Sam stared at Erin. “I’ll be back, sweetheart. I wouldn’t leave you.” She knew Sam feared losing someone else. “It’s all right to go with Gillian. She’ll take you where there are lots of toys.”

  “And,” Gillian added. “I have a surprise for you.” She stuck her knuckle into Sam’s stomach trying to make her laugh. She got a smile from the child who put her hands over Gillian’s. “You two go. You have a reservation at Rosie’s.”

  Gillian turned and started for the double doors. Sam looked over Gillian’s shoulder. Erin smiled widely at her. She wanted Sam to feel safe and to know that if Erin left she would return. When Sam realized she was being taken away, she screamed and squirmed in Gillian’s arms. Her shrill voice arched in the ceiling and bounced off the walls.

  Digger’s hands on Erin’s arms stopped her from going to Sam and pulled Erin back against him. “You have to let her go,” he whispered in her ear. “She’s got to learn that if you leave you’ll come back.”

  Erin knew he was right, but she hated to hear Sam scream. Sam had lost so much, and she was so young. Did she understand anything that was happening to her? Erin felt insecure. Was she doing the right thing? Sam’s cries grew louder. They echoed off the sparse hallway and went straight into Erin’s heart. Digger’s hands were still curled around her upper arms when Sam and Gillian disappeared through the double doors.

  Erin sagged against Digger.

  “She’ll settle down as soon as she sees the playroom,” he reassured her, but Erin could still hear her screams. Each one seemed to rip through her. She turned around throwing her arms around Digger and holding on to him for comfort.

  Digger didn’t hug her. She felt his body tense as she pressed herself close to him, but his arms remained aloof. Erin knew she should pull back, but she needed human contact. She buried her face in his neck and closed her eyes until she could no longer hear Sam. Digger was right. Sam had to learn a lesson and, although it was hard on Erin, she had to be strong enough to let it happen.

  Accepting this left her mind free to explore what was happening to her body. She was blending into him, becoming lost in the heat they generated, accepting the love she felt for him. At the moment she decided to move back, Digger’s arms went around her. His hands slid up her back and he caressed her. She heard his breath expel as he bowed his head and leaned into her. He kissed her hair and sensations fluttered through Erin all the way to her feet.

  She forgot they were standing in a public hallway. Erin turned her head seeking his mouth. Digger raised his head and then he was pulling her. She didn’t know where. She went with him. A door opened and closed and she was being pressed against it as his mouth sought hers.

  “God, I’ve missed you,” he groaned as his mouth took hers. Erin had missed him, too, more than he would ever know. Digger’s hands roamed over her as if he needed to reacquaint himself with every line and curve of her. Erin basked in the stirring emotions that sent rockets of sensation through her. He kissed her hard and roughly, until she was breathless. Erin didn’t care about breathing. She only cared that she was in Digger’s arms and she loved him.

  Her body was hot as Digger pressed her closer to him. Erin was burning up. Digger lifted his mouth from hers, and she took in breaths in short gasps.

  “We have to get out of here,” he said.

  Erin didn’t quite understand. Her mind was muddled, still roaming somewhere in lovers-land.

  “Are you hungry?” Digger asked.

  “I’m starving,” she said.

  “So am I.”

  Neither of them were speaking of food. He took her hand and opened the door in almost the same instant. Erin didn’t know what was happening, and she didn’t care. In moments they were in Digger’s car. They sped past Rosie’s at twice the legal limit. Digger pulled into his driveway and cut the engine.

  Both of them left the car at equal speeds. Inside they were back in each other’s arms, continuing as if they were still in the small hospital room. They pulled at each other’s clothes, refusing to break contact as they walked and twirled toward the bedroom. She pulled his shirt free of his pants and ran her hands over his slightly moist back. He groaned as her hands smoothed over sun-roughened skin.

