“Kellen.”

  She groaned my name, bringing my eyes down to hers and I could see the question there. I could also see the desperation. The pleading. She was close and she wanted that release but more than that she wanted to know if I was still there with her.

  I put my hand on the side of her face, pushing it back slowly into her hair and wrapping my fingers up inside it the way I did when I was about to fall apart. I held onto her and I promised her.

  “Je suis la, Nonpareil.”

  Her smile was the sun. It was poetry. It was every love song ever written, every kiss ever given, ever taken. It was love. Pure, true love and I knew it because I felt it. Even as my body seized and her eyes fluttered, both of us careening toward an inevitable end, I felt it. All of it.

  In every beat of her heart and breath in my body I felt love.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Jenna

  We were packing for our trip home three days later and still I hadn’t heard from Laney. I stared at the bulky black cell phone I’d borrowed from my dad and I resented it for not ringing. I blamed it for making her angry at me and I forbid myself from touching it because if I did I would call her and grovel. That was the love I had for my sister. Unbreakable and self-destructive.

  I wished hard as hell that she loved me like that. That just once she’d consider putting my happiness before hers the way I’d done for her our entire lives.

  “Stop staring at it,” Kellen scolded lightly. “It’s a watched pot. It’s not going to boil if you hover over it.”

  “Scientifically that’s bullshit and you know it,” I replied distractedly.

  I sat on the bed in front of him watching him pack. Well, saying I was watching him pack but what I was really doing was watching the phone. It drove him so crazy he’d offered to pack for me to pull me out of my funk. It hadn’t helped. I took him up on it, I was sad not stupid, but even as he went through my clothes and folded them way more neatly than I ever would have into my suitcase, I wanted to stop his hands and beg him to stay. To let me stay.

  “How does she have the willpower to not call and go off on me?” I asked. “When did this happen?”

  “I don’t know. A few hours, half a day, that I can see her waiting to torture you, but days? It’s weird.”

  “It is, isn’t it?”

  “Have you talked to your parents recently?”

  “Not since the day after. I asked if she’d said anything and they said she hadn’t. I asked them to tell her to call me, I put the phone down right there, and I haven’t touched it since.”

  “You haven’t even looked at it?”

  “I’m looking at it now.”

  “No, I mean you haven’t checked it to make sure it’s on?”

  I hesitated. “No, but it’s on. I haven’t used it. It’s on.”

  “You should check.”

  “Should I call it from the house phone to make sure it works and then panic, wondering if she tried to call in that one minute when it was in use?”

  “Do what you want, smart ass.”

  I chewed on my lip as I watched him bundle up the rest of my clothes. He picked up my leggings, the ones he’d destroyed on the cliff over the water, and I smiled at the memory. At the thought of him looking down at me, into me, as he stayed with me from start to finish. It had been intense and astonishing, his body finding mine with a fervor I’d never seen in him before but it’d made me breathless and desperate. I was starving for him as he hunted and devoured me, sent me flying out over the sea only to crash down inside its depths, dark and mysterious like his eyes. Endless and deep like his voice as he whispered to me that he was there. That he was with me. That he’d never left me.

  Kellen caught me looking at the leggings smiling like an idiot, and grinned down at me mischievously.

  “Do you want me to throw them away?” he asked.

  “I want you to buy me a new pair. They were my favorite.”

  “I’ll write you a check. What were they? Ten bucks? Twenty?”

  I snorted. “Try eighty.”

  He scowled at the thin black fabric that looked so insignificant in his large hand. “Are you kidding me? This was eighty dollars?”

  “They’re James Perse.”

  “Who?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Never mind.”

  Kellen eyed the leggings, clearly rethinking throwing them away now that he knew how much they cost.

  Over two million in the bank and he was stressing an eighty dollar pair of pants.

  I took them from him gently and placed them in my suitcase. “I can fix them. It’ll be fine.”

  “You know how to sew?”

  “No, but Sam does. She’ll help me.”

  “Are you anxious about the store?”

  I smiled. “She’s probably renamed it by now. Something dark. Mephistopheles Boutique or some shit.”

  “Might get you more business.”

  I lightly ran my fingers over the tattoo on my chest. A compass rose, the emblem for my store. My reminder to be my own person and chart my own course.

  “I like the name I chose,” I told him.

  He stopped to lean down and kiss me chastely on the forehead. “Me too.” He stood up, snapping my suitcase closed and dropping it to the ground on its wheels. “If you’re going to call her you better do it now. We have to leave soon.”

  “I’m not going to call her.”

  “You sure about that?”

  “Yes.”

  Kellen went to the phone and pushed the power button on the side, holding it out to me. “Jenna.”

  “No.” I stood up off the bed abruptly, grabbing the handle of my suitcase. “Ball is in her court. I’m not going to come begging, asking her to forgive me. I haven’t done anything wrong, not this time. We’ve apologized for everything else so many times and she said before that we were okay. I’m not going back to square one every time you and I move on with our lives. What will we do? Apologize again when the wedding comes around? Will I have to come crawling to her asking forgiveness and permission when we have our first kid? No, enough is enough. If she wants to be petty and angry then she can do it on her own time. I’m not going to stress it anymore because I’ll spend my entire life worrying about her and not enjoying a damn thing in my world. It’s selfish and unfair and I won’t facilitate it.”

