More tears poured down my face as I held on to him. “Leaving you was never an option. I love you.”

  He pulled his head back and looked down at me. His face was breaking my heart. “You’re not leaving me?” he asked, looking frantic.

  “No.” I shook my head.

  He closed his eyes and let out a long, heavy breath. “Thank God.”

  I took a hand from around his back and reached up to cup the least injured side of his face gently and kissed the side of his mouth that wasn’t broken open and swollen.

  His hands fisted in my shirt, and he held me tighter.

  “Come inside. Eat something. Let me doctor your face,” I said, looking up into his eyes.

  “I just want to take you home,” he replied. “I’m afraid you’ll change your mind.”

  “Saxon, I won’t lie. I am struggling with this. But even last night, when it all happened, not once did leaving you cross my mind. I’m not going to change my mind. And you need to eat, and your face needs medicine. Your lip might need stitches.”

  He wrapped his arms further around me and held me against his chest. “Fuck, I love you so goddamn much, it hurts.”

  We stood like that for a few moments, and then I stepped back and reached for his hand. “Let’s go inside.”

  He threaded his fingers in mine, and we started for the door when he stopped.

  “Wait,” he said, then ran back to the truck and got something out of the front. He took long strides to get back to me, holding a plate with a sandwich, chips, and a brownie on it. Nothing had been touched. “Trinity brought me food out when I got here,” he explained.

  “Why didn’t you eat it?”

  He wrapped his free arm around my waist and pulled me against his side. “I didn’t have an appetite. I thought my reason for living hated me.”

  I shook my head. “I could never hate you.”

  He sighed. “Last night, when you wouldn’t let me touch you”—he shuddered—“fuck, that messed me up.”

  We reached the door, and I opened it. Saxon dropped his arm from my waist, and I went inside. The sound of the others came from the kitchen. Saxon closed the door behind him, and then his hand found mine, and he held it. With his need to touch me and the way he looked at me, I could tell he was scared. He didn’t trust that I wasn’t going to change my mind.

  He led me to the kitchen, and when we walked in, everyone stopped talking.

  “Thank fuck,” Kye said, staring at us.

  “You too? What happened to your face?” Trinity asked Saxon, then turned to frown at Kye.

  Kye shrugged, and I realized Saxon was glaring at him.

  “I’m good,” Saxon told her.

  “I want to doctor his face. Especially his lip,” I said. “Do you have some supplies?”

  Trinity stood up. “I’ll go get the stuff you need,” she replied.

  “Jesus, it’s a fucking busted lip. What he did to my nose is worse,” Kye grumbled. “No need to baby the fuck out of him.”

  “You did that?!” Aspen asked, sounding as upset as I was.

  Levi looked from Kye to Saxon, but said nothing.

  “Is it done?” Huck asked, scowling at both of them.

  Kye looked at Saxon, then shrugged. “Depends on him. He’s got some shit to work out.”

  “What did you say to him, Kye?” Levi asked, and his glare made me nervous.

  “Cleared something up,” Saxon said tightly. “Let’s not talk about it here.” His hand tightened on mine, and he pulled me closer.

  Huck looked at Levi, and then I saw some unspoken communication between Saxon and Levi as they stared at each other. Something had happened between the three of them- Levi, Kye and Saxon.

  Trinity walked back into the room with a first aid kit and handed it to me. “Here you go.”

  “Thanks,” I told her, then looked up at Saxon. “Let’s go clean this up first.”

  “Okay,” he replied, turning from the stare-off he and Levi had been having to me.

  I led him to the nearest bathroom, glad to be away from all of them for a moment. Whatever had happened between Saxon and Kye wasn’t over. At least not from the way Saxon had been glaring at him. I didn’t want Saxon to get hurt more.

  “Hey! If y’all do the make up and fuck thing, leave the door open so I can hear!” Kye called out.

  “KYE!” Trinity and Aspen shouted at the same time.

  Saxon tensed beside me. I tugged on his arm when he paused.