  Erin slipped out of her shoes. She felt Digger’s fingers slip into the waistband of her shorts and push them down. They fell to the floor and he lifted her out of them. In a few steps he carried her down the short hall to the bedroom. The room was bright with huge windows and few curtains. Erin could see to the horizon with only cacti and trees to break the distance. He set her down and lifted her T-shirt over her head.

  He kissed her neck, nibbled under her chin and licked the soft area where her collarbones came together. Erin felt her knees weaken. She clung to him, pushing his shirt off and making the effort harder by her own refusal to separate herself from him.

  They tangoed over the clothes until they were both naked. Then they fell on the bed, panting for each other, unable to wait any longer. They had to have each other or cease living. Digger entered her, and she welcomed the invasion, expelling a breath of pleasure that had built inside her. Digger moved inside her, her body accommodating him. Emotion threatened to overwhelm her. Her eyes closed and pleasure rushed through her like silver moonbeams. Like a tidal wave it covered her, covered them both. Her arms wrapped around him and she held him as her body took on a life of its own. The two of them rocked and rolled on a sea for lovers, taking, giving, joining their souls, becoming one.

  Erin heard the sound of her own voice, scratchy and low, full of emotion, before the scream broke through. For a long moment she and Digger hung on the wings of pure rapture. Then they fell back to earth, hot, wet and spent.

  Digger rolled over, taking her with him, keeping her on top of him where her hair fell on his shoulders and she could look into his eyes. His breathing was as hard as hers. She could feel the rise and fall of his chest. He gathered her close, running his hands over her from shoulder to hip. Erin rubbed against him, watching his eyes close with the pleasure of her actions.

  Like playful lovers she stayed there until her balancing act had her slipping to the side. She snuggled against him, loving the feel of his body. His arms circled her and pulled her spoon-style against him.

  “I love you, Erin,” Digger said.

  Erin’s eyes opened but she didn’t move or speak.

  “I told you once,” he continued. “I know you’re in love with me, but you’ve never said it.” She turned to face him. “Let me finish,” he said when she started to speak. “I told you about Josh. After he died I never wanted to fall in love again or have children. The pain nearly killed me. I fought hard against falling in love with you, but I lost. I love you desperately.”

  He skimmed his fingers over her and she shuddered at the pleasure he could evoke in her with such a light touch.

  “You changed all that.” He leaned forward and kissed her shoulder. “I want to marry you. I want children with you. I want two girls with your face and boys with your smile.”

  Erin put her hand on his arm and stopped him from the erotic nibbling. She got out of bed, searching for her clothes. They were strewn all over the room and in various places down the hall. She remembered getting to the bed, urgent to remove the barriers separating their bodies. Now she regretted it. She found her bra and T-shirt. Discarding the bra she pulled the shirt over her head and remembered her underwear was on the floor with her shorts somewhere near the front door.

  “Erin, where are you going?”

  Erin looked back and forth, feeling lost as she searched the floor for other items of clothing. She headed for the door. Digger came off the bed, grabbed his jeans and followed her. She got to her discarded clothes and pulled the shorts and briefs on together before he caught her.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. I have to go to Sam.”

  “It’s not Sam. I said I love you. I want to marry you and you run like a scared rabbit.”

  Erin wrenched her arm free. “I have to go. I have to get to the hospital.”

  She headed for the door, forgetting it was ninety degrees outside and her van was parked across from the hospital, nearly ten miles from where she stood. She was at a disadvantage. Digger lived too far out of town for her to escape.

  “Tell me what I said. What I didn’t say. I thought this was what you wanted.”

  “It’s not you,” she flung over her shoulder.

  He caught her arm and pulled her around. “Then tell me what’s wrong. I do love you. I want to marry you. Don’t you love me? Am I wrong in thinking you do?”

  She dropped her head and stared at the tiled floor. Blue flowers sketched out pattern blocks under her feet.

  “You’re not wrong, Digger. I do love you.” She turned again and headed for the door. “Please take me back to the hospital.”

  “You can’t just drop a bomb like that and calmly ask me to return you to the hospital. We’ve altered the forces of the universe. There is no going back for us.”

