Those had been dark days, days I spent away from Jenna trying to distance myself. I wanted her to have a shot at a good guy. A guy worth her patience, love, and pure devotion. Not a piece of poor shit like me, dirtied and rotten inside out with a pretty face, burning gut, and empty eyes. I got worse the longer I was away from her and then one day I found myself again. I found myself in her, in her eyes and in her memory of the man I used to be, the one I wanted to be. Even though I was far from that guy and so much pain had been put on her heart, she loved me still. And dammit did I love her. Always. Every second of every day.

  After that I couldn’t leave her again. I didn’t care if it was wrong or right, I was selfish as shit – still was – and I swore to myself I’d do whatever it took to be with her. To stay with her forever.

  All I needed her to do was say yes. Just one word to set me up for life. To set me straight.

  “Is there something I can show you?” a woman asked from behind the counter.

  I looked down from the banner I’d been glaring at into crystal clear green eyes. Long brown hair and a heart shaped mouth. Slim waist under a gray sweater that bulged at her chest and flared at her hips. She was perfectly manicured, perfectly styled. A model in a uniform surrounded by diamonds and precious metals.

  I was unimpressed.

  Callum, on the other hand, was staring. Maybe drooling.

  Sam scowled at him out of the corner of her eye.

  “I hope so,” I answered her, my eyes scanning the case in front of me.

  “Something for your mother?”

  I smiled, glancing pointedly at the banner above me. “No. My girlfriend. I’m going to ask her to marry me.”

  “Lucky girl. What is the lady’s style? Her aura?”

  I glanced over at Sam, looking for help.

  She shrugged. “I’ve seen her naked but I’ve never seen her aura.”

  “Yeah, me either,” I grumbled.

  “Am I the only here who hasn’t seen Jenna naked?” Callum demanded.

  We ignored him.

  “He’d like something classic, simple,” Sam explained to woman, telling her what we’d vaguely discussed on the phone the other night. “Vintage but original. I was thinking a bezel setting. Just under a carat, E to F color, and he won’t even take his wallet out for anything less than VVS2 clarity.”

  The woman smiled, nodded, and disappeared farther down the counter, searching for something to match Sam’s very exact specifications.

  I looked at Callum meaningfully. “This is why she got invited and you didn’t.”

  He shook his head sadly. “You didn’t strike me as the blingy type, blue eyes.”

  “Disappointed?” she smirked.

  “A little, yeah.”

  “Well, don’t be. Do you see me wearing any diamonds? Anything from Tiffany?”

  “No.”

  “No. And you won’t. Not my style. But my great grandpa opened a jewelry shop when he was thirty. He built it up his whole life, trained his son who trained my dad and my uncle to help run it. They inherited it when he died and I grew up inside it just like they did. Someday maybe I’ll run it, I don’t know.” She shrugged, her eyes scanning the store aimlessly. “I haven’t quite figured all that out yet.”

  “If your family owns a jewelry store than what are we doing in this place?” Callum asked.

  Sam smiled slyly. “Because Kellen didn’t give me enough heads up to make us an appointment, you can’t get in the doors without one, you’re wearing jeans for Christ sake, and even if we pooled together everything all three of us have in our checking accounts right now, we couldn’t afford the champagne we serve guests, let alone a ring.”

  “You gotta be shitting me.”

  “Nope.” She lowered her voice as the woman returned with a black velvet tray carrying three shining rings on it. “This is a Walmart compared to our store. No offense, Kellen.”

  I chuckled. “None taken. I’m not looking to drop another thirty thousand on a ring. Jenna would never accept it.”

  Sam’s head snapped up to look at me sharply. “You bought Laney a thirty thousand dollar ring? How?” she hissed.

  I ignored her, smiling at the woman as she laid the tray down in front of us. They all looked pretty much the same to me. They were beautiful. Fluid and uncomplicated, uncluttered. The settings were identical, one was obviously bigger than the rest but the other two looked comparable. They looked like the style Sam had suggested a couple nights before, one I knew Jenna would appreciate.

