“Yeah, and we have an appointment. We need to get going. Good to see you, Sam,” he replied and opened the door for me.

  “You too!” she called out, but he didn’t look back.

  He couldn’t get out of there fast enough. Was he embarrassed of me? The idea that he didn’t want people other than the family to know I was pregnant with his baby made my stomach sink. When we reached his truck, he opened the door and helped me up more forcefully than necessary before heading to the driver’s side.

  I buckled and willed myself not to get emotional about this. I was so done with crying about crap. Especially since it always revolved around him. He slammed his door and gripped the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles turned white. The veins on his neck stood out, and his nostrils flared.

  “Saxon?” I said his name softly, hoping he didn’t turn on me.

  “You should have worn a shirt over that top,” he said, turning his head toward me.

  “We are supposed to wear this. It’s part of the uniform,” I explained.

  “Have you fucked him?” His question sounded like a snarl.

  “Who? Trace?” I asked, horrified.

  “Whoever the fuck that son of a bitch was in there, touching you.”

  “God, no. He’s a slut.”

  Saxon seemed to ease somewhat, but not completely. He wasn’t jealous. Right? This was just about the baby. Did he think I had sex a lot? Was that it? He thought he was having a kid with someone who had slept around?

  I fisted my hands in my lap and decided this was one of those times I had to be strong. I could do this without getting sick. He needed to know.

  “I’ve only ever slept with you.”

  “Haisley, don’t. I know what a virgin is.”

  Closing my eyes tightly, I inhaled. I didn’t want to talk about this. “A hymen can be broken other ways.”

  There was a moment of silence before he responded. “Sure. Yeah. I know it can. I don’t want to upset you or fight. I’m trying to get along with you,” Saxon replied, but I knew he didn’t believe me. He was just saying it to end the conversation.

  I hated that he thought I was like my mom.

  “When I was ten, my stepfather … he did things to me and my sister. He stuck things in us. I think … I think he probably did more to Jamaica. She was quieter. I fought back.” The sick bile in my throat as I said the words aloud for the first time to anyone burned. I wasn’t sure I could say more. I’d shocked myself by blurting it out.

  The warmth of his hand covered mine, and I let out a small sob.

  “You don’t have to say any more. I’m sorry. That’s hard to hear. I can’t imagine how hard it is to tell.”

  The rawness in his voice undid me, and I let out another sob.

  “Fuck,” he whispered, and his hand left me.

  I felt the center between us move away and opened my eyes to see it gone.

  “Come here.” Saxon pulled me over to him and held me.

  I clung to him, desperate for the only affection I had known. Saxon was the first person who had shown me true affection. I hungered for it. When he offered it now, I wanted to hold on as long as I could. I never knew when I would get it again. Or if this would be the last time.

  His hand ran down over my hair as he pressed a kiss to my temple. “You give me a name, and I’ll kill him,” he said against my head.

  I let out a strangled laugh, then shook my head. “He’s my three youngest siblings’ dad. They’re all boys, and he’s a good dad to them.”

  Saxon tensed. “Is he still in that trailer?”

  “No. He’s been gone for years.”

  I could stay like this for hours, but I knew I had a doctor’s appointment. One I didn’t want to make us late for.

  I pulled back and wiped at my face. “Sorry. I’ve never said that out loud to anyone before,” I told him.

  He cupped my face and looked at me. “If you need to talk about it, I’ll listen.” He paused, and a pained look crossed his face. “I might end up killing him. But I’ll listen.”

  I rubbed my cheeks with my palms and shook my head. “I’m fine. I swear. I just had to … I didn’t want you to think I was like that. I mean, I had sex with you after seven days. That didn’t make me look good.” I forced a smile and moved off him and back over to my seat.

  He let out a deep sigh, then started the truck. We rode in silence to the doctor’s office.

  When he parked the truck, he looked at me. “You good?” he asked.

  I nodded.

  “I’ll help you down,” he said before climbing out of the truck and coming over to open my door.

  He reached up and took my waist the way he used to do, then set me down. He didn’t hold me against him like he used to, but then I hadn’t expected that. Instead, he let me go, stepped back, and closed the door, then clicked the fob in his hand to lock the car.

  We made our way to the white coastal building that reminded me of an expensive beach home. Inside, everything was white and sea blue. The lady behind the desk looked to be in her late forties, but she still gave Saxon a long, appreciative once-over. It was annoying, but I couldn’t blame her. He was in jeans and a fitted black sweater. The man was sexy.

  “Haisley Slate?” the lady asked as we approached.

  “Yes,” I replied.

  She smiled and handed me a clipboard with a pen. “We have most of your personal information, but we need your medical history filled out.”

  I took it and went to sit in one of the comfortable, plush chairs in the small waiting room.

  Saxon took the seat across from me, and I focused on answering the questions to the best of my knowledge. When I was done, I started to stand up, but Saxon reached out and took it, then walked it back to the lady.

  “You both can come on back,” she told him.

  I stood up, and we went through the door. A younger woman met us. She was petite with short, curly brown hair and wearing scrubs.

  “Let’s go ahead and weigh you,” she said. “Then, we’ll get a urine sample before heading back to the room.”

