Liars and lunatics in go.., p.14
Liars & Lunatics in Goose Pimple Junction,
p.14
Neither woman was dressed up, but they were dressed in what could be considered business casual.
“We’re fine. I checked. Upstairs is the restaurant, and it’s a little dressier. The first floor is the bar area. That’s where we’re going.”
“For champiple,” Caledonia sounded doubtful.
“For champimple,” Paprika confirmed.
Inside the large dark room, candlelight dotted the tables. Both side walls were brick, and the ceilings were twelve-feet high. Along one side of the room ran a long, padded booth-type bench seat behind tables, and on the other side, a long wooden bar ran the length of the room with soft red-leather stools sporting partial backs. The wall behind the bar had rows of glass shelving containing bottles of alcohol on some and glasses on others. Paprika scanned the room but didn’t see Virgil or Daisy. Her heart began to race.
“Cal, get us two drinks, please. I’ll be right back. I need to go to the little girls’ room.”
Caledonia’s eyes bugged, and she clutched Paprika’s arm. “You can’t leave me at the bar all alone. I’ll go with you.”
Paprika pried her friend’s fingers from her arm. “Don’t be silly. You’re an adult. Maybe someone nice will strike up a conversation. I’ll be right back.”
She left a stricken-looking Caledonia and fled to the restroom. Inside, she texted Daisy.
“Where are you???”
She stood, staring at her phone, pleading with it to show her an answer from Daisy. She didn’t have to wait long.
“In the back room. Just walk toward the back of the house, you’ll see it.”
Paprika let out a breath, stowed her phone in her purse, and hurried back to Caledonia, who was sitting ramrod straight by herself, looking scared to death. When Paprika reached her, she pounced.
“Don’t ever do that to me again, Spice Girl. You know I’m not the type of girl who sits around bars trolling for men.”
“Sorry. I just thought you could get the drinks and then we’d be ready to find a table.” She scanned the room, and her eyes moved toward the back. “Come on. Let’s go see what’s back here.”
In the back was a sitting area that appeared to be an offshoot of the house and only about half as wide as the bar area. It was framed by three walls that didn’t seem like walls because they were floor-to-ceiling glass-paned windows. Couches and overstuffed chairs filled the room with a vaulted ceiling. It was lit by table lamps with a few candles for ambiance, making it a little brighter than the bar. Two glass-paned French doors on the right wall led to a lighted patio area with a firepit and more seating surrounded by trees and bushes. The room resembled a solarium or sunroom, but at night it looked cozy and inviting, a place to sit more intimately and talk. And that was exactly what Virgil and Daisy were doing on one of the loveseat-sized couches.
“Well, would you looka there,” Paprika pointed to Virgil.
Caledonia stiffened, and her head jerked back in shock.
Virgil and Daisy had their heads together in deep conversation with Virgil’s arm on the back of the couch, his hand grazing Daisy’s shoulder. His back was to them and her eyes didn’t move from his face. Neither noticed Caledonia and Paprika until they were standing at the edge of the couch, but when Virgil’s eyes grew large at the sight of the two women, Daisy’s head swiveled, and she winked at Paprika.
Paprika was the first to speak. “Well, fancy finding you here.”
“I . . . uh . . . it’s not . . .” Virgil stammered.
Caledonia’s hand went to her hip. “It’s not what it looks like? Oh really? Then what is it? Daisy, why don’t you tell us what this is.”
“This is a date,” she said simply.
Caledonia’s eyes had filled with tears. “Virgil, I guess all that talk about being sorry and changing your ways was just that: talk?”
A coffee table stood in front of the couch and Paprika reached down for Virgil’s phone that was sitting there. “I’ll bet we can find out a lot by looking at his texts and phone calls. What do you think, girls?”
“Hey, you can’t do that. I have confidential stuff on my phone. Give me–”
He tried to stand, but Daisy and Caledonia each put a hand on his shoulders and sat him back down with one push. The hard look Daisy shot at him kept him seated.
