On life.

  On the lives of his children.

  Twins.

  He’d been a spectator to the miraculous revelation. Needed to be.

  And yet...how different would it have been if he and Annie had still been together as planned when their embryos came to life?

  Signaling, he crossed to the left lane, sped past the vehicles beside him, and then reentered the right-hand lane. Thought of Annie up in the middle of the night, a baby in each arm crying for diaper changes and feedings. Her needing to be up for work the next day. And almost thirty-nine years old by that point.

  With him in San Diego, having all the free time in the world, in a house filled with emptiness.

  There had to be a way he could help out, from outside the family.

  Did she love him? Made sense that she might, at least in some measure. Loving each other had never been a problem. Living together after their choices had taken them in different directions...that had caused the strife. They’d each had needs the other couldn’t fill.

  Could he ever be around Annie without needing more from her? Knowing more about her than a casual bystander, or even friend, would know? Like he’d known just when to hold her hand that morning. And when to let go, too.

  She was having twins. And had no other family in her life.

  Unless...had she been in touch with her mother’s family? Had they come to Chelsea’s funeral? How would that have gone, Annie seeing grandparents she’d never met, during her time of deepest mourning? She’d have been cordial to them, as was Annie’s way.

  But had she let them in? Would they be helping to raise his children? His children.

  Because, call it what you wanted, those twins were half him. No matter who raised them. If his genetics could be responsible for any birth defects, they were equal contributors to all of the good in the makeup of those babies, too.

  Ten miles until his turnoff and he couldn’t go fast enough. Had to pull his foot off the gas pedal lest he risk seriously breaking the speed laws.

  Twins. He and Annie had talked about multiples when they’d done all of the research on implantation. He’d thought the idea kind of cool. Until she’d brought up the whole “two babies up all night needing feedings” part of it.

  Back then, he’d thought differently about a lot of things.

  At forty, he knew himself a whole lot better.

  Twins. With a mother who wore a gun on her hip, who put herself on the front line every day when she went to work. Maybe not out on the streets all day anymore, but still there, in the thick of it. Dealing with dangerous people. Working in a profession that some attacked just for doing what they did.

  Working in a profession where statistically, the chance of dying on the job was greater than most.

  She could go to work and not come home.

  Seth knew what that was like. Didn’t want it for those two little shadows on the screen. Couldn’t deal with it himself, again, on a daily basis. Not after he’d answered that door once before. Saw the looks on the officers’ faces...

  He’d reached his exit.

  Was bringing home a mind filled with answerless questions. And a very real sense that he couldn’t just walk away from them.

  He had to talk to Annie. Really talk.

  They had to figure this thing out.

  * * *

  Annie didn’t sleep well. Between being excited about the twins and worried for them, concerned about her thirty-eight-year-old body having sufficient ability to carry them healthily to term, wondering about genders and names and handling it all, nervous about the nightly feedings and whether or not the cribs should be side by side or across the room from each other, ditto for the portable cribs she’d have in her room for the first couple of months at least, and being completely unsettled where Seth was concerned—it was a wonder she’d slept at all.

  But never, not once, did she doubt her decision to use those embryos and have herself implanted.

  She’d had dinner with Christa. Made the “twin” announcement. But hadn’t asked the detective to be guardian to her offspring. Not yet. Caring for two at once...that was double the ask...and she needed time to think about it all. There was no doubt in her mind that Christa would be honored by the request and agree to it, willing to step up in a time of tragedy, to love Annie’s children. Her friend had already told her about a hundred times that she’d be there to help with anything Annie needed. Anytime.

  But Christa didn’t want children of her own, and two of them? Annie just didn’t want to overburden Christa, in the event Annie really did lose her life to the job. Or to any of the other millions of things that took human life. Taking on twins alone...

  Telling herself she wasn’t dressing with any thought of seeing Seth at work that morning, Annie still chose the black pants and matching short jacket that she generally saved for days that included lunch with the captain, or some other such thing. The pants were a little snug across her belly, but with an adjustable button and the white silky tunic she wore under the jacket hanging down over the pants closure, she was able to expand them enough to get the job done.

  She’d put a little more gel in her blond bangs, and to give the rest of her cut the lift that made it look more like a style rather than just hair sitting on her head. Added a touch of mascara in addition to the eyeliner she always wore, and dusted a hint of beige eye shadow, too.

  Not for Seth, but just because she was starting the first day of her new life. Or so she told herself. And wanted to believe. She had to take this thing head-on from the very start. Had to know she was enough.

  And had to know, as she had her ex-husband in her office for the first time ever, that she could show him how well she’d done. How right her choice to enter law enforcement had been for her life.

  After all, that choice—and his reaction to it—had cost them their marriage and family.

  She’d been jittery since she’d gotten out of bed that morning, but as she stepped into the station and rode the elevator up to the second floor, she felt more like herself. In control.