  I nodded to Sam approvingly, letting her loose on the merchandise.

  “Can I have a loop, please?” she asked the woman, picking up the largest ring and getting down to business.

  I went to stand by Callum a few paces away, watching her work. Sam stood out like a sore thumb in her all black clothes, heavy makeup, and jet black hair in the brightly lit store. She was onyx in a sea of sand – beige and taupe. It only took about two minutes for the clerk’s attitude toward her to change, though. That’s how long it took for Sam to have her on her toes, asking to see the GIA Grading Report on all three diamonds and examining each gem in the loop.

  “She’s got skills,” Callum commented quietly as we watched her work.

  “Girl’s practically an expert.”

  “You sure about this?”

  I shrugged. “She’s not an actual expert, but she’s the closest I’ve got to it.”

  “No, not about Sam,” Callum said, his voice uncharacteristically somber. He looked over at me, his arms folded over his chest and his feet set wide in what I had come to know over the years as his Thinkin’ Stance. “About getting engaged again.”

  My first instinct was to get angry at him. The animal was always ready and waiting. All he needed was a reason and at first glance Callum had given him a good one.

  But then I realized he wasn’t questioning my commitment to Jenna. He wasn’t asking if I loved her or not, whether I thought I could be faithful to her. Hell, he hadn’t even said her name. What he asked was whether or not I was sure about getting engaged again – and considering how the first one had turned out, it was a fair question.

  I ran my hand over the back of my neck, thinking about my answer. Taking him seriously for once. “I’ve made a lot of bad decisions in my life. I had a lot of bad years and a lot of hard times, and when Dan showed up and saved my ass after that fight in high school I was pretty star struck. There he was this guy from my neighborhood in an expensive suit sitting behind a huge desk in an even bigger office. His house sat on the hill by the water like a castle and his wife was so…”

  “Hot,” Callum filled in for me. “Don’t be a pussy about it, Karen is hot.”

  “Yeah. She’s hot. And so is Laney. And then Jenna was just— from day one Dan looked at me like I was worth saving. Jenna looked at me like I was worth loving. No one had looked at me like that in a long time, man. Not since my mom, and you miss it when it’s gone. You miss being seen as something more than nothing. Dan wanted to groom me, Karen wanted to spoil me, Laney wanted to fuck me, and Jenna just wanted to love me. Always. She’s never stopped, even when I wanted her to. Even when I tried to make her.”

  “Even when you got engaged to her sister.”

  I nodded slowly. “Yeah. Bad decisions. I told you. I knew it at the time.”

  “What about this time?”

  “Marrying Jenna is the best decision I’ll ever make,” I told him austerely. “I’d skip all of this – the ring and the dress and the planning – and I’d married her tonight if I could.”

  My phone began to ring in my pocket. The sound was unimaginably loud inside the quiet store and I hurried to silence it, but my heart and my hands froze when I recognized the number. It was the firehouse.

  “Hello?” I asked, holding a finger up to Callum, telling him to wait.

  He scowled at me and bit the air above my finger with a loud click of his teeth.

  I switched fingers and flipped him off.

  “Kellen Coulter?”

  “Yes.”

  “This is Baxter. Hermosa Beach Fire Department.”

  “Yes, sir. I remember you.”

  He chuckled dryly, reminding me of a night full of fire and lights, wet pavement and the thrill of the fight. It had been a new fuel to the animal, one he’d never had before. One he was addicted to.

  “I’m about four years older than you, dude. Don’t call me ‘sir’.”

  I smiled. “You got it.”

  “Good. Listen, we appreciate what you did for us last month. I’ve met a lot of volunteers since then but you stuck out. You’re solid. Or am I reading you wrong?”

  I shook my head despite the fact that he couldn’t see it. “No. I’m good. I’m solid.”