Paprika scrolled and reported, scrolled and reported. “Mmm hmmm . . . texts from . . .” she counted out loud, “. . . nine different women. Let’s see . . . Let’s look at the newest one first.”
Caledonia set her drink on the coffee table and folded her arms across her middle. “Who is it from?”
“It’s from someone named Dawn. She said:
Are you ignoring me?
He replied:
Never ignoring you. Yes I had a client! You are too funny, nothing gets you down . . . I like your spirit!
She replied:
Who are you dating now??
Paprika added, “I particularly like the double question mark. Kind of makes it seem like she’s extra curious. Wonder why?”
“And how did Mr. Pepper respond?” Caledonia said softly.
“He didn’t respond right away. When he finally did, he said:
Sorry. Had another client. It’s starting to get busy . . . People have been in and out all day.”
Daisy finally spoke. “Sounds to me like he didn’t want to answer. You stringing her along too, Virgil baby?”
Virgil attempted to get up again, but Paprika’s hand gripped his shoulder. He winced when she squeezed hard and pushed him back down.
“Let’s see . . . I won’t read all of the exchanges. Let’s just get a general grasp. On May 25, he texted someone named Cheryl and asked her to dinner.” Paprika looked up. “She declined, saying she didn’t want to be his booty call. On July 4, he asked someone named Elizabeth where singles go on the 4th of July.”
Caledonia, in a very small voice said, “We went out on the fourth.”
“Yeah? Well, he also asked this person to, and I quote, ‘Find me someone cute who likes to travel’ end quote. Isn’t that sweet? Cal, I thought you liked to travel.”
Caledonia squared her shoulders and pushed her chin up, but her voice was small. “I love to travel.”
“And you’re pretty darn cute too.”
Caledonia sank into a nearby chair.
Paprika continued. “Oh, and then to someone named Patricia . . .” Paprika’s thumb flicked up and down as she scrolled through the long text thread . . . “Wow. You must like this one.” She read to herself for a minute and then said, “And she sure does like you too. She calls you ‘babe’ and ‘honey.’ Says she’ll FaceTime you tonight. Wow, it looks like this woman texts you every day.” Paprika read silently and then added, “Poor thing. She thinks you’re going to marry her.”
Caledonia had gotten over the shock and sadness and was moving to furious. Her voice was strong now. “Oh, really? Is that the Patricia who you told me you were just friends with?”
“We are just friends,” Virgil mumbled, looking at his feet.
Daisy’s face scrunched up in a grimace, and she said, “Ouch.” She was still sitting next to Virgil, and she rubbed her cheek like something had hurt it.
“What’s the matter with you?” Virgil fumed.
“Your nose got me, Pinocchio!”
Virgil scowled at Daisy’s humor. “Ha ha. You’re a real laugh riot. Whyn’t you take your act on the road?”
“Let’s see what else, Pinocchio. Oh, here’s Mary Alice, your ex-girlfriend, Virg.”
“Yes, I know who Mary Alice Larue is,” he said testily.
Paprika said, “On August 28, you told her you’d been introduced to some people, but none of them were of interest.”
Caledonia glared at him, but he didn’t meet her gaze. “It’s looking to me like if his lips are moving, he’s lying.”
Paprika made a fake yawn. “I’m getting bored with texts. Let’s look at email.” She opened the email app and scrolled through the messages. Her eyes widened. “Here’s something interesting. Just six days ago, he got an email from Christian Singles.com. I believe that’s an online dating site. Isn’t that right, Virgil?”
Virgil was silent. He slumped back into the couch cushions with his arms folded across his middle, looking sullen.
Paprika read: “‘Thank you for submitting a profile to our site. It has been approved and is now being displayed on Christian Singles.’ So one dating site wasn’t enough? Or did you switch because you got found out on the other site?”
Caledonia picked up her drink and took a sip. “Refresh my memory, Virg. When did we start dating?”
He didn’t answer. He adjusted his red campaign hat so that it hung down over his eyes, staring resolutely into the bar area.
Caledonia turned to her friend. “Paprika? When did Virgil and I start dating?”
