“Kingdom or not, I am still a princess,” I whispered. I would have ruled at some point in the future, perhaps long years ahead, but I would have been expected to make hard decisions that were often unpopular.

  “What?” Herne asked, glancing at me.

  I shook my head. “Just thinking.”

  Yutani turned in time to meet my gaze and my blood began to burn. He was dangerous, a forest fire waiting to explode, but that made him all the more attractive and I suddenly understood that I needed that fire—that rush—to meet and match my own energy. It wasn’t that Yutani couldn’t be tamed that attracted me, it was my untamable nature that needed a match.

  I raised my fingers to my lips and then held up my palm to him, and his eyes glowed—the deep chocolate blending with golden topaz.

  Next to him, Wendy and Wager whispered so softly that I couldn’t catch what they were saying. As I was about to lean past Herne to say something to them both, Cernunnos motioned to one of his servants, who hit a large gong with a mallet that was as tall as he was. The reverberation echoed through the chamber, ricocheting off the walls.

  We quieted down, waiting as a group of guards escorted in the prisoners. There were eight men altogether—eight left alive—and each man was watched over by three guards, except Kilnakarn, who was in the middle of six guards flanking him in all directions. Behind them followed a drummer, beating out a strong percussive beat, echoing their footsteps against the floor of the throne room.

  Cernunnos waited till they reached the throne. The guards forced the captives down on their knees, and then stood back. Cernunnos stood, holding his staff beside him, his cloak thrown back to reveal the muscles that almost flexed on their own.

  One of the guards stepped forward and turned to face the prisoners. “Kilnakarn, you and your guards are hereby charged with kidnapping, forced slavery, sexual slavery, and torture in the case of Princess Lyrical Muirín. You are charged with the murders of the Ante-Fae Rake, and the murder of Gerry Smith, a raven shifter. Stand and answer the charges against you.”

  Kilnakarn slowly rose to his feet. I wanted to dive for cover, to avoid his gaze. I fought the panic down. He was chained, his hands and feet shackled. He couldn’t escape, not from here. Not today.

  My heart plunged as I dove down in the deep. I turned to face Kilnakarn—to look him in the eyes. So many memories raced through my thoughts—images and screams and waves of pain that had echoed through my body from Kilnakarn’s attentions.

  As I held his gaze, I saw the insolence that had preceded every time he raped me, every beating, every whipping…instead of leather, he had used jellyfish tentacles, leaving excruciating needles of pain to ripple through my muscles and nervous system. When I had defied him, he ordered his men to use me, and they had thought of games to play with me that I’d never reveal to a living soul.

  Instead of cowering, though, now I straightened. He was the one in chains. He was the one was facing punishment now. And I was no longer the princess, but the queen here. Cernunnos had offered me back my power, and I knew exactly what I was going to ask for.

  Kilnakarn, who had never once looked frightened in all the time I had spent in his presence, flinched, and I saw a flicker of doubt linger in his gaze. I stared at him harder, my lips curving with a cold smile, and he began to shift, glancing from me to Cernunnos.

  “I am King of the Colkerny Kelpie Pod. You cannot hold me prisoner. I have sovereign rights,” he said, turning to Cernunnos. “I demand satisfaction.” But his voice was uncertain, and I wondered if he finally realized that he was facing an actual god.

  “And I am Cernunnos, Lord of the Forest, consort to Morgana, Queen of Fae,” Cernunnos said, his arms still crossed. “You are in Annwn, in my realm, and I have sole authority here.”

  “Then do what you plan on doing—but know this, my people will seek revenge against you and your bitch wife and all who follow you.” Kilnakarn knew he was fucked. I wondered why he wasn’t trying any of his magical tricks. Maybe he couldn’t.

  “Your people will mourn your loss at sea, and while another may come to power as vile as you, that’s for another day. Your men shall live out their days in the deep dungeons of my palace, until their deaths. As for you…” Cernunnos turned to me. “I have elected to allow one of your victims to choose your fate.” He motioned for me to come forward.

  I sucked in a deep breath and stepped toward the throne.

