“Come on. Let’s sit in the car till Akron gets here.” She led me over to the car, gently helping me into the front seat. She closed the door once I was in, then walked around to take the driver’s seat. After a few minutes of silence, during which I managed to collect myself, Raven turned to me.

  “I get your anger. I’ve been there. After what Pandora did to me, I was out of control. Rafé, a dear friend, went through the same thing…well, similar. He and I both went to counseling and it helped. I can call Sejun and request an appointment for you. I know you may not want to hear this, but before you accidentally hurt one of your friends, you need to talk to him.”

  I stared at the dashboard. “I thought I could walk away from this. I thought I could put it behind me…”

  “That’s what I thought. But it’s not true. You can’t bottle something up and not expect it to explode.” She gently reached out and I took her hand, holding tightly.

  “I don’t know if I want to put it behind me. I can’t forgive him—and I can’t forgive anybody who pulls crap like he did!” Torn, I wanted peace but I couldn’t face letting him get away with his abuse and torture.

  Raven snorted. “You think I forgive Pandora? You think Rafé forgave his torturers? Oh no, sweetie. No way. I still hate Pandora and I wish to hell she was mortal. That way, we could wipe her out. But it’s one thing to go up against your abusers and put a stop to what they do, and another to let them trigger you. Because the moment that trigger kicks in, you no longer have control. They’re still controlling your actions.”

  I sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I hadn’t thought of it that way. I guess I understand your reasoning. It makes sense to me. Everybody always blathers on about forgiving your abusers, and I can’t deal with that. To me, forgiveness means you condone what they do—you ‘wipe the slate clean’ and give them carte blanche. Or that they are so repentant that they’ll spend the rest of their lives trying to atone for what they did.”

  “Exactly. Forgiveness happens when the other person truly regrets what they did—at least in my opinion,” Raven said. “You can leave something behind, you can set it down and move on without the triggers hitting you. But the truth is, you’ll never be free of memories. That is one unfortunate truth. However, Sejun was able to help me let go of the triggers. He helped me regain my control and my power. I’m still scared that Pandora will show up to get revenge on me, but I don’t go into panic mode now.”

  I paused, then asked, “If you don’t want to answer, that’s fine. But what did Pandora do to you?”

  Raven paused, then brushed her hand across her eyes. “She captured me. She ripped off my fingernails with pliers, and pulled out some of my teeth. She kept me in iron chains, which burned my wrists and ankles, and…she seriously bruised me up. I was a mess when Ember and Herne rescued me. Actually, a dragon did the heavy lifting part in rescuing me. Ashera. I need to get in touch with her, find out if she stayed around. She’s a water dragon.”

  Her words were flat, heavy with memory but not with pain. She had made it through her dark night.

  “I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m sorry that happened.”

  “Pandora’s bumfuck cray-cray. She aligned herself with the Luminous Warriors, and I’m not sure what the hell’s going on with her now. I didn’t know she was a goddess when I met her. She befriended me, and then…” Raven shrugged. “Nobody ever said life is easy.”

  “No, but you’d think we’d get an instruction book when we’re born,” I said, a brief smile breaking through my thoughts. “All right. Can you put me in touch with Sejun? I guess it’s time to face the past and walk through the fire.”

  Raven gave me a bright smile. “For me it was the darkness…but regardless of what form our personal demons take, it’s a journey. I’ll talk to him and get back to you.”

  I worried my lip. Nothing would ever change the fact that I was a predator, but even I could see how deeply scarred I’d become, and how that might—at some time—backfire and land on my friends. And since my friends might as well be my family, that was the last thing I wanted to happen. It was time to face the shadows, whether or not I thought I was ready.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  The next morning, I was so full of chi from the coyote shifter that I woke up early, bounced out of bed, and hopped right in the shower. But the downside was that draining chi was so connected with my sexuality that I was also horny as hell. I’d thought about Yutani when we got home, but that was a can of worms we were cautious about. With his need to dominate, and my fears of being held captive, it always seemed like a disaster waiting to happen. And I couldn’t even use the excuse of being hungry for chi, because I’d practically drained the coyote shifter.

