Never had a kiss touched him so deeply or profoundly. He’d wanted to race after her and ask if they were good now. Solid. More like father and daughter than almost stranger and child.

  “She’s off to sleep.” Ryleigh’s voice came from behind. “I think she’s going to open up to you now.”

  “You think?” He made sure to extinguish the hope her comment brought.

  Ryleigh sat next to him. “I told her you lost your parents. She said you hadn’t told her. I’m sorry if you didn’t want her to know.”

  Oh, wow. “It’s not that I didn’t want her to know. I just never thought it was the right time to tell her.”

  “I think it’ll help, but if not, again I’m sorry. I would never want to interfere in the great job you’re doing here.”

  He snorted. “Like I’m succeeding.”

  “You are. By letting her take her time in opening up and gaining her trust. I think you’re doing an amazing job.” She smiled at him.

  A smile he didn’t deserve. Not yet. “I wish I could say the same about when I left you. I really botched that, didn’t I?”

  Her smile fell. “You did.”

  “I meant it when I said I would never leave the teams. I didn’t plan this, and I almost didn’t do it. Leave, I mean.”

  “What made you change your mind?” She twisted to face him as if his answer was crucial.

  He took a moment to organize his thoughts as explaining himself was likely one of the most important things he ever had to do. Failure was not an option. “I wanted to say no, but then I remembered the time I spent in foster care before social services found my estranged grandparents. My dad’s parents had died, but my mom’s were alive. Mom had a drug problem when she was young, and they eventually disowned her. She got clean and her act together, but didn’t want to see them. She understood on one level that they’d had to cut ties when she was using as she was toxic, but she still wished they’d given her more chances. So she had no desire to see them, and we never did. They didn’t even know my sister or I existed.”

  Ryleigh arched a brow. “But you loved living with them and are still close to them.”

  “Yeah. They were good to us.” He smiled at the memories. “I was a lot like Avery, but I had an extra chip on my shoulder. I resented them at first for what they did to my mom. But then we talked about it, and I eventually understood. They’d prayed every day that she would come back to them. The estrangement was two-sided, and I couldn’t blame them alone.” He shook his head. “And now, here I am in a similar situation. I’m at a loss for what to do.”

  “Channel your little child and you’ll know.” She grinned.

  “Easier said than done.” He rubbed his face, trying to erase his ongoing frustrations. “But back to your question. I didn’t have a good experience in foster care, and it was only for two months until they located my grandparents. I know there are great homes out there, but the one we were in was awful. I kept imagining little Avery in a place where the adults were just in it for the monthly checks, and I couldn’t let it happen to her. So I took emergency leave that day and ended my military career soon after.”

  “Did she have a bad experience?”

  “Actually, no. She was placed with a great family. So I wondered if I should be taking her away from that, but foster care placements are often temporary. Just because she was placed with this family now didn’t mean she would stay there. I wanted to give her a sense of stability, you know?”

  “Yes, that’s so important.”

  “That’s why I’m living here for now. Maybe later when she’s handling her grief better, I’ll suggest moving to Portland where job opportunities are greater. And my grandparents and extended family live in the area, so she would have family, and I would have some support. But I won’t even suggest it until I think she can handle a change.”

  Which meant he might never be in the same city as Ryleigh. At least not in the near future, and a potential relationship, if she would ever consider one, was out of the question.

  She frowned but then smiled but it looked forced. “I applaud your sacrifice. Especially when it sounds as if you don’t much like the job.”

  “I don’t hate it, but I have to keep telling myself something my grandpa taught me when I took my first job in fast food.” The memory was as fresh today as it had been back then. “He said no matter if I liked the job or not, to give it my all. To remember I was working for God. That way, others will see Him through me.”

  “Good advice.”

  “It was the only thing that got me through that job. Now that one I hated.” He grinned. “One good thing about civilian life is I get to see him and my extended family more often.”

  “I could never be separated from mine,” she stated as emphatically as he would expect.

  Okay, time to dig in. Help me, please. “Which is why I knew, when we were together, that you could never move to California. We would be at the mercy of a long-distance relationship, filled with times that I couldn’t even communicate with you. Not a word. Not one.”

  She lifted her shoulders. “Other SEALs have relationships that work.”

  Okay, that didn’t sit well with her. “They do, but all the wives of the guys I know live in Coronado, and they’ve formed a tight-knit support group to get them through these tough deployments. You’d have been in Portland all on your own. Sure, you would’ve been with your family, but they really couldn’t understand your problems. You’d begin to feel isolated and blame me. Things would’ve ended anyway, and it would’ve been ugly.”

  “You could be right, but just leaving with a phone call to say you were going—and we were over—was ugly too.” She eyed him, and the hurt lingered in her gaze. “More than ugly.”

  “Yeah, that I regret. I should’ve said goodbye in person, but we spun up so fast that I had to catch a flight with barely enough time to call you. Still, I could’ve come back when I was stateside again to talk to you.”

  “So why didn’t you?” The words came out on a whisper of pain.

  Oh, man. Man. He’d hurt her more deeply than he’d thought, and she might never forgive him. “I didn’t think I could end it if I had to look you in the eyes. I would just keep postponing it, making it harder on us, and taking us down that freight train to ugliness.”