  “Princess Lyrical Willow Muirín of the Limerick Leannan Sidhe, stand forth. I hereby give you the power to sentence King Kilnakarn, as so you will, save for freedom. Choose his punishment wisely. Be certain of what you can live with, and choose that which will set you free.” Cernunnos tapped his staff on the floor three times and a resounding vibration rippled through the room with each tap.

  I bowed to him, then turned to Kilnakarn. I’d dreamt of this day for so long, but had never imagined I’d ever truly be granted my wish. And now…now that it had actually come true, what was I going to do?

  Kilnakarn met my gaze with the same contempt he had turned on me before. So many times. I had longed for this—the chance to exact vengeance. Killing him outright seemed too easy, though it also seemed the smartest route to take. But I wanted him to suffer.

  I turned back to Cernunnos. “Can you promise me he’ll never again see the light of day?”

  Cernunnos nodded. “I’ve upgraded security. I promise on my oath that he will never walk under the open sky again. He’ll never see the outer world again, if you chose to imprison him.”

  I thought over my options a while longer, and no one urged me to hurry. Kilnakarn was too strong. He was too healthy, too robust. I wanted him to know what it felt like to be vulnerable and weak, to be at the mercy of his captors.

  “May I speak to you in private?” I asked.

  Cernunnos motioned for me to ascend the steps of the throne and for his guards to move Kilnakarn to where he couldn’t hear. After we were settled, he gave me the go-ahead.

  “What do you need?”

  “I want to drain him of his chi—down to where he’s weak. Is there a way to make certain he doesn’t regain his strength, but lives as a pale shadow of himself? And is there a way to prevent him from returning to this world again? From reincarnating?” I wasn’t sure if it was within Cernunnos’s realm to grant that, but it was worth asking.

  He regarded me somberly, then said, “There is a way.” He motioned to one of his servants. “Summon Nuometar to the throne room.” Then he motioned to the guards. “Take the prisoners over to the corner and wait.”

  I started to descend the steps, but Cernunnos stopped me. “Wait. It won’t take long.”

  Herne and the others looked at me expectantly, but I was too deep in my thoughts to answer. A few minutes later, the door to the throne room opened and a tall Elf, with skin the color of silver and eyes the color of ice, entered the room. The temperature dropped as he strode over to the throne, his ass-length silver hair as icy as the rest of him.

  Cernunnos beckoned Nuometar to join us. “Tell Nuometar what you want to do.”

  I blinked. Without context, my request was bound to sound ruthless, but I didn’t care. “I want to remove someone from the Wheel when they die. And until then, I want to drain their powers as well as their chi—permanently. I want them to know what it’s like to be weak, at the mercy of everyone around them.”

  Nuometar shot a look at Cernunnos. “It can be done. I can formulate two potions, one for each action, that your victim will drink.”

  “He’s no victim,” I snapped before I could stop myself.

  “Pardon my wording,” Nuometar said. “I will return with the potions within the hour.”

  As he silently took his leave, I watched him go. “Who is that?”

  “He’s a priest of Cerridwen, a high priest. He stays here for…reasons of his own. You will have your wish. After you drain him, Kilnakarn will live out his days in my dungeons in a weakened and vulnerable state. And when he dies, the Eternal Return will not sweep him up in the Wheel. His energy will be transformed and returned to the core, and his spirit will vanish into the realms of history.” Cernunnos paused, then added, “You have chosen a harsh sentence.”

  “He’s a harsh and merciless being. He’s destroyed more lives than you can count, in unthinkable fashions. Kilnakarn keeps alligators and crocodiles as pets. I’ve watched him abuse young men, and then feed them to the crocs alive while he and his men bet on how long it would take, on how much screaming there would be…on how much would be left.”

  Cernunnos said nothing, merely held my gaze.

  I drew my hand across my eyes as tears welled up. “I’ve seen too much. I wonder if Sejun can ever save me from my memories.” The part of me I kept rigidly locked away was threatening to break free. “I don’t want to think,” I whispered. “I hate silence, because then I think. And when I think, I feel like I’m walking on a tightrope over a lake of roiling waves. Sometimes it would be easier to let go and drop, to let the waves take me under.”

