“I’m glad I came today,” Saylor added, her voice softer than before. Was that acquiescence in her tone? Or was it honesty?

  “Does that surprise you?” Tia asked as she opened the cabinet door.

  “A little. Yeah.” Saylor walked closer. Did she not want to leave? Was she avoiding going home despite saying that was exactly what she wanted?

  “Why?” Tia faced Saylor. She couldn’t figure her out. Did Saylor want to leave or stay? Was this that loneliness showing its face again? Or was it something else entirely?

  Saylor’s cheeks pinked. The sweet color brought life to her features, highlighting her youth and liveliness. Saylor glanced down and shook her head. “I needed to get out of my own head.”

  “I need to do that every day,” Tia answered with a chuckle.

  “This is more than that.” Saylor stepped closer. “If I’m going to end up staying here in Seattle, then I need community. I feel like today was a step toward that.”

  Tia froze. She wanted to reach out and wrap Saylor up in a hug, push her against the mirrors again, but she couldn’t. “Yeah. It probably is.”

  “Thank you for that.” Saylor gave her a small wave before turning on her toes and heading toward the lobby.

  Tia wanted to say something that would draw Saylor back. She wanted to encourage her to take up that extra time from Jericho being sick. She wanted to confess that she’d enjoyed Saylor’s presence just as much, if not more. Saylor was such a breath of fresh air in her dingy and routine life. But she couldn’t make the words leave her lips.

  For the life of her, Tia was stuck.

  And she hated it.

  seven

  “You don’t get it.” Saylor crossed her arms, leaning against the counter in the kitchen.

  Jameson’s face went red. “What the hell are you saying?”

  “I’m saying that you don’t get it!” Her voice rose, a constriction in her chest tightening. He never seemed to understand anything she said, especially lately. “I sit in this apartment, day after day, alone. That’s just it. Alone.”

  “I’m not going to quit my job for you.”

  “I’m not asking you to!” Saylor screeched. Her heart was in her throat and she wanted to cry. Desperate tears threatened to spill over her cheeks, but Saylor held them in. She just wanted him to understand. “I am so lonely.”

  “You’re surrounded by people.”

  “People I don’t know.”

  “So go get to know them.”

  They’d had this argument before, and it had gotten them exactly nowhere. But since he was finally back in town, since he was pushing her to make friends because he wanted to hang out with his friends and she had no one, because she couldn’t—Saylor stopped. What was she even thinking?

  “Look. I don’t want you to give up your life just because I’m here now. I just want you to understand—”

  “Understand what?” Jameson interrupted.

  Why did he always do this? It wasn’t like she was attacking him. She was just trying to explain to him what she was feeling, yet he always seemed to go on the offensive. Saylor clenched her jaw, not knowing what she was going to say or do next. If she could she’d walk out of the apartment and get a breather, but that wouldn’t solve anything. In fact, it’d probably have the exact opposite effect from what she wanted.

  “I’m lonely. That’s all.” Saylor’s words were mumbled. She knew that would tick him off too because she wasn’t just saying what she meant, but she was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Did she push to tell him more or did she step back and end the argument? Why was that always her choice? She never had another option, did she?

  Because there was no winning this.

  They were both going to lose in the end if she kept it up.

  “Then you need to do something about it.” Jameson’s face hardened. His eyes were set right on her, the tension between them palpable. “Because I’m not going to be the only person you know out here.”

  “I don’t want you to be.” Saylor wrung her hands together, barely able to hold her own against him. She hated when they fought like this. She hated fighting in general, the conflict, the upheaval. It seemed as if they were more likely to argue lately, whether it was her isolation or him being fed up with being the sole provider, she wasn’t sure. But it was intensifying.

  “I can’t be the center of your whole world.”

  When did he think he’d become that? Because he’d never been that for her. At least she didn’t feel that way. Biting the inside of her cheek, Saylor held her ground. She didn’t want to be a burden to him any more than she already was. “I’ll find a job.”

  “When?” He fired back.

  “As soon as I can. I’m already picking up some extra things this week for some income. You know, they always say it’s easier to find a job when you have a job.” She wasn’t sure how that would work, but now she’d committed herself to working with Tia until Jericho came back. That hadn’t exactly been how she wanted this to go, but here she was. She just hoped Tia hadn’t found anyone else yet.

  “What extra things?”

  “Uh… I’m going to be helping with some kids’ dance classes.” Saylor bit her cheek harder. “At the dance studio I’m with.”

  “So they’re charging you for your classes and paying you to help with kid classes?” Jameson snorted hard. “That makes no sense.”

  “It’s just while someone is out sick. I imagine if I worked there more consistently there’d be no charge for classes I wanted to join.” Saylor crossed her arms defensively. What did it matter anyway? She hadn’t thought about the complications of pay, just that it was a way to meet people, make friends, and at least for the next ten days, get paid to be somewhere other than here.

  Jameson eyed her suspiciously. “You’re not a dancer.”

  “No. I’m not.” Saylor’s back went up instantly. What was he trying to imply? First he wanted her out of the apartment and now he didn’t want her to leave it? “But I have taken dance classes in the past because of skating. And I’ve been in this class for a few weeks now.”

