After I showered, brushed my teeth, and dressed, I made my way downstairs. When I reached the kitchen, I found him at the table with a cup of coffee and what looked like a fancy cinnamon roll in front of him. He lifted his eyes from the phone in his hand to meet mine.

  “Good morning,” he said.

  “Good morning,” I replied. I cut my eyes to his breakfast, then back to him. “You made cinnamon rolls?”

  “Fuck no,” he said with a crooked grin that made him look harmless. “Trinity made some before she left and put them in the freezer. I just stuck a pan in the oven. Try one. They’re amazing.”

  I made my way over to the coffeepot, trying to decide when to bring up the obvious, which was that he did not need a nurse. Filling up my cup, I added creamer and then picked up a cinnamon roll before heading to the table. His attention was back on his phone.

  He didn’t look up or speak to me, and I wasn’t sure what to say to him. I chose to eat instead and pretend the silence wasn’t awkward. In truth, after last night and all we’d done, I hadn’t expected the morning to be like this. The fact that I was dealing with disappointment over not waking up with him beside me wasn’t helped by his ignoring me.

  I took a drink of the coffee and glanced over at him again. He was texting, so I turned my gaze back to the large windows that looked out into the backyard. Maybe he wanted me to talk first, or was this it? Were we back to being silent strangers?

  “Did you sleep good?” he asked me.

  I turned back to him as he laid his phone down on the table. He picked up his cup before lifting his gaze to meet mine. Something was different. Very different this morning. This was nothing like the guy I’d been with yesterday. What had changed? Had I caused it?

  “Uh, yeah, thanks,” I replied. I couldn’t even ask about his getting around without my help. A lump I hadn’t expected was now in my throat. I dropped my eyes back to the cinnamon roll.

  “You’re not going to bring up my ability to get around?” There was amusement in his voice.

  I glanced back up at him. “I noticed that.”

  He chuckled and took a drink of his coffee.

  “I’m trying to understand why I’m here,” I added.

  He set the cup down and smirked. “Because I wanted you here.”

  Why did he do that? Confuse me with his personality changes?

  “Do you still want me here?” I asked. I was beginning to think he’d changed his mind on that.

  He nodded his head.

  Okay. Well, that wasn’t very convincing.

  “Shiloh.” The way he said my name was unfair. It made my body feel as if a hum of energy were buzzing through it.

  “Yes?”

  “I’m not a morning person,” he said.

  He had gotten up earlier than me, but then I had slept later than I normally did. I wasn’t sure if that was supposed to be his excuse for being silent or not staying in bed with me. I didn’t respond. I didn’t know what he wanted me to say to that.

  “You’re here because I want to fuck you. A lot.”

  That got my attention. My eyes snapped back to his. He had a serious expression on his face.

  “Once, we were more. That’s not what I want now. But I do want to fuck you. We were always good at that even if we sucked at the other stuff.” He smirked. “What we did yesterday was just foreplay. I wanted to ease you into it.”

  I opened my mouth and closed it again. The right words were all jumbled up in my head. Somehow, he’d now made everything feel cheap and twisted. When we were together, I felt something that I’d thought was mutual. It just showed how naive I was.

  “I’m not like Destiny,” I blurted out.

  “I know. Destiny and I have an understanding. She’s been around for a while. That’s not what this is. I’m not asking for you to come fuck me when I need it. What I want from you is temporary. Today, I want to fuck you until I’ve had my fill. Once I’ve gotten you out of my system, it’ll be over.”

  Ouch. I should have just given him a knife and had him plunge it into my stomach. I had thought I liked honesty. Come to find out, there were some truths that were too painful. The lie I’d let myself get wrapped up in with him yesterday only made the reality more brutal. I wasn’t ready for guys like Gage. I still needed to get the hang of dating normal guys. Less intense guys. The ones who didn’t wreak havoc on my emotions.

  At least his harsh explanation had cleared up my head. I moved my chair back, needing to get some space and to text my uncle to come get me.

