I filled my glass with water. “I bought a jar of peanut butter last week. This week, it’s noodles. I’ll balance it out.”

  Milly shook her head. “You need to give this kid up for adoption if you’re not going to get an abortion. You can’t even feed yourself properly. How the fuck do you think you can feed a kid? And get it diapers and all that shit babies need?”

  The panic was creeping back in. I didn’t need to hear someone else remind me that I couldn’t afford a baby. It made it real. Not just a fear I could brush off.

  “At least tell the father. Even if he’s a loser, you can get some kind of help from him.”

  The words had almost tumbled out of me two weeks ago when he opened that door and looked at me. The fear of what Levi would do to me if he found out kept me silent. Then, the naked woman standing behind him helped seal my lips closed. He had moved on from me easily enough. Other than showing up at the trailer once, he let me go without much of a fight. I should be thankful since I didn’t want to die. But deep down, it had hurt right up until I saw those two pink lines. That was another level of fear that had pushed all other emotions aside.

  “I can handle it. I’m saving money. By the time the baby comes, I’ll be ready.”

  Milly walked over to the fridge and pulled out a box of leftover pizza. “Here, eat a slice of this at least. Noodles aren’t enough.”

  My mouth watered as I thought about pizza. How long had it been since I’d had something more than bread, noodles, or peanut butter? Two months. That was how long. I looked at the box, then back at Milly. She’d been very verbal about her food being off-limits while I was here. She was giving me a place to crash and helping me get a job, as a favor to Silver. But she wasn’t going to feed me.

  “Go ahead,” she said. “Eat a damn slice. But just one. The other one is my dinner.”

  “You’re sure?” I asked, wanting to grab a slice and shove it in my mouth.

  “Yes. Get a slice before I change my damn mind.” She opened it, and my stomach growled at the sight of veggies and meat that covered the slices. “Don’t eat it fast though. It will probably just come back up. You barely eat anything, and your stomach is the size of a fucking pea by now.”

  I reached in and took a slice of the old pizza. “Thanks.”

  “Yeah, yeah, whatever,” she replied, closing the lid.

  Unable to wait, I took a bite and fought back the moan of pleasure even if it was cold. It was more than I’d had since my mother had tossed me out. My thoughts went to the last slice of pizza I’d had, and I wished I could just forget it. All of it. Every moment.

  Two Months and One Week Ago

  “Sausage, bacon, and mushrooms, right?” Saxon asked me as he pulled out a large black cooler from the back of his truck.

  “Uh, is this a pizza question?”

  Last night, we’d talked on the phone for hours. He’d asked me about my favorite pizza, and I’d told him. But we were currently in the woods at a large tent he’d apparently put up earlier. There was no pizza around here.

  “Do you like those toppings on something else?” he teased.

  Unable not to smile when I thought about the night ahead and getting to be with Saxon alone, like this, I shrugged. “Maybe. I mean, it sounds like something that would be good on a hot dog or maybe smothered tots.”

  He paused, then nodded. “Fuck. You’re right. That sounds good. But, yeah, I’m talking about pizza.”

  Setting down the cooler, he opened it and pulled out a box of pizza from a place in town I’d never been to, but I recognized the name. It was popular.

  “Come with me,” he said.

  I walked over and fell into step beside him as he led me down a small path that opened up to what I assumed was the springs. Stepping onto a small deck that overlooked the crystal-clear water, he set the pizza down, then lowered himself, dangling his legs off the edge. I did the same and leaned forward to stare down at the smooth rocks beneath the water.

  “It’s so pretty,” I said in awe. I’d never seen water this clear.

  “Mineral springs,” he said to me, opening the box of pizza and taking out a slice. “Hungry?”

  He held the slice out to me, and it was surprisingly still warm. The cheese was melting off the side, and I could see the heat rising from it.

  “Yes, thank you,” I told him, taking the pizza and inhaling. I loved that smell.