  “It’s okay. Come on,” I urged.

  The last thing I needed was for them to get in another fight.

  Saxon’s jaw was clenched, but he nodded and continued to the bathroom with me.

  I went inside first and nodded at the toilet. “Sit down,” I told him.

  He closed the lid and sat while I opened the kit to pull out the peroxide first. When I turned back to look at him, he was watching me with a look of adoration that made my stomach flutter.

  “It’s going to sting, but not as bad as the alcohol would,” I warned him, stepping between his legs to clean the scratch on his face and his lip.

  He never winced. His eyes stayed locked on my face.

  “I think I hate Kye,” I muttered.

  Saxon grinned, and his hands slid up the back of my legs and squeezed my thighs. When I was finished cleaning, he released me, and I turned to get the antibiotic ointment.

  “Thank you for cleaning me up,” he said behind me.

  I looked back at him. “I don’t like seeing you hurt.” I started applying the medicine to the cut on his cheek.

  “It has its pros. I like having you take care of me.”

  My eyes moved from his cheek to meet his gaze. We stood there like that for a moment before I went back to my task. When I finished, I put the things back in the box while he stood up behind me. I lifted my eyes to meet his in the mirror.

  “You didn’t want to end things before,” he said as he ran his hands down my arms. The fierce look in his gaze as he stared at me made my heart act funny. “You were forced.”

  I nodded, swallowing hard. Was that what he and Kye had fought about? Kye had told him about them threatening me if I ever saw him again?

  He inhaled sharply. “Fuck, Haisley,” he said in a ragged whisper. “That’s going to haunt me. All of this is. I just want to protect you, make you happy, and all the shit I’ve put you through …”

  I shook my head. “Don’t say that. None of this was your fault.”

  It was a hard thing to juggle mentally. My brother was dead. He hadn’t been a good person. I knew he had issues, but somewhere along the way, he’d gone bad. He took me, not once caring that he was putting me in danger. The words he’d shouted at me were cruel and sliced deeply.

  While lying in bed last night, staring at the ceiling, I’d come to terms with the fact that AJ hadn’t loved me. He had loved power, drugs, and himself. The world he had been in would have brought more danger to my family than anything Silver did would have. It hurt to know my brother had clearly hated me. I would never know why now.

  Loving Saxon was easy. It wasn’t even about forgiving him, I realized. I already had. I was just trying to find a way to mourn with him beside me. It was a struggle to make sense of.

  “I hurt you. I said things. The way I treated you, that’s going to tear me up over and over again.” Saxon’s expression looked tormented.

  I didn’t have the words right now to make him feel better.

  “I’m sorry. I’m throwing this on you, and you’re dealing with so much already,” he said, threading his fingers through mine. “I promise I’ll spend forever making you forget the things I said … and last night. I love you, Haisley. I don’t have any other explanation.”

  Our eyes were still locked on each other as we looked into the mirror. “Where is AJ’s body?” I asked.

  The expression on his face was etched with pain and regret. “It’s gone.”

  I nodded. He couldn’t tell me what they’d done. That was part of this life too. One I had to accept if I wanted to be with Saxon.

  “My mom won’t know he’s dead, will she?”

  He shook his head.

  I sighed. Maybe that was for the best. I never wanted any of them to know what AJ had done. What he’d said to me. What he’d said about Mom. It was easier if they remembered the brother he’d been. He hadn’t exactly been a great one. They didn’t miss him. The boys barely mentioned him.

  “I’m sorry,” Saxon whispered.

  “I know,” I replied.

  “He took you.” He closed his eyes for a minute and inhaled deeply. The veins on his neck were showing as he flexed jaw. His eyes opened back up. “He let them touch you. Hurt you.”

  I turned around and placed a hand on his chest. “I know.”

  “Come home with me,” he pleaded. “I just want to be alone with you. I need to hold you.”

  I needed that too.

