Monster Mating

  Okay, have you tallied up your scores? Now you're ready to address the monster issues of your man. Before we go further though, there are some tips that apply to both vampires and werewolves, and some advice I'd like to give you ladies. If you're a single girl and are perusing this book in the hopes of finding the monster of your dreams, then there's something very important you need to do. Date them both! Yeah, I said it. I know you women out there are scandalized. How can you have a relationship with two men? Isn't that cheating? Wouldn't that make me a slut? Well I didn't say sleep with them, I said date them.

  We've come through a wonderful liberation in the United States. As women we now have the same rights as men and it's led to some confusion in the dating scene. Men haven't changed, they're the same guys who used to line up at our doors with their calling cards, laying bouquets of flowers in the hands of our butler in the hopes that we'd choose them. Yet we don't have butlers or trays for calling cards and we're terribly confused over whether or not it's even okay to allow a man to pay for dinner. Sigh. We've forgotten how to date.

  Alright ladies, here's the thing. Back in the day when the men left their cards at our doors, they weren't just leaving it with one butler, you know? They'd choose several ladies they were interested in and spread the love around town, hoping that one would say yes. Why should you limit yourself to dating one guy when they won't limit themselves to you. That's right, if you've just started dating this guy, chances are he has other interests lined up. As women, we think that once we've established a connection with a guy, it's become a relationship. We're cheating if we look elsewhere once our attention has been reciprocated. Let go of this right now because it is ruining your chances of happiness. If a man approaches you and asks for your phone number, he is interested, not your boyfriend. If he calls you and you go on a date, then yay, have a good time on the date...date not relationship. You've just met this guy ferchrisakes. Yet women often go home and spend days wondering if he'll call, pining for some attention from a guy they barely know. It is not a relationship. A relationship is when you've got to know someone, have decided together that you're going to be exclusive, and are sleeping together. That's a relationship.

  OMG, right? What is this crazy woman talking about? You're probably thinking that you've dated men for months in a row and have considered it to be a relationship. Well, that was your mistake. You were dating, even if you made the mistake of having sex with him, you were dating. Unless he outright told you that you were his girlfriend, you were dating. And you were doing it wrong. Women find a man they like and they have a tendency to cling to them. For some reason we feel like we've won the lottery, we've found a good guy(because there's so few of those out there har har) and we need to latch onto him or we'll never find another again.

  Relax, ladies. There's millions of men in America alone. Your choices are not limited and time is not running out. Time, another factor we have weighing on us. It does not and I repeat, does not weigh on our monsters. The vampire and werewolf are both immortal creatures. They don't care about time and it doesn't bother them to spend months dating a woman only to decide she wasn't perfect for them in the end. They look at it as time well spent, time enjoying a woman. We look on it as time wasted and feel cheated of months we could have spent looking for the right monster.

  Let this notion go and here is the one area I'd like you to emulate men. Date as if you have all the time in the world, because you do. There is no law that says you need to be married by thirty or that the only good relationship is a lasting one. In A Taste for Blood, one of the books in my Godhunter series, my main character comes across a leanan-sidhe(a type of faerie vampire) feeding. She asks the faerie if she loves her men and the fey declares that yes, she loves them all, wholly and completely in the moment she's with them. Vervain, my heroine, is shocked, this isn't her version of love but the faerie points out that we each have our own ideas of love and not all love stories are novels, some are poems. Enjoy the poetry, ladies, because sometimes it's sweeter than the novel. Life is a series of moments, something women have a hard time grasping when it comes to love. If you enjoy every moment you're with someone, how can that be wasted? Wouldn't it be more of a waste to spend your entire life with a man and not have those moments with other men to look back upon? How would you be able to appreciate the love you have with nothing to compare it to?

  Women sigh and lament jealously over other women who marry their high school sweethearts. How wonderful to spend your entire life with your soul mate. Ptah, how would you even know this guy was your soul mate if you didn't date anyone else? I only feel pity for a woman who felt the need to latch onto the first guy who proposed. Come on, have a little discrimination, this isn't the 50's. So gather those poems and write your own story... hopefully it will be romantic erotica and be wonderful enough that you can reread it in the future when your werewolf husband is off communing with Nature.

  For those of you who want babies, this time issue becomes more about biology. You have this pendulum swinging over you, swish, swish, and it's getting ever closer to your womb, where upon your thirtieth birthday, it will start to sever all chances of you having children. Jeesh, you're gonna give yourself a heart attack. Let me tell you something that's going to change your life: you don't have to have children. Yep, I said it. It's okay. A lot of men are single fathers these days and there's always the choice of adoption if you really feel the need to be a mother, but even if you do feel the absolute driving need to get knocked up and bring a bouncing bundle of joy into the overpopulated world, don't sweat it. Women are having children later in life now, without the complications of the past. So just turn off that damn clock and start living.

  There's a reason why we're so attracted to love triangles, it's our instincts telling us that this is how it's supposed to be. We're supposed to have more than one choice, otherwise it's not a choice, is it? We need choices and they're plenty of them out there. So why not get one of each to start? We'll just ease you into this dating thing. Go get a werewolf and a vampire. One of each, a matched set, and then you can decide what archetype you like best... and go date more of those. Have at it, yes you can date whomever you want all at the same time.