  “Weeks!” Jameson scoffed and shook his head slowly. “What makes you think that you’re good enough to teach anyone?”

  “It’s kids! They’re learning the basics. It’s like toddlers who run around. The goal is just to keep them all focused and paying attention for forty-five minutes. Which is way easier said than done.” Now she was the one who was defensive. She hated that he could make her like this, that if given long enough she’d feel like she had her back up against a wall.

  “You’re ridiculous. How is this going to help you find a job?”

  “I don’t know.” Saylor was entering into desperation. She just wanted this argument to end. “But it’s better than sitting around on my ass and doing nothing.”

  That was the nice way to put what she’d been doing these last few months. Because the depression and anxiety had fully set in, and even forcing herself out to the dance class three times a week was pushing the limits of what she could manage. Saylor tried to hold her own against him, but she felt her resolve wavering already.

  “That’s all you do, though!” Jameson threw his hands up in the air. “You sit around here, day after day, and do absolutely nothing.”

  “I’m trying my best.” Tears welled up in Saylor’s eyes. She hadn’t anticipated this point of attack. She gripped onto the kitchen counter and held herself as tall as she could. “I gave up everything to move here. Do you understand that? I gave up my friends, my family, my job. And for what? For you to be gone more nights than not.”

  “You knew that when you came out here.”

  “Yeah. I did.” Saylor nodded hard, finding her resolve. “That doesn’t mean this is easy for me.”

  “For you?” Jameson took a step toward her.

  Saylor’s shoulders tightened, and she pushed back into the counter on instinct.

  “This isn’t easy for me. I’m the sole provider here. Not just financially, but I’m the only one you seem to cling to. What am I supposed to do with that? I need my freedom.”

  “I’m not telling you to stay home with me. I’m telling you that I’m having a hard time.”

  “You know what?” Jameson’s hands clenched. “I can’t do this right now.”

  “Can’t do what?”

  “You.” He spun around on his heels, snagged his wallet and keys, and slammed the front door shut behind him.

  Saylor let out a shuddering breath, collapsing against the counter. He’d never left during a fight before. Not like this. But she’d seen the escalation rising between them, and she wasn’t surprised that they’d exploded like this.

  Wiping the tears falling down her cheeks, Saylor stayed in the silence. This was so much like it was any time she was home without him. Silent tears. Absolutely alone. No sound at all. If she focused hard enough she could hear the television from the neighbor next door, the heater kicking on, the cars outside.

  But none of that helped this oppressive loneliness that pushed down on her chest, crushing her.

  What the hell was she supposed to do now? Wait for him to come home?

  If he’d even do that?

  Jameson had been going out with friends that night before their argument started, and Saylor was fairly sure that he wasn’t going to be coming home to deal with her first. She walked to the front door and flipped the lock, a sense of security blanketing her as she stepped toward the window.

  Seattle was so gloomy this time of year. Saylor wasn’t prepared to be here. She hadn’t done enough work before moving. She’d spent her entire life in the greater Denver area, building familial relationships and friendships. And while she’d traveled a lot, she’d never lived anywhere else. Crossing her arms, she stared out the window at the foreign city.

  What had ever made her think she could do this?

  Tears fell freely down her cheeks now that she was alone. Letting Jameson see how upset she really was would be too much for that day. She wasn’t even going to have a chance to center herself before she was supposed to go to her class that night, and now she had to go. Because she needed to tell Tia that she was going to take the job for the next ten days, and somehow she really needed to find her own job.

  Blowing out a breath, Saylor closed her eyes to center herself.

  But it wasn’t working.

  That lick of anxiety had turned into full-on rage, and it swirled around her in her chest and belly, consuming every inch of her even when she tried to protect it. She should just move home at this rate. Maybe she could get some of her old skating clients back and go into coaching again. Maybe she could pick up subbing jobs again. Maybe she could just fail one more time at the one thing she wanted the most.

  Marriage.

  Because she did love Jameson, right?

  He’d been so sweet to her when they’d met. But as their relationship had deepened, they’d found their struggles. And no amount of new-relationship bliss could cover them up. Saylor gnawed on her cheek until she tasted the iron tang of blood. Then she stopped. That was a bad habit she really didn’t need to start up again.

  Saylor’s phone buzzed.

  She headed for the bedroom, following the sound until she reached it and saw Callie’s name lighting up the screen. Her head hovered over it, but she chose not to answer. She didn’t have the capacity to even begin talking about this yet. She needed more time to come down from the high of the argument to put her head on straight.

  When the call went to voicemail, she saw the texts from Jameson.

  Again, Saylor hesitated before she picked up the phone and opened them to read.

  Jameson: I won’t be home until late.

  Jameson: Callie will call you. I already told her what happened.

  Saylor winced. What the hell had he told Callie? Not that it would make too much of a difference. Callie was her best friend from childhood. Surely Callie would take Saylor’s side. Or was this all because he didn’t want to put in the time and the effort to actually fix the problems between them? Did he want Callie to do it for him?

  Cringing, Saylor set the phone down just as another text came through.

  Jameson: We’ll talk about this tomorrow.