  At home, I made whatever frozen boxed pizza was on sale that week, or we made bread pizza with slices of stale white bread, sauce, and cheese. They definitely didn’t compare to this.

  We ate in silence for a few minutes, and I enjoyed yet another delicious meal, thanks to Saxon. This week, he’d taken me to several restaurants. Each one seemed better than the last. However, this pizza, sitting out here, in a setting this breathtaking, alone with Saxon, made this one my favorite.

  “That good, huh?” he asked in an amused tone.

  Had I said that out loud?

  Saxon reached over and brushed his thumb over my bottom lip, then stuck it in his mouth and sucked. When he pulled it out, his eyes were still watching me. “I like the little noises you’re making. Please keep eating.”

  I swallowed the bite in my mouth. “I don’t make noises.” At least, I hoped not.

  He leaned closer to me and pressed his lips against mine. “Yeah, you do.”

  Was he teasing me? I started to say more when he reached for my half-eaten slice and set it down on the box, then cupped the side of my face with one hand while leaning in to kiss me again.

  Kissing Saxon had become my favorite thing in the world. No one had ever kissed me the way he did. Somehow, without words, he made me feel special and cherished. My body hummed with pleasure while my heart raced. Everything about him was perfect.

  Six

  Saxon

  Watching the female jockey who had ridden Rig in the Breeders’ Cup last month, I understood why my dad had replaced Manuel. Although Manuel was the one who had ridden Rig in the Kentucky Turf Cup, which got him into this year’s Breeders’ Cup. I’d been against his changing jockeys that close to the race, but this was business, and Allegra Grace was good. Better than good. She was possibly the best right now with the exception of Tony Hurst, but he had been on Hughes Farms’ Phantom. And they’d won. But Rig and Allegra had come in second.

  Allegra was coming out to ride Rig every few weeks to keep their relationship up. I knew we would be using her again on Rig, and she wanted the win. It was in her blood. She craved it.

  Allegra walked Rig over to the fence where I stood. She was tiny, but then she was a jockey. She might be five foot with her riding boots on. I doubted she weighed more than a hundred pounds. I knew under her riding helmet, she had light-brown hair with blonde streaks from being in the sun all the time. I liked her light-blue eyes the most. Well, that and her riding abilities.

  “Saxon Houston, is the rumor true?” she asked, smiling as she pulled off her helmet, then shook her shoulder-length hair.

  Another thing I knew about Allegra was that she was a flirt. I leaned on the fence and studied her. She had the cute thing going. Heart-shaped lips, perky and tiny nose, big blue eyes.

  “What rumor?” I asked.

  “That you’re available,” she replied with a grin that showed she had a dimple in her right cheek.

  “Have been for a while,” I replied.

  “You had a gorgeous brunette on your arm at the Breeders’ Cup.”

  Declan. Mom had invited her. I’d been forced to deal with her.

  “She’s an ex who won’t go away,” I explained. “You and Rig look good.” I changed the subject. “Think you two can bring home first place if we get him into one of the derby races?”

  She cocked an eyebrow as if I had asked her a ridiculous question. “You doubt me?”

  I didn’t point out that Phantom and Hurst, who had more wins under his belt than her, would more than likely be competition.

  I shrugged instead. “Just asking.”

  She nodded. “I know I can. Hughes might have the most wins and be known for their champions, but Phantom has nothing on Rig. Hurst got lucky. He won’t be next time.”

  I liked her outlook. I wasn’t so sure Rig was the better horse. I’d watched Hurst and Phantom on that track at the Breeders’ Cup. I was willing to admit they were an equal match. It had been a very close end.

  “So, you down here to watch me ride your horse, or are you down here just to check me out?” she asked, looking completely sure of herself.

  I doubted Allegra had been shy a day in her life.

  “My horse,” I replied, then smiled. “But you were an added bonus.” Not that she needed her ego stroked any more. But I could use a distraction, and Allegra seemed to be hinting.

  “Race is months away. We’ll be seeing a lot of each other,” she pointed out, looking pleased about that fact.