  Now hold up, that doesn't mean you get to sleep with them all. Here's the bad news; you don't sleep with any of them until you've made a decision on one of them. I know that seems really hard to do. Men have become used to this whole women's liberation thing and they half expect you to jump into bed with them on the first date. You're going to have a moment of panic the first time a man tries to lure you into his bed and you say no when all you really want to do is scream a resounding yes. Don't panic, it will get easier, especially when you see that he's not going to go running away...and even if he does, do you really want that guy? So no sex, period, and there's more than just the old “why buy the cow” theory to this. I mean yes, that's part of it, a man will judge you by how quickly you jump into bed with him... no matter what he says. He can't help it, it's instinctual.

  Dating is an interview, he's looking for qualities he wants in a mate and possibly mother to his children, and frankly, no man wants to marry a woman who's an easy lay. No man wants that type of woman to rear his kids. So there's that but there's also the obvious reasons that we've overlooked, or plain cast aside, thrown out the window on our drive through women's rights. We've forgotten that our bodies are sacred. Back when there were Queendoms instead of Kingdoms...oh yes there were, and if you want a liberating thought, think of this. Before they had DNA testing, the only way to be certain a child was from a parent was through its mother. You know without a doubt that a baby coming out of a women's body is hers. So a line of rulership used to pass from mother to daughter. That's right ladies, we used to rule. Then men came along and said “Oh hell, no, I wanna rule. I'm stronger and bigger and I can protect you, so I get the final decision.” And that was the beginning of the decline of civilization in my opinion. Men should have done what they do best and protected the Queendom while they left the important decisions to us, but hey, I'm not bitter.

  Anyway, back then, a woman's body was sacred. We were worshiped, adored, wooed. Remember that you're worth the effort and I promise you, they will make an effort. Now with that in mind, why would you let a man you barely know defile your sacred vagina. Yeah, I said sacred vagina, stop gasping. It is sacred, it's the inner sanctum, the source of life and pleasure and they want in bad. So don't just throw the doors open and let anyone come on in. Treat yourself as a goddess and they will too.

  Now, the most important reason you should not have sex with a man until you know, love, trust, and have wholeheartedly decided on him as your boyfriend, is summed up in one word: Oxytocin. If you haven't heard of Oxytocin, go and google it, it will blow your mind. This is what's also known as the Bonding Hormone and it's produced in large amounts during distension of the cervix during childbirth. It's Mother Nature ensuring that you love and want to protect your child.

  However, it's also released during orgasm, another one of Natures tricks to ensure that we women don't sleep around. What happens when Oxytocin is released, is basically, you go freakin crazy. Ever sit around after a relationship is over and wonder why you acted so insane? Why in the world did I drive by his house at 2am? Why did I call him drunk? Why did I obsess over what our children would look like or how wonderful it would be to wake up to his face everyday for the rest of my life? All over a man you didn't even like that much. In fact, in retrospect, he's kind of homely. Why were you acting so crazy? Oxytocin.

  This evil hormone stays in our system for about two weeks! Two freakin weeks of it telling us that the man that just gave us that screaming orgasm is the one we need for the rest of our lives! He's it, our Romeo, our Tristan, our eternal beloved. We cannot live without him. It makes us clingy and turns the sanest women into crazy, whining idiots. So the next time a guy you barely know is trying to lure you into having fabulous but meaningless sex, ask yourself if you really want to spend the next two weeks behaving like an imbecile over him. Oh, and if during those two weeks he happens to rock your boat again? It starts all over.

  I'm sure you've had that friend that you just can't figure out why she doesn't leave that loser of a boyfriend. Well now you know why, he's kept her system flooded with Oxytocin. The effects of this hormone can be reduced with constant internal monitoring and a will of steel but I'm telling you, as a woman who considers herself to be very sane and not the type to let a man throw me for a loop, I've been there, done that, and worn the T-shirt proclaiming just how insane I'd become, all due to Oxytocin. It happens to all of us, all we can do is shake our heads in shame and move on. So no sex! Buy a lot of batteries and be a grown-up.

  Another interesting hormone relating to Oxytocin, is Vasopressin. This is another hormone you may like to look up, it's very interesting. The hormone was discovered in Prairie Voles, who are known to be monogamous. Monogamy in a species is usually all encompassing. By that I mean that either all of the animals in a species are monogamous or they're not, humans were previously the only exception to this rule. Now however, they've discovered the voles.

  Prairie Voles are monogamous but their cousins the Montane Voles are promiscuous, the males actually take off right after they knock a female up. What the hell does this have to do with you and your man? Well, this hormone is also found in humans and a study was done on monogamous men who have been in a long-term relationship for many years versus men who admitted to being repeat cheaters and said they just couldn't help themselves.

