I turn to him, giving myself a few silent seconds to absorb the enormity of what I’ve just agreed to—an arranged marriage, a life without love, a life with Jonathan Hanson.

  What was once a dream is now a nightmare.

  Carter shuffles over to Cash. “What’s going on, Cat? What did you do?”

  I take a deep breath and hold my head high. “I fixed everything. They’ll kill the story.”

  “What? How?” Cash stutters.

  “Jay is going to handle it. He owns the building that channel eight leases. He’ll make sure it doesn’t air.”

  Cash’s eyes flare. “So you didn’t handle it. You are trying to handle it, but we all know Hanson will benefit from our family being destroyed. So in the end, that story will come out.”

  Isn’t that the fucking truth. But I shake my head, refusing to let them see the way my heart is breaking. “He won’t.”

  “Why, Cat? Why would Hanson suddenly care about covering up our family’s secrets when they’ve been trying to spill them for years?”

  I look out the window to garner strength. When I feel like I can finally say it without breaking down, I turn back to my brothers. “Because we’re going to be family. Hanson Liquors and James Spirits will be merging.”

  “The fuck they will!” Carter shouts.

  “Jay and I are getting married. Our companies will merge just like our families.”

  “Are you nuts?” This from Cash. When I don’t reply, he grits out, “Over my dead body.”

  I settle in the chair opposite his desk and cross my legs, exuding all the tranquility and assuredness I can muster. I grasp for any kind of façade that will keep me from losing my shit.

  “I did what I had to do. And now you guys will too. We’ll sign the documents, we’ll become family, and we’ll take this company in the right direction.”

  Cash’s brow is furrowed, but his eyes are still wide. He’s looking at me like I’m nuts. And he’s right. “You can’t do this, Cat.”

  But here’s the thing about me. When I’m told I can’t do something, that’s when I dig in. So I stare down my brother, determined to make this right. “It’s done.”

  Cash swipes a stack of papers off his desk and growls. “Stop acting like you can decide this.”

  I’ve had enough of his anger for today. “I’m not an idiot, Cash. I can see it written all over your face. You told Grace about Chase, didn’t you? You’re the loose lip. So don’t fucking tell me what I can and can’t do.” I plant both feet on the floor and drag myself to the edge of my chair. “I told you to stay away from her, and you didn’t listen. Now we have to clean up this mess. I won’t let this information come to light. It will destroy Chase if this is made public. Let alone Carter’s unidentified child. Jesus Christ, we’re a fucking disaster of a family; it’s pathetic. What will Pa say? I’m doing what has to be done,” I grit out, pointing a finger at him, “and you’ll let me, because it’s your fucking fault we’re in this mess.”

  Cash’s silence confirms my theory. The devastated look on his face brings my anger down a few notches, but before I can apologize for jumping down his throat, he stalks out of the office, and I’m left staring at my hands, wondering what the hell I’ve done.

  37

  ATLANTIS BY SEAFRET

  JAY

  Frank is the last person I thought I’d hear from after the fallout. But he didn’t know who else to call, and after what I did to Grace, I have no choice but to show up.

  Cash didn’t even give her a chance to explain. He tore her apart and left her, crying and confused, in a puddle on the floor.

  Riding the elevator up to the penthouse for the first time in thirteen years hurts more than I expected it would. So many things that happened today were set in motion the first time Cat brought me here. When she told me who she was. When she begged me not to walk away. When I almost did just that.

  But then I won her back and fell so fucking hard for her. And I’ll never regret a moment of it. Because being loved by Cat is the only thing I want out of this life. She’s the reason behind everything I’ve done since the day I put her on a plane to Paris and told her I’d meet her there.

  It’s the reason I destroyed this woman. The one curled into a ball on the floor in front of me.

  I recognize her symptoms. I know them well. The haunted eyes. The distress.

  Heartbreak.

  There is no cure.

  Time doesn’t heal.

  Words won’t help.