  Akron had arrived, and while he cleaned up the corpses, Kipa and his elite guards had taken the surviving shifters over to Annwn, to dump them in Cernunnos’s dungeon where they’d live out the rest of their lives in the dark and the dank. The gods didn’t play when it came to punishment.

  With no other option, I dug out my waterproof vibrator, sitting back on the shower seat as I held it tight against my clit, trying to keep my moans quiet as I squeezed my nipples with my other hand. I had no problem polishing myself off when necessary, though it was usually more fun with a willing partner. But I was on edge, and before I could even fire up a fantasy in my mind, my body outstripped me. I came, quick and hard, then I came again, and a third time. The waves of orgasm eased the cramps out of my abdomen.

  Satisfied, though still craving touch, I washed up, then dried my hair and applied my makeup. I loved the ritual of getting ready for work. Back when I was home, before I’d ever heard of Kilnakarn, my days had been full but not fulfilling.

  As I looked back at the life I had led, I realized that although I was a princess, I wasn’t cut out for royal life. I had passed my days with a tutor when younger, learning to govern in case the rule should someday fall to me. But mostly, I was left alone. I spent my days reading, walking the grounds of the courts, in silence rather than take part in the endless, boring gatherings where the talk mostly ran to choosing husbands and lovers.

  Feeling satisfied and satiated, I slid into a pair of black jeans and then put on my boots. I chose one of my acrylic-boned corsets. This one had a print that was black with white swords and red roses, zipping up the front and then cinching it with a black sparkly belt. I pulled my hair back with a sparkling crimson headband. As I observed myself in the mirror, I realized that, even with all my baggage, I was happy.

  “You ready?” Yutani called from the living room.

  I slung my tote over my shoulder, then headed out, shutting the bedroom door behind me. “Ready,” I said.

  “You look good,” he said, staring at me. Yutani was blunt, not very good at acknowledging the social niceties. But I didn’t mind that. At least I knew where I stood with him.

  “Thanks. Hey, I’m taking my car today.” We rode together about half the time. “I thought…Raven’s going to set up a meeting for me with Sejun,” I blurted out. “After last night, I think I need to talk to someone.”

  Yutani’s intense stare mellowed. “I think you’re making a wise decision. I was hoping you’d come around about talking to a therapist, and Sejun is one of the best. Elves make excellent therapists, regardless of the fact that they always seem to have a stick up their butt. Sejun helped both Raven and Rafé. You never met him—he died during a mission. It was…bad.”

  “What was he like?” I asked as we headed for the door.

  “Rafé was the brother of Raven’s late fiancé. He came to work for us. He was Dark Fae, but he was the black sheep of his family. Rafé was a good person. He ended up on the wrong end of the Tuathan Brotherhood—an underground domestic terrorist movement that was active then. He went in undercover for us, and they found out he wasn’t who he said he was.”

  I shivered. “That must have been…”

  “Yeah, it was. By the time we rescued him, he was broken and battered. He was on a downward spiral, until Herne got him in to see Sejun. It took time, but he managed to come back to us, only to be murdered shortly afterward. It wasn’t an easy death, either.” Yutani shook his head. “We all blame ourselves for that, including Raven.”

  I was about to ask why, but then decided I didn’t want to stir up bad memories. They had obviously cared about Rafé, and equally obviously, they missed him.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, heading for my car. “I’ll see you there!”

  “Drive safe!” Yutani called back, sliding into his Subaru.

  As I turned the ignition and eased out of the driveway, I thought about the Wild Hunt. Herne had created a family with the agency, not simply a group of employees. And I now belonged to that family. They felt responsibility for each other, and they mourned each loss, and rejoiced with each victory. That alone made me determined to keep my word and talk to Sejun. I didn’t want my issues to put another member of the Wild Hunt in danger, and I knew without a doubt that would happen if I didn’t face and overcome my demons.