  “Yeah, we will,” I started to say more when Levi’s car pulled up to the stables.

  I turned to see if he was headed toward me or up to the house. Dad had gone inside an hour ago to get ready for a business meeting this evening at the Hugheses’.

  Levi’s gaze locked on mine, and I glanced back at Allegra.

  “I’ll, uh, see you later,” I told her, then headed toward Levi.

  This couldn’t be good. Normally, he’d call or text, and my phone was in my pocket. There had been no text or call.

  “What’s up?” I asked, already concerned by the scowl on his face.

  “Did you fuck Haisley Slate?” he asked me point-blank.

  What the hell? I stared at him, not sure why this was his business and why he looked pissed off about it. He knew I’d dated her for two weeks. I’d come clean about all that, and then she’d cut me out of her life like it had all meant nothing. Not one damn thing.

  “Please tell me you wore a goddamn condom,” he growled.

  This conversation was going in a direction I didn’t like.

  “You want details on my sex life?” I asked.

  Levi grabbed the front of my shirt and shook me as his eyes bored into mine. “Did you fuck her bare?!” he demanded.

  What was wrong with him? Jesus!

  “I used condoms!” I shouted, backing away from him.

  Levi was typically calm until he wasn’t. Then, he was fucking insane.

  “Every time?”

  He was looking at me as if he could detect any lie that came out of my mouth. If I hadn’t already lied to him once and gotten away with it, then I’d believe he could. Telling him that I’d pressured Haisley to skip work at the hospital to spend the day with me had seemed vital to protecting her. I wasn’t positive she’d not known AJ had planned to take Aspen. All I had known was I couldn’t let her pay for her hand in it if she had. But there was no reason to lie now.

  “For the most part. Why does this matter? I’ve been checked. I’m clean.”

  “Goddammit, Sax!” he roared and ran his hand through his hair.

  I watched him as he took a deep breath, and the niggling feeling I was getting about this entire conversation wasn’t good.

  “Why?” I demanded, needing to be told something to stop my imagination from taking over.

  “I decided to do a check on her. See if she was in Gainesville because of her brother and make sure his ass wasn’t trying to get closer to Ocala. What I found out was, she’s living in a dumpy-as-hell apartment, walking to that hotel to work every day, and she’s been to an OB-GYN and has a prescription for prenatal vitamins.”

  I shook my head. “I pulled out. It’s someone else’s.”

  She hadn’t been a virgin. She had been tight as fucking hell. I’d never fucked anyone that tight, but I wasn’t the one who had taken her virginity. She could have fucked someone else after me. Or before me. Both scenarios shouldn’t bother me but they did.

  “You sure? Because pulling out isn’t birth control. Tell me you’re not that stupid!”

  My palms were sweating. I couldn’t be one hundred percent sure I had gotten out of her in time. We’d been caught up in the moment. She’d felt good. Too good.

  “She would have told me. She was right there in front of me two weeks ago. She’d have said something.”

  Levi shook his head and let out a hard laugh. “You think? Because I doubt it.”

  I needed to think. Work this through. I’d go talk to her. Get a paternity test done. They could do that when she was pregnant. Right? Fuck, I didn’t know shit about pregnant women. Or babies. This was not my kid. She had dropped me so fucking fast. The fact that she could have dated me just to get close to me and allow her brother to take Aspen bothered me. I’d thought it more than once and I knew Levi had considered it. That’s why I’d lied to him before. If I had meant something to her, she wouldn’t have been able to drop me like she had. How did I know she wasn’t fucking someone else at that time?

  Levi shook his head. “I’m not saying shit to anyone. You decide what to do, then go talk to Blaise. He’ll be the one to make the final call on this.”

  I didn’t want to be a dad. Fuck, I was twenty-one years old, and Haisley couldn’t be trusted.

  “It’s not mine.”

  Levi scowled. “I fucking hope not.”

  “I’ll call her,” I finally said.