  Losing a love like what she and Cash shared, like Cat and I share, doesn’t just destroy a person. It eviscerates every fiber of their being. It makes it so that merely standing hurts. Living is a chore. I wouldn’t wish this feeling on my worst enemy, yet I did it to someone as undeserving as Grace Kensington.

  I snake my arms under her and pull her against my body. “Shh, Grace, I got you. I’ll make this all better, I promise,” I say as her tears soak my shirt.

  Frank watches on, his fists clenched and his jaw tight. Pure hatred radiates from him. He has no idea. What he knows doesn’t even come close to scratching the surface.

  I hate myself for what I’m doing, but in the end, my girls are all that matter. And one day, Cat will understand. One day, she’ll love me again.

  I hope.

  With Grace in my arms, I pass the security guards in the lobby and the tourists on the street who turn and stare. Frank holds open the SUV door, and I climb inside and silently settle Grace on my lap, knowing nothing I say will make this better.

  38

  YOUNG AND BEAUTIFUL BY LANA DEL REY

  Cat

  I don’t take the car back to my office. Instead, I aimlessly wander around the city for hours. Turning down streets I don’t recognize, getting lost in the crowds of people who go about their days happily, or distractedly, or without their hearts shattered into a million pieces.

  Somehow, hours later, I end up back at the James building, with my finger pressed on the elevator button for the roof. Because of course that’s where my body takes me. Where my soul leads me. Back to the start.

  I shouldn’t be here. This is Cash’s place now. But I need the space. I need to return to the place where I spent so many nights falling in love with Jay. I need to somehow make sense of how we got to where we are now.

  But there’s no making sense of it.

  Jay hates my family. That much is obvious.

  But why?

  The sky is almost black. Even the stars are hiding from Jay’s wrath. As I search the vast emptiness above, a flash of lightning in the distance has me mesmerized, struck stupid by its sight.

  “You can’t marry him,” a voice echoes from behind me.

  I turn around and spot Carter stumbling toward me. His hair is a mess, and his eyes are bloodshot. At his side, he swings a half-full whiskey bottle.

  “Sleep it off. We can’t resolve any of this tonight.” I’m so damn tired of justifying myself to my brothers.

  If the idiots would have kept their damn dicks in their pants, we wouldn’t be in this mess.

  “I know what he did,” he snarls, his eyes glistening.

  “Enlighten me, please.” I hold out both hands to signal that he has the floor.

  Being the only sister of these three boys is exhausting.

  He holds up the bottle and uses one finger to point at me. “You fucked him back then. I know it.”

  I let out a sarcastic laugh and search the damn heavens for patience. “Big deal. You fucked anything with legs.”

  “Yeah, and it cost me my freedom,” he bellows.

  Scoffing, I shake my head at his idiocy. “You are so dramatic.”

  “Really?” he asks, moving closer. “Because whatever happened between you and Jay is what led Pa to force me to join the military. Threatened that if I didn’t, he’d cut me out of the business. I served over-fucking-seas for years because of him!”

  “Watch your mouth!” Jay shouts from the door.

  I’m seriously starting to wonder if I’ve been equipped with a tracker I know nothing about. Why are they here? Why can’t everyone just let me fall apart in peace?

  “Oh, fuck you!” Carter screams. “This is between me and my sister. You know, the girl you fucked when you were supposed to be my best friend?”

  “I said watch your mouth.” Jay’s voice is dangerously low as he steps in front of me, blocking my brother from my view.

  “Jay, it’s fine,” I say, placing my hand on his shoulder.

  But he ignores me. “That’s the future Mrs. Hanson you’re talking about. Apologize.”

  Carter laughs and stumbles over his own feet. When he rights himself, he takes another sip and points at us again. “Was this the plan all along? Use her for revenge?”

  Stepping around Jay, I glare at Carter. “Enough. I get that you’re freaking out about potentially having a child—”

  Jay barks out a laugh. “Oh, there’s no potentially. He’s got a child, all right.”

