Sleeps in a Coffin

  By this I mean that his pad is ultra chic. This is the man with high tech equipment, a flatscreen TV, and the latest computer which he will gladly show off to you, listing its attributes ad nauseum. He will have all the latest gizmos and doodads, remotes for his remotes and probably even some sort of sex machine in his bedroom. His sheets will be expensive and so will his wine. In fact, he probably took a course on learning wine just so he could impress you with his knowledge.

  The Coffin vampire often has a high-tech career, or one that keeps him on his toes. He likes things that moves fast because time stops for no one. This is the vampire who helps the older vamps acclimate, the techie that delights in the achievements of man almost as if he'd been the one to point them in the right direction. He is the go-getter, the over-achiever, the man who has an idea. He wants to show you his latest business plan or the latest design for his new algae engine. He's fervent, intelligent, and motivating. In fact, this is the guy that holds conferences telling other people how to be just like him. Yeah, that guy.

  This type of vampire can sometimes be more of a geek than a player but in that brilliant way that we find so enchanting. He knows terms for things you had no idea even existed and could not only fix your computer but could probably build you a new one. Be wary that this one also can go the gamer route and will often be more interested in reaching the next level of Diablo than reaching the next level in your relationship. Sometimes you want to nail his coffin shut.

  Wears a Satin Cape

  The vampire is the ultimate metro-sexual. He's the GQ man with Armani sunglasses and pressed shirts. His shoes are always shiny, his slacks lint-free, and his non-fat white chocolate mocha with whip is always hot. He takes longer to get ready than you do, sometimes putting more products in his half an inch of hair than you have in all two feet of yours. You may have caught him posing in front of the mirror a time or two but he'll play this off in a way which you will find endearing.

  Occasionally this man will even presume to know what's right for you to wear and will happily take you shopping to play dress up. Women love this, a man who doesn't mind shopping with them, and often they overlook that the whole reason he's along is that he doesn't think you're capable of choosing something on your own. The even more horrifying underlying motivation though, is he really wants you looking your best because you mess with his image if you don't. He is however, quite fun to walk down the street with as you will garner untold amounts of attention from those you pass. He will do wonders for your female pride and your friends will no doubt be jealous.

  This vampire is slick as satin, charming his way into places, not the least of which are your panties, and out of bad situations with ease. He's the ideal yuppie, vacationing in Europe while texting to business partners in Japan. He's busy, busy, busy, but he always has time for you, my sweet. As long as you have taken the time to do your nails. He says chauvinistic things occasionally but he does it in such a way that you're not certain you heard him correctly, or he smiles so brightly that you won't think about it until after you're at home and halfway asleep. A glimmer of awareness over his slick charm may rise up but you will most likely push it back down with an image of his perfection.

  He can be quite generous, in the way that overly wealthy men are but half the time he just enjoys looking wealthy. Whatever the case, he's hard to resist when he's pulling a Pretty Woman on you and slipping the boutique owner a fifty to pucker up and kiss your ass while he sits back and drinks espresso in an overstuffed armchair. He says things like “indeed” and “most assuredly” a lot and uses big words properly. He works out with a fanatic's obsession and can have a breakdown over gaining half an inch on his belly. Some women wonder if he's gay and some of these Coffin vampires are “indeed” but when he's straight, he's straight as a ruler and loves women to no end. He has a tendency to be a bit of a playboy but really it's just because he's searching for a woman as perfect as himself.

  Has No Reflection

  Reflection in this case pertains to a pondering nature, an ambivalence toward their appearance, or a distraction that makes staring in a mirror seem frivolous. Vampires in fiction have no soul and so are unable to see their reflection in a mirror. In reality, this manifests in a man as an overabundance of thought, he has no reflection because it's all focused inward, where his soul is not gone but hiding.

  Here is the intellectual, the classic deep thinker. He ponders and ponders all matter of things, often to the point of being unresponsive to outside stimuli. He's the guy who thinks so hard that when you try to catch his attention, he will most likely not hear you until you combine your voice with a physical push to his shoulder. He's the absent minder professor, the curious scientist with wrinkles in his forehead most of the time. He wouldn't even think to look in a mirror. Why would he? You've seen him I'm sure, rushing down the street with wild hair and a mis-buttoned shirt. This is because he has no reflection.

  A friend of mine used to comment on men like that saying; “That person has no mirror.” She was right in a way. He has a mirror, he just has no reflection within it. He can also be the poet, the vampire trait most women fall for so deeply that they will forgive numerous bad qualities in a man as long as he keeps talking like that. He scribbles, he frowns, he seems to pine for you as much as you pine for him, but often he is more taken with the thought of pining than he is with you.

  This is the guy who will move away and call you every night, spending hours talking about how much he misses you but when you suggest a visit, he insists that he couldn't take the pain of having you for only a short while. “No, Bella, I can't make you like me because that would mean I'd be destroying your soul.” (Sorry, a Twilight reference had to be done, it was unavoidable.) He is the tortured artist, and will express himself through any form he finds useful, from painting to composing music. He's the man who must create because it's the only way to purge the demons of his soul. His face is usually drawn in intense lines, eyes staring at something beyond this existence, and hands clenching in angst.