  “You can’t. She doesn’t have a phone.”

  “Yes, she does.”

  “Not anymore.”

  Fuck.

  “Okay, then text me her address.”

  “No. If you want to contact her, then you take it to Blaise.”

  I threw up my hands, frustrated. “Why? This isn’t family business.” I shouldn’t have to get permission to contact Haisley.

  “We don’t know she wasn’t helping her brother. The way shit went down leaves it up to question. She could have gotten close to you because he’d asked her to. AJ could have given her a text or something, wanting us to find them. It was fucking clear he hadn’t known what Gina would do. He was furious with Gina after he realized she’d used him. No matter, he’d still taken Aspen. He can’t be trusted, and neither can Haisley.”

  Levi’s reason pissed me off. Even though I thought I’d been used by Haisley, I didn’t like the way it sounded when someone else said it.

  “Whatever,” I said as acid burned my throat. “I don’t care. The baby isn’t mine.”

  Levi studied me for a moment. “Probably not. But next time, wear a fucking condom when you sink your dick in a cunt.”

  I didn’t say anything, only grunted once.

  “She’s trouble,” he reminded me.

  I nodded.

  I didn’t stand there and watch Levi walk back to his truck. I turned and went back to the fence, where I’d left Allegra. I needed a distraction. Something to get my head off Haisley and the fact that she was fucking pregnant. I just hoped this petite jockey could do the trick.

  Seven

  Haisley

  Two things to be thankful for this morning: it was seventy degrees with a breeze on my mile walk to the hotel, and one of my new roommates had given me her leftover fried rice from last night to eat this morning for breakfast. I was trying to make a habit of doing this every day on my walk—pick two things to be happy about. It would help me not think so much about the future. The stress wasn’t good for the baby. At least, that was what I’d heard on an episode of Friends.

  I rummaged through my bag to make sure I had my name tag. I didn’t remember where I had put it yesterday. My memory had been sporadic lately. I wondered if that was a pregnancy thing. If I wrote down my questions, I would remember to ask them at my next appointment with whatever doctor I saw.

  I’d been able to get Medicaid easily enough, but finding an OB-GYN willing to see me with Medicaid as a new patient had been a struggle. The clinic I had found wasn’t typical, and I felt like they were herding patients in and out as quickly as possible. I doubted they’d be real happy if I started asking a lot of questions.

  A wave of nausea hit me, and I paused. Uh-oh. Rice was not going to be fun, coming back up. The thought of it didn’t help matters. I was close enough to the parking lot of the hotel to walk over to the fence and lean up against it.

  Deep, slow breaths. I would not vomit. I would not vomit.

  A cold sweat broke out on my forehead.

  “What’s wrong?” an achingly familiar voice caused my head to snap up.

  Looking into Saxon Houston’s brown eyes, I didn’t have time to decide if he was really here or not before I had to turn and puke in the small patch of grass beside me. I heard him curse, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to laugh or cry. Another wave, and more fried rice reappeared. It was a shame. I loved fried rice, but there was no way I could ever eat it again.

  When I was sure I was done, I grabbed my bag to get out a tissue to wipe my face. He was still there, watching me like I was a freak. I refused to look at him as I dug around, pulled one out, and stood up straight, wiping my mouth.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked, my eyes barely looking at him before I shifted to look toward the hotel.

  He had probably had another wild night of sex. Just my luck, he had chosen the place I worked to be his sex pad.

  “Doesn’t matter. I have to go, or I’ll be late for work,” I said and took a step when Saxon moved in front of me.

  “You’re not going to work today,” he informed me.

  I glared up at him. He was the reason I was vomiting, living on a sofa bed in an apartment with strangers since Milly had been determined I get out of her place, working at a hotel where he liked to have sexcapades. Him!

  “Yes, I am.” I tried to step around him, and he moved with me, continuing to block me.

  Starting to panic—because if I was late to clock in, then I could get fired—I shoved at his chest with both my hands, but he didn’t budge.