  Ready to take on whatever presented itself throughout the day.

  Emilio, who’d been formally charged the day before and was out on bail in the custody of his older brother, and said brother, Juan, were waiting when she got to the squad room, on her way to her office. Offering them something to drink, she showed them into an interrogation room and then went to get the soda and coffee they’d requested. By the time she was back with them, she’d had a text from one of her detectives, telling her that Seth had arrived.

  In navy whites again. With a worn leather satchel under his arm. God, he looked so good to her. Drool-worthy good. And apparently Britney, her most junior detective, thought so, too. The way her head was cocked, and the look in her eye, the smile on her face, as she talked to Seth, said something Annie didn’t want to “hear.” No way was she okay with one of her employees flirting with her ex-husband.

  Period.

  So maybe she was a little brisk as she took charge of Seth, cutting off her detective midsentence, and led him back to introduce him to Juan and Emilio. On the short trip down the hallway she didn’t meet his gaze and kept a minimum distance of a foot between them. She thanked him for coming, in lieu of hello, and asked him if traffic had been bad on the drive up.

  His response—“It was fine”—was about what she’d expected. She hadn’t expected his gaze to linger on her, though, as she turned to face him just before opening the door. For a second there it was like he was eating her up—sexually, but the connection was much deeper than that, too. Almost spiritual.

  Her system went on autopilot and let him draw whatever he needed from her. Getting something unexpected in return.

  It all happened so fast she couldn’t describe it. But as she made her way back to her office, after telling Seth to text her when his meeting was through, she was no longer jealous of Britney Jorgenson, which was a good thing because the woman was one hell of a good detective.

  She and Seth had had a monogamous, intimate relationship. It hadn’t worked. Their marriage, their partnership, had ended. But a thread between them, a connection, had survived.

  Right along with the embryos they’d created.

  She couldn’t define it, couldn’t put words to it, but whatever it was that connected them wasn’t something anyone—not even her or Seth—could sever.

  * * *

  He texted twenty minutes after she’d left him. Shook Juan’s hand and squeezed Emilio’s shoulder as the two left, and then, still in the doorway of the interrogation room, turned to Annie. “You got a minute?”

  She had a full day’s work waiting, and two new cases on the docket, but after he’d driven the hour up to help her out, no way she could refuse him.

  Leading him back into the room, she shut the door. They’d have a lot more privacy there than in her office, with its wall of windows overlooking the squad room.

  Something about his demeanor told her she was going to want the privacy.

  Plus, she didn’t need her detectives and assistants gossiping about her locked in her office with the to-die-for-handsome sailor.

  Still standing by the door she’d just closed, she faced him.

  “What’s up?” Something to do with Emilio, obviously, but why that personal look? Was he about to tell her someone on her staff had made a mistake? Or was he convinced that Emilio was the crook and playing her?

  “I want to be guardian to the children.”

  She stared. Felt her face stiffen, as though no blood was traveling through it. Knew she’d heard him correctly, but couldn’t figure out where he was coming from.

  “You said that you’d be open to conversation when I figure out my role, and that’s it,” he continued. “You’re the parent. The children are yours. I signed away my ownership of the embryos and I don’t regret any of that. I’m glad that you’re having the chance to live your best life...”

  He always got talkative when he was presenting a case... The thought occurred to her, distracted her, as her stomach dropped, and her heart started to pound. He didn’t present his cases until he’d thought everything through. Was sure of himself.

  This wasn’t just a chat. What he was suggesting...

  “I’m not intending that we co-parent. Only that, in the event that something would happen to you, I become their guardian.”

  Yeah, she’d gotten that part. He wanted their kids?

  Her heart leaped and she tried to calm herself. Put a hand back on the doorknob for steadiness.

  Did this mean...

  She shook her head.

  No. She and Seth couldn’t get back...

  And there’d be no way he’d suggest such a thing.

  But since she’d seen him again, she’d been impressed several times with a certainty that she wanted him in their lives...down the road. Wanted for her kids to know their father, to reap the benefit of having him in their lives...

  Her breathing slowed.

  “Instead of Christa,” he said. “I’m sorry if you’ve asked her since we last spoke about it, if she and her husband are already on board, but I feel pretty strongly about this. Most particularly since we now know there are two of them.”

  Why the number mattered, she wasn’t sure, but she wanted to grant his request. With such enthusiasm that she held back, checked herself. Didn’t correct his mistake regarding Christa’s marital status. Didn’t point out that she was a cop widow.

  Wondered if maybe Seth was why she hadn’t already asked Christa.

  She couldn’t fall back into the person she’d been, couldn’t get hurt again. She had to make certain that before she agreed to something, she was doing it for the right reasons.

