Moistening his lips, he shakes his head.

  God, he looks even more terrified than before.

  “Just tell me,” I urge. “I can’t live in the dark anymore.”

  “After I left you in New York. I went to see your grandfather. To figure out how to protect you. But what he told me shocked me stupid.”

  “I met your mother, you know?” Theo said, studying my reaction.

  I cleared my throat. “Did you?”

  He shook his head and smiled. “Your mother was a lot of things, but suicidal wasn’t one of them.” He closed his eyes for a long moment, and when he opened them again, a war waged within them. Then he pointed to a photograph on his desk. “And she didn’t kill herself when she was pregnant. That’s your brother right there. He’s very much alive. Just as he was when she left him with me so she could go back for you.”

  “You’re Chase’s brother?” I whisper, shell-shocked.

  I’m set to marry my brother’s brother?

  This nightmare just keeps getting worse.

  And my brothers are going to lose their minds.

  “Yes,” Jay says, his voice low.

  “If I hadn’t agreed to marry you, would you have exposed that information?” I seethe.

  Jay gulps, but he doesn’t look away. “I knew you’d never let that happen.”

  Fury sends my heart rate racing. “Answer the question, Jay. Were you willing to take that chance?”

  “I’d do anything to make you mine. So yes, I was willing to take the risk. I would take any risk necessary, including one that could cost me my life, because you and Chloe are all that matter. I love you, Catherine. Everything I’ve done is because of that. If you know nothing else, please know that.”

  His confession is so fervent and his expression so distraught that it hurts to listen to him. But I don’t know if I believe him. There have been too many lies between us. Too many secrets.

  “What kind of guy falls for a girl he barely knows? It’s a convenient lie you’re telling yourself. Maybe you’ve changed, maybe you did protect me, but you can’t change how we started. You said it yourself. I was nothing more than revenge when we began. That. That’s something I don’t think I’ll ever move past. Now please, Jay, just go.”

  “You were the first thing in my life that wasn’t about revenge. It was selfish, yeah. But I couldn’t let you go. I knew the risks. And I knew it couldn’t end well. And I took you anyway. I couldn’t not have you.”

  He heaves a heavy breath, and thunder in the background rumbles as his eyes plead with me. “And letting you go…” His voice drops off with a wistfulness that almost chokes me. “Letting you go was the most selfless thing I’ve ever done. You couldn’t have me and your family. And I never wanted you to have to make that choice.”

  I shake my head as lightning streaks across the sky. “You have no idea what I would have done had you told me the truth.”

  His smile is sad. Patronizing. As if he thinks he has me all figured out. And maybe he did back then. But I’m not that girl anymore.

  “You would have chosen me, Kitten. Just like I chose you.”

  “You didn’t choose me.” My voice wobbles, the vulnerability I’ve been staving off for so long making me weepy. “You never chose me.”

  His jaw hardens and he narrows his eyes. “I’ve chosen you every goddamn day since I walked away from you.”

  “You have a funny way of showing it. Sleeping with Grace, announcing your relationship with her in the society pages.” I choke back a sob and blink back my tears. “I was still waiting for you.”

  Jay brushes at the rogue tear that slips down my cheek. And for a second, I find myself wanting to lean into his touch, to fall apart in his arms. But I pull back.

  “No. You don’t get to rewrite history. I know what happened. And I won’t let you do this. Was Grace conning my brother? Was that your plan? String us along, then break our hearts? Then what? Is this where the two of you stroll off hand in hand, laughing about the fools you left in your wake?”

  Jay’s eyes ice over. “You have no idea what you’re talking about. I destroyed her for you.”

  I laugh but it hurts. Everything hurts where Jay is concerned.

  “Just go,” I beg, turning away from him. I won’t cry in front of him anymore. He doesn’t get to see how utterly lost I feel knowing the only person I ever thought truly loved me didn’t.

  “It’s not that easy, Kitten. They’re back. I thought you were safe, but…Cat, I need you to listen to me. I’m the only one who can keep you and Chloe safe.”