  “That’s what we need.” He cleared his throat, lowering his voice. “I’ll be straight with you. We just lost a guy here in the house. Washed out. Couldn’t take it.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Yeah. Yeah, he was a brother and he walked and we’re all… well, we’re all a little shaken by that. Big boots to be filled. You got big feet, Coulter?”

  “The biggest.”

  “Perfect. Come on down tomorrow and meet the crew. We’ll see if they fit.”

  He hung up without waiting for an answer. I didn’t mind. I’d be there.

  “Who was that?” Callum asked.

  Sam slapped my shoulder as I hung up the phone, a smile on my face.

  “This one,” she said certainly, holding up the biggest of the three rings. “It’s more expensive than the rest but for some reason I’m guessing you can afford it.”

  My smile widened as I reached for the ring. “You guessed right.”

  She pulled it back out of my reach. “Be real with me. You a drug dealer? Coke mule? Is it gambling? Do you owe money to the mob?”

  I snatched the ring from her fingertips, surprising her with my speed. Little girl had no idea who she was dealing with.

  “None of the above,” I promised as I stepped around her to the counter. I put the ring down on the velvet, slipped my wallet out of my pocket, and laid my card down on the counter next to it. “Debit, not credit, please.”

  “You didn’t even ask how much it is,” Sam protested.

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  Sam looked desperately between myself and Callum. Neither of us reacted.

  “Really?” she asked in annoyance. “We’re just going to pretend this is normal. That this is fine. He’s a part-time EMT for f—You know what? I don’t care. It doesn’t bother me. I don’t need to know.”

  I felt her energy bubbling higher and higher the longer we stood there. It took almost fifteen minutes to ring me out, inform me about insurance, go over the IGA report, talk to my bank and assure them that yes, I did want to make a purchase that large and no, I wasn’t some psycho committing identity theft. By the time I got a wink from the clerk and a small black bag in my hand with the sum of my heart’s hopes and aspirations inside it, Sam was about to explode.

  We loaded into my truck in silence. No one said a word as I pulled us onto the expressway. Rain started to fall, sending my wipers softly swishing over my windshield and filling the silent cabin with a gentle rhythm that ticked like the pendulum of a clock, counting down to the end of her willpower.

  Sam turned to me with serious eyes. “I figured it out.”

  “Did you?”

  “I did.”

  “Lay it on me.”

  “It’s so obvious. Orphan. Genius. Fighter. Wealthy.” She leaned in and whispered conspiratorially, “You’re Batman, aren’t you?”

  “Yes, I am.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Jenna

  “What’s his name?” I asked for the fiftieth time.

  Laney laughed, shaking her head. “Nope. Not telling.”

  “Does he have a name?”

  “No.”

  “What do you call him?”

  “Constantly,” Mom chuckled. Her answer didn’t quite fit my question but it was very telling. Both of Laney’s relationship status and my mom’s mimosa content.

  Brunch. Not my usual scene but when Mom and Laney texted me last night and asked for the first time since my Junior year of high school if I would go with them, I decided to try something new. What I thought was a gossip fest with a bowl of fruit I’d be required to fret the calories of later turned out to be a binge eating, alcohol swilling good time. I was stunned to see both Laney and Mom devour plates of pancakes and waffles, both asking for bites of my French toast slathered in butter.

  And we washed it all down with bubbly and orange juice, as a lady should.

  “Constantly, huh?” I asked Laney accusingly. “You must use his name sometimes.”

  “I don’t,” she protested primly, looking down her nose at the strawberry she was dragging through my whipped cream.

  “Max,” Mom told me with a small grin. “His name is Max.”

  “Dammit, Mom!”

  “Language. And stop tormenting your sister. She wants to hear about your life. She should know you’re happy.”

  “I was going to draw this out until Christmas,” Laney protested.

  I lifted my glass and my eyebrow. “Until I was removed from the Naughty List?”

  Laney smiled mischievously. “Maybe.”

  “Was I getting his name or would I get to meet him?”

  “No one is meeting him,” Laney said seriously, her demeanor changing in an instant.

  “Why not?”

