I Didn’t Want His Life. Not Any of It.

  CHAPTER 30

  BRADY

  Neither Willa nor Gunner were at school. It took me until third period to confirm this and then get concerned. Something was wrong. I tossed my books into my locker and headed for the back hall, where band and carpentry classes were held. No one would be there until after lunch today, and it had an exit door. The only one I could get out of and not get caught.

  I texted Gunner once I realized he wasn’t here, but he’d yet to respond to me. If he had just been absent, I wouldn’t be worried. But him and Willa missing was something else altogether. It had to be a Lawton thing. Had they been caught together? Shit. Were his parents making Willa leave? Or was it something worse? Was Willa consoling him over more crap from his father?

  Regardless, I had to get there and check on them. Willa wasn’t the kind of girl to skip school because she was hooking up. Something was definitely wrong with one or both of them. They might need me.

  I ran to my truck, cranked it up, and headed for the Lawton property as fast as I could get away without attracting attention. Last thing I needed was for the cops to get me the week of homecoming. Not that they’d keep me from playing. Even the local police wanted a win.

  If Coach found out me and Gunner were missing a day though, he would be pissed. I was going to have to get back before practice and so was Gunner. Whatever was happening couldn’t be that severe. My temper started to rise as I imagined him and Willa messing around and getting caught.

  He knew she was here because she had nowhere else to be. We didn’t know why, but her mother was a bitch, so that was enough of an excuse for me. Willa hadn’t opened up to me much, or really at all. Had she told Gunner things? The idea that he knew more about her past than me didn’t sit well. Why would Willa trust Gunner over me? I was the trustworthy good guy. The one girls gravitated to when they needed a shoulder to cry on. Not Gunner. Never Gunner.

  Turning into the Lawton drive that was lined on either side by oak trees, I grew more and more anxious. Surely there was a reasonable excuse, and we’d all be back in school before next period. Or at the latest, lunch.

  Gunner’s truck was parked in Ms. Ames’s drive, so I pulled in beside him and cut the engine. They were together. But Ms. Ames was apparently allowing it, so it couldn’t be too bad. I threw my truck door open and hurried up the walk toward the back door.

  Several knocks later and no response. There wasn’t even movement in the house. What the fuck? I reached for the knob to turn it, and, as suspected, it opened. There was no need to lock the doors here. To get on the property you had to know the code for the gate. It wasn’t easy to get into the place.

  “Willa?” I called out, stepping into the kitchen. It was silent.

  “Gunner?” I tried, and waited. Nothing. The place was empty.

  I walked through the house, checking for any sign of life, but it wasn’t there. The sofa had a folded blanket at the end of it with a pillow as if someone had slept there. That wouldn’t have been Gunner. Surely.

  I exited out the front door and started down the steps and into the yard, searching for some sign of them when my eyes landed on the tree house. I hadn’t been there in years. None of us had. It was our secret hiding place that wasn’t so secret, seeing as Gunner’s parents had had it built for Rhett when he was younger. But we liked the privacy we thought we had there.

  I began walking that way without thinking about it. Something in me knew they were in there. Why they were in there I wasn’t sure, but I knew they were. It was where we had always found each other when we were younger.

  When I stopped at the bottom of the tree, I heard Willa’s voice first. Taking the steps one at a time, I climbed up to join them.

  Gunner’s eyes were the first to make contact with me. “Hey” was all he said. Something in his eyes was empty. More so than normal. That worried me.

  “You okay?” I asked, walking inside without having to bend over. I’d forgotten how elaborate this tree house was.

  He shrugged, then his gaze swung to Willa’s. “Am I ever?” was his response.

  I turned to look at Willa, and she was studying her hands that she was fidgeting with in her lap. This was going to take a while. I sat down on the wooden bench that lined the wall across from them.

  “So, I take it this has something to do with you, since Willa looks unsure and nervous,” I said, glancing at Gunner. “It wasn’t at all suspicious that you both weren’t at school. And it’s homecoming week at that.”