  A shocked laugh escapes me, and I round on him. “Safe? You?” I scoff. “You’re the one who put me in this position!” I cross my arms over my chest and pull myself up to my full height. “No, thank you. I’ll go to my brothers.”

  Jay takes two big steps so we’re chest to chest. “The fuck you will. You aren’t listening to me, Cat. You and Chloe aren’t safe unless you’re with me.”

  My heart pounds so loudly it’s hard to hear over it, but I stand my ground and glare. I need to call Cynthia and beg her to keep Chloe away until I can figure out what’s true and what’s not. I refuse to let Jay see the way I’m caving under the weight of all he’s told me, but inside, I’m falling apart.

  I turn away from him. “Please go. I can’t do this right now.”

  Jay grabs my chin and tilts it until I’m forced to look into his eyes. Their depths are so full of longing I can’t understand. “You are and always will be the love of my life, Catherine. Our parents stole so much from us. Don’t let them steal that too. You and Chloe are everything to me, and I’ll spend the rest of my life proving it.”

  “I don’t really have a choice but to spend the rest of my life with you, now do I?” I yank myself out of his grasp.

  Jay’s eyes cloud as he wars with himself. Then he presses close to me, his breaths mingling with my own. I suck in my breath to keep from cracking. It’d be so easy to fall for his charm. To believe his words. But doing that will only end in heartache for me.

  The thunder rumbles closer. The warm air from the impending storm sticks to my skin as the sky lights up with another crack of lightning, making Jay almost glow as his pained voice glides into the space between us. “I may be the villain of their story, but I’m the hero of yours, Kitten. You just don’t know it yet. One day, you’ll realize everything I did was for you.”

  39

  WHEN WE WERE YOUNG BY ADELE

  Cat

  Jay: Meet me at your brother’s office tomorrow morning at nine.

  I turn the screen to Sophie, who pours another shot of tequila for me. It’s the last thing I need, but she said that since tequila was our drink of choice when she got engaged, it’s tradition. I think she’s rewriting history, because I was very pregnant when Dexter proposed, but I’m just glad she drove into the city to be with me the minute she got my call.

  We’re seated on my cozy black chenille couches, a splurge of mine when I first purchased this apartment. To this day, I’ve relied upon my own income to do everything. My apartment is smaller than what any of my brothers would own, but it’s mine, and right now, I’m thankful for this safe space.

  Tears flowed down my cheeks when I explained how I was nothing more than revenge to the man I thought was my entire world. And now that I’ve started, I can’t stop. It’s really freaking annoying.

  “Your face is leaking,” Sophie teases, but even that doesn’t help.

  “I know,” I wail. “Make it stop!” It’s like a decade worth of tears are escaping.

  She pulls me in for a hug, and I let go of the gray blanket that I have draped around me to accept it.

  “You’re going to be okay.”

  “How? For one beautiful day. No, not even a goddamn day. More like fifteen hours. For fifteen beautiful hours, I got to live in an alternate reality where Jay and I were happy. And now I’m back in hell again,” I whisper through another sob.

  I pull the blanket around my body again and tilt my head back in hopes that it will make my eyes stop leaking.

  Sophie rubs circles across my back. “I know you said you could never forgive him, but—”

  I cut her off with a glare. “There is no but. What he did was unforgivable.”

  “Is it, though?” she asks.

  Traitor.

  I bite my lip to keep from screaming. “Yes. Yes, it’s unforgivable. I was revenge. What we had wasn’t real!”

  “That isn’t exactly what he said,” she counters, throwing her hands up when I shoot figurative daggers her way. But she doesn’t stop. “He told you his revenge ended the minute he met you. That he tried to stop the plan.”

  “Then he actively plotted to hurt my family. He put us in danger. Not just me, but my daughter.”