  I spin and pin Jay with a glare. “What?”

  Jay closes his eyes and lets out a long breath, like he’s working to compose himself. “Don’t you think it’s time we got everything out in the open? Finding out you’re a dad years later fucking sucks. I’ll tell you that.”

  My hands shake. This is further confirmation that Jay planted all that information. He fed it all to Vanessa and Grace so they could destroy us.

  “Why?” I rasp, my voice as tired as my heart.

  “Because he hates us, Cat!” Carter hollers. “Fuck it. If you don’t want to listen, I can’t help you.” He stumbles back and glares at us, then he turns and disappears through the door to the stairwell.

  Tension slices through the night air as I regard Jay. “I still don’t get what happened between you two all those years ago. Why does he hate you so much?”

  Jay sticks his hands in his pockets and stares at something over my shoulder. “It doesn’t matter.”

  “Who’s the mother of his child?” I ask, moving closer so he’s forced to look at me.

  Closing his eyes, he rubs his forehead. “It’s been a long day. A long fucking week. Just get Cash on board with the merger and let me know when you and Chloe are moving in.”

  I can’t hold back a sardonic laugh. “Are you insane?”

  His jaw tics. “Don’t push me, Cat. I’ll give you time to figure out how to sell this to Chloe, but you will sell it to her. I’ve lost twelve years with my daughter,” he says, his voice cracking as he turns toward the horizon. After a long moment, his steely eyes lock on me again. “Your family cost me twelve years with her. You should hate them as much as I do for what they took from us.”

  “But why, Jay? What aren’t you telling me? Why did my grandfather interfere?”

  Eyes wild, he yells, “Because the Mob would have killed you!”

  What? Try as I may, I can’t comprehend a scenario where that could be true. “Why would the Mob come after me?”

  “Because you had their money,” he whispers, all the while scowling like he’s angry with me for having to explain.

  “What money?”

  “The money I planted there.”

  I suck in a breath through my teeth, and black dots dance across my vision. “What?”

  Jay rakes both hands through his hair viciously, like he’s holding himself together. “I was ten when I found them. Your father and my mother.” It’s barely a whisper when it comes out. A rasp. A plea for me to stay rooted in place. To force myself not to run. Because he knows that’s what the mention of my father does.

  As if I could move after the revelation he just handed me.

  “From that moment on, my sole focus in life was to destroy your father.” The words send a cold shiver down my spine. “Revenge. That’s what you were.”

  The admission is like a punch to the stomach, leaving me gasping for air.

  “Until I met you,” he says, his words laced with pain, “and I fell so fucking in love with you, I couldn’t see straight. Or maybe I finally could. But I was too far gone. Too involved. Too beholden to the past to untangle it.”

  “What did you do?” I whisper as tears blur my vision. I’ve known from the beginning that Jay hates my father. I’ve always assumed it’s because of business. But love makes so much more sense. Love is always the root of the most heinous crimes. But Jay was truly capable of this one? Stealing my heart, my virginity, my soul…for revenge?

  I was nothing but revenge.

  Unlike moments ago, his face is devoid of emotion as he tells the story. Like he’s rushing through it to get it over with as quickly as possible. “At my father’s request—ha, more like demand—I planted an SD card on Carter’s computer. I thought it would only implicate your father, but I was wrong.” His eyes dart to mine. “The money my father stole was in your account. When everything went down, they’d go after you. Yours was the name on my father’s lips when I shot him in the head to keep him quiet.”

  A sob rattles through my chest. I break for the ten-year-old who witnessed something horrible and whose life was destroyed so quickly. I cry over the death of the illusion I never let go of, the hope I held on to—that Jay and I were soulmates, that we were something more. That he really loved me.

  And I cry because in some sick way, he did. He killed his father to protect me.

  But if this is what love is, I don’t want it.

  I’ve always convinced myself that Chloe was the product of love. That she was the best parts of us, the reason we were meant to spend those months together. The reason I endured everything else.