  She didn’t answer. She looked away, her eyes going distant and vacant, her secrets pulling in deep under the surface.

  The move reminded me so much of Kellen I felt dizzy.

  I put down my mimosa, no longer thirsty. “You okay, Lane?”

  Laney smirked, looking at me out of the corner of her eye. “I’m great. So great.”

  “Are you being sarcastic?”

  “She’s being a wet blanket,” Mom mumbled.

  “No, I’m not being sarcastic,” Laney told me, her tone clipped. “I’m being… I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m being.”

  “Are you mad at me?”

  “Yes, Jenna!” she burst out. “I am mad at you!”

  Mom and I met eyes nervously over the table. People turned to look to see what was happening, but neither of us dared ask Laney to stop shouting. Tell Laney not to do something and she was bound to do it, just to spite you.

  “About Kellen?” I asked hesitantly.

  Her eyes narrowed. “No. It’s not about Kellen. It’s about Max.”

  “What’d I do? I’ve never met him. I hadn’t even heard about him until a month ago.”

  “And I’ve been dating him for sev—six. Six months. I couldn’t talk to you about it for six months because of you and freaking Kellen.”

  “How do we have anything to do with you and Max?” I demanded, getting angry.

  “Because if I’m dating someone everyone will think it’s okay what you did, and it’s not. I’m not okay with it.” She took a deep breath, lowering her voice. “I mean, I guess I’m okay with it now because I have to be, but I wasn’t for a long time. Even though I was seeing Max I was still pissed.”

  “I get that.”

  “No, you don’t. No one does.”

  “So explain it to me.” I sat forward, crossing my arms on the table. “I’m here, I’m listening. Tell me.”

  Laney pursed her pink lips together, moving them side to side thoughtfully. “Fine,” she eventually burst on a breath of air.

  Mom sat back in her chair, groaning with worry.

  “I hate that you’re dating Kellen,” Laney began, and it was such a simple statement that it blew my mind when I realized it was the first time I was hearing it. She’d never said it to my face, never said it aloud as far as I knew. It had always been an assumed truth that we lived with, that we carefully danced around, trying never to touch it. Never to taunt it and make it rise up to its full height in front of us because her wrath was that kind of terrifying. Like a dragon in the mist, all fire-filled nostrils and glistening, golden scales.

  “Okay,” I acknowledged calmly.

  She looked at me for a long time before continuing. “I hate that you had a thing for him behind my back. You wanted him even when I was engaged to him and that’s shitty.”

  “I couldn’t hel—“ I cut myself off, silencing my own defense. She didn’t want to hear it and it didn’t matter if I gave it. The past was done and gone and we had to deal with the after effects of it now. “I should have told you.”

  “Yeah. You should have,” she agreed eagerly, turning to face me. Opening up by tiny cracks. Little fissures – just like Kellen. “That’s why I feel so lied to and betrayed. You were lying to me for years.”

  “I was lying to everyone,” I admitted. “Myself, Kellen, you, Mom, Dad. Even when I was with Alexander I was lying by making him think I could try with him. I knew from the start it wasn’t going to work.”

  “Because you wanted Kellen.”

  “Because I loved Kellen, and I didn’t know how to tell my heart to stop. But I should have been honest with you. I wanted to be. You’re my sister, you’re the only person I could have talked to about it back then.”

  “So why didn’t you? In high school when I was dating him and you liked him why didn’t you say something?”

  “Because I was thirteen and it wouldn’t have mattered.”

  “It would have mattered to me.”

  I laughed, unable to contain it. “Seriously? If I had told you that I had a crush on Kellen you would have stopped seeing him? The captain of the football team, the bad boy with a motorcycle and boxing gloves and a body like a Greek god. You would have walked away? Honestly?”

  Laney chewed on her lower lip with the corner of her teeth, thinking. I could tell she wanted to lie to me but we both knew the truth. And even if she thought I didn’t, Mom did. She was watching us with interest, her eyes going back and forth between us like a spectator at a tennis match – mimosa in hand.