  Willa finally glanced up and looked at Gunner with compassion. Okay, so something was really bad here. “Gunner, what is wrong?” I asked.

  Gunner met Willa’s gaze for a moment, then turned to me. “Family shit. My father wants to give Rhett everything. My mother is furious. Lots of yelling and fighting. Rhett left and hasn’t returned my calls.”

  Well hell. That sucked. Life for Gunner had mostly always sucked at home. He had never had it good there. That was something I never envied of Gunner. I hadn’t asked about his home life in years. Somewhere along the way our friendship had changed. We talked football and girls but nothing deeper. Willa coming back had given him something he and I had lost. A real friendship. The jealous bite that caused made me feel guilty. He had needed someone, and she’d been there. I hadn’t.

  This was typical of his sorry excuse for a dad, but I hated he was dealing with it. “You stay at Ms. Ames’s last night?” I asked, remembering the blanket and pillow on the sofa.

  He nodded. “Yeah. Couldn’t go home.”

  Willa remained quiet as she sat there. I was torn about her being who he had run to. Being jealous of Gunner telling her instead of me. But was it because I wanted Willa or she was stepping in on my friendship? I wasn’t really sure.

  When she’d come into our lives as kids, I hadn’t liked her right away. Gunner had liked her too much, and I didn’t want her taking my friend away. Over time we’d all become close, and I’d wanted Willa around just as much as Gunner. But we weren’t kids anymore.

  “You coming to practice today?” I asked him.

  He nodded. “I need to hit someone. We were both going to check in right before lunch. I just needed some time this morning.”

  I could understand that. Gunner’s relationship with his parents had never made sense to me. My mom and dad were always there when I needed them and even when I didn’t. Mom made cookies and let me have the guys over to watch the game videos. Dad was always there cheering me on and believing in me. I was who I was because of my parents. That’s why I always understood Gunner’s stupid decisions. He was who he was because of his.

  I was lucky in ways Gunner would never experience. Money wasn’t everything in the world. Being friends with Gunner had taught me that. I didn’t want his life. Not any of it. No amount of money and power made that life desirable.

  “You know you’re welcome at my house any time you want. I’ve got two beds up in that attic room of mine. One is yours if you need it. Just say the word. Mom would love to stuff you with cookies.”

  A smile tugged at Gunner’s lips. “Thanks. I’ll remember that.” For the first time in years I felt that old friendship ease back into place. The one where we knew we had each other if we didn’t have anyone else. And it always made it all right.

  I stood up, walked over, and slapped him on the back. “If you need to talk, I’m here.”

  Gunner nodded.

  I glanced over at Willa, who was watching us both. “You need a ride to school? Or you going to stay with Gunner until he comes?” I wanted her to ride with me so we could talk. About Gunner and the possibility of me taking her to homecoming. I wasn’t sure where she stood with Gunner. I didn’t think he was ready for serious or ever would be. If this was just a friendship with them like we all once had, I wanted to explore more with her. I was going to break it off with Ivy today. She’d texted me fifteen times last night and called ten. She was out of hand, and I needed to end things.

  She looked at Gunner for an answer. I didn’t want that to sting, but it did. Guess I was jealous of her giving him attention after all.

  “She’ll come with me,” Gunner piped up.

  It wasn’t like I could push it. Gunner was having a hard time, and he wanted Willa to make him feel better. I just didn’t like the idea of him hurting Willa for selfish reasons. Using her for someone to listen to and lean on but not giving anything back in return. She’d been hurt. It was obvious, and Gunner had too much emotional turmoil to help someone else with theirs.

  “I’ll see y’all at lunch then” was all I could say before I turned and headed back down the ladder. If she wanted him, I couldn’t stop it, but I was afraid he wasn’t going to want her the same way.

  Next Time Though I Won’t Let You Run

  CHAPTER 31

  WILLA

  I understood football and the need to win, but I didn’t think Gunner really had to go to practice today. However, I wasn’t going to tell him that. Not with the mood swings he was dealing with. The best I could do was listen to his rants. No advice or consoling. My just being there was all he seemed to need last night and today. So even when Brady had come to check on things, I’d stayed silent.