  I went to the scale and stepped on. I watched as it settled on one hundred eighteen pounds. That wasn’t bad. I had worried I was under one fifteen. I was quickly gaining back the weight I’d lost with the food Saxon provided. The milk was probably helping too.

  She then checked my height. “Five-five and a half,” she announced then pointed to the restroom door. “When you’re done, go right down this hallway to room two,” she told me, then looked at Saxon. “You can go on in and wait for her there.”

  He glanced at me before following the girl to the room. I handled the urine sample business, then hurried to room two. Saxon was standing with his arms crossed over his chest, looking at the stages of a baby’s growth in the womb that hung on the wall.

  When he turned to look at me, he nodded his head to one of the pictures. “Our kid currently looks like an alien,” he said.

  I went over to look at the pictures, and it surprised me how much it looked like a baby already. I had expected it to still look like a pea.

  “It has toes,” I pointed out.

  The door opened then, and a short woman with wiry red hair and glasses entered. She smiled at me. “Hello, Haisley. I’m Dr. James, but you can call me Bess. I’m not big on formalities. Now, you are ten weeks today, according to your last period. Is that correct?” she asked, looking at me from the chart in her hands.

  “Yes,” I replied.

  “We are technically supposed to hear the baby’s heartbeat with a Doppler. You just hit ten weeks so it could be difficult to find but we could try it, or we could take you to the room across the hall and listen to it via a vaginal ultrasound.”

  A vaginal ultrasound sounded terrifying. I had no idea what that was, but it didn’t sound good.

  I looked at Saxon nervously. “Uh, maybe we could try the Doppler first?” I asked.

  She smiled and nodded. “Of course. Hop up, and we will give it a try.”

  I climbed onto the table, and she had me lie back, then pulled up my shirt to expose my still-flat stomach. I realized I was nervous. What if she couldn’t find a heartbeat? I turned to look up at Saxon as she put something warm on my stomach. His eyes met mine, and I wondered if he was nervous, or maybe he would be relieved if there was no heartbeat. I didn’t want to think about that.

  “This might take a few minutes,” the doctor said as she moved the Doppler around my stomach. The warm stuff she’d put on me before made it slide around easily. “Oh!” she said, smiling so brightly that I felt my heart slam into my chest.

  I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding.

  “That’s it.”

  The fast thudding suddenly became the most important thing in my life. My eyes filled with tears and blurred my vision as the sound filled the room. Saxon’s hand covered mine, and I turned my palm up to thread my fingers through his. He squeezed, and I looked up at him. There was an awed look on his face that made me want to laugh and cry at the same time. It was overwhelming.

  “It’s a nice, strong one hundred sixty-two. That’s right where it needs to be,” she said, then reached over and handed me a tissue. “It’s emotional, hearing that sound. Especially the first time. I’ll step out, and you can undress from the waist down. Then, get back up here and cover up with this blanket.” She handed me a soft, folded cloth.

  “Okay. Thank you,” I replied, taking it.

  She went to the door, and I stood up.

  “I’ll, uh, step out,” Saxon said before walking to the door.

  If we were a regular expectant couple, he would sit in here while I changed, but we weren’t. I wouldn’t let it get me down. Not after hearing the heartbeat. My baby was okay. It had a strong heartbeat. I smiled the rest of the appointment. My chest was so full of joy that it ached.

  Sixteen

  Saxon

  Trev sat down on a bale of hay and studied me for a moment. I’d called him because I needed to talk to someone. Taking Haisley to the yoga studio this morning after the shit that bastard pulled yesterday, touching her, had been fucking hard. Since coming back to the stables, I felt like I was going to crawl out of my skin. I couldn’t focus. I wanted to go back to that damn studio and make sure everyone understood Haisley was off-limits. At least she had on a top that covered her tits today. Had I known she was going to wear a top that looked like the red one she’d worn at the house to do yoga, I’d have bought her bigger ones immediately. Not that the bigger size covered all I wanted them to. You could still see they were fucking big and bouncy and—

  Dammit!

  “So, y’all aren’t fucking?” Trev asked again.

  Why had I called him? Had I really thought he’d be helpful?

  “NO! We aren’t doing anything. She ended shit with me. Remember? Shut me out. Completely ghosted me.”

  Trev nodded. “And now, she’s pregnant with your baby, living in your house.”

  I threw up my hands in frustration. “SO! That means I just go back to the way we were? She’s knocked up, and I’m now in her life by force. She didn’t want me in her life. Now, she has no fucking choice. I don’t want to be a forced choice. I want to be someone’s first choice. I want to be with someone who wants me,” I shouted.

  I needed to calm down. This wasn’t shit I wanted the entire stables to know about.

  “You heard the heartbeat. It got to you,” Trev said.

  Hell yeah, it had gotten to me. It had made my knees weak, and fuck if I hadn’t been on the verge of crying. No one prepared you for that. Ever. No one told you that this foreign thing in a woman’s body that you’d helped create would become real with that sound. SO fucking real. All I could think about was, I wanted them. I wanted both of them. I didn’t want them to leave me. Ever. I wanted to be there for every moment that kid had in life. Not seeing it every other weekend or whatever bullshit arrangement we came up with.

