“Perhaps you did.” Jerry pushed the engines in the vessel, picking up speed. She had decided that she would wake up her crew for an unplanned training lesson. They would fail miserably, she was sure, but it would be a good lesson in the long run.

  “Jer?”

  “What?”

  “I do want you.”

  Jerry sighed. “I’ll return your fucking ship.”

  Arloa gave her a sad smile. “I care more if you return than the ship. I can always purchase another one.”

  Jerry snorted, heat rushing to her checks again that night, and her entire body warming at the sentiment. She’d forgotten what it was like to have someone care about her. Her mother had died so long ago that she’d been on her own and surrounded in her own isolation. She had friends, companions, yes, but never something like this.

  “I mean it,” Arloa added. “I don’t know why you’re the one my heart’s chosen, but you are. When I first saw you in that bar, I felt it then, too. I just didn’t realize what it was yet.”

  Jerry had felt the same way. She’d been instantly attracted to Arloa back then and had never quite been able to rid that from her mind. Still, she remained quiet, not sure she wanted to answer or share more than what she already head.

  “I have to run some trainings, Arloa. I’ll return—“ she stopped herself short and finally said what she wanted to “—I’ll return to you.”

  The smile that lit up Arloa’s face was a balm to Jerry’s weary soul. Saying nothing else, Jerry leaned forward and ended the communications. She set the ship to run on auto again, making sure she would do well to get them where they were going without too much intervention. There wasn’t much in front of them anyway.

  Instead of stepping out of the wheelhouse, Jerry grabbed the internal communications device and pressed it to her lips. This was going to be one of the rudest wake up calls her crew would get, aside from an actual emergency, but it would be worth it to make sure they were all well and properly ready for that emergency to happen.

  She shouted, “All hands on deck! Incoming combatant!”

  CHAPTER 17

  Azar stepped next to Jerry, and instantly she relaxed. She had no idea why she was so tense or worried about this trip, but she knew she had to get her nerves under control sooner rather than later. Perhaps it was because she had failed so much recently. Not only had she failed in her mission to steal the cirax but she had failed to protect her crew.

  That was really the issue, wasn’t it? She wasn’t able to do the most fundamental task of a captain. Sighing, she stiffened her shoulders as Azar made some minor adjustments on the control dash and then crossed his arms to turn on her.

  “You’re moping.”

  “I’m not,” Jerry muttered. Usually it was Yafe who would call her out on something like that, but Yafe had been so busy with training the crew that she likely wasn’t going to be able to do it.

  Azar chuckled loudly right next to her. She turned on him, her eyes widening as she dared him to say more. She pursed her lips and rolled her shoulders, tightening her grip on the wheel.

  “It’s a good ship,” Azar commented. “Your Arloa must be a woman of means.”

  Jerry realized far too late that in all the time she’d known him she had never told him exactly who Arloa was. She’d only ever referred to her by the first name and never her station in Raegina, but he had to suspect something, didn’t he?

  “She’s a Kauket and a senator.” Jerry pinned him with her gaze, needing to know exactly what he thought of that.

  Azar raised a bushy eyebrow at her, his lips parted slightly in surprise as the only sign he hadn’t known. “You’re fucking a Kauket? Does she know you were in Joab?”

  “Yes,” Jerry murmured, heat hitting her cheeks in a rush of embarrassment. She had never told Arloa why she was in Joab, however. It seemed as though she had kept a lot of things to herself, probably too much in the grand scheme of things. However, she would be a stupid woman not to go searching for the records, especially considering the position she held.

  Azar cocked his head in her direction. “How did you find a Kauket to fuck?”

  Jerry wanted to correct him, to tell him it was more than just sex, but hadn’t she been trying to convince herself that was all it was for the last few months? It hadn’t started as more. She remembered when they’d met, that sweet pull of confidence and mystery that had intrigued Jerry to the point that she had to venture into a relationship just to know how it would end. And she had seen how it ended. Swiftly by her own hand. Except it seemed as though it hadn’t.