  This wasn’t my nightmare. It was Gunner’s. All I was offering was my ear. And that was all he had asked for. Brady, on the other hand, he didn’t trust, or he didn’t want him to know. Because he’d gone beyond evading the truth; he’d just lied to him. I wasn’t sure how I had been the one he trusted with this truth. Maybe because I’d told him mine. But for whatever reason, I was going to be worthy of his trust.

  Brady hadn’t been surprised by the less-than-half truth he’d been told. Which only confirmed the ass Gunner’s so-called father was. Brady had seen more than I had over the years. I would think Gunner would want to share with him more than me. That hadn’t been the case though.

  We didn’t make it to school by lunch, but we did make it in time for the class right after it. The office seemed okay with our excuse, and because I was with Gunner, I think it helped my reasons. If I hadn’t been, I was sure they’d have given me break detention or something.

  It wasn’t until we were walking to class that Gunner realized he had forgotten me yesterday. With all that had happened, I’d forgotten myself.

  “Shit,” he said, stopping in his tracks and slapping his forehead. I thought he’d forgotten homework or his football jersey.

  “What?” I asked.

  He looked at me with a frustrated frown. “How did you get home yesterday?”

  “Walked.”

  “Fuck,” he muttered. “I’m sorry, Willa. Rhett checked me out to meet with my dad, and that was so unexpected I forgot completely.”

  I shrugged, because compared to his last twenty-four hours the fact I had to walk home was really no big deal at all. Especially after all he’d been through, I didn’t want him feeling bad about me. If I could fix all his problems, I would. I tried not to think too deeply into that though.

  “It’s fine. Your day was tough, and it was good exercise for me.”

  He shook his head, still clearly annoyed with himself. “I won’t do it again. I swear.”

  “Really it’s not a big deal. I enjoyed the walk.” Which wasn’t exactly true, but there was no reason to make him feel worse about it.

  “Stop trying to make me feel better. Ain’t going to work,” he grumbled.

  I didn’t have a real response to that, so I said nothing.

  He walked me toward my classroom, but before we even got five doors close to it, he stopped and opened a door to a dark room, then reached for my arm and pulled me inside.

  “What,” I said, confused, as the door closed behind me.

  Gunner’s grip released my wrist; then his hand slid up to cup my face. The light from the hallway barely gave me enough illumination to see. But I saw Gunner’s face as he leaned into me. I knew what was coming, and my stomach did a flutter of excitement just before his lips landed on mine.

  Softly he brushed them back and forth over mine. The gentle touch brought a sigh from me that Gunner used as an opportunity to slip his tongue past my lips to tangle with mine. My hands found his upper arms, and I held on to him or drew him closer. I wasn’t really sure with the fireworks of electricity going off in my head.

  This I hadn’t expected, but I didn’t want it to end. The peppermint taste of his gum mingled with mine, and I leaned in closer to breathe him in. His hard chest pressed against me.

  Cold air met my now damp, swollen lips. And my eyes flew open to see Gunner stepping back away from me. His eyes were on me with a surprise that I understood because I felt it too. There had been a connection there that made me want to pull closer to him. Soak him in and never let go.

  I felt complete.

  I was an idiot.

  Because just as I thought all of this, Gunner opened the door and left me there. Alone in the dark.

  Running off after kissing wasn’t a good sign. It was exactly what I’d done to Brady. Was this my payback? The universe showing me how this feels? Because if this was how Brady felt, I owed him a much bigger apology. This feeling wasn’t one I wanted to repeat. Ever again. Kissing Brady had been nice. Kissing Gunner had rocked my world.

  • • •

  It was Brady who met me by my locker at the end of the day. “Gunner asked if I could give you a ride home. He had something he needed to do before practice.”

  His something to do was avoid me. That hurt. A lot.