  Sophie’s voice is far too calm. “He didn’t know about her, babe. He was in a coma. He didn’t ignore your phone calls. And he didn’t actively hurt you, Cat. He tried to protect you. I can only imagine that he’s devastated now that he knows about her. That’s what this is. He’s hurting and acting out…”

  “I don’t believe him,” I huff.

  She tilts her head and studies me in silence for a moment. “You really think he knew about Chloe?”

  I blow out a breath and give the only answer I can. “No, I don’t believe he knew about her. Yes, I believe he was in a coma. But…I don’t trust that his feelings were real.”

  With a sigh, Sophie hits me straight in the solar plexus. “That’s because you don’t believe people can love you.”

  Breathing through the pain that comes with that accusation, I shake my head. “That’s not true.”

  In response, all she does is hiss.

  “You think that’s true?” I level her with a glare. “You said I couldn’t love anyone else because of my emotional turmoil over Jay. Now you’re saying I can’t accept love either?”

  Sophie tilts her head one way, then the other, as if she’s weighing her words. “I think that your family has done a number on you.” She licks her lips and shifts on the couch beside me. “And losing Jay in the way you did, believing that the man you thought loved you so desperately had conned you? I think it affected you deeply. But Cat, take a deep breath and think it all through. Because what he’s telling you is that none of that happened. He didn’t just walk away. He didn’t ghost you. He was kept from you. And he’s trying now. Let him try.”

  “I-I can’t,” I admit, and the waterworks start all over again.

  Sophie’s face says it all. I can’t. Because I can’t accept love.

  “Sweetie, I say this with all the love in the world, but if you have a shot at happiness, any chance at all, it’s with that man. Give him a chance.”

  My chest shudders with another sob. That’s all I wanted for so long. But now that I know the truth, I have no freaking idea how I’ll ever trust him again.

  “I know we hate him—”

  I hold my shot glass up to stop her from adding a but to that statement. I’m tired of crying. “Please do not qualify that statement.” I down the shot while keeping my eyes trained on her. “What do I tell Chlo?” I ask as the tequila burns my throat.

  How am I going to tell her I’m marrying her father? God knows I can’t tell her he forced me into it. Or that the only reason she exists is because of some sick revenge he concocted years ago.

  “What will Chloe think of me?” I whisper my fear into the room.

  Sophie sits up and loops her arms around me. “Aw, babe. She’ll think you’re a badass woman who did what she had to do to protect the ones she loved. Like you’ve always done.”

  I shudder. Because the truth is that I’m out of time. I have to tell Chloe about Jay soon. And all I can do is hope that she knows I’ll do everything I can to make this right.

  I groan at the text from Frank that wakes me. Two screen shots. Both of Cash’s tweets from the night before. What a fucking asshat.

  Did you not think to take the phone away???

  Frank: I couldn’t get close enough. The guy is unhinged. What time will you be here?

  Give me an hour.

  Standing outside the James building, I suck in a breath and summon the courage to call Chloe.

  “Oh my gosh, Cat, you’ll never believe the outfit that Sienna let me try on!” she screeches without even saying hello.

  At the sound of her voice, I find myself smiling for the first time in days. “Oh yeah? I can’t wait to see it.”

  “Mom and I went to dinner and had the crème brûlée. It was even better than L’Etoile’s!”

  I laugh at her excitement, and slowly, a sliver of my sanity seeps back into me as I listen to her rave. “Oh, we should plan a weekend there soon.”

  “Really?” she chirps.

  “Yeah, let me get through this merger, and then we’ll go.”

  “Oh my gosh, that would be amazing!”

  “Listen, Chlo, you and I need to talk later. Things are going to change a bit, but I want you to know that no matter what, you always have me.”

  “You’re scaring me,” she whispers. The fear in her voice sends my heart plummeting.

  I drop my head and pinch the bridge of my nose. I’m screwing this up. “Don’t be scared. It’s all going to be fine, okay? I love you.”

  “Love you too,” she murmurs, but the excitement she was so filled with has been sucked right out of her.