  Thirty-Two

  Saxon

  Haisley lay, curled up in my lap, asleep as the ball dropped in Times Square. I picked up the remote and turned off the television. She’d been asleep for the past two hours. I wasn’t ready to take her to bed yet. Holding her like this was the only thing that eased my inner turmoil since I’d realized she had been taken yesterday morning.

  I had thought that when I killed a man, it would be in self-defense. I didn’t know what Haisley was thinking, and I was terrified that if I pushed her to talk about it, she’d change her mind and leave me. But when I had taken my gun and shot AJ, it had been out of pure rage. I had acted without thinking.

  He’d taken her, had her tied up, given her to a fucking gang. I wanted to kill him for that, but I was trying to remain in control. When he started spewing all that cruel shit from his mouth at her, I just snapped. I wanted to shut him up. I couldn’t stand that he was hurting her. The fury that coursed through me and the need to protect her took over. Blaise hadn’t ordered me to kill AJ. I just did it. Not thinking about the way his death would hurt her. That hadn’t registered in my head at the time.

  Fuck, it sure had when I heard her scream. Her eyes, wide with horror, had torn through me like a blade. I never wanted to experience that again.

  I kissed the top of her head. Carmichael had said she was fine and that the baby’s heartbeat was strong. Nothing had harmed either of them physically. But the pain she’d suffered emotionally was something that was going to take time. I just wanted that healing to happen with me. Not away from me.

  She stretched, and her lashes fluttered before she opened her eyes, gazing up at me. “Oh no,” she whispered. “I slept through midnight.”

  I brushed the hair off her face. “It’s okay. You needed sleep.”

  She covered her mouth as she yawned, shifting in my lap to sit up. “You need sleep too. Let’s go to bed.”

  I reluctantly let her stand up and then followed her. She had taken a shower and put on one of my T-shirts earlier this evening. Seeing her in my clothes always made the possessiveness inside me stir. I wanted to take her to my bed and make her come on my mouth, but other than a few kisses, she didn’t seem ready for anything sexual.

  I could wait. As long as she was beside me, I could deal with anything. My need to mark her and remind her that she was mine wasn’t what she needed emotionally. I just had to remind myself of that, especially as my gaze traveled over her bare legs while the shirt rode up as she climbed into bed, flashing me her pink panties.

  I pulled my shirt off and took off my sweats, leaving my boxer briefs on before turning off the light and joining her. Thankfully, she scooted up against me, and when I put my arm around her waist, she laid hers on top of it.

  “Good night,” she whispered. “I love you.”

  “Good night. I love you.”

  Sleep came faster than I’d thought it would.

  Waking up with my dick so hard that it hurt, I left Haisley in bed to go take a shower and get myself off to get some relief. She was still sleeping when I was finished, and I knew she needed to rest. I went to the kitchen to make some coffee and prepare for when she woke up.

  Things were going to have to change. I wanted her rested before I brought it up, but tomorrow, she was supposed to go back to work at the yoga studio, and I couldn’t let her do that. Not anymore. Her brother had left enemies behind, and she was now on their radar.

  AJ wasn’t the only man I’d killed that night. He was just the first. A few of the gang members had shown up while we were getting rid of bodies, and it had been me and Gage that faced them. I wasn’t an unknown in the family anymore, and that also made Haisley unsafe, working out in public without protection.

  I was on my second cup of coffee when the bedroom door opened and she walked out. She gave me a small smile as I stood up and set my cup down on the counter before going over to her.

  “Your lip looks better, but you have a black eye,” she said, frowning.

  I grabbed her waist, needing to touch her. I leaned down and pressed a kiss to her lips. I could smell the toothpaste on her freshly brushed teeth and wished I could really kiss her without bleeding on her. My fucking busted lip was keeping me from tasting her.

  “What sounds good for breakfast?” I asked her, running my nose along her neck just to smell her.

  She shivered. “Um,” she said softly, leaning into me.

  “I’ll make you whatever you want,” I whispered near her ear and flicked my tongue out to lick the soft skin just below it.