  “Does she act like them? Give to Joab?”

  Jerry shook her head. “No, she doesn’t associate with her family.”

  Azar didn’t look as though he believed her, but he didn’t add anything to the conversation. They stood in silence, Jerry steering the ship. Her back ached from standing upright at the wheel for so many hours straight.

  “Yafe and Vivian want to talk to you before you rest, Cap. And I do suggest that you rest. I’ll take the ship tonight.”

  “Thank you.” Jerry’s voice was soft as she stepped away from the wheel, his hands replacing hers. She was glad there didn’t have to be more explanation about who Arloa was or how they knew each other. Surely he would have figured out by then that Arloa was where Jerry got a lot of her information, aside from Miriam. They were both good resources to have, ones Jerry didn’t want to give up.

  Walking through the small door and into the corridor, Jerry followed the familiar path to Yafe’s cabin. She would have to start there, though she should probably find something to eat to sustain her. Her crew had brought her snacks throughout the day, but it had been few and far between, and her empty stomach was loud.

  She found Yafe in her cabin, Vivian already with her. Bypassing the galley, Jerry stepped into the room and shut the door, stretching her legs along the floor and tilting her head back into the wall as she waited to see what the two of them wanted to talk to her about. When they didn’t start, Jerry pinned them each with a serious look.

  “Well?”

  “Training is going much better today,” Yafe started. “We’re finally starting to work as a team.”

  “I agree,” Vivian answered. “I skipped out on the last couple so that I could work on this bug you wanted me to create.”

  Jerry nodded at her, not needing any more explanation. She knew what her crew was doing when—that was her job as captain—and she was glad that her orders were being followed. “Who are our weak ones?”

  “Amabel seems to have certain loyalties to Ursula.” Yafe slid a glance to Jerry, one Jerry had seen before that meant there was more to that comment than met the eye. “Cassuis seems to be good for us, though. He’s rough, but I think that might come in handy when we meet Wench’s Dream.”

  Jerry raised an eyebrow. Yafe wasn’t exactly giving her a direct answer. “But who are the weak ones?”

  “Pancho,” Vivian supplied. Yafe sent her a sharp look, and she shrugged in response. “He doesn’t like working with women.”

  “How did he manage to survive on Calluna?”

  Vivian pressed her lips together hard. “He wasn’t there long, and he was always upsetting the balance.”

  Jerry frowned. “Telford?”

  “He’ll do for now,” Yafe answered.

  “Okay.” Jerry waited for the rest of the weight drop on her, but they were both silent. Jerry held the quiet in the room, knowing there was something else that needed to be shared with her but the two of them were hesitating. Finally, with her patience gone, Jerry glared at Yafe. “You better start talking.”

  Yafe sighed. “Vivian needs to share.”

  Vivian looked as though she was going to faint. Her cheeks were pale and her gaze downcast. “Yafe thinks you need to know what’s going on over on Calluna.”

  “So speak,” Jerry ordered. “I don’t have all damn night.”

  She had never seen either of them look so nervous, especially Vivian. They were newer to knowing each other and working together, but Vivian wasn’t someone who hid her feelings in general. Jerry envied that. Only people who had grown up in a stable home had that freedom. Worry and fear flashed through Vivian’s eyes before she nodded to herself.

  “Ursula isn’t a captain.”

  Jerry snorted loudly. “That’s for damn sure.”

  “Right, but she may listen to what you tell her to do, but she rarely does it.”

  “What do you mean?” Jerry stayed still, watching to see what Vivian would do next or if she would try to skirt around it. Calling out her captain wasn’t an easy task, and if Vivian was willing to take the risk, then Jerry was willing to listen.

  “She broke the contract with Mortimer Blair when you left to go to Potelia.”

  Frowning, Jerry sat up a little straighter, even though this wasn’t new information to her. She flicked her gaze to Yafe to see if she was telling the truth or not, but Yafe nodded an affirmation. “Did she say why?”

  “She was tired of hauling salt.”

