“Yeah, well, most trips go off without a hitch, but it’s always good to be prepared.”

  Ben followed Ike outside and watched, noting how Ike was using this time to teach all the bachelors how to pack a load for the mule.

  “The idea is to pack everything we need without putting too much weight on the mule.” Ike eyed the pile as if doing weight calculations in his mind. Ike’s horse, a beautiful Tennessee walker, whinnied from the corral as if he was getting excited about the adventure they’d be going on. The mule stood next to the horse, eyeing everyone with curiosity.

  Another truck parked next to Ben’s, and he wasn’t surprised by who else showed up to watch Ike pack. Annie strode up and eyed one of the canvas tarps—manties. Ike spread the two manties flat and then arranged the gear along the diagonal of each one. The piles next to the manties had sleeping bags, clothes, food, cooking gear, and grain for the horse and mule, among other things.

  “The items lying directly on the manties are against the mule. That’s why I start with something soft like a tent or sleeping pad,” Ike explained.

  Ben, Annie, and the bachelors stood next to the corral and watched as Ike packed the two manties, folded them, tied them up, and weighed them. Amazingly, they were within four pounds of each other. Ben knew it must have taken a lot of trial and error over time to figure that out.

  Annie smiled like a proud parent when he’d finished. “You did a mighty fine job, Ike. It seems you’ve been taught well.”

  “That’s the easy part.” He stood, blew out a breath, and placed a fist on each of his hips.

  Ben replayed the steps in his mind. “Really, why?”

  “The harder part is attaching everything to the pack mule once you get up the trailhead. You’ll kill the mule if you don’t fix the loads and the ropes. Each pack mule has 160 feet of rope on it. There’s the manty rope, sling rope, and lead rope. One rope knotted up wrong can cause a load to shift and take the mule down a ravine.”

  The horse and the mule watched from the corral. Ben reached up and patted the top of the mule’s head. He had the urge to stroke her long ears, but he refrained.

  “So, do you know where you’re going?” Annie asked.

  “The Scapegoat Wilderness.”

  Annie eyed Ike. Then she turned to Ben and let her gaze sweep over the bachelors. “I’m going to run to the store. I’ll be right back.”

  She returned a little later with hot dogs and buns and gave them to the bachelors, who eagerly started a fire in the fire pit. The aroma caused Ben’s stomach to churn. It seemed like the perfect afternoon with the laughter of the guys and the abundance of hot dogs. Yet even as he finished his third hot dog, Ben knew he needed to head out soon. He’d promised Marianna he’d stop by. And for the first time since he’d met her, he worried about where their conversation would go. Wondered if Marianna would have questions he couldn’t answer about their wedding. If she had finally figured out that marrying him would bring too many challenges that she didn’t want to face.

  Yet, instead of leaving, Ben squatted by the fire next to Ike. “One horse for three people?” He chuckled. “Ike, it looks like you’re walking.”

  The laughter of the others joined in.

  Ike shook his head. “We’ll take turns. It’s a beautiful country either way. I promise you, you won’t mind the walk.”

  When the hot dogs were finished, a group of the bachelors moved across the dirt road and returned with a hand-cranked ice cream machine. Ben’s stomach fluttered with excitement as if he was a little kid again. He’d always loved watching ice cream being made, and he and his cousins would take turns turning the crank over and over at his grandparents’ house. The young men seemed proud as they set up the ice cream churn on a stump in Ike’s yard and added the ingredients.

  “A little treat before you head off into the wilderness,” the red-headed bachelor said, bringing Ben a small bowl. “Can’t get this up there in the Bob Marshall.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Ike smirked. “If you can pack it on a mule, it can go up. I’ve been on a trip once when an ice-cream churn just like this was taken up to the Danaher Valley.”

  “I can beat that.” Annie strode toward the fire and sat on a stump next to Ike. “I have a friend who hauled a piano up there. I never thought it possible until I saw how carefully he loaded the mule.” She chuckled. “That’s the thing about us old outfitters. If you think something can’t be done, it’s almost a dare.”