  “Forget about the past. You’ve got to let that shit go. Do you want her? Are you attracted to her?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Yes. Of course. Have you looked at her?”

  Trev shrugged. “Dude, I can’t see past Gypsi. Other women don’t rank anymore.”

  I sank down on the bench and dropped my head in my hands.

  “It’s more than, is she hot? Do you want her? Would being with her be enough for you? Would she be it? The one who blinds you to all other females?”

  Fuck. “Yeah,” I admitted.

  “Then, you gotta put on that good-guy charm shit you are so good at. Make her want you the same way. Not because she’s your baby momma. Because you’re you. Fuck, if I hadn’t gotten my head on straight, you could have upped and snatched Gypsi from me. Then, I’d have had to kill my best friend. You got some powerful mojo, dude. You know the right things to say and do. You have that thoughtful, romantic shit perfected. Use it. Make her fall in love with you.”

  I lifted my head to look at him. “I don’t know how to do it with her. There’s so much shit between us now. How would I even start? It’s like going backward.”

  “I can’t believe you’re asking me, of all people, this.” Trev’s grin just pissed me off. “You’re the expert. But I suggest doing things for her she’d like. Don’t focus on the sexual part. Focus on the friendship part. It worked with Gypsi.”

  This time, I laughed. “You did the friendship thing for maybe a week, and then you two were fucking like damn bunnies.”

  Trev winked and stood up. “Because it works. She was in love with me so damn fast that she couldn’t get her panties off quick enough.”

  I groaned. “I don’t want to hear about your sex life.”

  “And I’m not about to give you details. Just think about something that would make her happy and do it. Build on that. Show her the Saxon Houston charm, and she’ll be climbing all over you in no time.”

  “I’m not trying to fuck her,” I told him.

  He smirked. “Yeah, you are. You want her love, but you also want between her legs. Don’t try to lie to me. I know you too well.”

  He was right. I wanted my mouth on her tits and my dick buried in her so bad that I couldn’t fucking see straight. But more than that, I wanted her to choose me. To want me. I guessed hell had frozen over because I was about to take advice from Trev.

  Opening the door to the house, I stood back and let Haisley walk in first. I was nervous. I had been since I’d decided to do this. Try and charm her or whatever shit it was Trev had said I did well. She walked inside and took off the jean coat of mine she was wearing, then paused. Her eyes widened, and she looked at me, then started walking toward the living room.

  The scent of pine from the tree I’d had cut down and brought in today had filled the entire house. It was hard to miss when you walked inside.

  “Oh my God!” Haisley said with a squeal of delight. “It’s huge!”

  I followed her into the living room, where the ten-foot tree had been placed to the left of the fireplace that was rarely ever lit. She looked at me, smiling so damn big that my chest felt tight.

  “I’ve never had a tree at Christmas. This is … wow. It’s incredible.”

  We hadn’t even decorated it yet, and the way she was acting, it was already perfect. I couldn’t imagine not ever having a tree at Christmas. I hadn’t planned on getting one for the house since my parents had plenty to look at. Truth was, I’d been in a funk since Haisley had shut me out, and the holidays hadn’t meant much to me.

  “It’ll be better once we get those lights and decorations on it,” I told her, pointing to the bags sitting across the room.

  She looked at them, then back at me. “We?” she asked, her eyes dancing with excitement. “I get to help decorate it?”

  Damn, she was going to kill me. Slowly rip my heart out and destroy me. More so than before. Because this time, I was getting to really know her. Be around her. Find out about her life, her past. I hoped Trev was right, and it wasn’t me who ended up falling in love.

  “I’m sure as hell not decorating this thing alone,” I told her. “I bought the supplies for chocolate chip cookies and hot cocoa. We need to get those two things made and put on a cheesy-ass Christmas movie, and then we can start.”

  It was always the way Mom had us do it when I was a kid. She’d invite Trev over since whatever mom he had at that time hired people to do their trees. It hadn’t been until I was a teenager and stopped wanting to participate that my mom began hiring people to do ours too.

  Haisley sniffled, and I frowned, realizing her eyes were watering up.

  She smiled, then laughed as she wiped at the tears. “Ignore me. I get emotional easy. It’s the hormones.”

  Yep. I was fucked.

  “Okay,” she said brightly. “I’ll start on the cookies. You find the Christmas movie. I have no preference. I’ve seen very few.”

  I watched her walk to the kitchen and took a moment to appreciate her pregnant ass. It was fuller, and her hips seemed rounder. Tearing my eyes off her before I had a hard-on I couldn’t hide, I went to get the remote.

  “Do you prefer funny, romantic, traditional?” I asked her, flipping through the prime options.

  “There are funny ones?” she asked.

  “Christmas Vacation is the most-well-known funny one.”

  “Then, let’s do it.”

  I rented it, then went to get the lights out of the bag and get those started since they took up so much time. I hadn’t known if she would want white or colored lights, so I’d bought some that did both. You chose the speed and color with a remote.

  “You want colored lights or white lights?” I asked her.