  “Taking on two at once?” he said. “I know that’s a huge commitment for someone who never really expected to have to do so, someone who’s a friend, but not family, like Christa. There’s a good chance some resentment could arise when things get particularly tough, as they undoubtedly would if your family suddenly increased by two demanding little people. Especially if that friend has kids of her own to provide for. I, however, am the other creator in this process. Those children biologically belong to me. I would take on the responsibility with the same type of commitment to those children as you have.”

  Not really. She’d wanted to be a parent to these embryos. He didn’t.

  But would a guy who felt no parental pull even make the suggestion?

  “Furthermore, this guarantees that I would always be permitted to step in on their behalves, if you weren’t there to do it. Otherwise, if another guardian would have the rights to our children, and if they were suffering, I’d have no legal recourse for helping them.”

  What was he doing just now?

  And...what would she be doing to her children if she turned him down?

  “You sure you don’t want more time to think about this?” she asked him. “The only time I’ve ever seen you give up anything was when I pushed the emotional trigger left from your mother’s death. One of our children could also choose to live in harm’s way.”

  “I’m positive.” He reached into the satchel he’d carried in with him—she’d figured it contained his laptop so he could look up anything he might need to know pursuant to Emilio’s case or California juvenile law. Pulling out a folder similar to the one she had ready in her office for him to take back to San Diego, he handed it to her. “Here’s the tentative paperwork for you to look over. If you agree with everything there, we’ll need to have separate attorneys handle it for us, one for you and one for me, but we should be able to get this done in pretty short order.”

  He wasn’t kidding.

  Or planning to change his mind, either.

  “I wasn’t there for you, Annie, but I will be there for our children if needed. Until the day I die. No matter what they take on. No matter how much worry or stress they cause. I’m their father.”

  Annie took the folder, careful not to let her fingers touch his. He was getting too close. Making her want to start relying on him again, and that couldn’t happen.

  Him in the lives of her children, occasionally, that had been a pipe dream. One she still wanted and could have lived with.

  But him legally bound to them... What would her fickle heart make of that one? And how much pain would it end up costing her? And possibly her kids?

  If they both made it to term.

  Looking up at Seth, finding calm in his gaze, she just stood there, looking for answers that she knew she couldn’t take from him. She had to come up with her own. Based on what she knew, not on how he made her feel.

  But, oh, God, them together again, just in terms of the kids they’d so desperately wanted...

  No.

  That was the danger. Right there. That. Her trying to make them soulmates again. In any fashion.

  It wouldn’t be fair to any of them. Least of all the babies.

  And there was no way she was going to tell Seth he couldn’t have access to them.

  “I’ll call an attorney,” she finally told him.

  Because, for the children, it was the right thing to do.

  Chapter Thirteen

  The amnio was scheduled at fifteen weeks, right in the middle of December. Seth hadn’t seen Annie since he’d been down to meet with Emilio and Juan five weeks before, but they’d texted each week. Him asking how she was doing, her saying fine.

  His guardianship of the twins was set up, filed, and done. The trust was established. And charges had been dropped against Emilio, too. Seth had built up what his argument would be as defense attorney, proving that all evidence was circumstantial. He’d pointed out various areas where there should have been proof of the thefts if Emilio had been guilty—some extra cash showing up somewhere in his life or sales of video games—and in a call with the DA had persuaded him to let the kid go.

  Annie had thanked him in a quick email from her work account and told him that her detectives were still pursuing the case.

  He’d filed the email away in his personal folder.

  Telling himself that they were doing fine, that they’d figured the whole thing out where they and the fetuses were concerned, he went back to his usual routine, working out, reporting to the base, volunteering... And in the evening, he’d taken up reading.

  About twins. Twin gestation. Multiple births.

  Just so he’d be prepared in case he was called upon. And he did some research on chances for genetic abnormalities in later-in-life pregnancies, and prognoses, as well.

  He’d had Thanksgiving dinner with his father, thinking of Annie on and off all day. She hadn’t said what she was doing for the holiday. He hadn’t asked. Their personal lives had to be off-limits. It was the only way it was going to work for them. And he hadn’t told Randy about the coming babies, either. Randy wasn’t going to get to be a grandfather—there was no point in rubbing his nose in it.

  He’d wondered, again, if maybe Annie was with her maternal grandparents or other extended family, but didn’t try to find out. Not his business.

  But if they were in her life...wouldn’t she have listed them as guardians from the beginning?

  He’d texted on December 1, telling her he’d like to be present at the amniocentesis if that wouldn’t bother her, or make it harder for her.

  She’d sent back the response he was getting a little too used to seeing: Fine.

  That little four-letter word was beginning to irritate him.

  His problem, not hers.

  At home on Monday night, two days before the scheduled procedure, he was having a beer and going over some legal briefs, doing a bit of follow-up case law research for a meeting the next morning, when the soft jazz tune played from his phone. For a second there, with his focus on a government legal matter, he forgot what the sound meant.