  The clouds were threatening rain. May was still considered part of the rainy season, which, for Seattle, ran from September through June. I actually loved the weather. The constant drizzle and the proximity to the ocean gave me strength. I loved watching the elementals play in the water, and sometimes I wished I’d been born a selkie so I could swim out in seal form and explore the depths of the lakes and ocean.

  I swung off the 520 bridge as the freeway curved to the left, the 520 merging onto I-5. It was a harrowing merge, given the gridlock that was ever present at this time of day. Two lanes split into four, not including turn lanes. All were packed, and I felt like I was playing Russian roulette every time I sped up to make the transition. I’d hold my breath and whisper a prayer to Ember. Given she’d driven these streets like I had, I figured I stood a better chance with her than Morgana watching over me as I drove. Though I also felt ridiculous. The prayer couldn’t change anything. Ember couldn’t interfere, since she was home in Annwn, pregnant with triplets. Having met the gods made me so much more aware of their limitations, as well as the scope of their power.

  But Morgana did rescue you, so the gods can save lives, came a little whisper from the back of my mind. I rolled my eyes, not wanting to get into an argument with myself.

  As I took the exit for James Street, I noticed the construction bustling around the area. Downtown Seattle, right near where the Wild Hunt building was located, had been hit worst in the dragon fracas. But the rubble was being cleared away, new buildings were going up, old buildings that had been damaged but were salvageable were being repaired, and it seemed like a boom time in the city.

  James merged into Yesler Way, and I hung a left onto First Avenue and slowed as I approached the Wild Hunt. I turned into the parking garage below the building. It was small, but could conveniently fit all our cars and clients’ vehicles as well. There was both a stairwell and an elevator going up, both of which were locked at night.

  I grabbed my purse, then headed toward the stairs and jogged up to the main floor to push through the door. Bulletproof windows, floor to ceiling, lined the main entrance. Opening the door, I swung inside.

  There, Talia sat at her desk, waiting to greet people. Yutani wanted to hire a real receptionist so that Talia could go back to being a full-time investigator. Herne had okayed the idea, but we had to wait till we found the right person, because we couldn’t recruit just anybody off the street. Even when we did find someone capable of doing the job, and capable of being loyal, they would have to agree to all the specifics, basically pledging their life to the Wild Hunt.

  Talia waved at me. She looked like a fit and sturdy woman in her mid-sixties who had let her hair go silver, but in reality, she was a harpy. Her powers had been drained by a liche centuries ago, and Herne had saved her life. Morgana had given her the choice of assuming a glamour so that her appearance didn’t frighten others, since Talia was doomed to live among humans and Otherkin. Talia had chosen an unassuming appearance so she could pass easily, neither gorgeous nor butt-ugly.

  “Morning,” she said, glancing up at me. “Meeting at nine. Herne’s here.”

  I blinked. “I wonder what’s up.”

  “I don’t know, but he looks fit to be tied. I think something’s gone down because he barely grumbled a good-morning to me, and he’s never rude.” She raised her eyebrows.

  “Great, that’s just what we need, a grumpy god on our hands.” I snickered. “I’m headed to my office to drop off my purse and get my tablet—”

  “Hurry. You don’t want to piss him off this morning.”

  I took her cue and darted to my office, which was nice and spacious. When Herne had ordered the building rebuilt, he had spared no expense. From what I heard, the old building was cramped and everybody was squeezed onto one floor, but now we had the entire building, two floors, and it was all ours, which meant good-sized offices for everybody, a real armory that wasn’t in a supply closet, two full bathrooms complete with showers, a locker room so everybody could store extra clothes should a case leave us dirty and muddy, and Herne had even asked the contractor to build a small private gym with weights, machines, and a training area for martial arts. We still went outside to practice our bows and arrows because it wasn’t smart to do so in an enclosed room, but most everything else we could do in the gym.

  I had a window overlooking the alley. It was in the same basic location that Ember’s office had been, but at least twice as large, and far more comfortable. I dropped my purse off at my desk, grabbed my tablet, and headed for the break room.