  “Digger, please don’t ask me any questions. Just take me back.”

  “I bared my soul to you. Don’t I deserve at least an explanation for what is bothering you?”

  She faced him squarely. Tears gathered in her eyes, but she blinked them away. Digger waited.

  “You do deserve an explanation. You didn’t want to fall in love. Neither did I.”

  “Why?” he asked.

  “Because I’ve been down this road before.” He looked confused. Erin continued. “When I told you about my accident I didn’t tell the complete truth. The roller coaster collapsed and I was pinned under it for five hours. When they got me out my hip wasn’t the only thing crushed. The entire lower part of my body was pinned. After the doctors put me back together there were things they couldn’t fix, and they were life-threatening. I had a hysterectomy when I was seventeen years old. I can’t have children.”

  She remembered every word he’d said in the bedroom. He wanted to marry her, have children with her. That would never happen. Digger stared at her as if she’d hit him. And she had. His reaction was no different than Kent’s had been or the few other men she’d told about her accident. Some had continued to see her for a few weeks, but in time they had all left her alone.

  She thought she’d protected herself, but she hadn’t. Digger got under her skin, under her resolve, and she was going down the road of heartache again.

  Erin couldn’t stand the silence. She turned away, rushing for the door. If she had to walk back to town she would. Outside the heat was oppressive. The red clay and sand colored stones of the walkway did nothing to dispel the heat. As she neared the car she remembered Digger hadn’t taken the keys with him. His truck sat in the driveway next to the sporty vehicle.

  Impulsively, she got in and drove away. He knew where she was heading. He could pick his car up there. She had to get away from him. She drove fast.

  She needed to restore balance to her life, she told herself as she checked the rearview mirror. She wanted him to follow her. She hoped she’d see his Bronco rallying behind her like some knight on a charger sallying forth to save his lady.

  But she was disappointed.

  Chapter Thirteen

  For the first time since Erin bought Crossroads Country Day School she didn’t want to go to work. Digger would be in the yard, and she didn’t want to see him. She wished she didn’t have to return until the addition was complete and he was gone from her life for good, but she knew that wouldn’t happen. She got up and started her morning routine, waking Sam at the appropriate hour.

  Sam had no ill effects from being left alone Saturday afternoon with Gillian. When Erin had returned to pick her up, she’d run to her with a smile and a ready hug. Then Sam dragged Erin across the room and proceeded to show her the painting she’d done while Erin was gone.

  “It’s us,” Sam had told her as she pointed to the stick people. “You and me and Digger.” Erin’s heart dropped when the small hand pointed to the figure of a man. Her mind rushed back to Digger and her flight from his bed. There would be no man in Erin’s life. If she hadn’t learned that lesson with Kent, Digger had driven it home only a few moments earlier.

  Sam brushed her teeth and returned to the bedroom for Erin to comb and rebraid her hair. She sat still and chatted to her doll. Her depression was nearly over. In the past week she’d been quiet in the morning, but perked up in the afternoon. Gillian and Digger had been right. She needed to know Erin would return for her.

  Erin was lucky to have Sam. She smiled as she brushed the long hair and twisted the three sections into equal braids. Sam helped Erin keep her mind on something other than Digger and her sorrow.

  “I can make breakfast,” Sam announced when Erin finished her hair. The two of them had a light breakfast each morning, usually cereal. After they arrived at school, Sam would eat with the other kids.

  “You can help with breakfast on Saturday. Today you need to put your clothes on. You can do that, right?”

  “I’m a big girl.” She stood up a little straighter as if she’d been insulted. Erin hid her mouth so the child couldn’t see her smiling.

  When she parked in front of the school she noticed that Digger’s truck wasn’t in the yard. She was relieved, she told herself, but her heart knew she regretted not finding him there with the other men. She’d gotten used to seeing him, even when he wouldn’t talk to her. He would probably never talk to her again.