  The god slowly reached out and placed a hand on my shoulder. “War wounds. These are war wounds, Lyrical. Many carry dark memories from their personal battles. I’ve called for Sejun to visit today. When this is over, he’ll be waiting for you.”

  I held onto that thin rope. “Thank you,” I whispered.

  “Look at me,” Cernunnos said.

  I looked into his eyes, and fell into the deep molten chocolate that welcomed me in.

  “You can survive this. Sejun will help you. You are broken now, but he will help you learn to rise out of being a victim and you will be strong and resilient. These wounds will make you more compassionate, and yet they will also give you the strength to do what you know you must. The strongest warriors aren’t those who have never been struck in battle. They’re the ones who have been wounded to the core and returned. Because they understand how deep pain can cut, and they can make better decisions about which battles to fight, and which to walk away from.” He patted my arm. “No one can change the past, but we can learn to live with it and make it work for us, instead of holding us captive.”

  At that moment, Nuometar appeared again, with two bottles. He joined us.

  “Here, these are for you,” he said, handing the potions to me.

  “You mean these are for Kilnakarn, right?”

  He shook his head. “No, they’re for you to drink, to give you the powers to do what you seek to do.”

  I stared at them for a moment, wondering if this could be a test. Was he telling the truth? Would this be a placebo, or was it real? Or was it poison? Was I causing trouble? Paranoia ran hand in hand with fear and sprang from dark memories.

  But then, I looked over at Kilnakarn and I knew… I knew this was absolutely the path I had to take. I shrugged off the fears and upended them both, one after another, drinking deep. The heady nectar stung on my tongue, like a fine but vintage alcohol, and then the concoctions began to flood my senses, and I felt like I was growing—taller and stronger and the whole world began to sparkle.

  Cernunnos had called back his guards and the prisoners. He took a long look at me then said, “Whenever you choose, Lyrical. But act soon, while the potions are effective.”

  Somehow, I knew exactly what I needed to do.

  I stepped down the stairs and walked over to Kilnakarn. “I sentence you to a life in the deepest caves of the world, shut away from all that is life and joy, shut away from all that is light and new. I sentence you to a life lived in a feeble body, waiting for death to claim you, in solitude with no one but your reflection to talk to. And once you die, I sentence you to obliteration. I remove you from the Wheel, never to turn again, never to cycle back to the world in a new form. I sentence you to the end of all things. May the gods have mercy on your soul, because I won’t.”

  Kilnakarn gasped and this time, the fear was real. “You’re taking me out of the Wheel?”

  “I’m taking you out of the Wheel. It will never again turn for you, never again spin for you. There will be no future. No past. No present. You will die and be forgotten. You will die and go into the shadows of the void, and never again emerge. You will be nothing.” I felt like a soothsayer, and my voice soared in the throne room, echoing from wall to wall.

  Herne and the others stared at me, and I met their gaze, feeling terrifying and beautiful, as though I was touching the edge of the divine.

  I walked over to Kilnakarn and the guards pushed him onto his knees, on a velvet-covered bench. I knelt beside him as he stammered, pleading with his eyes.

  “Don’t do this—please,” and this time the fear was raw.

  “How many times did I plead those same words to you? How many times did I beg for you to stop hurting me? How many times did I crawl on my knees, screaming for you to stop hurting those children? How many times did you laugh in my face?” I wanted to slap him, to spit at him, to kick him like he had kicked me. And when he was down, I wanted to kick him again. But I refrained. I was the Ice Queen, and I would not yield to base crudeness.

  “I’m sorry, please—I didn’t mean—”

  But I cut him off. “Oh please, you all say you’re sorry when you’re caught. If you had gotten away with me today, you’d already be torturing me. And you’d laugh with your men while you burned me with your cigar butts and joked about what you could do to me to make me beg for death. Be a man and admit what you are.”

