walks away.

  Soon her voice mingles with my dad’s, in the other room.

  Lorraine watches me in silence as I slump into a chair.

  “Don’t worry. You’ll figure it out,” she says with a soft voice, her words taking me by surprise.

  She drinks her tea and sets her cup on the table.

  “She’s right...” she says and pauses. “But so are you. Everything she says makes sense as long as you don’t have feelings for someone, but things are different for you. We can’t choose who we fall in love with. You do what you think is best, and if things don’t work out, you can always come back. It’s not the end of the world,” she mutters and pulls out of her chair.

  She washes the cup before she heads for the living room too.

  “Are you coming?” she asks.

  “I’ll be there in a minute,” I say.

  She vanishes out the door, and I let my tears fall.

  BRAXTON, Rome.

  One hour later, we’re back in the bed, our skin cold, smelling like mint, our hair damp from the shower.

  He falls to his back, and I roll on top of him, my tongue sliding smoothly into his mouth. A rush of blood pools below my waist.

  Both hard, we deepen the kiss, and all I crave right now is to get a taste of his cock.

  “This is fucking crazy,” I murmur. “Come to me,” I say rolling off him, my back hitting the pillow.

  I lean against the headboard as he props on his knees, straddling my chest. He cups my face with his hands, and fills my mouth, his muscular back arching, his hips moving sensually, thrusting. He looks down at me and bites his lip as I slide my fist down my shaft.

  “You’re so fucking good at this…” he purrs, and my tip moistens with a drop of pre-cum.

  “You know what else I’m good at?” I say, flicking my gaze up, giving him a naughty grin.

  He bites his lip again, and my erection jerks up.

  “I can only imagine,” he says, soaking me with his hooded eyes.

  I wrap my arms around his thighs and knock him on his back.

  Laughing, he fights me, and I slide on top of him, pinning his arms above his head. No longer resisting me, he lets me push my knee between his legs, his laughter turning into a soft grin.

  My heart hammers in my chest as I lower my head and kiss him.

  “It was hard to stay away from you before, but nowhere near as hard as it is right now,” I say softly.

  Shadowed by thick lashes, his eyes sparkle with a smile. I kiss him again, and he responds to me so hotly, he gets lost in me.

  Groaning, he sinks his teeth into my lips, and rolls with me, pulling me underneath, my cock throbbing beneath his.

  “You either fuck me or let me fuck you,” I rumble, my fingers sliding smoothly to his ass.

  I start rubbing him, and he grinds into me harder. I dip my fingers in some lube and bring them back to him. He opens to me easily.

  “I’m gonna fuck you real good,” I say grabbing the back of his neck, slipping my finger in him. “You’re so fucking ready,” I mutter against his lips, and a haze covers his eyes.

  Flushed and heaving, he looks at me with drunken eyes, running his tongue over his swollen lips. I slip from under him, and lie on my side, his back leaning into my chest.

  He opens his legs and bends his knee as I run my hand over his groin, and start to stroke him. He rolls his hips against my hand, his ass massaging my dick, and groans. Goosebumps cover my arms.

  He throbs in my hand as I press the tip of my erection against his butthole, smoothly pumping him while I push my hard, wet cock into his body.

  Inch by inch, he takes me in.

  “That’s it, baby. I’ll go slowly,” I say, and I’m pretty sure I won’t last long enough to fuck him right.

  I’m all in. He’s warm, and feels so fucking good, his cock rock hard in my hand. I twitch inside, and he growls quietly. I graze his neck with my teeth, and trail it with my lips, and he tips his face to me, his eyes unfocused, his lips moist, and his skin flushed.

  He summons me to him, and our tongues touch before our lips lock. We kiss as I roll my hips and start to fuck him. The more I do it, the more pleasure sweeps through us.

  I look down at us, his beautiful body connected with mine, the curve of his butt pressed against my groin, his long, muscular thighs lining mine as my palm slides smoothly on his erection. I flick my gaze up and meet his eyes.

  “I fucking love you, Jagger,” I murmur, drunk on him, and a smile rolls on his lips, my focus withering away.

  “I love you Brax. I always did,” he says with a soft voice, and with these few words, I lose the last sliver of control.

  I move faster, my arm draping over his chest, his weight coming onto me as his body starts to shudder.

  He grunts and growls, cum shooting out of him, his butt clenching as my orgasm barrels through me.

  7

  JAGGER, Rome

  The smell of fresh coffee tickles my nostrils. I shift and groan, and then I thrust.

  “Braxton?”

  My eyes flip open. I roll the sheet off us, my hard cock in his mouth.

  “You have a very bad habit, waking up people this way...” I say, grinning.

  “Is that so?” he asks, smiling after he peels his lips off my erection.

  “No, not really…” I say, leaning back, my eyes slowly closing as he starts sucking me again.

  He shifts, and I train my eyes on him, drinking him in as he pulls up, and hovers over me.

  “What is it, Brax?”

  I run my fingers over his face and slide them into his hair.

  “What do you think is gonna happen with us?” he asks quietly.

  “I don’t wanna think about it. The future goes whichever way it goes. There’s nothing we can do about it. I never thought I’d find you changed after only a couple of months, and yet I did. And then, I never imagined we’d get to a point where we’d be so close. I’m still having a hard time believing it,” I murmur, my eyes dipping to his lips.

  “Do you think we’ve crossed a line?”

  “Do you?”

  He shrugs.

  “Have you felt that way when you took her home and fucked her senseless?” I ask, and he rolls off me.

  “What are you saying, man?”

  “Chill, Brax. I’m not saying anything. She asked me the same thing after that day, and I told her there was no line. Because there wasn’t. Why are you so worried all of a sudden? This is not a secret...” He searches my eyes for a moment. “It’s the way you feel, isn’t it? That’s how you felt when you left for school, and I had her, and you didn’t... Is that what it was? You felt left out in a way?”

  “I don’t know if those are the words.”

  “How many times have I asked you to come back or meet me somewhere, and you came up with all those stupid reasons to stay away from me? And you know what, she did the exact same thing when I asked her to come with me.”

  He smirks.

  “I didn’t.”

  “Yes, you did. You pulled away from me the same way she used to and still does. Occasionally...” I say, my voice trailing off.

  “Okay, maybe I did... But now you know why. You always knew why. It’s not that fucking easy.”

  He stays quiet, and I roll to my side and lock his eyes.

  “Is that’s why you asked me about the future?” I ask.

  “Maybe...”

  “I can tell you about the future, but it may mean nothing in the end. The truth is, I don’t know what the future holds. Bad things will probably happen. They always do. That’s why I don’t want to think about it, and I want to stay in the present. I love this present, Brax. I don’t want to think that something or someone will take it away from me.”

  “I love this present, too...” he says after a moment, his lips curling into a soft smile, and I lower my mouth.

  He welcomes my kiss, smoothly rolling to his back, pulling me on top of him. He spreads his legs beneath me, his hand curling around my neck.

  “I want you to fuck me...” he purrs, his hand sliding down, grabbing my erection.

  His eyes glint, soft and warm, and my smile withers away. Love pours into his gaze and over his features, making his face glow.

  On his back, he drinks me in as I gape at him, spellbound.