  Lovely. So he really was pushing this off until someone else could deal with her. Was she that bad a person that she needed a handler? Saylor left her phone on the nightstand and walked into the bathroom, stripping her clothes off. She’d take a hot shower, she’d get her head on straight, and she’d go to her dance class tonight.

  At least there she could lose herself in the practice, in the repetition, in making her body move in the exact ways she wanted it to. It would be as close to skating as she could manage for now. But maybe she’d add that to her list too. Find a skating rink with open hours.

  When the hot spray of water hit her skin, Saylor sighed.

  This was exactly what she needed.

  She’d deal with Jameson and their problems tomorrow. When they both had time to digest the argument and come at it with calmer heads. Until then, she’d try to find ways she could be a better fiancé and future wife. Because without more effort, their relationship would absolutely fail.

  And she couldn’t have another failure on her record.

  eight

  Saylor collapsed to the floor, her ankle turning as she tumbled down. Tia’s heart clenched as she froze on the spot before rushing over to kneel next to her. That was a hard fall, and it had been a long time since she’d seen someone fall that painfully.

  “Give yourself a second,” Tia murmured, putting her hand on Saylor’s arm and leg to keep her on the ground. Instinct would tell Saylor to get up immediately and walk it off, but if she’d done considerable damage, then she could make it worse by walking on it.

  Saylor dragged in a sharp breath. Steven was on his knees next to her and the entire class was looking over them. Tia waved them off, hoping they’d start dancing again, but there were only five more minutes left in the class. She’d been watching Saylor all night, and it didn’t surprise her that something like this had happened.

  She’d been off her game.

  Unable to focus.

  All over the place.

  “Take a few breaths.”

  Saylor’s cheeks were red, but she looked pale under it all. Forlorn. That was the word. Tia wanted to wrap her in a tight hug and hold her for hours. But they were in a room full of other people, and something told her that Saylor wouldn’t be comfortable with that.

  “Steven, go get some ice.”

  “I’m fine,” Saylor mumbled.

  “You’re not.” Tia looked around to find the others already packing up their bags. They seemed satisfied that she had it under control.

  “I’m really fine.” Saylor sighed and pulled her foot up to press it into the floor. She didn’t even hiss when she started to put some weight on it.

  “Not yet.” Tia made her voice as firm as she possibly could. She wouldn’t have Saylor hurting herself, not when it could be avoided. She was worth so much more than an avoidable injury. “Stay here a second.”

  Steven arrived with ice, but Saylor waved it off. “I’m fine. Really.”

  She pulled her hands from Tia’s and put them flat on the ground, pushing herself up. Tia wasn’t going to let her get away with it, so she snagged Saylor’s arm to help her up so she wouldn’t immediately fall over again. Steven helped on the other side, and Tia sent him a smile of thanks. They both held on, not wanting Saylor to put her full weight on her foot yet.

  “I’m fine. I promise.”

  “Just take it slowly,” Tia ordered. She wrapped her arm around Saylor’s back for added stability, and she wasn’t about to let go any time soon.

  As soon as she was upright, the rest of the class smiled and walked out of the studio into the lobby. Saylor cringed when she put weight on her foot, though she masked it well. The only reason Tia saw it was probably because she was so close.

  “If it hurts, don’t walk.”

  “It’s not that,” Saylor muttered and closed her eyes. “It really doesn’t hurt that much.”

  “That much?”

  Saylor shook her head. “It’s just a twist. If I walk it off, it’ll feel better.”

  “You good?” Steven asked.

  Saylor glanced over her shoulder at him and nodded. “Yeah. Thanks. I think I’ve got it from here.”

  Like hell you do. Tia didn’t say it out loud, though she was definitely thinking it. She held onto Saylor, unwilling to let her go. Tia tightened her grip to make her point.

  “You sure?” Steven asked, checking in again like a champ.

  He always was the sweetest no matter what.

  “Yes.” Saylor gave him a brilliant smile, but the look in her gaze was still so far away. Oh, she was the master at hiding. That’s what all of this was about. Whether it was through her nerves or through her hard work, did anyone know the real Saylor?

  “All right. You got her, Tia?”

  Tia nodded. “Yeah.”

  “Good.”

  He started to walk away, and Tia held onto Saylor tightly. “Come sit in the office while I clean up, all right?”

  “Sure.”

  The fact that Saylor was agreeing meant she was in a bit more pain than she wanted to admit. Tia helped her into the office, did a quick sweep of the floor and then locked up the stereo equipment. When she was done, she leaned against the doorframe and checked Saylor over with a fine eye. Saylor flinched.

  “All right… I’ll give you one chance to answer me because I don’t want to pry if you don’t want it, but this is more than a sprained ankle. What’s going on?” Tia crossed her arms and stared, making her point clear. She wanted some kind of answer.

  Saylor’s eyes filled with water, her nose reddening in an instant. This was about so much more than a simple fall during class. Tia’s heart broke, and she swooped in, wrapping her arms around Saylor’s shoulders and pulling her head into her chest. She gave Saylor the best, deepest hug she could possibly give because in this moment that was the only thing she knew she could offer.