  “Finn Durham a coward?” She crossed her arms. “Never thought I’d see that.”

  “A big one when it came to saying goodbye to you.” He met her gaze. “If it matters, once Avery and I were on a more solid footing, I did plan to look you up. To explain. Can you forgive me?”

  She eyed him for long pain filled moments. “Yes. God calls us to forgive, and I want to live my faith, so it’s not an option to hold this against you anymore. But I don’t think I could ever consider dating you again, if that’s on your mind.”

  He’d take that. It was a start. But he resisted pumping up his hand because this wasn’t really a win. She was following her faith, but was she letting go of the hurt? Didn’t seem like it.

  “Is that what you were thinking?” she asked.

  He had to be honest with her no matter what. “I would like that, but we’re in the same place again, aren’t we? Different cities and neither can or will move.”

  “Then we’ll be friends.”

  Friends. Great. She’d put him in the friend zone. Was there a worse place to be?

  She held out her hand.

  Formal and reserved. He gripped it and shook, but he wanted to draw her close and kiss her instead. How was he going to handle the remaining time he spent with her?

  Her phone rang. She quickly grabbed it as if glad to have an end to their discussion.

  “It’s Russ.” She tapped the screen. “You’re on speaker, Russ, and Finn is with me.”

  “Warrant’s in for Eckles’s place.” Russ’s deep voice boomed into the silent night. “I want you to join me in serving it in the morning.”

  “How about after I meet with the Veritas team, if that works for you?”

  “It does. Durham, you’ll need to sit this out. I don’t want anyone outside of law enforcement present. Don’t want to give Eckles something to hold against us.”

  Finn didn’t like being left out, but he got it and wouldn’t fight. “Understood.”

  “Just got the background report on Eckles from Colin,” Russ said. “Have you read it?”

  “Not yet.”

  “Eckles seems clean, but his wife was involved with ecoterrorism about twenty years ago. The Sovereign Earth group.”

  “Sovereign Earth, for real?” Finn asked. “Her husband is a logger.”

  Ryleigh blinked a few times. “Something worth checking into for sure.”

  “We’ll interview her when we serve the warrant,” Russ said. “If we think she’s holding out on us, we’ll bring her in for a more formal interview.”

  “Sounds good.”

  “See you tomorrow.” Russ ended the call.

  “That’s really strange about Eckles’s wife,” she said.

  “I’ve gotten to know Eckles a bit, and I can’t see him being our bomber or helping anyone else plant a bomb.” Finn bit the inside of his cheek, a habit he really needed to kick.

  “Could be,” Ryleigh held his gaze. “But if they don’t have a good explanation for her ties to ecoterrorism, they could very well be our bombers.”

  Ryleigh both hated Russ’s interruption and was thankful for it. Anything to bring her back to a professional connection with Finn and hide the personal. Things had been getting way too intimate for her liking.

  Question was, what would he do now? He’d gained her forgiveness so she hoped he let go of his thoughts of dating again. For her heart’s sake. With the sun having set, stars twinkling above, and a soft breeze blowing a sweet jasmine fragrance, the setting was too romantic to resist any attempt he might make to flirt with her.

  He sat back and crossed his ankle over his knee. “You never told me about your search of Shadow Lake Logging. Is that because I’m an employee?”

  Phew. He stuck with professional. So why did she feel disappointed? Didn’t matter. She would ignore that and answer his question. “I can fill you in. The explosive inventory doesn’t jive.”

  His big brown eyes flashed open, “Man. I’d say it might be a mistake, but I know my inventory was accurate. I even had the office assistant count with me and double-check.”

  “We saw her signature on the form. So we have to assume the inventory is correct and someone with a key took the explosives.”

  “And you know it wasn’t me, right?” He thrust his chest out.

  “I know, but we don’t have any proof.”

  Finn shook his head. “If I planned to steal explosives, I could’ve fudged the inventory so it didn’t look like anything was missing. I can’t see any of the key holders stealing them either.”

  She sat up in her chair to add force to her statement. “But explosives did go missing, and the building hadn’t been broken into—the lock is intact.”

  Finn frowned, drawing down full lips she vividly remembered kissing. “Means the bomber had to have a key. Don’t ask me how, but he got it. Maybe he stole one of the other guy’s keys.”

  “Then they wouldn’t have their key, right?”

  “Right. Except Tobias. He could issue one to himself and sign for it.”

  “He said he didn’t have any made, but he could be lying.”

  “We need to call the locksmith and ask if he cut any new ones in the last few weeks.”

  “Good idea. Or it could be Gates’s key. We haven’t recovered any of his keys yet.”

  “Or if he’s our bomber, he might not have cared if the inventory came up short because he planned to take off after the explosion.”

  “That makes sense.” She hoped that was the case, as it would be so much easier to accept Gates’s death if he were the bomber.

  “Were both kinds of explosives missing or just one?”

  “An equal number of both,” she said. “Why are there two kinds anyway?”