  He froze, then slowly straightened and by the light in his eyes, I could see he was back. “I am King Kilnakarn, Lord of the Colkerny Kelpies. I will meet my death as I have lived my life—with the fierceness of my race, with the dignity of my station. Bring it on, Princess. Give me your best shot.”

  I stepped up to him and—with the guards holding him tight—I fastened my lips on his. I began to draw out his chi, making it hurt. Every second became a year, and I dragged out the process, making every whisper of life force that I stole an agony. Kilnakarn shuddered, but the guards held him fast and I drew more and more chi as it flooded my body, buoying me up. I rejoiced over every drop, and with each breath I soared, high on the power.

  And then—I sensed he was on the end of his lifeline and I broke away, shaking my head. “I won’t kill you, but you’ll live in this weakened state the rest of your days. All the while knowing you’re facing oblivion. May you feast on your misery, and may you rejoice knowing the world will forget you.”

  Kilnakarn dropped over the bench, so weak he couldn’t move. But he gave me one last look, and from the bleak depths of his stare, he whispered, “I suppose, in the end, you win this one. I’d do it all again, though, if given the choice. For this is who I am.”

  I took one last look at him before the guards carried him away, taking his men with him. And then I turned back to the others. Yutani stepped forward and opened his arms. Shaking, unable to stop, unable to speak, I stumbled forward and he gathered me into his embrace. I dropped my head back and, as the sheer trauma of the day took over, I collapsed, and blessed darkness embraced me.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  As my eyes opened, I found myself in a bed. I sat up to find Yutani sitting beside me. He was watching me, and I wondered how long I’d been out.

  “What time is it?”

  “Morning. You were out all night. Sejun was here, and he did some work with you while you were unconscious. I stayed here, don’t worry. But you should feel a bit better. I hope.” He looked uncertain. “I’m not sure what to say. I have no context for what just happened.”

  I pushed myself up to sit against the headboard. “I can’t even begin to explain what happened yesterday. I had no clue Cernunnos was going to give me the choice of what to do about Kilnakarn.” I felt different. Lighter, in some ways, but odd. “I’m not sure what happened to me during…when I drained Kilnakarn of his energy.”

  “Sejun told me your aura seems…changed. I asked Herne to talk to Nuometar about those potions.” Yutani gnawed on his bottom lip. “I’m not sure how to tell you this, but you need to know.”

  “Need to know what?” Worried, I leaned forward. “What went on during that exchange?”

  “Um…the potion didn’t just allow you to drain him of his chi permanently.” Yutani looked like he’d eaten something that disagreed with him.

  I stiffened. “What the hell are you talking about? The fact that he won’t be able to reincarnate?”

  “Um, no. Not exactly, though that’s a given, too.” He tugged at the collar of his T-shirt. It had the logo of a band on it, one I’d never heard of—A Pale Horse Named Death.

  “Then what are you talking about?” I hated it when people danced around a topic. I always preferred tackling something head-on.

  “Okay,” he said, taking a deep breath. “Here’s the thing. As a Kelpie, Kilnakarn had a few innate abilities. It seems the potion drained some of those away and transferred them permanently to you.” The words rushed out like a river over a broken dam.

  I sat there, trying to absorb what he was telling me. “So, you’re saying I transferred some of Kilnakarn’s powers into me?” The thought made me want to puke. “Holy fuck, does that mean I’m going to become like him?” My voice began to spiral as a wave of panic swept through me.

  “No, no! It doesn’t mean anything of the sort!” Yutani jumped up as I scrambled to get out of the bed. He grabbed me by the shoulders. “It doesn’t mean that—you aren’t going to become his clone or anything like that. I promise you.”

  I shivered. “But part of him is inside me now—inside my soul.”

  “I think you should talk to Sejun. He can explain it better than I’m doing. Please, don’t panic. That’s not at all what it means. Let me get Sejun?” He pushed me back on the bed. “Stay here, promise me? Don’t go anywhere till I bring Sejun.”

  I struggled to stay where I was sitting. The thought of having any part of Kilnakarn connected to me made me want to vomit, but I did my best. I brought my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them, resting my forehead on them.