  Herne was there, as were Wager and Wendy. Wendy was the brawn of our group, though she was also smart as a whip. She was an Amazon who had been exiled from Themiscyra, and she had originally gone to work at Ginty’s Waystation Bar & Grill. When the Waystation closed down for a while during the whole mess with the dragons, she had come to work for the newly re-formed Wild Hunt. She was striking. Six foot two, with rich black skin and silver hair that she kept in a mohawk, she was strong as an ox and as formidable as a bear.

  I slid into a chair next to her. “Hey.”

  “What’s shakin’?” she asked.

  “Got into a rumble last night with the coyote shifters who I pissed off a few months back,” I said, feeling a little conspicuous. I snuck a peek at Herne, but he didn’t seem to be paying attention. He was focused on a file folder, flipping through the pages as he shook his head.

  Wager raised his eyebrows. “Well, I’m glad we could be there. I wasn’t surprised to see you and Raven took out a couple by the time we got there.”

  I caught his gaze. He’d witnessed my little meltdown. “Yeah, I’m kind of surprised that any of them survived.”

  He went back to reading the news on his tablet. Moments later Talia and Yutani entered the room, followed by Kipa. As soon as they sat down, Herne leaned forward, a cross look on his face. He was usually in good spirits, so I was surprised to see the irritation.

  “Thank you all for being prompt,” he said. “We have an issue, and my mother asked me to bring it to you. We’re back to dealing with the bullshit between Saílle and Névé.”

  Yutani groaned. “Lovely.”

  “I know,” Herne said. “I was hoping that working together during the dragon scare might influence them for the better, but it’s so engrained that the animosity’s never going to end.”

  “It’s inborn,” Talia said. “The Fae are born to fight. Both courts will forever seek dominance. Neither side understands balance, and while they logically know that they need each other to survive, logic loses when it comes to this deep of a grudge. The elements constantly battle, and so do the Fae.”

  “Talia’s right,” I said. “I was brought up to loathe the Dark Fae.”

  “Lovely,” Wager said.

  “Please don’t take offense. You’re part Fae. You know about the war.”

  “True enough,” he said with a grin.

  “Obviously, I’ve learned to rise above that, but my years under Kilnakarn’s subjugation didn’t help matters any.” Out of curiosity, I asked, “How did Ember cope with being part Light and part Dark?”

  “By walking away from both sides, until she came to work here. Then she had to face the fact that she belonged to both courts, even though neither court wanted her.” Herne frowned. “I know it’s inborn, but I wish that Saílle and Névé could put a lid on it. I suppose you can’t breed that natural animosity out of them, either.”

  “What’s going on?” Yutani asked.

  “My parents suspect that Névé has her court mages working on weather spells, a direct violation of the United Coalition’s rulings about weather magic. Since it affects the entire planet it becomes a federal crime when you mess with the weather. Sovereign nations like the Fae Courts are not considered free from this constraint. They don’t have the authority to supersede the law in this case.”

  He slapped the file on the table. “I’m not sure what the hell to do. If we approach her, you know she’s going to hide what they’re doing. Ember can’t go in, even though she offered. Triplets aren’t the same as one baby, and Ferosyn has already told her he’ll confine her to bed if she doesn’t chill out. You know if she confronts Névé, there will be hell to pay.”

  “Lyrical is a princess,” Yutani said.

  “Yeah, but would they welcome me? I wonder if they’ve heard I was ostracized from my family and cast out? Is there some way we can find out?” While the minor queens and kings of the Fae Courts weren’t generally known outside of their regions, if Névé had heard of me, she sure as hell wouldn’t welcome me with open arms.

  “Hmm,” Herne said, staring at me. “I wonder. Let me ask Morgana what she thinks. If we can send you in as visiting royalty, you might be able to ferret out what Névé’s up to.” He jumped up and headed toward the door. His phone rang and he glanced at it. “I have to take this call.”