  I nodded and swallowed the lump now forming in my throat. “Okay, thanks. I can walk if you need to get to practice.”

  He shook his head. “No. I’ve got plenty time.”

  I doubted he had plenty time, but I couldn’t argue because my stomach was in knots. I just wanted to get home. Back to my bedroom. Alone. Where I should have stayed instead of opening up and forming friendships again. Especially with Gunner Lawton.

  “You okay?” Brady asked, and I lifted my gaze to meet his. I couldn’t tell him what was wrong with me.

  “I’m good,” I said, forcing a smile.

  He didn’t look convinced. We walked outside toward his truck with some small talk, and just before we got to his truck, I turned and looked at him.

  “Brady,” I said, needing his attention.

  He glanced over at me. “Yeah?”

  “I’m sorry about running off after you kissed me. That was rude and I . . .” Pausing, I wasn’t sure what my excuse for it was, but I had to say something. “I just wasn’t expecting it, and because we’re friends it scared me.”

  A slow smile touched his lips. “That’s okay. Next time though I won’t let you run.”

  There wouldn’t be a next time. I knew that because my heart wasn’t in it with Brady. He was a childhood crush and a friend. Nothing more. I knew now what the real thing felt like, and what I’d felt for Brady wasn’t the real thing.

  Good Ole Stable Brady

  CHAPTER 32

  GUNNER

  I sat in my truck after practice for thirty minutes, staring at the clock. Ms. Ames had said I could come to her house again tonight, but I wasn’t sure I could face Willa. Not after that kiss. Jesus! That kiss was more than I’d expected. It was terrifying, and I had enough shit in my life right now. I wasn’t prepared for the impact of one simple kiss. My head and heart were not ready for Willa Ames. She scared the hell out of me.

  I was going to Brady’s. I’d send him to get Willa in the morning or some shit like that. I needed space from her. It was a dick move, but she had messed with my head. That didn’t fit into my world right now. I had family lies and dirty money and a mother who I never wanted to lay eyes on again.

  Willa had been through her own hell, and I wasn’t what she needed. Brady was what she needed. Good ole stable Brady. And I knew he wanted her. That plan sounded like a winner to me. Brady could be her strong shoulder to lean on, and I could go on about my life living through my own mess. No need to add hers to it.

  After convincing myself I would be fine if Brady went after Willa, I cranked the truck and headed to the Higgens’ house. Coralee would have cookies and milk. That sounded pretty damn good about now.

  Blaring the music as loud as it would go helped drown out my thoughts. Especially thoughts about Willa. She didn’t fit into my world right now. Probably never would. I needed the Kimmies and Serenas of this world. Not the Willas. They were too much. They wanted too much. They needed too much. All of which Brady was good at giving. I had never been that guy, and I never would be. Probably because of my breeding. Hell, I was my grandfather’s son. How fucked up was that?

  When I was a kid, I daydreamed about having Brady’s life. His family. I wanted that. It was a fantasy, of course, because that kind of life didn’t live within the Lawton world. We were all pretending. It was what we were trained early to do. Act as if things were perfect.

  Well fuck all that. It wasn’t perfect, and my life sucked. I wasn’t pretending like being a Lawton was a good thing. I wasn’t conforming to this bullshit life.

  Brady’s truck was in his drive, and so was West’s. He was here for Maggie. They were together all the time. It verged on annoying. No, it was completely annoying.

  I hadn’t brought an overnight bag, but I figured I could use Brady’s crap. Wear his clothes. I wasn’t going to that house, and Ms. Ames would have brought my things to her house, but I couldn’t go there, either. I should have called her so she wouldn’t worry, but the fear that Willa might answer kept me from it. Maybe later I’d call. If Willa answered, I’d just ask to speak to Ms. Ames. Act like nothing happened.

  We all knew I was the crown prince of pretending.

  • • •

  Brady’s mom, Coralee, answered the door. She was the mother I never had.

  “Well, Gunner, it’s good to see you. Come on in. I just took the others some snacks. Chocolate chip cookies fresh out of the oven.”