  He can be philosophical but usually in a dark way and half the time you might not even know what he's talking about. People say he's “an old soul” and his eyes do seem to hold knowledge beyond their years, or maybe he just has a kink in his neck from hunching over that piano all day. He talks about Da Vinci, or Miles Otis, or whatever great tortured soul he relates to and we listen, fascinated, our eyes getting big as he vomits forth some twisted idea of the world and the misery it brings to those who live in it. Can this guy really exist? Is he for real? He is real, and he's big in Japan. Women love this guy, we adore watching him splash paint across a canvas with passion or wail on his guitar as if it's the source of all the pain in the Universe. He looks so tortured, his eyes plead with us to help him and we want to. We want to help him, fix him, but if we ever succeeded in doing so, we wouldn't want him anymore. Ah, the paradox of the Reflectionless vampire.

  The Werewolf

  The werewolf, also resurrected from the shackles of monsterhood, retains most of that which originally made him so scary. He's wild, uncontrollable, the bad boy of the supernatural world. He's the savage we wish to tame- but not too much because then Beauty couldn't have her Beast and there's quite a few of us women who have always preferred Beast to the Prince. I know I have.

  Ever since I was little, I've wished that the Prince had never revealed himself and that the fairy tale ended instead with Beauty living happily ever after with her Beast. There's nothing broken about the werewolf, at least nothing he'd want to fix. He howls at the Moon and takes what he wants with animal attitude. This is our darkest fantasy, the man with a barely contained savagery who makes no apologies for his behavior and wholeheartedly loves the beast that lives within. He's the alpha male who takes you in the forest, leaving you bruised and bitten but feeling surprisingly well loved. For when he does love, he loves with a wolf's intensity and mates for life. Possessive, domineering, and protective, traits we've been taught to despise but which we secretly still desire- we can't help it, it's Nature. What happens when you wake up to Nature's scruffy face though, and he demands that you make him breakfast while he happily farts away in your bed?

  Hairy

  This doesn't mean he's genetically over-endowed in the whisker department. More like, this is the man who couldn't care less about his appearance. He shaves only because the hair on his chin makes his face itch, not because he feels the need to look presentable. He's the man who throws on whatever is mostly clean and somehow looks marvelous in that lumberjack/fireman/cowboy kind of way. He buys jeans because they're comfortable not because of the way they make his ass look- which inevitably looks fantastic anyway. He's the man who doesn't work out but simply works. The earthy werewolf man.

  Although I noted that this isn't about him being literally hairy, this werewolf trait usually comes with a body type that's easy to spot. He's the big guy, the man who walks into a room and other men take notice in a sort of pack like instinct of acknowledging the top dog. His face is usually rugged and his body usually buff, he's the man's man.

  Howls at the Moon

  The man who works hard, plays hard. This is the guy who likes to get in touch with Nature- or sometimes a bottle of Jack Daniels. He wants to go hunting, camping, skydiving, spelunking, whitewater rafting, and hopefully all in the same weekend. He doesn't stop, doesn't tire, and is completely exhausting but damn can he knock your socks off in bed. Just don't expect him to write a sonnet about your eyes afterward.

  He needs to howl and if he's a city wolf this can sometimes result in an overabundance of alcohol and a run through the wild bars of the neighborhood. This man must unleash his beast, he feels the pull of the Moon very strongly and although he's not fully controlled by her, like the Moonstruck werewolf, he does need to acknowledge his mistress vocally.

  This guy can get a little frightening and if he's unleashing his howl in a bar instead of the wilderness, it can actually be downright disturbing. That said, he's a lot of fun to be with and will usually collect a band of followers to help him prowl the night. If he does have access to Nature, he'll be less of a frat boy and more of a woodsman. Being out in his own element, as it were, helps calm the savage beast and he's usually able to enjoy himself sans alcohol. His pent up aggressions can be taken out on the wildlife, the rapids, and that poor little tent stake.

  It's always better for a Howler to be able to reconnect with Nature. He will often ask his mate to join him on these trips which usually go badly for the woman. Unless you're an outdoorsy kinda gal, his type of camping adventure probably won't be to your liking. It's hard to resist the request though because this type of wolf enjoys having his mate with him in the forest so he can, well, uh, mate. So he'll cajole and coerce you until you give in. Then the howling will commence and you'll wish you'd listened to your friends and stayed the hell out of the woods. Little Red Riding Hood ends up killing the wolf and by the end of a camping trip with a Howler werewolf, most women fantasize about doing the same thing.

  Mates For Life

  Wolves mate for life and so do werewolves. It's a hugely attractive trait to us women. A man who will not only commit but who will commit forever! Holy cannolis where do I sign up, right? Yeah it sounds great and it can be wonderful, if you have the time to wait around for him to make up his mind. Forever is a mighty long time to the immortal werewolf and he doesn't want to make the wrong decision. He paces back and forth like a caged wolf in front of the possibility of marriage. He wants it like a juicy steak but is it the right steak for him? Is it the most tender? Does it have hormones in it? Can he be satisfied forever with this one piece of meat. I know, horrible analogy but what I'm trying to get across here, is that this guy moves slow.