  “I, uh, thanks for clearing that up,” I replied, not looking at him. “But I came here to be your nurse. I can’t—I’m not …” I paused, closing my eyes for a minute to try and put my thoughts into words without sounding vulnerable. “I’ve not had a relationship. Not one I remember. As much as I enjoyed yesterday and the things we did, I just can’t. I’m sorry.” I barely glanced at him before picking up my plate and cup, then heading to the sink. I’d hardly touched my cinnamon roll. My stomach was too knotted up to think about food.

  I heard the cast hit the ground. He was getting up. Hopefully to go in the living room, where I could avoid him until I left. I put the rest of my cinnamon roll down the food disposal, then rinsed off my plate and cup to put them in the dishwasher. He was walking closer to me. Not farther away.

  Closing my eyes tightly, I took several deep breaths, preparing myself for whatever it was he would say to me now. With Gage, I never knew if those words were going to slice through me or make me a puddle of goo in his hands. I didn’t turn around to face him as I waited for him to stop walking and just say something already. Get this over with.

  I felt his hands on either side of mine, caging me in, and my eyes snapped open as the heat from his body moved in behind me. His warm breath caressed the side of my neck, and I shivered. I hated myself in that moment. I hated how weak I was and how he affected me.

  “You smell so fucking good,” he whispered, pressing a kiss against my skin.

  His mouth brushed against my neck as he left a trail of kisses. “I’m sorry my words came out like they did. They were callous, and I’m afraid that was more for my sake than yours.”

  I swallowed and sucked in a breath. “I think I should just go. I’m not equipped to handle you.”

  A deep chuckle vibrated from his chest as he pressed in closer to me. I could feel his erection against my lower back.

  “Baby, you’re the only woman on earth who is equipped to fucking handle me. You just don’t remember.”

  Had I really been able to deal with this man?

  I shook my head. “I’m beginning to think you were the one who destroyed me.”

  One of his hands flattened against my stomach, pressing me hard into him. “The past is over. We won’t repeat it. Those feelings are no longer an issue for me.” The deep growl in his voice made me whimper. I wasn’t sure if it was fear or need.

  “Have you fucked since the accident?” he asked in a soft voice against my ear.

  I closed my eyes and shook my head.

  “Then, it’s only right that I’ll be the first one to take this pussy,” he said, then shoved his hand down the front of my shorts. “Again.”

  My knees slightly buckled, and his free hand grabbed my hip, squeezing hard.

  “I’ll show you how good it’s supposed to feel. Teach you what you need and what makes you scream out in pleasure.”

  Gage Presley was very good with words. My mind was screaming at me that this was a terrible idea. This man was going to mess up my head worse than he already had. But my body was so hungry for what he was promising that I wasn’t sure I could fight it.

  When his fingers began to slide through my slickness, he groaned in my ear. “Fuck, you’re soaking wet. Your body knows how good I can make it feel. Just shut off everything else.” He pressed a kiss to my temple. “Forget all the other stuff. Let’s just be us for today.”

  But tomorrow will come, my head reminded me.

  Unfortunately, the area between my legs was shouting louder. I was going to have sex someday. Why not let my first be with someone who knew my body? He had already managed to hurt me emotionally. I wasn’t going to do this and think that love was next. This was just sex. Why not enjoy it and learn what I liked?

  “Okay,” I finally replied.

  There was a rumble of appreciation as he grabbed my shorts and pulled them down. “Get them off.” His voice sounded strained. Impatient.

  I shimmied them down the rest of the way, then kicked them out of the way. He gripped the hem of my top, and I held my arms up as he pulled it up over my head. When his hands went to the hook on my bra, I realized I was about to be standing in this kitchen, naked, and I was aching so bad for him that I didn’t care.

  This was not me. Or was it?

  “Hands on the sink,” he said, pushing me forward.