  Erin helped Sam out of her car seat and wondered if he’d returned to get his car. Would he show up today? Would he ever forgive her for allowing them to fall in love? After the tragedy that took his son and cost him his marriage, she should have stayed clear of him. It was too late to think about that now. Both of them had known better. Now she assumed they were both miserable, but there was nothing to be done about it except to keep away from each other and let time heal them.

  She was sure it would happen. She’d gone through it before with Kent, and Digger had survived his life without Marita. They would survive. No one ever died of a broken heart, she reminded herself, even though the pain appeared unbearable, one day she’d wake up and he wouldn’t be her first thought.

  But that day was somewhere in the very distant future.

  The moment the kids arrived Erin had no time to think of anything except them. It took several hours before the place calmed down and she had a free moment. Erin was at her desk when the phone rang. She was afraid and anxious that it might be Digger. Her heart sang of its own free will. She hoped it was him, but she didn’t know what she could say if it was.

  “Crossroads Country Day School,” she said. “This is Erin.”

  “Erin, this is Luanne Rogers from Child Welfare.”

  As quickly as her heart had soared, it dropped. A cold finger ran up Erin’s spine. “Is anything wrong?” she asked.

  “I have good news. We’ve discovered Samantha has a great-aunt in Wyoming.”

  “Wyoming?” Erin could think of nothing more to say. She didn’t want to lose Sam. She loved her. Wyoming was so far away.

  “Yes, I’m waiting to hear from Child Welfare in Wyoming that they’ve contacted her and let her know about the little girl.”

  “How…how long before you find out something?”

  “I’m expecting a call today. I thought I’d let you know that the search is nearly over and that Sam will have a relative to go to.”

  “Thank you.” Erin’s voice was tight.

  “Are you all right?” Luanne asked.

  “I’m a little surprised.”

  “You sound a little out of sorts.”

  “I thought,” she hesitated. “I thought Sam…”

  “Would be staying longer,” Luanne finished for her.

  “Yes.” She nodded even though Luanne couldn’t see her.

  “That happens often with people like you.”

  “Like me?”

  “Fosters on the fly, we call them. You come to the aid of a particular child that you’re already attached to. When it’s time for them to go, you don’t want them to leave.”

  “Will she go soon?” Erin was close to tears.

  “I’m not sure. We’ll know more when the call comes.” Erin tried to pull her thoughts together. First Digger and now Sam. “Erin, are you all right?” Luanne asked.

  Erin almost laughed, but knew if she started she’d fall into hysteria. “I could use a mental health day,” she answered.

  Luanne laughed in her ear. “I know about those. Everyone needs one now and then.” She changed the subject. “I thought we’d see you at dinner last Sunday. Digger seemed quite taken with you.”

  Erin wasn’t sure what she should say. This was Digger’s sister and while they were becoming friends, Erin couldn’t confide in her. “Sam keeps me pretty busy,” she said not really giving the real reason, which was that she and Digger weren’t a couple and would never be one.

  “Well, the invitation is open,” Luanne said. “I’ll let you go now. Take advantage of a mental health day if you can.” Erin heard the smile in her voice. “I’ll call you when I hear from Samantha’s great-aunt.”

  “Please do,” she said, but she didn’t really mean it.

  Erin had denied that Sam had any other relatives. She was the child Erin didn’t have. The one she wanted and could never have. She wanted to keep Sam, watch her grow, take care of her.

  But Sam had a great-aunt in Wyoming. Someone who loved her and would give her the kind of life her parents would want, who could tell her stories of her family and introduce her to other members of her bloodline.

  Sam had to go to her relative. Erin knew she would take her sisters’ children if anything happened to her sisters. Families wanted to be together, stay together, learn their heritage and their history. She had grown up knowing that. Even Digger’s family, who were only together by happenstance, were a bonded unit with shared experience. Sam’s leaving had always been expected, even if Erin denied it. Luanne’s department was searching for a relative. Everyone knew that. Why hadn’t Erin believed it would happen one day?