  “Jenna,” he repeated calmly. “It’s dead.”

  I stared at him dumbfounded. “I—it’s what?!”

  He lobbed it to me. “It’s dead. Probably has been for days.”

  “No, but it was fully charged.” I pushed the same button he had and got a red lightning bolt on the screen, nothing else. It was dead. “Son of a bitch.”

  “Did you bring a charger?”

  “Yeah, of course, but it… crap!”

  He opened the door to the hallway, rolling his suitcase out. “We’ll charge it at the airport. We don’t have time right now.”

  I nodded numbly, stashing the phone in my pocket and pulling my suitcase obediently behind me into the hall. I followed Kellen’s back, my blood rushing in my ears. How long had it been dead? Had she tried to call me and I didn’t answer? Was she pissed at me because she thought I was shutting her out? Why had the motherfucking thing died?!?!

  “Jenna,” Sorcha said happily, pulling me out of my rage. She opened her arms to me and I stepped into the warm embrace. “It’s been grand havin’ ya here, darlin’. Ya have to come back to visit soon.”

  “Of course we will. Thank you so much for having us.”

  “Always. Ya always have a home here with us, do ya hear me, Kellen?” she asked meaningfully over my shoulder.

  I stepped out of the way for Kellen to hug her as well, nodding his head and grinning. “I hear you, Sorcha. I’ll be back, I swear it.”

  “Christmas. We want you for Christmas.”

  “We’ll make it happen.”

  “Grand.” She kissed his cheek and patted his shoulder, tears in her eyes that she stoically kept free from her voice. “And ya send us photographs of the wedding.”

  “Of course.”

  Sean said similar goodbyes, more hugs and kisses went around, and then Mason was there in the driveway ready to take us into The Pale. The rest of the family had made their goodbyes last night at dinner; even Grania. She and Kellen hadn’t said much to each other but there was no anger between them. Only a sort of grudging respect and a whole lot of distance, none of which I understood but I didn’t concern myself with it either. Kellen was a grown-ass man. He could handle his own business.

  I was quiet on the way to the airport, choosing to sit comfortably in the cramped backseat of Mason’s small car listening to the boys go on about boxing and music, watching the windows fog and blur the world outside. It was raining again. Ireland rained us in and it would rain us out, and I wished I could bottle the scent and take it with me home to California where we’d no doubt head into a drought this summer and forest fires would sprout like weeds in the desert. Kellen would be called in. He’d find a job this year, I had no doubt about it, and he’d go to work fighting fires full time.

  That thought left me cold, shivering against the doorframe and pulling my coat tighter around myself. I felt the bulk of the cell phone tucked in my pocket, dead and useless, and my stomach flipped with worry.

  I was a quivering mass of raw nerves by the time we reached the airport.

  Mason gave us each a hug, me a kiss on the cheek, and wished us safe travels. He said something in Gaelic, Kellen repeated it back with a chuckle, and I stood there nervous and stupid as they unloaded my bag from the trunk.

  “We’ll check in and head for a coffee shop,” Kellen assured me. He didn’t need to ask what my problem was. He knew me well enough to know. “They’ll have a power outlet. You can charge the phone there.”

  I grinned at him appreciatively. “Thanks, Kellen.”

  “No problem. We’ll get it sorted out.”

  The line to check in took forever because that was how international travel was, but luckily once we were through customs it was a breeze to find a café with an open charging port. The phone didn’t even have enough juice to turn on while plugged into the wall so I sat with Kellen and a cup of coffee, twitching my foot sporadically while we waited.

  “What if she says no?” he asked me easily, taking a sip of his drink.

  “It won’t matter. I already married you, remember? A few times.”

  He smiled and nodded, looking away and not believing a word of it. He knew my relationship with Laney. He knew how much she meant to me even when she hurt me and he understood that I couldn’t walk away the way he did. I wouldn’t want to.

  I also knew I wouldn’t give him up for her. I’d ride this storm for as long as she raged it and someday when she calmed and ran out of steam things would change. They’d get better, easier. Someday she’d get married and Kellen and I would be absolved. We’d be free.

  Like prisoners finally pardoned.

  I groaned roughly. My body fell forward until my face was pressed to the bleach scented table top and I breathed against it, covering it with fog.

  Kellen reached out and rubbed my shoulders firmly, loosening the tension between the blades on my back and into my neck. The base of my scalp. It felt amazing. He was amazing and I felt like a shit for being so weak when it came to Laney. But if anyone appreciate needing time, asking for patient and understanding, it was Kellen, and that’s what he gave there in that café. Time, patience, silent support, and the greatest shoulder rub I’d ever had in my life.

  After a while he leaned forward and kissed the back of my neck. “It’s charged.”

  I sat up slowly, throwing my hair over my head and out of my face. The phone was turning on, finally powered enough to function. I waited with trepidation but also a growing annoyance. Not with Laney or the phone, but with myself.