  I grabbed the edge of the sink, and he pressed my back down so that my butt was up. He placed a leg between mine and spread them apart. I heard the rustle of his shorts as he shoved them down. Then, he cursed.

  “Are you on birth control?” It came out tense, as if whatever my answer was would make him angry.

  “I have an IUD. Former me had it put in,” I told him.

  “I don’t fuck bare, but condoms are upstairs, and we’ve never used them together. Not sure I can handle the barrier with you.”

  I should demand he use a condom. “Maybe it’s better if we do,” I whispered. “You have been with a lot of different women.” That was a reminder I needed. It cooled down my arousal.

  His hand gripped my hip tightly, digging into my flesh. “Shiloh, I would never fucking do something to hurt you. I’ve fucked one woman since I was last checked, and I wore a condom.”

  That was hard to believe. “One?”

  His hand tightened on me. “Yes, one.”

  “When were you checked?” This was good. I was calming down. I could think clearly.

  “When I was injured.”

  I let that sink in. I knew he’d had Destiny over to suck him off. But that meant he’d also had sex with her or someone. I started to stand up straight. My head was in control again, and I couldn’t do this.

  “This is a bad idea,” I started to tell him.

  He grabbed my arm and spun me around, then backed me up against the edge of the counter. His pupils were big as he looked at me. “No,” he snarled as his hand slipped between my legs, and he shoved his middle finger inside me.

  I grabbed his arms and cried out.

  “Stop thinking about it,” he said as he continued to pump his finger into me. “Get whatever shit is in your head out. Yeah, I fucked someone upstairs in my hospital bed,” he said, leaning down until his mouth was hovering over mine. “And I closed my goddamn eyes, let her ride me, and pretended it was you.”

  Shut up. Shut up. Don’t say that. I wanted to scream at him to stop, but I couldn’t speak. Not with what he was doing between my legs.

  “Fucking pissed me off when she didn’t feel like you. Her pussy didn’t squeeze my dick like yours. She didn’t smell like you.” He leaned down and kissed my jaw, then my collarbone. “No one ever feels like you.”

  He won. I had no resistance to this man when he talked like that. I grabbed his face and kissed him. My tongue slid across his lips, and he opened for me. The warmth of our breaths mingled as we fought to taste the other as if we were starving.

  He grabbed my waist and sat me up on the counter without breaking the kiss. When he pulled me to him and entered me, I broke the kiss as I cried out his name. It was better than I’d imagined. The full feeling. As if I were being stretched until just before the point where it might be painful.

  “FUCK! It shouldn’t be this tight,” he growled as he pulled back and then slammed back into me. His eyes locked with mine. “I’m beginning to think this pussy’s only had my dick.” The way his eyes flared as he said it was the sexiest thing I’d ever seen.

  One of his hands grabbed the back of my head, and his eyes dropped down to watch where we joined. I held on to his arms as he sank deeper into me with each thrust. A frenzy was slowly sweeping through me. Gage’s name, along with pleas, fell from my lips.

  “Fuck, I missed this. You’re so goddamn beautiful.” His words came out in a deep, raspy sound.

  The crest was coming. I could feel it as my body drew closer. I held on to Gage’s arms, afraid of the power behind it. This wasn’t like the orgasms I’d given myself. It was different. There was an unknown to it.

  “That’s it, sweet baby. I know that look. Come on my cock.” Gage’s dirty words triggered me.

  “OH GOD! GAGE!” I heard the panic in my voice before the burst of euphoria took over, tossing me into a space I never wanted to come back from.

  “That’s it.” I could hear Gage in the distance. “Fucking hell, baby.”

  My body shook with his savage pounding, and my pleasure only increased.

  “GAH!” Gage shouted, and the warmth of his release rushed inside of me. “Take it,” he groaned. “Take all of me.” His hips jerked, and he stilled.