  I tell her goodbye and end the call because I don’t know what else to say. Cynthia and I need to come up with a plan for telling Chloe about Jay.

  And I hope like hell he doesn’t make this harder than it has to be. He may have used me to get what he wanted, but I’ll be damned if he hurts Chloe. She’ll never know anything other than love. If he can’t honor that, then maybe I’ll take those vows to heart. The till death do us part ones.

  40

  HEAL BY TOM ODELL

  Jay

  I stand mere feet from Cat, wishing more than anything that I could take her into my arms. But the anxiety etched into her every move and the way her shoulders are hunched as she speaks into her phone keep me in place. It doesn’t stop me from straining to hear her side of the conversation, though.

  “Listen, Chlo, you and I need to talk later. Things are going to change a bit, but I want you to know that no matter what, you always have me.”

  I shuffle closer and swallow thickly when she drops her chin to her chest.

  “Don’t be scared. It’s all going to be fine, okay? I love you.”

  What the hell is she telling our daughter? If she’s making her hate me before I even have a chance to get to know her, I’ll lose it.

  My heart beats hard in my chest, and without thinking, I grab her arm and yank so she spins my way. She startles when she recognizes me, and the phone clatters to the ground.

  I stare her down as she quickly bends to grab her phone and pockets it.

  “What did you say to her?” I ask, feeling desperate.

  “That’s not—” She looks away from me. “I don’t want to talk about that right now.”

  I let out a haughty laugh. “You made it sound like you’re dying. She’s going to hate me.”

  She holds her head high and glares. “I agreed to your terms. What more do you want from me?”

  My patience snaps. “I fucking did this for you, Cat.”

  “Don’t,” she scoffs darkly. “Don’t you fucking dare pin what you did to my family on me, you selfish prick.”

  It’s like a slap. I grasp her arm, desperate to get our connection back. To show her I’m still the man she made love to only days ago. “Don’t do this, Cat. Don’t shut me out. I swear to God, I did what I had to do for our family.”

  Her jaw is locked so tight I’m afraid she’ll crack a tooth. “As did I. You can dictate where I live and what I do on a daily basis. Hell, you can fuck me whenever you want. I’ve given up everything to protect my family,” she fumes. “But you can’t force me to respect you. To trust you. To love you.” She screams the last few words, garnering attention from passersby. “You wouldn’t know love if it smacked you in the face.”

  My stomach sinks. What did I do?

  I’d give my life for this woman. Everything I’ve done has been for her. I’ve clearly fucked up royally, and I have no idea how to make it right.

  But she’s wrong.

  I love her. I know love. Maybe the way I love isn’t enough. Maybe it’s not right. Because she’s correct about one thing: it’s an obsession. Consuming. My love for her dictates my entire life. At times, I can’t even see straight, can’t think, because of it.

  But if she keeps our daughter from me, I’ll never forgive her.

  I don’t know how to make sense of it. I don’t know how to see reason.

  I’m so fucking angry.

  We stare at one another, chests heaving, neither of us willing to back down, until Frank interrupts.

  “You two going to come inside or stare at the building all day?”

  Without a word, we turn and step inside. I’m not sure how this meeting will go. All I know is that I’m holding on by a thread. And I’m fucking pissed.

  41

  SET FIRE TO THE RAIN BY ADELE

  Cat

  Beside me, Cash’s leg bounces as he signs the papers Jay presented moments ago. Few words have been spoken. We’ve communicated in grunts and glares for the most part. For my brother’s sake, I’m doing my best to hide behind a mask of tranquility. He needs to think that I’m happy about this wedding, even though I’m anything but. Inside, I’m shaking. Scared shitless.

  When I take in the man across the table, the man I’ve dreamed about for almost half my life, I can almost convince myself that he’s hurting. That he’ll reconsider what he’s done when he’s had time to think. When he gets to know Chloe. But his nonchalance over the merger and the way he barely glances at me remind me of the truth. Jay cares about no one and nothing but himself.