  “It’s all about saving money. The red tubes are cap-sensitive sticks that react well with the blasting cap, but are expensive. White is booster sensitive so the loggers pair a red and white together. Red ignites the white and they keep costs down that way.”

  “Does the team blast a lot?”

  “From what Tobias said, it’s become more and more common as the days of felling trees on flat ground is pretty much gone. Now they work hilly sites that are more dangerous to the men and using explosives helps save lives.”

  “Tobias explained how dangerous it can be.” She shook her head. “I’d heard it was, but never to the extent I’m learning now.”

  “Thankfully, Tobias has a solid safety record. He’s a stickler for maintaining OSHA’s standards. He allows his supervisors to supervise instead of being responsible for a log quota like a lot of logging companies require. I was impressed most with Eckles and Gates too. They both thought of safety first. I wouldn’t have taken the job if I’d gotten a hint that they weren’t all aboveboard.”

  Good information to have. “Which makes it seem odd that one of them could blow the place up at a time of day when lives could be at stake.”

  “Yeah.”

  “We’re assuming these missing explosives were used, but that might not be the case. It’ll be interesting to see if the Veritas team finds bits of the red and white plastic wrapping.”

  Finn nodded. “Still, I’m sure other companies use the same explosives.”

  “Yeah,” she said, thinking. “Could the supervisors have taken more tubes than they need for a job, and then stash it away somewhere?”

  “Not likely. Tobias really watches the usage and would notice if it went up.”

  “But it is possible, right? Like over a long period of time.”

  “Yeah, it’s possible.” He looked away and gnawed on his cheek.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked.

  He rolled his shoulders. “I need to make sure Russ doesn’t publicly suspect me of stealing explosives and setting off a bomb. Social services could get wind of it and take Avery. They’d put her in foster care, and I just promised that would never happen again.”

  “Then we have to prove it wasn’t you before you become an official suspect.” She tried to put her sincere desire to help in her tone. “We got the video for the exterior cameras and visitor sign-in log from Tobias, and Russ is combing through all of it tonight. Maybe he’ll figure out who accessed the building and this will be all over by morning.”

  Finn’s gaze traveled around the area. “I won’t be on those videos, but if I need an alibi, Avery is with me most of the time when I’m not at work.”

  “But not during driving times or even after she goes to bed at night. You could’ve snuck out.”

  He shot to his feet. “I would never leave her alone here.”

  “I know, and Russ plans to keep this quiet for now,” she said to Finn’s back as he paced across the patio. “We didn’t even tell Tobias that explosives were missing. And we won’t until after we meet with the task force and talk about a plan of action.”

  He stopped pacing and looked at her. “You’re thinking you can use this info to somehow smoke out our bomber?”

  She nodded. “Especially if we see him on the video and can ID him.”

  Finn came back to sit down, but his knee bounced. “Then we have to get through the video stat.”

  “Problem is, it’s been quite some time since I had the cameras installed. Even if Russ starts in reverse order to see the most likely feed, reviewing all of it will still take time.”

  “Then Russ needs to get more people on it.”

  “He will, as soon as he can.”

  “What about you?” Finn’s tone skated high for him, sounding unusually desperate. “Can’t you work on it tonight too?”

  She met Finn’s gaze. “Russ prohibited me from going anywhere near it.”

  Finn stared at her. “Why on earth did he do that?”

  She didn’t want to answer, but had to. “For some reason, he thinks you and I are an item.”

  His mouth flopped open. “You denied it, right?”

  “Yeah, but I must not have been very convincing.” Not a surprise. She couldn’t hide her developing feelings for this wonderful man, who save one big mistake would still be in her life.

  Especially not after tonight.

  11

  Inhaling the sizzling scent of frying bacon, Ryleigh slathered raspberry jelly on a slice of toast that was a shade shy of burned. She set it on the plate next to the eggs cooked over easy to pick up her coffee brewed stronger than she liked.

  So what if it was all a tad off? The breakfast cooked by Finn touched her more than many other things ever had. He didn’t know how to cook. He’d told her that many times when they dated. And yet, he was trying to be the best dad by making Avery’s breakfast.

  Avery scooped up her last bite of egg and washed it down with orange juice, then looked at Finn. “Your burgers are much better than your eggs.”

  Ah, the honesty of a child.

  “Sorry, Peanut.” Finn ruffled Avery’s hair. “I try.”

  “I know,” she said. “Maybe cereal tomorrow.”

  “Maybe.” He grinned.

  She smoothed her rumpled hair.

  “Let me grab a brush to fix that.” He raced from the room.

  Ryleigh took a bite of toast and savored the hearty wheat flavor and texture. She imagined Finn wearing an apron in the kitchen baking bread, bringing a smile to her face.

  “What’s so funny?” Avery pushed her empty plate away.

  Ryleigh told her.

  Avery wrinkled her nose. “I don’t think I’d want to eat that bread.”

  They laughed together.

  “He does some things real good.” She leaned closer. “But the kitchen is kind of bad.”

  Ryleigh nodded in silent agreement.

  He returned with the brush and stepped behind Avery to start on a tangled mess.

  The little girl glanced up at him. “I can’t believe you don’t know how to do braids. Especially French ones. Mom did them all the time.”