  But I was nothing more than a plot in his revenge. A part of his scheme. And he let me go. In the end, his revenge was more important.

  I can’t take much more, but I need to make sure Chloe is safe before I end this conversation. “Why did you come back after all this time?”

  Jay startles at the question. As if he thought I’d fall to the ground and thank him for coming back to me.

  “I thought you were safe. Because all those who threatened you are dead,” he says, his eyes boring into me, asking me to understand. “Because it’s our time. We were supposed to be together, Cat. I know this is a lot, and I’m sure you have more questions—”

  I hold up a hand to cut him off. “No, Jay. We’re done. Finally.” Incredibly, all I feel is relief at that admission. “I finally understand your obsession. Your”—I choke over the lump in my throat—“devotion. It never made sense to me. For years it burned me. How easily you went from loving me to nothing. How you chased after me, how you refused to take no for an answer…” I shake my head and pull my shoulders back. “You weren’t dedicated to me. You were dedicated to revenge.”

  Revenge is one thing I understand completely. I have been dedicated to it too. For the last few months, it’s all I’ve thought about. But now? I realize it was all a waste. I don’t want revenge. I want him to cease to exist. Instead, he’ll be my husband.

  Jay shakes his head fiercely. “No, Cat. You aren’t listening. Nothing was about revenge once I met you. Once I fell for you, my vengeance became a subplot in my life. A secondary storyline. And when you told me who you were? It became the thing I had to overcome so I could have you.” He steps closer, ducking so I’m forced to look at him. “But I did, Cat. I gave it all up. I told my father I was done with his plans, done with it all.”

  “And then what happened?” I ask, tearing my gaze from him. “Because obviously you didn’t give it all up. You’re still Jonathan Hanson, CEO of Hanson Liquors, and now you own a controlling stake in James Whiskey too. Looks like it all worked out.”

  “Mia happened.”

  My blood runs cold as I remember what my grandfather said so many years ago. Jay cheated on me with Mia. She also has his child.

  “The pregnancy. Right. I’m sure knocking up your girlfriend’s best friend put a wrinkle in your plans.”

  God, how did I get myself into this mess?

  “What?” Jay sputters.

  Weighed down by years of bitterness, I can’t find the enthusiasm for a reply. Not even a sarcastic one. I slump and study the ground below me, ready to make a hasty retreat.

  He presses so close I can feel the heat radiating from him, but I refuse to look at him. He grasps my hand. The simple touch slices through me. “I never touched Mia. Carter did,” he sneers.

  My heart squeezes, and I have to blink several times to make sense of that statement.

  My brother and Mia. Bile coats my throat at the thought.

  “I needed the SD card from your brother’s computer. I had to figure out what my father planned so I could stop it.” His voice softens as his eyes plead with me. “Baby, I was trying to fix it. I know I screwed up. I know what I did was awful. But all my life, I’d been told that my mother killed herself after her affair with your father. And my father fed my hatred for years. I never could have imagined it would turn out how it did.”

  “Jay,” I whisper, my heart cracking right down the middle.

  He shakes his head. “She didn’t kill herself. But I found that out too late. I found out everything too late. All I wanted was to make it all right.”

  “What did Mia do?”

  He coughs out a bitter laugh and drags his hand down his face. “What she always does. She poisoned everything. When Carter showed up and found her in his room, she seduced him. Then she tried to sell the SD card back to me when she found out she was pregnant.”

  My gasp slices through the night air. “Mia is the mother of Carter’s child?”

  The lightning reflecting in Jay’s eyes as he regards me sends a chill through me. He doesn’t need to respond. That look alone tells me all I need to know.

  “Fuck.” I swallow thickly. “And he never knew?”

  Jay presses his lips together and shakes his head.

  “But my grandfather did?”

  “Yes.” Jay drops his shoulders in defeat.

  Pain, thick and forceful, threatens to drown me. “You told me my grandfather had secrets that weren’t yours to tell. Was that it? Mia’s baby?”