  Where he doesn't move slow is in the actual act of mating. When the wolf is on the hunt for mere prey, he'll run it down at top speed. This guy is extremely physical and when he wants a woman, he wants her now! He can be a bit aggressive but when it comes down to it, we love it and he knows it. He's the man who tosses you over his shoulder and runs down the hallway to fling you on the bed... or sometimes just throws you over the couch.

  Sex with the werewolf man is thrilling, a roller-coaster ride of orgasms and animal grunting, and if you can tame the beast enough to get him to gentle up his lovemaking, the Lifer werewolf will blow your mind. Women will often hang around in a relationship with this man long after their internal clocks tell them it's time to put up or shut up. They'll wait and wait for him to commit and frankly, the werewolf can be well worth the wait but sometimes he'll decide you just don't measure up and he'll move on, even after years of being together.

  Shapeshifter

  In this trait, the werewolf persona manifests more subtly. This is the Shapeshifter werewolf, the man who can wear multiple hats, be multiple people easily. Most actors exhibit this trait, even though they don't have the obvious werewolf appearance, they're still a Shapeshifter.

  Actors often say how they become their character and they must “keep in character” throughout a filming day. They can't release this persona until they're safe at home and away from the camera. Most have a way of “coming down” or remembering who they are but there's also those Shapeshifters who seem to easily flip a switch and return to the men they once were.

  He's the guy who has learned how to compartmentalize, the one who will actually shift his mental state to become different versions of himself. The best way I can describe this to you is with an example of a werewolf I dated once who was in the military(a profession attracting a lot of werewolves). This guy would sometimes come home after work and be a complete jerk to me. I spent a few days arguing with him until finally I said, “What the hell is your problem? You come home from work and it's like your a different man.” “Holy shit,” he exclaimed. “Baby, I'm so sorry. I need to change.” After which he ran into the bedroom and changed out of his military fatigues and into some civilian clothes. “I automatically become a Sargent when I put on that uniform and unfortunately, I have to be a bit of a jerk because I'm in charge of a lot of idiots.” The werewolf man does this. He finds ways to shift and often the clues that he gives his subconscious are as subtle as moonshine, like my ex-boyfriend's change of clothes. He can become another man with a new set of clothing. There is often a reason behind this, like my guy's need to draw a line between work and play but sometimes it can just be because he likes changing things up. Werewolves love the change.

  Moonstruck

  Moonstruck, in the film by that name, there's a memorable scene between Cher and Nicholas Cage in which she slaps him hard across the face and tells him to “Snap out of it!” Classic Monnstruck werewolf behavior is to act with a type of obsessive madness, focusing on the object of their desire with an intensity that sounds good in fiction but can often be frightening in real life.

  Werewolf men love the hunt. They catch the scent of their prey and they become an unstoppable animal. They will stalk you through a bar, down the street, and even sometimes to your work. There is a thin line between this type of werewolf behavior and actual stalking. If you encourage them in the least, watch out, because this trait results in the type of werewolf who will stop at nothing to have you once he's determined your interest. You smiled at him and now he's got the green light. He will insinuate himself into the circle of your friends at the bar and hover over you, casting angry glances at any man who dares to approach you from this point forward.

  Granted, there are lesser versions of this that show up as men who are just a little aggressive and it can be fun to let them hunt you. This of course, is the preferable version of the trait but it's hard to tell how far the werewolf will take it upon first encountering him in the wild.

  If you are lucky enough to come across the more sane version of the Moonstruck wolf, he can be wonderfully wild and you will surely enjoy the hunt as much as he will. He will bring out the adrenaline in a good way and make you feel as if you too were an animal. Not only is the Moonstruck wolf a hunter but he's also the provider. He's the guy who brings you flowers and opens your door for you, ironically the savage beast is usually the classic gentleman on a date. It's in his nature to provide so a lot of Moonstruck wolves give presents while their hunting, trying to lure their prey closer into their trap. Oh and how enticing they can be.

  Runs with the Pack

  Wolves are pack animals and so are werewolf men. This guy needs friends, it's an integral part of his psyche. To be friendless would go against nature and label him the dreaded Lone Wolf. He doesn't want that, can't stand the thought of howling to the Moon in loneliness. He needs companionship, needs a group of men who he can relate to and hopefully lead because this is the leader type of werewolf.

  These men often become politicians, police chiefs, or generals. This is the guy people automatically look to for help or advice, the man who will direct the group, lead the pack. The Pack werewolf can be hard to take for some women, they want to go camping with their buddies or have obligations to fulfill to groups they've chosen to help. His time can be limited and it often becomes a battle to work out a schedule to see him. His pack is just very important to him. He's very compelling though and since he often lands powerful jobs, can be attractive to our basic desires to find a good provider and to have a mate who ranks high in the tribe. So a lot of women will put up with his unavailability in the hopes of seducing him into spending more time with them. The pack is always on the run though and pinning this guy down can be difficult, if not downright impossible. How do you stop a wolf from running with the pack?