  Laughing dryly, Jerry closed her eyes and smacked her head into the wall with a loud thwack. They were all tired of hauling salt. It wasn’t an easy job by any means, and being covered in small granules of salt every day was not what Jerry had envisioned when she started buying up ships for her fleet. She sighed heavily and shook her head. “So what was she going to do instead?”

  “Work for Miriam.”

  “Miriam won’t hire her,” Jerry answered without opening her eyes. “Miriam hates her.”

  “But she likes you,” Yafe gave her two cents.

  Jerry opened her eyes again and settled into the conversation. “Still, Miriam wouldn’t hire her without my okay. What else does Ursula do?”

  “She threatens to withhold our rations all the time—not that it really matters anymore because there’s no vestigen to be found anywhere.”

  Jerry bit her cheek. “What would cause that kind of punishment?”

  “Anything,” Vivian answered. “Whatever suited her mood in the moment.”

  “Be specific.” For some reason, Jerry needed to know. She needed the details and to be able to have all the complaints against Ursula in order to have the conversation she’d been avoiding. She needed to know if the crew she’d left on Calluna was safe or if she would have to send a ship to rescue them.

  “It’s really anything, Cap. If we piss her off, if we don’t move fast enough, if we don’t get out of her way, if we look at her wrong—anything.”

  Jerry’s heart sank. What had happened to Ursula in the time since they’d met? She had once been Jerry’s part-time lover, before she’d gone to Joab the last time, but this woman Vivian was describing was someone else entirely. “What else?”

  “She’ll beat us, sometimes. If we really step out of line.”

  “For what?”

  “Talking back, threatening to talk to you, going to find a day job.”

  Nothing was worth a beating in Jerry’s opinion, but she hadn’t actually made that a rule Ursula had to follow. She probably should have, though she’d never seen that streak in Ursula before, and she’d kept it well contained while they had all been on Calluna.

  Jerry stood suddenly, smoothing her hands down the front of her thighs and then across her stomach. “Thank you, Vivian.”

  “Cap?” Vivian stood up sharply, following every movement Jerry made. “What are you going to do?”

  “I’m going to take care of this.” She jerked down on her leather vest and rolled her shoulders. She stalked straight up to the wheelhouse.

  Azar gave her a sharp look, but Jerry held her hand up to silence him. She said nothing as she input Calluna’s code into their communicator and waited for Ursula to answer. When Ursula’s face appeared on the small device, Jerry debated exactly how to start this conversation. She’d left Ursula with direct information of how to access brains for her crew, and she couldn’t imagine Ursula withholding something necessary for survival. How many people had she killed because of her own animosity toward others?

  “Hey, Cap,” Ursula said since Jerry didn’t start. “Something I can help you with?”

  “How is the salt run going?”

  “We’re on our way back to Beren Island right now.”

  Jerry nodded at her and slid a glance to Azar. Not for the first time, she wished time that she was on Yarrow so she could track where Ursula actually was instead of having to rely on her telling the truth. It seemed as though her trust diminished rapidly. “How much did Morty give you for the last shipment?”

  Ursula’s face pinched before she relaxed. “Minimum.”

  “How much?” Jerry pressed, wanting to know.

  “Twenty credits per pound.”

  Jerry nodded. It was slightly less than she had hoped he would pay, but then again, she’d have to check numbers when she returned to make sure Ursula wasn’t lying about that, too. In that moment, Jerry knew any trust there was between them was broken, and she couldn’t allow Ursula to captain Calluna any longer.

  “There are rumors circulating.”

  “What rumors?” Ursula narrowed her gaze, and Jerry witnessed every single one of her defenses go up.

  “That you withheld vestigen in the past for infractions.”

  “I would never…” Ursula’s lips parted, but she stopped speaking, as if denying the accusation was too much energy to even put into it.

  “Ursula,” Jerry stated calmly. “Is it true?”

  “It’s an effective tool for motivation.”