  “I’d tell her tough shit,” I said to Kellen, looking up from the phone. His eyes met mine impassively. “If she tells me no, and she probably will even though no one has asked her permission, I’ll tell her tough shit. This is my life. Our life and it’s not her call how we live it or when.”

  Kellen watched me silently for a few seconds, his eyes searching mine. I didn’t blink. I didn’t flinch or falter.

  Finally he nodded once. “Okay.”

  “Okay.”

  We watched each other silently as we waited for the phone to power up. I heard it go through its opening screen. Beep when it was ready for its first command. It was only when it dinged with a new voicemail notification that I looked away.

  I saw the clock first and realized that we were running low on time. Kellen stood to throw our cups away and when he made it back I had gotten into the voicemail.

  There were a lot of them.

  “Whoa,” I muttered.

  “What?”

  “There are six voicemails on here.”

  “Some could be your dad’s from work.”

  “He checks it remotely.” I keyed in the security code he gave me and started listening.

  Jenna, honey, it’s Mom. Hey, I just wanted to check in with you and see how you’re doing. How’s the trip going? Make sure to take lots of pictures of Kellen with his family. We’re dying to see them. We miss you. Have fun, you two! Give him our love and tell him how excited we are about the engagement! Love you.”

  I smiled, skipping to the next one.

  “I’m guessing that one wasn’t Laney,” Kellen commented dryly.

  “No. My mom. She wanted to know how we were doing and remind us how excited they are a—oh, hold on!”

  Jenna, call me back.

  I frowned, deleting the message.

  “That one was definitely Laney,” Kellen observed.

  “Yeah. It was short. Just said to call her.”

  Jenna, seriously, call me immediately. Tonight!

  I went to the fourth message.

  What the hell, Jenna? I’m supposed to be mad at you, bitch! Not the other way around. Call. Me.

  Are you kidding me? Are you serious? What the fuck?! Call me!

  Hey, hope you’re having a great time on your vacation with Dickbag. Such a great time that you’re totally abandoning me when I fucking need you! CALL ME!

  A crease had formed between Kellen’s brows, tight and annoyed. He could hear the messages through the phone’s speaker getting progressively louder. The last one, however, was different. Jarringly so.

  Jenna, Laney said pathetically, stopping to sniff. Please, please call me back. I’m so freaked out. I’m not mad. I don’t care about you and Kellen. I need your help. Please.

  “Oh shit.”

  “What?”

  The intercom over us came alive. It was the first boarding call for our flight.

  “She was crying in the last one,” I explained in a hurry, dialing her number. “She was really upset. She said she didn’t care about you and I and that she was freaked out about something and needs my help. She—dammit!” I cursed the phone as Laney’s voicemail picked up.

  “Jenna, we gotta move,” Kellen reminded me. He grabbed both of our bags and started rolling them out of the café.

  “I know. I know. Just let me leave this message.” I waited for the beep and spoke quickly into the phone, standing up to follow Kellen. “Hey, Lane, it’s me. I’m sorry. I wasn’t ignoring your calls. The stupid phone died and I didn’t know it. Not until just now and we’re getting on our flight and I’ll be in the air for like eight hours. But call me. Either on this phone in the next few minutes or leave me a message on my cell and let me know what’s going on. I’m worried about you. I love you. Bye.”

  We boarded the flight with plenty of time to spare but the phone never rang. Finally we were taking off and I had to shut it down again.

  I didn’t sleep a wink on the entire flight home.

  When we landed I had my cell phone in my hand before the wheels were all on the ground. Kellen sat patiently and silently beside me, pulling out his own phone and powering it up. I glared at him when I heard his beep first.

  “What?” he chuckled. “It’s not a race.”

  “We have the same provider. How are you getting service and I’m not yet.”

  “My phone is better.” He smiled to himself as he read a text, then he frowned. “Huh.”

  “What?”

  “It’s a message from Tim. He signed me up for a tournament.”

  “He does that all the time.”

  “Yeah, but this one has a championship out of state.”

  “It’s a big one?”

  “A huge one.”

  “Where’s the final bout?”

  He put down his phone and leveled me in his gaze. “Las fucking Vegas.”

  I balked. “No!”

  “Yes.”

  “That’s insane. When?”

  “When is the first bout or when is the championship?”

  “Both.”

  He looked back to his phone. “First bout is next week. Championship is…three months. In March.”

  “Is it at one of the hotels?”

  “No,” he laughed. “It’s not that big of a fight. It’ll be at a local gym but definitely one of the better ones. Probably one where some of the local pros train.”

  My phone finally pinged, grabbing my attention. “You’re gonna do it right?”

  “I’ll think about it.”

  Text message from Sam. Text from Callum. Sam. Callum. What the hell was happening here? I’d have to sort it out later.

  “You’re doing it,” I told Kellen.

  There it was! Text from Laney.

  Call me when you land.

  “There’s no saying I’ll make it to the championship.”

  I gave him a dubious look. “Are you for real?”

  He shrugged. “I might make it.”

  I continued to stare at him.

  “Fine, I’ll probably make it.”