  “I was counting on that.” Ike leaned over as if he wanted to give Annie a side hug but then straightened just before his arm wrapped around her shoulder. “I saw some items in the back of your truck. And I feel you headed out for more than hot dogs.” He winked. “What did I forget?”

  “You got what you need, I suppose. You know enough to get up there and back without much trouble.” She smiled. “I’ve actually come to help Ben. This is his first time in the mountains, and I want him to be prepared.” She shrugged. “Or maybe it’s because I know he’ll listen to me.” She stood and eyed Ben as if testing to see if he would let her boss him around, and then she motioned to her truck.

  “Of course I’ll listen to you, Annie.” He rose and followed her. “I’ve learned over the years that I need to listen when you talk.”

  Ike was right about Annie having a few things in the back of her truck. There was a backpack, some type of waist pack, and at least two dozen other items.

  She picked up a small bag that looked as if it had something rolled inside. “I’m sending you my wickiup. It’s a tarp that’s rubberized on one side. It only weighs a couple of pounds, but I don’t leave home without it. If something happens to your tent, you can set it up for a covering.” She held up the bundle so he could see it better. “There are rings on this bag, which can be used to tie it to the saddle or your backpack.”

  “I just assumed we’d sleep under the stars.”

  Annie leveled a gaze at him. “This isn’t camping in your backyard, Ben. We’re talking about real wilderness, unlike many places in the US. The Bob is beautiful, but it’s no picnic. It’s big and wild, and honestly, there’s no place I’d rather be.”

  Ben furrowed his brow. “That’s surprising. You seem so content at the store.”

  “I love my store. I love the people, but it’s an all-day, everyday thing. I don’t regret moving up this way and setting down roots.” She released a heavy sigh. “I just wish…” Annie shook her head. “Let’s not get distracted. We’re here to get you set up for your big adventure.”

  Annie watched as Ike loaded his many packs in the back of the truck with the trailer he’d borrowed for Ben to drive tomorrow, and then she turned to Ben. “Do you have a backpack?”

  “A small one. Just something I picked up from the sporting goods store.”

  “How about a waist pack?”

  “Can’t say I do.”

  Annie pointed at the packs in the bed of her truck. “That’s what I thought, and that’s why I brought these. I can’t in good conscience send you out without being prepared.”

  She had him try on the large hiking backpack, adjusting it to his frame. And then she started adding items, explaining what each was for.

  By the time Annie was done, the backpack bulged. “I seem to remember this.” He chuckled. “The same thing happened when my mom packed me up to go to my first Boy Scout camp.” He cast a crooked grin. “I think we forgot to pack the Pop-Tarts.”

  Annie didn’t seem quite as amused. “No, we only packed things to keep you alive. You’ll have to pack your own Pop-Tarts next time.”

  Then she started on his waist pack next. “Pretty much everything needs to stay in this bag for protection.” She held up a large, clear Ziploc bag. “Everything needs to be kept dry, especially you. Getting wet means hypothermia. Be careful crossing rivers and creeks.”

  Annie added items to the Ziploc bag: a map, mittens, and a stocking cap. A small notepad and pencil.

  “What’s that for?” He pointed to the pad and pencil.

  “It’s great to have along to keep track of things you forgot. Or things you would like to have brought. That way, you can reflect on it for the next trip.”

  “And…”

  Annie shrugged. “And you can guess. If you’re in trouble, you can leave notes for someone who might be looking for you.”

  “Or write a song?” Ben started to hum.

  “Yes, I suppose there’s always that.”

  “Is there room for my cell phone in there?” he teased.

  “You think there’s cell service in those parts? Half of Montana doesn’t have service, especially not the wilderness areas.” Annie eyed him. “If you take it, you might be able to find a signal from a high peak, but I don’t have a solar charger. Then again, I wouldn’t bother. It’ll probably be impossible to reach a peak if something happens.”

  “If something happens? You’re the second person who’s said that.”