  My eyes opened as I gasped for air, and his amber gaze was fixed on me. We sat there like that for several moments, silent. I knew even without remembering sex that this was normal. This was special. It had to be. What I had just felt wasn’t some cheap way to get off. There had been more to it. I didn’t care what he said—this was not just sex.

  Gage pulled out of me, and the moment was over. He wasn’t going to let it be more. I started to get down, and he stopped me, then wrapped his hands around my waist to set me down. I looked up at him, wanting to see something in his gaze that gave me any clue that he felt this too. That I wasn’t alone in this.

  He smirked as if he’d done what he had set out to do. Fuck me out of his system. Had he also meant to break me? It felt like my heart was breaking as we stood there. He didn’t hold me or say anything sweet. This was what he’d meant by fucking. No emotions.

  Well, joke’s on you, Gage Presley, I thought.

  My eyes stung, and I looked away then. I would not let this man see me cry. This was done, and I would leave here with some sort of pride. When I was alone, I could fall apart.

  “Shiloh.”

  I didn’t look at him. I was afraid I’d start crying if I did. How was it possible to hate someone and want them at the same time?

  “Shiloh,” he said again as he grabbed my chin and forced my head in his direction.

  I knew my eyelashes were wet, and I tried to jerk my face free from his grip, but he firmly held on. I was angry that he was making me do this. Taking the tiny little shred of pride I had left, I lifted my tear-filled eyes and glared at him.

  “What?” I had meant for it to sound angry, but it had come out as a sob instead.

  His nostrils flared. “Why are you crying?”

  I laughed then and shook my head hard, finally freeing myself from his grip. “Just let me go.”

  Gage pushed me back again with his body blocking me in.

  What now? He’d fucked me. Used me. Proven his point.

  “Tell me why you’re crying.”

  “Does it matter?” I asked, looking up at him.

  For a moment, it was there. The brief glimpse of something more. A feeling that went deeper.

  “Yes, it matters. We just had fucking incredible sex,” he said as he brushed a tear away with his thumb.

  “I …” Pausing, I tried to think of how to explain this without opening myself up bare.

  But then did it really matter now? Why couldn’t I just tell him the truth? He’d been brutal with me. This ended after today. I’d never get a chance to tell him again. I hadn’t been one to hold back before. Why let him turn me into that?

  “Because I didn’t expect to feel something that strong. To you, it was great sex. To me, it was more. You don’t feel anything deeper. What we had was over years ago.” I wiped at my face as tears continued to escape. “But to me, this is new, and it’s not just sex. It’s a connection, and I have all these emotions where you’re concerned that I’ve never had.”

  His mouth covered mine, silencing my words. I tasted the salt from my tears as he made me forget for a moment why my chest hurt. The gentle way his lips moved over mine made the rest of my world fade away. He controlled me in these moments. He owned me, and I thought he knew it.

  When he ended the kiss, pulling back, he stared down at me. “I’m sorry. I let my need to be inside of you again, to feel that, control my actions. I didn’t consider you. I should have. You’re not the same girl who left me. You don’t deserve the way I’ve treated you.”

  Each word out of his mouth was like a splinter in my soul. I could see the goodbye in his eyes. I had chosen honesty, and this was the price I would pay.

  “I can’t do this.” His voice was tight as he said it. “As much as I fucking want to. As badly as my body is already craving you again. I can’t. Go upstairs, pack your things. I’ll have a car take you home.”

  With that, he finished twisting the knife in my gut and then shoved it into my chest.

  Twenty-Seven

  Shiloh

  There was no goodbye. He simply texted me that there was a car out front, waiting on me. He didn’t watch me leave or say anything more. Every step I took from that house caused the emotional pain to morph into a physical one. One I recognized.

  A man appeared at the car door and took my bag, then opened the door for me to get in. I didn’t even say thank you. The slow pounding in my head was coming on faster than usual. The morning sunlight didn’t help. Closing my eyes, I curled my legs up on the seat and tried to breathe slowly. There was pain medicine at home I could take. I would get there. It would be fine.