“Why, Caledonia, I believe it’s been more than six months, hasn’t it?”
Daisy spoke up. “So let’s review. While you’ve been charming Caledonia, you’ve been texting and flirting with numerous other women, you’ve pursued other women, you’ve even dated other women, and you joined not one, but two online dating sites. Does that about cover it, Paprika?”
“I believe it does. At least all I’ve found in the last few minutes. We haven’t even seen his online history.”
“Don’t you dare.” Virgil reached for the phone, but Paprika raised it out of his reach.
“Who knows what all he’s up to. And all while running for mayor of our fine town.” She threw his phone into his lap. “Where do you find the time, Virgil? What do you think the voters would say if they got wind of this kind of behavior in a mayoral candidate?”
Virgil sat up straight. “Don’t you even think about it. You had no right to go snooping through my phone. I did not give you permission. I will sue you for invasion of privacy.”
Caledonia ignored him. “I don’t know what they’d think, but here’s what I think.” She stood and threw the remainder of her drink right smack dab in Virgil’s face.
Daisy and Paprika exchanged looks and threw their drinks at him. Then all three women marched arm-in-arm toward the door.
Caledonia stopped and turned back momentarily, flinging one final insult at him. "And that red hat is stupid."
Hank was sitting at the bar when the women came into the room on their way out of the building.
Paprika put her arm around Caledonia. “Don’t be mad at Daisy. She was in on it with me. We just had to show you who he really is.”
Daisy stopped her friends. “Caledonia. I hope you understand why we did what we did.”
Caledonia was fighting back tears, but she nodded and squeezed Daisy’s hand. “I do. Y’all kept telling me who he was. He just always made it seem like it was all my fault. He had an answer for everything. And after all I did to him to prove who he really was, he kept coming back to me. I mistook it for love. But, y’all, I’ve had enough proof.”
“He’s a typical toxic narcissist.” Daisy stood close to Caledonia and held her hands, trying to gently tell her what was what. “Nothing’s ever their fault. They have to have multiple supplies on the side to constantly stroke their ego. They’re pathological liars and experts at deflection. They act superior and entitled because they think they are. They gaslight you, lie, and cheat. They don’t have a lick of empathy or conscience. Then every time you try to break up with them they hoover you with more love bombing, and they suck you back in. If I were you, I’d block him and never answer another text or call from him again.”
“No wonder he’s running for mayor. He’s the perfect politician,” Paprika said.
Daisy hugged Caledonia. “Are you going to be all right?”
“I will be. Mama always said if you burn your butt, you’ve gotta sit on the blister. Come on, y’all. Let’s get out of here.”
Daisy waved both women off. “Y’all go on ahead. I’m gonna speak with Hank for a bit.”
Paprika’s eyebrows rose. “Hank, is it? Well good for you, darlin’. Call me tomorrow and tell me all about it.”
Caledonia gave Daisy one more hug. “Thank you. I know it wasn’t easy to do what you did.”
Paprika and Caledonia waved at Hank and left, and Daisy slid onto a stool beside him at the bar.
Nineteen
If the words do not add up, it is usually because the truth was not included in the equation. –Anonymous
Six days before Dead Virgil
Hank had been waiting at the bar for about five minutes when he saw Paprika, Caledonia, and Daisy come out of the back room. He’d wanted to look back there but had resisted. His stomach flipped a little when he saw Daisy coming toward him.
Daisy slid onto the stool next to his. “You come here often, Cowboy?”
A smile lit up Hank’s face. “This is a first for me. What can I buy you?”
She looked at the bartender. “Bottle of beer, please. Surprise me.”
The bartender nodded and came back in a minute with a cold bottle of beer and a napkin.
“So how did it go with old Virgil?”
“I’d say old Virgil’s goose is cooked.” Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Virgil coming from the back room. She started to softly laugh and hitched her head in Virgil’s direction.
Hank turned to look and winced when he saw Virgil’s clothes were wet from his neck to his knees. “Ouch. How’d he take it?”
“We didn’t really stay around long enough to find out.”