  The men who had Vasopressin in large amounts were the faithful husbands and when their brains were studied under a CAT scan while they were shown pictures of their mates, their brains lit up. The cheaters? Nada, zero, zilch. How do you know if your guy has it? Is it a werewolf trait or a vampire, you're wondering. Well this is not a monster trait. I could venture to say that werewolves are more prone to it, as they usually bond for life but frankly, although wolves are prone to it, it's not a trait that is found in all of them and vice-versa with the vampires.

  Either type of man can give you a lasting relationship and either type could cheat. My suggestion is to look over his love history. Get to know the guy and his friends. Is he a guy who dates a lot or has he had a series of long relationships? That is the clearest sign but more importantly, if a man cheats on you, it's usually best to cut your loses and leave because he will most likely do it again. When he says to you that he just couldn't help himself, he's speaking the absolute truth. This is his nature and unless you want to marry a swinger, I suggest you move onto the next man who will hopefully have more Vasopressin.

  Yes, as humans we can choose to go against our base natures and I'm sure there are men out there who have changed their cheating ways but I'm also sure that everyday is a struggle for them and I personally wouldn't want to live with a man I couldn't trust. I'm afraid that old saying “Once a cheater, always a cheater” was penned for a reason. It's usually true.

  One more thing that I've found to be an across the board thing for men, regardless of their type of monster is, they want a woman who is herself. I see this mistake all the time and I'm sure you've either done it yourself or seen a friend do this. They become the man they're dating. Women think that the best way to bond with a guy is to have a common ground, shared interests and the like. They think that if they follow their guy around, mimicking his actions, he'll somehow declare that they're the most wonderful woman in the world. Honey, darling, men don't want another version of themselves. If they did, they'd be gay and frankly, even gay guys don't want a partner who's just like them.

  Think about what attracts you to men. Yes, their bodies of course but what about these archetypes we've been discussing? Male behavior attracts us. We don't want a man who likes to wear frilly clothes, wears Chanel number 5, and screams when he sees a spider. No, cause then, we'd be gay. It's opposites that attract remember? A man has his own friends to go hunting, fishing, and whatever other gross things men like to do. He doesn't need, or frankly want, you along. I always tell my men, “How can I miss you if you never leave?” It goes the same for men, they need some time off or they won't appreciate how much your differences attract and enchant them.

  Men have been intrigued by the things we do from the first moment they grunted into our vision and clubbed us over the head. They're fascinated, as fascinated as we are every time we watch them change the oil in our car. How do they look so very hot covered in grease and sweat? It's fascinating and so are we. Do your thing, girl. Be exactly who you are every minute of every day. Do not give in to that irrational idea of trying to become the woman they want. Guess what? If they don't like who you are, it's better for you to find out now because if you're smart enough to do as I suggested, you will have a vampire waiting in the wings. No prob, Big Bad Wolf, I'm moving on to Spike. Yum.

  But I'm telling you, being yourself and being confident in who you are, is more attractive to a man than a woman who will go to every baseball game of the season. Why the hell would he care about that? He'll be much happier going to the game with his buddies and coming home to find that you've just had a spa day and Hallelujah, you've had a Brazilian done and wanna take your new, smooth womanhood for a ride on his rough chin. He will thank every god he knows as he worships you as he should.

  That brings me to the next bit of advice that works well for both types. Hygiene. No matter if they're vampire or werewolf, men appreciate a woman who takes care of herself. Vampires can be even more picky about appearances and werewolves can be picky about smells but we'll get to that in their chapters. For now, know that either way you go, keep yourself clean, pampered, and looking your best. I'm not telling you, you have to be a size four, everyone has different tastes and there will be a man who appreciates your body type, whatever it is.

  As a fuller figured woman, I can't tell you the amount of times I've had a man tell me I had a body made for sin and thank god I wasn't a skinny woman with hip bones that bruised him. Conversely, there are men who like skinny girls and get off on being able to throw a woman around like she's a feather pillow. There is someone for everyone, the most important thing is to keep yourself looking as good as you can, as good as makes you happy. I want you to feel good about yourself when you walk out your door because it will show and men will eat it up.

  Be confident, you are who you are and you do not have to change it for anyone. Are you a Cosplay nerd? Yay, there are a lot of hot men into that. Do you like Barbie dolls and have a secret collection you hide away because you're afraid he might think you're silly? Bring them out and display them proudly, this is what you like and most likely, he will find it endearing. He hangs dead things on his wall ferchrisakes. You can put up a doll without worry.

  Vanquishing the Vampire

  So you're guy is a vampire. What now? As a general rule, vampires love to be adored but this is a tricky slope to start down. You can't show him too much adoration because then you'll become a minion instead of his Mina. We don't want that, so it's usually better to keep the adoration down to a few good words of praise every now and then.

  Like all monsters, the vampire needs to pursue you but not in the same way as the werewolf. A vampire's pursuit is more subtle and often goes unnoticed by us. You have to be aware of the clues. He will start slow, maybe acknowledging your new shoes or commenting on your new hair color... sometimes by saying he preferred the old. You think this is bad attention but actually, he's trying to help in his own way, or just testing to see if you're interested enough in him to change your appearance to suit his whims. Do not do this, by the way. The only time it would be acceptable is if you're already in a relationship and he voices his opinion. Then you may discuss it but always go with what you want.