  Jerry slammed her fist onto the dash, startling Azar from his position at the wheel. Jerry shook her head wildly and pointed at Ursula through the small device. “You don’t fuck with people’s life like that. You’re not a god!”

  Ursula’s nose wrinkled. “I’ll do what works on my ship.”

  “It’s not your damn ship.”

  Ursula snorted, her head moving side to side slowly, and Jerry’s stomach sank. She knew where this was going before the words were even out of her mouth.

  “It’s my ship now.” Ursula ended the communication.

  Jerry cursed and slammed her hand onto the dash again. Azar, wisely, kept silent next to her. She needed to throw something. The energy in her veins was about to burst, and Jerry needed to dissipate it before she did something she would regret. Spinning in her boots, she stared around the wheelhouse, trying to find the one thing she would be able to destroy that wouldn’t fuck over their plan.

  “Cap,” Azar started, but she spun on him and held up her hand.

  “Don’t talk to me right now.”

  Jerry left the wheelhouse and Azar behind. She stalked through the corridors to the galley and immediately walked out. She walked through each of the storerooms, her boots heavy on the deck as she went. She made it through all the decks before landing in front of her personal cabin. Slamming her way inside, Jerry grabbed the small chest she had brought along with the new items she had purchased and threw it against the wall. The wood splintered and shattered, scattering onto the floor.

  Life had thrown her for an unexpected loop, one she had never thought she’d face. Her friends abandoned her when all she had done was try to take care of them. Picking up the larger pieces of wood, Jerry snapped them and tossed them onto the floor again. All she had done for the last year and a half was take care of what she considered hers, and it stung and it hurt. It was a devastating blow that her crew, her people, hadn’t felt the same way in return.

  She destroyed her cabin, and then she spent the next two hours cleaning it up. Fuck, she wanted something to drink, anything to calm the raging nerves abounding in her body. She’d never felt so betrayed. She had given Ursula everything, taken care of her during one of the most trying times in Penum only to be treated like this?

  Collapsing on her cot, Jerry covered her face and turned on her side. As much as she knew she needed sleep so that she could steer the vessel throughout the day while Azar rested, she couldn’t force her body or her mind to stop. She officially had no ships. Blaise had stolen Yarrow and Ursula had stolen Calluna.

  For the time she’d been back, she’d wanted so little to do with Calluna because all her focus had been on Yarrow, but to have no ships…to be a pirate with no home…that was worse than she’d ever imagined. She had spent so much of her time and energy in finding those two vessels and making them hers, learning their systems, rebuilding their systems, only to have them taken out from under her in the span of a few months.

  Jerry landed her fist into the wall, the shock and pain ringing up her arm into her elbow and shoulder was a stark reminder that this was her reality. She had a crew with no ship other than one she had borrowed, and she had no way to keep them fed and housed longer than this particular trip would take them. How would she even tell them?

  Cursing again, Jerry bit the sides of her tongue. When she walked out of the cabin come morning she was going to have to be strong again, confident and aloof. She couldn’t let them see her break down, and she would never fall into the same traps as Ursula when it came to being captain. She would be honest to an extent, but for now, she wanted to keep focused on why they were out there, why they were flying to the Jackimore Sea, and what their first goal was.

  Find Blaise.

  Steal back Yarrow.

  She would deal with Ursula and Calluna when she returned to Raegina and could confront her face-to-face. Ursula was a dead woman.

  CHAPTER 18

  When she woke up that morning, she was the most rested she had been in years. Every bit of energy in her body was ready to go, she was wide awake, and her mind spun with answers to all her problems. Dressing rapidly, Jerry raced to the wheelhouse, finding Azar’s eyes drooping as he stood over the wheel. She grinned at him.

  “Get some rest. She’ll be here when we’re ready to go.”

  Azar nodded slowly, saying nothing as he handed over the wheel. He updated her on their location, but shortly afterward he slunk away to catch up on sleep. For the last year, Jerry had lived in response to someone or something. She hadn’t done anything to make Penum move because of her cause. All she had done in the last year and a half since she’d been struck by the virus was to respond and react.