“Are you okay? That can’t have been easy.”
Daisy rubbed her forehead and let out a sigh. “No, it wasn’t easy. But it was a tiny bit satisfying.” She added, “Putting a liar in his place, I mean. The sad thing is, I don’t think he’ll change. Once a narcissist, always a narcissist. He’ll go on to be a lesson to other unsuspecting women. I just hope he’ll stay away from Caledonia. I mean–”
He stared intently at her as she talked but interrupted her mid-sentence. “If you don’t stop talking and kiss me, I’m going to–”
She kissed him before he had a chance to finish his sentence. He deepened it, putting his hands on her waist, urging her to stand, sandwiched, between his legs. She pulled back, and they were face-to-face. Looking into his eyes, she said, “C’mon, Cowboy, let’s go to the back room.” She took his hand and led him to a couch across the room from where she’d been sitting with Virgil. There was only one other couple in the room.
They sat close to one another but not too close. Hank finally broke the silence. “So . . . how’s business?”
She smiled. “It’s good. It’s real good. If I could only find decent help, things would be just about perfect.”
“Still having trouble with your mother?”
“Yes. I’m confident she’s on this earth to teach me patience and forgiveness.”
“Well, you know they say people are either a blessing or a lesson.”
“That explains a lot.”
They’d talked for a while before she worked up the nerve to ask Hank something she’d been intensely curious about. “Say, do you know whatever happened to Jimmy Dean Howe?”
Hank sat up straight. “Jimmy Dean? The teenager? Jimmy Dean Howe?”
“Yeah. He and I sort of became friends a while back. We both made a pact to change. I kept up my end of the bargain. Just wondering if he did.”
Hank nodded. “He sure did. Nobody could figure out the sudden change in him a couple years back. He’s gone off to college now. I hear he’s a fine student too. Wants to be a lawyer like his dad.”
She scoffed. “Oh, Lord. I thought you said he changed his ways.”
“There are good lawyers out there,” he tried, but his smile said he agreed with her.
“They’re a rare breed,” she laughed then sobered. “But I’m glad he’s doing well. Where was he this summer? I looked for him.”
“Yeah, I heard he spent the summer with his mom in North Carolina.”
Their conversation lulled, and soon their eyes were searching the other’s face. She took a deep breath and broached the elephant in the room. “I’ve been thinking about our last conversation.”
He moved closer and ran a finger softly up her forearm. “And what were your thoughts?”
She took a pull from her beer and then slowly rotated the bottle in her hand, thinking of how to put a question into words—not knowing if she was ready for the answer. “Am I correct in saying you implied that you’d be willing to forget we met before?”
“You mean we’ve met before?” Hank’s wide smile teased but didn’t seem to have an effect on her.
She bit a nail. Stopped herself. Sat forward. “Why would you do that?”
He chuckled under his breath. “Honestly, I have no idea.” He shrugged. “I’m just going by my gut.”
“And your gut is willing to forget that I may have killed DeeDee Petty?”
“We never were able to determine whether a crime had been committed. DeeDee herself admitted to fighting for the knife. We believe she fell on it.”
“And Miss Penny? What about her?”
“What about her? All we know about her death is that she was shot by an unknown assailant. The killer vanished without a trace or a clue. Short of a confession, I doubt we’ll ever find out who did it.”
“And you could live with yourself? Knowing what you know? Not what you can prove but what you know?”
“You’d be surprised at what I could do to be with you. I can’t stand the thought of losing you again.”
“But you hardly know me.”
He took the beer bottle from her and placed both their bottles on the table. Taking her hands in his, he said, “I know it sounds crazy, but I swear my soul knows you.”
“Doesn’t sound so crazy to me, Cowboy.”
The other couple had left, and they were alone in the softly lit room. She took out her phone and pulled up her iTunes. The Dixie Chicks “Cowboy Take Me Away” began playing. She stood and pulled him up.
“Dance with me, Cowboy.”
They danced and talked and laughed and kissed and danced some more until the bartender had to tell them it was closing time.