  She eyed his ripped skinny jeans and fitted T-shirt. “You may be a rock star, but this is the wilderness, Ben. So much can go wrong, but at least you won’t be unprepared. I saw Marianna in her dress, and I have to make sure you make it back so she can wear it.” Annie nodded. “Yes, you’re not gonna wanna miss that.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Friday, June 30, West Kootenai, Montana

  All it took was Annie’s mention of Marianna and her dress to snap Ben back to reality. He loved her, and more than anything, Ben wanted to see her walking down the aisle in the wedding dress she’d picked out.

  As soon as Annie finished loading his waist pack, Ben said goodbye to Ike and to Abe, who’d just shown up. Then he headed out with promises to meet them bright and early in the morning and to make sure he did laundry before then so he didn’t look like a rock star in ripped skinny jeans up on the trail.

  Ben parked his truck in the driveway of the Sommers’ home. Before he even got out, Marianna exited the door with a tentative look. As he approached, Marianna tried to hide her laughter as she noticed what he wore. “Well, Dat told me you were supposed to be packing over at Ike’s, but it seems you perhaps were putting on a concert?”

  He glanced down at his skinny jeans. “Don’t tell me you don’t like how my legs look in these?”

  She pointed to the rips in the knees. “And don’t tell me that you bought them that way. They look like they need some serious mending.”

  Ben took the front porch steps two at a time. Her smile and laughter made him forget what they’d been arguing about.

  “There. It was worth wearing these jeans to see that smile.” Ben swept Marianna into his arms. “I can’t explain it, Mari, but from that first fifteen minutes of meeting you, I wanted to know you better. How you bossed that train attendant and nearly climbed into the train compartment for your missing box was amazing. And then how you cared for your young brothers and sister with such tenderness—you were beautiful, unlike any woman I’d met.”

  “Ja, well, I’m surprised you also didn’t notice my anger for Dat bringing us to Montana. Although, it’s hard to stay mad when one’s gazing upon such beauty as the mountains and becoming curious about the handsome Englisch driver.”

  Ben stood straighter. “So you thought I was handsome—even from that first day?”

  “I’d be lying to say I didn’t.” She leaned into him, resting her cheek on his chest with his arms wrapped around her.

  “You know, holding you, I’m suddenly wondering why I agreed with your dat to go up into the Bob Marshall with him and Ike.”

  “Well, Dat’s determined it’s for a reason, and you know that says a lot. After years of never even reading a Bible for himself, Dat believes that God has a purpose.”

  “That’s good, then, but I’m still going to miss you.”

  He tucked a finger under her chin, tilted up her face, and placed a soft kiss on her lips. “Just that I know you’ll be waiting. That’s all that matters.” His voice was soft and husky.

  They moved to the porch swing and sat side by side. Ben thought about telling her what Stacy Cannon had said—that the media were already planning to come to West Kootenai to invade their privacy and photograph their wedding. Still, he didn’t want to ruin this moment. He’d talk to Marianna about it after he got back. Tonight he simply wanted to enjoy this beautiful woman by his side. Talk of the wedding could wait.

  “You know, Ben, what we have is beautiful. Some people never get this. Sometimes I wonder why God chose me to have such a blessing. Just when I thought I was giving up everything by coming to Montana, God gave me you.”

  Marianna’s words were like a gut punch. Ben sucked in a breath as the pain coursed through him. He knew she meant well, but her words were exactly what he’d been trying to keep out of his mind.

  Some people never got this.

  Again, Jason’s face came into his memories. Jason had always been the one to do everything right, until Ben had thought it would be funny to have some fun with him, to get him drunk… and then left him to die.

  Beside him, Marianna kicked her legs to make the swing rock, and he suddenly felt horrible again. The words from Hannah’s text replayed in his thoughts. I don’t understand how you can go on with life after you took my brother’s. It’s not fair that you get what my brother never got a chance to have.

  And Ben knew Hannah was right.

  Friday, June 30, West Kootenai, Montana

  The warm June day cooled quickly as the afternoon slipped into evening, but Marianna didn’t want to go in. Not when she had Ben by her side. Not when she felt at peace with him again.