  Her hands ran up my back, and she pressed her tits against me. I hadn’t expected this response from her, but, damn, I wanted it. My dick was already hard, thinking about it.

  “Do you want something else first?” I asked, running my hands under her shirt to caress her ass.

  She let out a small moan.

  I reached between her legs and ran my fingers over the crotch of her panties. “Fuck, baby, you’re soaking wet,” I groaned near her ear.

  “Ah!” she cried as I shoved two fingers inside her panties and began to tease her slick folds.

  When she began rocking, I pulled my hand out, then licked her off my fingers while she watched me.

  Picking her up, I took her over to the sofa and sat down with her in my lap. “What I really want to do is bury my face between your legs, but my fucking lip won’t let me,” I told her, opening her legs. “Instead, I’m going to play with this sweet little cunt and watch how pretty it is while you fuck my fingers.”

  Haisley’s mouth was open, and her eyes glazed over with need. She lifted her hips as I pulled her panties off.

  Today would be about pleasing her. Every fucking way I could. Starting with sexually. I had so much to make up for with her. The fact that she was here, in my lap, after all the shit I put her through was a miracle. I wouldn’t take it for granted.

  Thirty-Three

  Haisley

  Working with Saxon in the stables the past two weeks had made having to give up my job at the yoga studio worth it. I loved getting to watch him ride. He was sexy as hell on a horse. We’d had more sex in the stockroom than we had in the bedroom lately. Once he got off a horse, I was so turned on that I was drooling.

  He seemed happy about having me around too. I had worried I would be in the way, but he found ways to keep me close to him. I’d gotten to know the other stable hands, horse trainers, and Kenneth. It was like a family, and I had found a place to fit in.

  Melanie had come down to invite me up to the house for tea more than once. She showed me Saxon’s baby and childhood picture albums. When she had mentioned the fact that they’d emptied the bedroom across the hall from theirs and were going to turn it into a nursery for when they got to keep the baby, I’d started to cry. Having her accept the baby meant more than she could imagine. My own mom still didn’t want to talk to me when I called.

  I knew, one day, Mom would get the news that AJ was missing or that he was dead. There was no way he could just vanish. I still dealt with it at times and broke down, but I was crying for the brother that he had been once. Not the monster he’d turned into.

  Rig finished the carrot I had given him, and I patted his head, telling him he was a pretty boy before heading out to see what was taking Saxon so long. He’d said we were going to the house for lunch, but that had been fifteen minutes ago.

  I shaded my eyes from the sun with my hand and scanned the men until I found Saxon standing with a girl I didn’t know. I made my way over to them. Saxon’s back was to me, but the girl he was talking to saw me, and she paused what she was saying before turning back to Saxon with a flirty smile. When she reached out and touched his arm, I tensed.

  What did she think she was doing?

  I stopped beside Saxon, and he looked down at me. A smile instantly touching his face.

  “Hey, baby,” he said, wrapping his hand around my waist. Then, he glanced up at the girl. “Haisley, this is Allegra Grace. She’s the jockey who is working with Rig. Allegra, this is my girlfriend, Haisley.”

  Allegra had light-brown hair and pretty blue eyes. However, those eyes were currently looking at me like she wanted to stomp on me. She was attractive. I wondered if she and Saxon had ever had a thing.

  “It’s nice to meet you, Allegra,” I replied, smiling at her for Saxon’s sake.

  She gave me a tight smile, then looked at Saxon. “You didn’t tell me you had a girlfriend now,” she said. “Must be new.”

  I felt a sick knot in my stomach. I could trust Saxon. Right? Yes! He loved me. She was just trying to make me feel uncomfortable. It wasn’t going to work. I leaned into Saxon’s body.

  “We talk about Rig when we speak,” Saxon told her. “Not relationships.”

  Allegra raised her eyebrows, as if amused. “Now, Saxon, that’s not true. We’ve done more than talk in the past.”