  Part of her couldn’t believe this was really happening. Ben loved her, and she’d dared to open her heart to him. They were to be married soon. The loving was easy. It was figuring out all the days to come that were harder, starting with the wedding.

  “I know we made a date for September, but all the opinions and talk about our wedding hurt my head.” She pressed her fingertips to her temples. “Some days I think we should simply stand before a minister—you and me—yet I know doing that would hurt my mother’s heart.”

  Marianna placed her cheek on his shoulder and continued to kick her feet to propel the swing, expecting Ben to chime in and say that sooner was better for him. Ben’s playfulness was something she especially loved about him. But instead, he sat there silent, looking ahead as if she’d never spoken.

  After a few uncomfortable minutes, Marianna lifted her cheek from his shoulder.

  Ben shuffled his feet and turned to her frowning. “Listen, I think we need to take time and think about this. We don’t have to stick to that date in September. You are right. We should choose another day.”

  Tension moved to Marianna’s neck like a vise grip clamped down her hairline. “That’s not what I said, Ben. You’re putting words into my mouth.”

  “I’m trying to listen and understand what you really need.” His voice lowered, and he released a frustrated sigh. “You grew up with weddings one way, and honestly, I still don’t get what’s important and what’s not. But I do think we need to pick a different date. Why don’t we both take some time and think about what matters, and then we can talk about it. I’d rather not talk about it anymore tonight, though. I was just enjoying our time together. I’m leaving for a week, remember?”

  Marianna nodded, but deep down, she wondered if it was an excuse. An uneasy feeling came over her. Had she done something wrong? Ben had been acting different since he’d returned from his last concert tour. Something had changed—he’d changed—and she couldn’t figure out why.

  “Ben.” She spoke his name softly and waited. His head was lowered, and he fiddled with his hands, clenching and unclenching his fists as if he was trying to find relief from the tension she felt radiating off him.

  “Ben,” she repeated.

  Finally, he looked up. His gaze was sad as he focused on hers.

  “I need time to figure things out,” he said. “I don’t think you know what you’re getting yourself into, Marianna. The wedding is just one thing. But these clothes, the concerts, my fans…there’s this whole other part of me you don’t know. There are other things…” His voice trailed off as if he were changing his mind about what he wanted to say. He sighed. “You’ve already had to make so many changes, and I think these details about the wedding are just the tip of the iceberg.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “What I wanted most—to be known and to have my music hit the charts—is still part of me. Part of what I do. As much as I want us to enjoy a private life up here, it’s not going to happen. And I’m not sure you’re ready for all of it.”

  “All of what? Ben, you’re not making any sense.” Marianna’s mouth grew dry. She held her breath, expecting his frown to smooth and his tone to soften. She waited for him to explain that they’d face any challenges together.

  Instead, he rose. “My life—the whole other part of me⁠—well, I don’t think you’re ready for that. For you to accept that part of me, it’ll bring too many changes…hurt too many people. And maybe all the burdens and regrets I carry around with me will also. I just need time to think.”

  Ben turned his back to her, tucking his hands into his jeans pockets. And as she looked at him—in his edgy musician clothes—suddenly Marianna was unsure if she knew him anymore. From the time she’d met Ben, Marianna had been drawn to him and he to her. Yet it was the Montana Ben she knew, not the rocker Ben. And while she still loved him, an invisible wall had been erected between them.

  Marianna rose, too, and brushed the back of her skirt. “I suppose there’s nothing else to talk about, then. I hope you have a safe trip. I believe my father is right—you do need time to get away and think.”

  Then, with determined steps, Marianna moved across the front porch and slipped inside the front door of her house. She paused at the door and listened, waiting to hear Ben’s footsteps leaving the porch.

  But deep down she hoped, more than anything, that he’d softly knock on the door and ask for one more kiss. Tell her that things would work out. Say that he’d made a mistake. Marianna wanted Ben to wrap her up in his arms and say that no matter what conflicts arose, he still wanted to marry her, but that didn’t happen. Instead, she heard his footsteps and then the roar of the truck engine as he left.